A/N- Sort of a filler- Alia finds out about the real purpose of the project.
Korean Pearl- Hey, I'm glad I made you want to watch the show! However, you should know that Quantum Leap is not about Alia. The main character is totally different from her, and she only appears in three episodes. And from those three episodes, we gain very little information about her, and have no idea what happened to her afterwards. Which is why I decided to write this fic.
If you still want to see the show, (because it's great, even though Alia is only a minor character) it's on the Sci-fi channel at 11:00 pm.
Sorry about that, you got me ranting. :-) Thanks for reviewing!
Oh, and by the way, I'm taking Spanish this year and noticed something- nadar is a Spanish word meaning: to swim. ? Is there any meaning to this?
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Chapter 6- The Evil Leaper
"If well meaning blunderers or the curious who do not understand what great affects can come from small causes- if such persons of goodwill may turn the world toward ill, than think what evils may come if others visit the past to turn events so that they may win riches or power." –From Me, Myself, and I, written by Jane Louise Curry
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I began to understand how things worked at the Project. Zoey had appeared to me in a hologram, that only I could see, because of something about brain-cells. Sometime during the night, I had undergone surgery in which they had removed a sample of my brain cells and implanted a chip in my brain that controlled how much of a hormone was released. By balancing and unbalancing the endorphins in my brain, Lothos could control my emotions and my pain sensors.
I listen to all this the next day from Zoey, without any emotion. I had come to the conclusion that nothing mattered anymore. I would do as they said, and so have less pain. Eventually they would have no further use for me, and I'd be free again. There was nothing else I could do but wait it out.
They put me in the Accelerator again. I wasn't frightened anymore, because of my last experience in Time. I would survive, or I would die. There was nothing else to it. I would prefer not to die, but since I had no control over it, what use was there in thinking about it?
The redness of Lothos surrounded me once more, and then I was through. I was sitting in a classroom, writing in a grade book. There was no memory loss this time. I set the pen down in confusion, and looked up. No students in the classroom. Good. I doubted I would make a very good teacher.
Curious, I opened a drawer, and pulled out a mirror. Reflected back at me was an older woman's face, about forty. I experimented with moving my face and having hers move back, without happiness, until I heard a whooshing sound and Zoey appeared.
"Hello, Alia. As I'm sure you observed, you've Leapt into a schoolteacher. A Ms. Brown, in fact."
I sighed. "Zoey, what is the purpose of this? Time travel works. Okay, fine. Why Leap me into a specific person or time?"
Zoey pursed her lips. "Well, there is something we haven't told you yet."
I shivered. "Haven't told me? Zoey, you need me. I know that much. And to do what you want, I have to know certain things. Is there a reason I was Leapt here?"
"You were sent to change history."
"Change history?" I was confused. "You've made a major breakthrough here. But you don't know what effect changing the past will have on the present." I had read too many time-travel stories not to know that what happens in the past effects the future. Changing the past changes the future- and usually for the worse. At the time, I had no idea of the real purpose of the Project.
"On the contrary, we do know. Lothos can project what will happen if history is changed- a cause and effect program, you see. Lothos knows what will happen if you make a change. Make the changes in history he wants, and you can go home."
A nervous feeling settled in my stomach. I still didn't think that changing history was a good idea, but I had no choice. I was a prisoner.
"What does he want me to do?"
Zoey punched in buttons on the calculator- or hand link, as was the proper term. "A very simple assignment, for starters. Today is May 15, 1978. Your host, Ms. Brown, works for a high school at which there will be an attempted shoot-out this afternoon at 2:47. Some sort of dissatisfied student, it sounds like." She fixed me with her gaze. "Your job is to make sure it is not an attempt, but a killing."
My head spun. "What?"
"In the original history, Ms. Brown informed the authorities when she found out what the student was planning. Your job? Simply don't call the police, make sure the shooting occurs, and you can come home."
I stared at her. "You want me to…kill people?"
She feigned shock. "You? No, not yet. Simply allow someone else to kill them, instead of preventing it. You can do that, can't you darling?"
I couldn't believe I had once thought this woman was an understanding person. "I can't allow that to happen. I can't knowingly allow someone to commit murder! I would be responsible!"
"You'll do it, Alia. One way or another, you'll do it. Lothos would prefer you cooperate, however. He isn't going to take your resistance lightly. Do as he says, and save yourself some pain."
"And hand it over to someone else? I can't do that."
She gave a deep sigh. "I knew this would happen. Don't say I didn't warn you…" She punched some more buttons on the hand link and vanished.
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My surroundings changed instantly. I silently screamed, but there was nothing to carry my voice. The red light took over my body, warping it, and twisting it inside out in horribly painful contortions. When my body put itself together again, I was lying on the floor of the Accelerator chamber, shaking violently. I passed in and out of consciousness several times as the attendants lifted my body onto a rolling bed and wheeled me down a corridor I'd never seen before.
I awoke in a new room, lit only by candles, A man chuckled somewhere in the darkness. "So. Failed your first assignment, did you? Naughty, naughty." Pain coursed through my body again.
"You know, I'm almost glad you aren't very good at this. It gives me a chance to try out some of the newer equipment."
Pain again, but only in my feet. In a fog I felt my bones snap and twist, and vaguely heard someone screaming somewhere. I wanted to tell them to be quiet, to leave me in peace, but then I realized that was me screaming. I no longer controlled my voice.
"Like it? Of course, your bones aren't really broken, now. The nerves in your body are simply sending out the wrong signals to the brain, and unfortunately, they're telling you your feet are crushed. In reality, your body is fine. But that doesn't really matter to you now, does it?"
The pain now directed itself to my arms, and then my neck. I felt like my brain was exploding from the pain, but I could no longer scream- my voice had worn itself out, my throat felt ripped. So I shrieked mentally instead.
Then a new voice- no, not new, I'd heard it before, but couldn't remember- so much fading…
Leave her be. She has learned her lesson. The booming voice came from all around me.
"Aw, boss, just five more minutes? I was just getting started!"
No, Thames. Or would you like to experience pain with her?
The voice from the darkness seemed to shrink away. "No, no boss, that's fine. I'm taking her off now…"
That was when I lost all consciousness.
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I was allowed a day to recover from my torment. But that was just so that my voice would heal itself. When I was thought fit enough, I was sent to the Accelerator chamber again.
I was leaped to a woman again, a detective sent to investigate a murder case. Zoey instructed me to destroy evidence so the killer could get away. He would later kill more people who would have had a positive impact on the world. I refused.
But they didn't take me home that time. Instead, I was taken into the redness again and my mind suffered, recalling painful memories I wanted to forget and sobbing in agony. And I was another person when I awoke.
A man this time. Zoey wanted me to drive a car off a cliff, with my host and his girlfriend in it; leaping out before impact so my host would die instead of me. I resisted, and once again the torture ensued.
A series of quick leaps, all to confusing times and places I knew nothing about. And always to destroy someone's life. I refused to help each time, and each time my pain was greater. Until the red light faded and I fell to the floor sobbing, clutching my head, and begging for mercy. Zoey stood above me, watching coldly.
After I was done sobbing, Zoey spoke. "I can end it all dear. Only do what Lothos says, and you will be free. No more pain, ever again. What are their lives compared to yours?"
A spasm of pain hit my body again, and I gasped, "Anything Zoey, anything, only take the pain away! Take it away!"
It vanished, leaving me with a headache. I stood up, tears still streaming down my cheeks, and Zoey said, "Are you ready to cooperate this time?"
I shook all over, but answered, "Yes." I had no other choice. I couldn't live with that pain, I had to submit. So I did.
I found myself back in Ms. Brown's place once again, apparently a few minutes after I had leaped out. I excused myself from the room, and watched as Logan, the boy who would be doing the shooting, loaded the gun in the supply closet. I stood in front of the closet for as long as I dared so no one would see him. And I left the school early, hearing from Zoey that my Leap had been successful- three people had been killed in the shooting and two others badly injured. Logan shot himself before the police could arrest him. And it was all my fault.
I don't know how long I cried that night, out of guilt, and shame. I couldn't go on like this!
Then don't.
It's senseless to beat yourself up for something you had no control over. It will only make it worse. Stop caring, and the pain will leave. Forever.
It made sense. I couldn't keep thinking about what I had done and what I might do in the future. That would only hurt more. Forget about what I'm doing, forget about the pain, and someday it will pass.
Apathy, I believe it's called. No emotion. It's when you can look someone in the eyes, hold a gun to their head, pull the trigger, and it doesn't matter a bit. That was who I became.
I continued destroying time for Lothos, and Zoey told me that if I continued doing so well Lothos would let me return home. Maybe. I didn't believe her. But it no longer mattered.
I learned to act, to become my host as much as possible, yet change things for Lothos benefit. I preyed on those with weak feelings, putting down their self-esteem so they'd break up with a girlfriend or even attempt suicide. I was an apathetic killer and destroyer without a conscience, because a conscience was too painful. Guilt was painful. I hid behind my apathy for four years, killing and destroying anyone whose life might cause my pain. And I didn't care.