A/N-Chapter is rated T+ for suggestive themes and some sexual material. Nothing extreme happens, though, as you who have seen the episode know.
PippinDuck- Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it, and hope you'll enjoy the next chapter!
TesubCalle (At least I'm assuming its you)- Thanks for all your praise! It makes me feel good inside. J I can't wait for the DVD's to come out, either. And it's nice to meet another Christian on the web!
Korean Pearl- Thanks for your review! Yeah, Alia didn't really have a foundation to hold onto at that point in her life. And, I'm sorry, but this story is only going to get darker as it progresses. We have a lot of pain to go through before Alia can begin to heal. But I'm hoping you'll stick with us just the same.
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Chapter 8- Confusion
I cannot find a way to describe it,
It's there inside, all I do is hide.
I wish that it would just go away.
What would you do, you do if you knew, what would you do…
–Take Me Away, by Avril Lavigne
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"I couldn't get through to him, Alia," Sam said, later that night. "No matter what I said."
"It's not too late," I told him, trying to sound hopeful. "Maybe there's something you can still do to help."
"I just don't see why I haven't Leaped. I mean, at least if I got out of here, you could continue working with Jimmy and maybe prevent him from getting sent away." He had this look of utter confusion on his face, and I felt sorry for him. But there was something I had to know…
"Do you always think about the people first?" I asked. Think about someone other than yourself? What was that like? Didn't it bring pain, eventually?
"What do you mean?" he asked, still confused.
I stalled, looking at the ground, and swaying a bit before I answered. I had to look sincere. "I mean maybe there's another reason you're still here."
"What, what're you talking about?"
"You and me, Sam." I said slowly, and then leaned up to kiss him, very softly, on the cheek. I turned away and began to walk, slowly talking all the while. "I mean, you're really the only person that I've met who can understand the longing that I've felt. The emptiness…" Did he feel it too? Did this hero, strong as he seemed, have a weakness? A longing to be free? "The hunger for something, anything. Something familiar. A touch, a smell, a taste…"
He came up behind me softly, saying, "But don't you see that…"
"Sam," I sighed, "I'm not Connie, and you're not Jimmy."
I turned around slowly, and wrapped my arms around him. We kissed, and kissed again. I wanted so much to let myself go, but I had a job to do…
Sam broke the kiss by saying. "But…I am Jimmy. At least, a part of me is Jimmy…"
"I know who you are, and I want you," I murmured. "Make love to me, Sam…" Show me that someone could love me, someone could know me…
We made our way into the bedroom, where I began to take his shirt off. He resisted, but feebly. I could tell he wanted it, maybe not as much as I did, but the wanting was there. He showed it by unclasping the back of my dress, pulling it down and sinking down onto the bed, embracing me all the while. I lowered him more, kissing him passionately.
He made one final attempt to resist. "This…this isn't right…"
"Why?" I soothed him, caressing him.
"Why? Because…I don't know, it just feels…"
"Sam, we deserve this. Tell me that you don't want me, and I'll stop," I challenged. He couldn't say that. Whatever he might think of himself, Sam was human too. And so was I. And maybe, just maybe, this moment could last forever, loving and being touched by someone who knew me and loved me…
No, of course it couldn't. The return of Frank was what ruined it. "Connie? Jimmy? Where is everybody?" He called from outside. Hearing him, Sam leaped up.
"Oh, no. Oh no, Frank," He threw my dress towards me. "Here, get dressed. Hurry. Oh, my God, if he finds us like this he'll leave Connie for sure. Before he strangles me…okay, we'll tell him we were talking, right? You decided that…"
Sam had finished getting dressed before he noticed that I wasn't doing the same.
"What're you doing, get your…" He stared at me, sitting on the bed in nothing but my underclothes. I reached up to rip my bra strap off. "What're you…" I looked back at him, sorrow and pity radiating from me, but I couldn't help it, I had orders…
I gave him a long, level look as I reached with my right hand to the left side of me face, and dug in. I dragged my nails downward, leaving long, bloody gashes across my cheek. The pain was intense, but I had endured worse before. And then, with Sam looking on in confusion and fright, I screamed.
Frank, hearing his wife in torment, burst into the room. Sam had bent over me, reaching for me, but Frank knocked him away. "Oh my God," Frank exclaimed. "What happened?"
I wept, crying, for myself, for Sam…but I had a job to do. "It was Jimmy," I whimpered, frightened, crying. "He tried to rape me…"
"What?"
"That's a lie, Frank," Sam whispered. "A lie.."
Frank knocked him aside. "I tried to stop him, but he was too strong for me," I continued through tears. "I tried, but then, I thought he was going to, going to kill me…"
Frank turned to look at 'Jimmy' in shock. "You attacked my wife?"
Sam shook his head, bewildered. "No!"
But Frank would listen. "I took you into my house!" He yelled, slapping Sam. "I took care of you!"
"No, I didn't, Frank…" Sam protested, as another slap landed.
"Don't lie to me, Jimmy, don't lie to me!" Frank yelled, beating Sam again.
"I didn't do it…"
"Look at her! Look at her! Did she do that to herself?"
Sam ducked and burst away from Frank, pushing himself up against the wall, holding one arm out to protect himself. "Listen to me! I'm not Jimmy, okay? And this…" He pointed at me, as I sobbed on. I don't think I was even acting anymore. "This is not Connie!"
Frank stared, in disbelief and anger. "What? What'd you say?"
"She's not your wife," he explained desperately.
A hysterical grin spread across Frank's face. "This ain't happening. This is insane! Keeping you here was supposed to make a difference. It was supposed to be a good thing!"
"Tell me the truth, Frank," Sam gasped.
Frank shoved him against the wall again. "No, you stop it! Stop it! Stop it! No, no no!"
Things had gone on long enough. I broke off my crying and jumped up from the bed, grabbing Frank as he beat Sam across the back. "Stop it!" I screamed. "Stop it! Stop it, Frank, it wasn't his fault! Just please, call the doctor."
"How can you defend him," Frank asked, breathing heavily, "after what he did to you?"
"He's your brother, Frank!" I gasped. "Please, just call Dr. Smithfield."
As Sam cowered in the corner, Frank and I made our way out of the room, where Frank shut and locked the door. I continued breathing hard, letting a few tears slip out now and then. Frank helped me into a robe, and we sat in the kitchen, trying to recover.
"It's my fault, Connie," Frank admitted. 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"
"I'm so sorry!" Zoey said dramatically, popping back in. "How pathetic!"
I grabbed Frank's sleeves and spoke in a low voice. "Frank, listen to me, you have to go get Dr. Smithfield and bring him here."
"All right, I'll call him again." Frank reached for the phone, but I stopped him.
"No, you have to go and get him and bring him here," I told him.
"But I'm not going to leave you here alone," Frank protested.
"Would you just get rid of him so we can get on with it?" Zoey said, exasperated.
"I can't go out like this, I, I need to take a shower or something."
"Connie, I'm not gonna leave you alone!"
"I'm alright! He's locked in our room, he, he can't hurt me. Not anymore. Just go, please go…"
Frank began to leave, but before he did, he said, "If he touches you again, I'll kill him."
