A/N- One of my favorite chapters- probably because it has some of the best dialogue from the shows included in it. I've done my best to add to it, but the original scene was powerful already. Hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer- The powerful dialogue in this scene was not written by me and does not belong to me. It belongs to Belisarius Productions and Don Belisario.
PippinDuck- Thanks for your review, and for putting this story on your favorites list! That means a lot to me. Most of the scenes in the upcoming chapters will be review of the episodes and the novel Alia appeared in, although there will be a few original scenes mixed in. Once we get past 'Revenge', I start writing completely out of my head again.
TesubCalle- I believe you, although I haven't had the fortune to meet that many- you're the third Christian I've met on fanfic. Thanks for your praise! And I'm glad you caught that, about her being needy, I was hoping someone would!
Korean Pearl- That's the way Lothos works- smart, but awful. Oh, and I have a link for you, should you care to check it out. This site has pictures and even videos of Alia and Zoey. Some of the videos we haven't reached in this fic yet, but they're still good. If you want to look at it, the site is w w w. quantumleap - alsplace. com/ evil/ (Without the spaces.) I'm sorry you were sick, and hope you feel better!
--------------------------------------------
Chapter 9- "You're not evil, Alia…"
I'm frightened by what I see,
But somehow I know that there's much more to come.
Immobilized by my fear,
And soon to be blinded by tears,
I can stop the pain if I will it all away.
Don't turn away, don't give in to the pain.
Don't try to hide though they're screaming your name.
Don't close your eyes,
God knows what lies behind them.
Don't turn out the light, never sleep, never die.
–Whisper, by Evanescence
------------------------------------------
I stared at Frank, not making a sound, as he left. Zoey giggled. "Bravo, brava! 'He can't hurt me, not anymore…' You're exquisite."
"Why haven't I Leaped?" I demanded. "Why am I still here?"
Zoey consulted the hand-link. "Lothos has decided you've got one more thing to do before you go. A little bonus."
"What sort of a bonus?" I asked acidly. I just needed to leave. I'd betrayed Sam, the only person who knew who I really was. If I didn't Leap soon…
"Seems you're to kill the good Dr. Beckett," Zoey informed me.
I looked at her in confusion, trying to shove away the guilt and fear stirring inside me. "Why? He hasn't tried to stop us."
"Alia, my pet, do I detect a tinge of pity in your voice?" She inquired.
I sighed, rubbing my arms. "I just want to go, that's all."
"Then kill him, and be done with it." She jabbed at the hand-link. "Lothos has done a scan. There's a 38 caliber pistol at the top of the front hall closet."
She looked at me. I hadn't moved.
Zoey leaned forward intensely. "This could be the one that gets you home. Home, Alia."
Home…
She moved away and punched at the hand-link again. "I think I'll go and check on Mr. Wonderful."
I let out a deep breath when she was gone. Just one more death, and I'd be free. Free of this hell…what was Sam's life worth against mine? Standing on tiptoe I grabbed the pistol and pulled it down. I rubbed its sleek surface across my cheek. Just once more…
"Hurry up, darling!" Zoey called gaily. "He's asking for you!"
Just do it...
I reached for the door, twisted the knob, pulled it open. "Get away from the door, Sam," I shouted. "I'm coming in and I've got a gun."
"Surprise!" Zoey smiled slyly as I held the gun out at arm's length, pointed towards my latest victim.
Sam's eyes jerked towards his right. "Not until I know why she's doing this."
I glanced that way too, and wasn't surprised to see nothing. "Is Al here?"
"Yeah, he's here," Sam said, his voice low. "He says you're going to shoot Jimmy. Why?"
"I've got my orders," I said, helplessly. My voice was also unusually low.
"So you were never here to help Jimmy," he said, as if he still couldn't believe it. "Where do you come from?"
"What difference does it make? You lost and I won," I said, gloating slightly.
"So you're gonna shoot me?"
I let out a quick breath of air. "You're not the first person I've killed, Sam," I informed him, sounding haughty. In reality, I was trying to cover up the storm that was brewing inside me. Just one last time, I told myself. Just once more.
"Get on with it," Zoey snapped.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked, and then… "Evil?"
"Now there's a novel concept," Zoey remarked.
Sam shook his head wildly. "No. No, I don't believe that there's some force Leaping her around and ruining people's lives just for the pleasure of it!"
Zoey laughed. "How deliciously naïve."
"Then you're a fool," I told him, contemptuously.
"So that's what you do, destroy people's lives? I don't believe that!"
"The perfect hero," Zoey said. "Death in his face and he wants to deny it's power."
"And you're telling me that God or Fate or whatever has put us here against each other?"
Reflecting on Lothos, I stepped closer and said, "Not God."
He shook his head. "You can't kill me…You'd be killing yourself, Alia. I mean, think about it. I only exist because you do, and you because of me. If I die it only makes sense that you would too." What was he saying? I was going to kill myself? After all I'd gone through, only to die before I could reach home…
Zoey leaned towards me. "He's stalling. Shoot him."
"What if he's telling the truth?" I asked her nervously. "What if I kill him and then I kill myself and I can't go home?"
"Evil only exists because of good," he pressed on. "If you kill me, we'd cancel each other out!"
"Do it," Zoey whispered dangerously. "Do it."
I glanced at her and then back to Sam, anguished. Who to trust?
"You can't kill me, Alia." He had no idea how many people I had killed, how many lives I had destroyed. I didn't want to, didn't he know that? But I didn't have a choice! My life was not my own. Lothos controlled it, and if I didn't obey him…Sam had never endured the torture I had gone through. Who was he to talk?
"Because I know that somewhere inside of you there's a woman who feels the same things I do. The same loneliness, the same fear…I felt it the first time we touched, you felt it too." He said it desperately, he wanted to convince me…and I wasn't so sure I didn't want to be convinced. What had happened to theperson I had been? What had happened to my sense of right and wrong? I had thrust it away, because it was too painful. But life without it was painful as well. Was there no escape?
Maybe there was. Maybe if I turned the gun on myself…
"This could be your ticket home. This could be the way out!"
No. Zoey had told me Lothos would let me go. Just this one assignment, just one last death on my hands and I would be free. I so desperately wanted to be Alia again. "If I kill you, I can go home…"
"No!" Sam shook his head vehemently. "No, not that way. Killing me will only add to his power or her power…whatever power…you have the power Alia. You can choose not to kill me!"
I…could choose…
"He doesn't know what he's talking about. Lothos could send you back to your worst nightmare, if you don't pull that trigger!"
"There's got to be an end…" I whispered.
"Alia!" Zoey snarled. "We clawed our way out of hell to land simple assignments like home-wrecking and adultery…"
"Don't listen to her," Sam said urgently.
"You don't want to go back to the horror we lived before." And I knew what she was talking about. I had killed so many, done so many horrible things…the assignments were easier now. But if I let Sam live, he would fix everything I had done. We would be caught in an endless cycle- him fixing, me destroying, unless we destroyed each other now.
"You gotta listen to me!"
"No, I can't kill all those people again!" I couldn't go back to living that way!
"Then pull the trigger!" Yes. Yes, I had to…
Sam shook his head. "You're not evil, Alia." I wanted to scream, You don't know me! You don't know what I've done! I'm a horrible person, how can you feel anything for me? I don't deserve to live, but I'm afraid of the pain of death…
"Whatever trapped you in time is."
Lothos…he was evil. Yes. But I did his bidding!
But maybe I didn't have to anymore.
Maybe I could do one thing right, at least.
I handed the gun to Sam.
"You stupid fool!" Zoey hissed. "What have you done?"
But I couldn't answer, couldn't do anything but scream, because Lothos had me with his mind and I was being drawn away from Connie, drawn away in mental torture…oh dear God, he would kill me!
My body was on fire- no, I was shivering, because I was freezing to death- someone was stabbing me a thousand times with needles and I couldn't stop it and all I could do was scream…
"You'll never be worth anything, you little brat!"
My father, screaming at me…
I was walking through a graveyard, one I knew well, because buried here were all the people I had killed. And they rose out of their graves and wailed, wanting the life I had stolen from them, but all around me was death, and destruction…
"You're trash!"
"You stupid fool!"
"Murderer!"
"Liar!"
"Thief!"
"Destroyer!"
"Murderer!"
I was walking on the beach, and I saw Renee in the distance, and she was waving and smiling, but when she got to me she snarled and said, "I hate you!" And she slapped me, and turned to leave. I couldn't stop myself, and I pulled out the gun and shot her, and her blood flowed out onto the ground, and she cried, "Allie! Allie! Why?" I knelt beside her, sobbing that I hadn't meant it, and wouldn't she forgive me. And then it wasn't Renee but Sam, and he was dying at my hand. "I was wrong," he gasped. "There isn't any good in you at all…" and he died.
"MURDERER!"