Disclaimer

All characters are the property of Gainax. So, all rights to these characters belong to them. I'm not Black Sabbath, Disturbed or Mozart either. Though I do own their albums. (Yes! Even Mozart!)

NERV's Annual Concert

In a totally soundproofed cavern deep beneath NERV, a cavern so shrouded in mystery that even Rei does not know of its existence, a concert was being held in remembrance of Yui Ikari.

"Fuyutsuki, are you ready?" Gendo asked the man behind the drums.

"Ready when you are mofo." The aging professor replied.

"How bout the guitars and bass?" Gendo asked the remainder of his band.

"Just start the concert already" Shigeru, Matoko and Maya said impatiently.

Gendo looked at the giant 50m by 40m picture of Yui hanging on the wall in front of them. He pointed a finger at his beloved, rocker style, and said, " This is for you, Yui"

Fuyutsuki then gave the timing, "One, two, three, four!"

And the band started jamming.

Return Yui and take Rei (sung to the tune of Black Sabbath's Paranoid)
By Gendo Ikari

Finished with Ritsuko
Cuz she couldn't help return my wife
All I want is Yui
But in Unit 01 she's stuck inside

All day long I think of Yui
But nothing sems to satisfy
I even tried to ease my pain
By having Lillith crucified

Oh Impact Three
Return Yui and take Rei
Oh yeah

In order to get Yui back
I spared no chance, all plans I've tried
However all my plans have failed
I am so sad I even cried.

(Shigeru's smashing guitar solo here)

A Bastard King I can't deny
All SEELE's commands I will defy
Shinji's love I canot feel
He got so mad he ate Zeruel

Checking with the Dead Sea Scrolls
To decipher the perfect date
I will use my puppet Rei
To snatch Yui back from Heaven's Gate

"Whoa that was the best jam ever!" Maya excitedly told the rest of the band.

"Yea, like, totally!" Gendo said.

Everyone looked at him in disbelief.

"Uh I mean good job everyone." He hastily corrected himself.

Unknown to them however, a certain Miss Rei Ayanami had found the cavern by accident and heard the song that was just sung. Angered by the apparent betrayal of the person she always regarded to as her father, her angelic instincts finally took over.

(NERV Bridge)

"Doctor! A blue pattern has been detected inside NERV!" a new tech worriedly told Ritsuko. (Maya was jamming remember?)

"Impossible! The Scrolls have said nothing of an angel attack today!" Ritsuko replied.

Misato however, managed to keep relatively cool in the face of this situation.

"I'm going down to check, Send Shinji and Asuka in their EVAs as backup." She told the rest of the bridge crew.

In face of imminent danger, everyone did as they were told.

(Back to the Secret Cavern)

Rei floated towards Gendo and the others.

"How dare you… I fought for you, was willing to die for you and even treated you as my father..." She said menacingly.

Gendo realised that the situation was getting out of hand and tried to talk his way out. "You don't understand…"

Suddenly, Fuyutsuki started drumming again. It was a tribal beat.

"What are you doing?" Gendo asked worriedly.

"I cannot help it! Someone seems to be controlling my body!" The professor said, extremely afraid.

Maya, Shigeru and Matoka were also taking up their instruments.

"Whats happening to us?" The bridge bunnies thought worriedly.

Rei looked at them and smiled. It was a smile that was both happy and terrifying. "I'm controlling your bodies of course."

Then she walked towards Gendo and used her AT Field to fling him towards a wall and pin him there. Picking up the fallen microphone, she looked at the panic-stricken man eyeball to eyeball. "Let me sing you a little song."

Down With The Bastard (sung to the tune of Disturbed's Down With The Sickness)
By Rei Ayanami

OH WA AA AA AA

(Heavy riffs here)

Bowing down when you gave your orders
Gendo your puppet I kneel
(Will you give it to me)

It seems that all of my trust in you
Has been betrayed, by you
(Will you give it to me

Looks like you're having some trouble
In dealing with my anger
Dealing with Angel's anger

There is no turning back
Now that you woken up the Angel
IN ME

Chorus
Get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
Get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
Get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
Open up your gut and let your intestines flow
Get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
You bastard get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
You fucker get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
Your body is the gift I'm gonna give to Yui

I can see inside you the terror is rising
Don't try to deny what you feel
(Will you give it to me)

It seems like the old Rei has died
And is replaced by me
(Will you give it to me)

It seems you're having some trouble
In dealing with this Demon
A motherfucking Demon

I know the world is a scary place
Now that you woken up the Angel
IN ME

Chorus

And when you scream
And when you scream
And when you scream
And when you scream

(Gendo starts screaming here)

NO AYANAMI
DON'T DO IT AGAIN
DON'T DO IT AGAIN
I'LL BE A GOOD BOY
I'LL BE A GOOD BOY
I PROMISE
NO AYANAMI DON'T HIT ME
ARRRG
WHY YOU HAD TO TREAT ME LIKE THAT AYANAMI
DON'T DO IT YOU'RE HURTING ME
ARRRG

(Rei's turn to scream as she starts ripping Gendo to shreds)

WHY YOU HAD BE SUCH A PRICK
WHY DON'T YOU
WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCK OFF HERE AND DIE
WHY DON'T YOU JUST FUCK OFF HERE AND DIE
WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE HERE AND DIE
NEVER ORDER ME AROUND AGAIN PRICK
FUCK YOU
I DON'T NEED YOUR SHIT
YOU STUPID SADISTIC ABUSIVE FUCKING WHORE
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE HOW IT FEELS GENDO
HERE IT COME GET READY TO DIE!

Chorus

Get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
Get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
Get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
Open up your gut and let your intestines flow
Get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
You bastard get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
You fucker get up! I'm gonna rip out your innards
I'LL TEAR OUT YOUR HEART AND SHOW IT TO SHINJI!

And with the carnage done, Rei happily floated out of the cavern, leaving four shell-shocked members of Gendo's band staring at her rapidly diminishing back profile.

And without the Bastard King, Third Impact never occurred.

10 years after Gendo met his untimely end

"Daddy, read me a bedtime story!" Shinji's daughter pestered him.

"Sakura dear, Daddy has to work tomorrow…" Shinji replied

"Just a short one?" Sakura said, not willing to sleep until her father complied with her.

"Ok ok… I'll tell you a story about an evil man. And how his creation defeated him in the end ok?" Shinji asked.

Sakura nodded her head.

"Here is how it goes…"

Gendo Had An Albino (sung to the tune of Mozart's Mary Had A Little Lamb)
By Shinji Ikari

Gendo had an albino
Albino
Albino
Gendo had an albino
Her skin was white as snow

Every order that Gendo gave
Gendo gave
Gendo gave
Every order that Gendo gave
The girl was sure to follow

She overheard him sing one day
Sing one day
Sing one day
She overheard him sing one day
Then she knew he was BAD

She proceeded to rip him up
Rip him up
Rip him up
She proceeded to rip him up…

Shinji noticed his daughter was covering her eyes. She must be frightened by his gory details.

"And they all lived happily ever after."

No point causing bad dreams.

THE END

Well, that was kinda cute don't you think? Trust me when I say changing the lyric to fit the story is a chore. Man, took me almost 3 days to alter them till they were moderately presentable.

Finally, please review!