A/N: Okay this is sort of an out of plot chapter, it's basically just showing Hermione's emotions while dealing with the loss of her best friend but it's necessary nontheless.

Disclaimer: okay this is the last time i'm ever posting one of these and it's rather easy...I am not JKRowling, anyone who thinks I am needs to be committed...If you do think I am, ask yourself one question: Why on earth would Jo Rowling be posting her Harry Potter story on a fanfiction website? DUH! Oh and the song lyrics at the end of the chapter are My Immortal by Evanescence.

Chapter 21: The Letter

A couple hours later, the were all situated in the Room of Requirement. Lupin had almost told them to return to Grimmauld Place but Hermione flat out refused to return to that house. So instead the group went to Hogwarts and were now sitting around a large table in the middle of the room. They were discussing the events that occurred at Malfoy Manor just hours before. Hermione was sitting in a chair around the table with Ron on one side of her and Draco on the other, holding her hand. She was dazing off because she really had no desire to be discussing the events that had just transcribed because in reality, she blamed herself for what happened to Harry.

It was when Lupin and the others began asking questions about what exactly happened during the fight between Voldemort and Harry that Hermione completely lost it. She couldn't stand the fact that the older members seemed to just talk about Harry as some random casualty of war. He wasn't some casualty…he was her best friend, her first love, the damn savior of the wizarding world many times over and yet they seemed to have the audacity to speak of him like it was just an unfortunate set back.

"What happened? What in the bloody hell do you think happened!" Hermione shot at the Order members, losing her composure and jumping to her feet. No one had ever seen Hermione in such a state of fury before…not even Ron who, gods knows, could definitely push her buttons whenever he wanted to.

"I'll tell you what the hell happened! You, all of you, have done nothing but push him and push him about this whole effing prophecy bullshit! He was only seventeen for gods sake and you all have been hounding him since he was eleven, not to mention watching him in secret for ten years beforehand! And now you all have the blessed audacity to sit here and talk about him like some faceless casualty? Remus, how can you sit there and talk about Harry like that? He's all you have left! James, Lily, Sirius…all gone! And now Harry is too and yet you talk about him like it was just some "unfortunate setback"? You all should be ashamed of yourselves!" With that last swollen comment she rushed back angrily, knocking her chair over backwards and stormed from the room.

She ran as fast as she could up the stairs. She paused for a moment at the door to her room but then decided at the last moment to go to Harry's old room instead. Something just pulled at her to go there, like it would help her feel closer to him. Hermione climbed the remaining flight of stairs towards Harry's room, pausing momentarily at the door, taking in a deep breath. Very quietly and cautiously, she placed her hand on the doorknob and gently turned it, opening the door slowly. The room still looked exactly as it had the last time Harry had been there. She breathed in the scent of the room heavily and could swear that she could still vaguely smell his cologne on the air.

Hermione sat herself down on the edge of Harry's still unmade bed and allowed herself to slide under the blankets and curl up in a ball, breathing in his smell that still lingered lightly on the pillows. Closing her eyes, she felt the tears, that she had believed to be completely dried up, swell up in her eyes and cascade themselves down her cheeks as she passed into an unsettling sleep. She twirled endlessly into a looping and unsettling dream.

Hermione stopped for a moment in a compartment, pausing to ask if the two boys sitting had seen a toad that a boy named Neville had lost. Staring momentarily into the emerald green eyes of an eleven year old Harry.

Holding on desperately tight around his waist as the soared above Hogwarts after rescuing Buckbeak.

Sitting side by side in the Hogwarts library, going through book after book looking for something to help Harry through his second task.

Ducking and crawling under broken toilet stalls as a giant troll loomed over her. Harry and Ron saving her life.

Harry yelling at her for saying that his nightmares were only dreams…nothing more.

Hermione ran through the Great Hall and into the waiting arms of Harry after finally being awoken from her petrified state.

Dancing closely at the Halloween ball. The emerald green eyes boring into her own. Walking hand in hand by the lake.

Running through the Department of Mysteries, fighting off the Death Eaters on their heels.

"You're a great wizard, Harry."

"Hermione, I love you."

"Harry, I'm sorry…"

Her thoughts and memories swirled aimlessly and confusedly through her mind as she slept. Tossing and turning in her sleep, she barely registered the soft hand that was resting on her arm. When she finally noticed, she slowly opened her eyes to find the icy blue ones she had fallen in love with staring back at her. She quickly turned her head away and pulled her arm gently from his grasp. Hermione couldn't bear to look at him, she felt confused again. After everything that had happened that year, she just didn't know what she wanted anymore. The only thing that seemed to stick out in her mind was the one thing she couldn't control: she wanted Harry back, back in her arms, back by her side…back in her life. Even if they weren't together, Harry was still everything to Hermione…her best friend, her first love, her confidant.

Draco stayed for a few moments, gently trying to persuade her to turn and talk to him but, realizing it was a losing battle, he reluctantly got up and left the room. Hermione lay still and listened to him leave, another lone tear sliding down her face as she heard the door shut. She hadn't spoken to anyone since yesterday's outburst during the meeting and frankly, she had no desire to. Her grief was starting to overcome her, making her shut down from everyone she'd ever loved or had loved her. She knew that she had to get up and get out of that house before she went completely crazy so she forced herself out of Harry's old bed and down the stairs, not caring what her appearance looked like. When she entered the kitchen, she saw two of the people she wished not to see more than anything at the moment: Draco and Ron. True, Ron and Draco were not exactly "friends" but they had been working hard at being civil with each other, mostly for Hermione's sake for the past few months.

As she entered, she was greeted by two pairs of blue eyes…one brilliant blue and the other an icy silvery-blue. Both stared at her with the utmost concern due to her outburst the previous evening and her solitude in Harry's old room all day. Hermione quickly composed herself as best as she could and forced her gaze away from the two pairs of concerned eyes that were examining her.

"I'm leaving." She stated as matter-of-factly as possible. "I cant be here anymore, I'm going back to Hogwarts."

Before either boy could stand up or say anything, she quickly walked out of the kitchen, out the front door and around the house to an inconspicuous bush that marked the noted apparation point. She really had no intention of returning to Hogwarts, she just had to get out of that house before she cried herself senseless. Standing behind the bush for a couple of minutes to compose herself, she breathed deeply and prepared herself for the apparation. Before she could leave, however, a deep brown owl swooped by and dropped a letter into her hands. Hermione glanced down at the rolled parchment now in her shaking hands and immediately recognized the Hogwarts seal on the back of it. Curious as to why she was receiving a letter with the seal on it, she slowly and carefully broke the seal and unrolled the parchment.

Dear Miss Granger

I have just received word as to the unfortunate happenings of last night. Please allow me to first send my condolences. Harry was loved by all of us. He will sorely be missed by all.

I have in my possession an item that was mentioned by the late Headmaster that was to be given to you if anything like this was to happen. If you could, please return to Hogwarts as soon as you can and come to my office.

Once again, I am deeply sorry for our loss.

Sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Headmistress of Hogwarts

Hermione's heart did another one it's flip flops that it had been doing since the previous day. Her mind was swirling a million miles a second at the letter.

What in the world could she possibly have for me? And what did she mean "if something like this happened"? Did Dumbledore always think that Harry would not succeed? Hermione's thoughts rolled around faster than lightening. She had no intention of returning to Hogwarts just yet but it seemed as if she mind-as-well get whatever it was the McGonagall wanted to talk to her about over and done with so she quickly braced herself and apparated to the gates of Hogwarts

Walking swiftly and pointedly, she made her way through the Entrance Hall and up the stairs towards McGonagall's office. Ignoring anyone who happened to speak to her during her trek to the fifth floor (A/N: sorry I cant for the life of me remember what floor the office is actually on so if anyone remembers, let me know lol!) and muttering the password to the gargoyle, she hurried up the spiral stairs and knocked purposefully on the Headmistress' door. After a brief moment, Hermione heard the soft 'come in' and carefully opened the heavy wooden door, closing it behind her and quietly taking a seat in front of her favorite professor.

"You wanted to see me Professor?" Hermione asked, her voice failing her.

The years-worn woman looked up from her desk at the tear-stained face of her best student and without thinking about it, quickly stood up and strode purposefully around her desk. Bending down slightly in front of Hermione, McGonagall pulled the distraught girl into a loving embrace. Sure, Minerva McGonagall was a very strict and stern woman, but she did have a heart and she knew the pain the young girl was going through. After what felt like an hour (but was really just a moment or two) the worn professor pulled away from her student and took the seat beside her. Not wanting to prolong the meeting any more than she had to, Minerva pulled a sealed, slightly heavy envelope from her robe pocket and handed it to the grieving girl.

"This letter was left in the desk drawer with a note saying that if anything should happen to Harry," Minerva's own normally stern voice faltered slightly as she looked at Hermione's face which cringed slightly at the mention of Harry's name. "It should be given to you." she finished solemnly. Reaching onto the massive desk in front of them, she picked up another small, lightweight, envelope and handed it to Hermione as well.

"This was also left for you, from Dumbledore. You are more than welcome to read them here if you need some privacy." Minerva said quietly as she watched a small, lone tear slide silently from the girl's honey brown, bloodshot eyes. Hating to see any of her students in pain, she pulled the young woman into another silent embrace, stroking her hair softly in a motherly fashion.

"I know how hard losing someone you love is. Harry was loved by many of us and it's terribly unfair that such a brilliant young wizard was ripped from us well before his time. I've gone ahead and excused you from all your lessons for as long as you need but please, Miss Granger, do not allow his death to be in vain. Do not lose yourself in his passing and forget to live." McGonagall told her student quietly. Hermione nodded silently and then rose to leave, thanking Minerva for everything.

As the door closed behind Hermione as she left the office silently, Minerva sat back in her desk chair slowly, turning around to face the portrait of Dumbledore, who was watching the scene solemnly.

"Albus, I fear for that child." Minerva began slowly. "I know how she feels and I fear that her grief will consume her and we will lose yet another to this terrible war.

Walking quietly, almost trance-like back to her dormitories, she found Draco and Ron sitting on the common room couch. Looking at them surprised, they both returned the gaze with concerned looks.

"What are you guys doing here? How did you even know I'd be here?" Hermione asked meekly. Both boys immediately jumped up from the couch and cornered her, throwing their arms around her and holding her tightly.

"We were worried about you 'Mione. You just left without even saying where you were going so we just hoped for the best and came back here." Ron told her.

Hermione pushed the guys away after a moment, complaining of a headache and needing some time alone and rushed past them and out of the room. She closed her door behind her, locking it effectively. She walked over to her magically induced stereo, turned on her Evanescence CD (which she listened to when she was feeling low) and turned up the volume slightly. Reaching into her robe pocket she pulled out the now slightly crinkled sealed parchment and slowly opened it, recognizing the handwriting immediately and sank to her knees as she read.

My Dearest Hermione

If you are reading this letter, that means that I am gone and that Voldemort is still alive. I've learned many new things over the past few months. I learned that perhaps the future is better left unknown. I learned that sometimes those around us are stronger than we believed them to be in the beginning and that others aren't as strong as they were thought to be. You changed my life 'Mione. You taught me what it felt like to love and to have someone return that love. No matter what happens 'Mione, you must promise me that you will stay strong. Don't let my death be in vain, don't let him win. I know now that you have a tremendous power within yourself…use that power. Keep the light in the world, don't ever succumb to the darkness.

Stay close to Draco, he loves you 'Mione, I know he does. Even though things didn't work out for us together, you were always my best friend and I want you to be happy. Love is powerful, embrace it and never let it go. I also wanted you to know that I never regretted anything, nothing I've ever done or anything I've said and I ask you please don't regret. Life is too short to spend it regretting things.

No matter where you go in your life or what you do, please, 'Mione, just remember that I will always love you and I will always be watching over you.

All my love forever

Harry

Hermione sat trembling slightly as she finished reading the letter. There were so many things she wished that she had gotten a chance to tell her best friend but now she would never have that chance.

"Oh Harry…" she whispered to herself as the tears slowly began to fall as her favorite song began playing on her CD player.

I'm so tired of living here….suppressed by all my childish fears…and if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave. Your presence still lingers here and it wont leave me alone….

Harry had confessed his love for her that year. It seemed like only yesterday but it was really about four months ago. And what had she done? She loved Harry, she really did, and she had for years. But she had fallen in love with Draco Malfoy…her one time enemy…and after staying with Harry for only two short months, she had left him for Draco. And now he had written her this beautiful letter telling her that he would always love her and to stay strong. How could she be strong when her life was falling apart?

These wounds wont seem to heal…this pain is just to real…there's just to much that time cannot erase…

She cried her eyes out, remembering all the happy times that she had experienced with Harry over the past six years. She felt herself growing angry for what had happened…it wasn't supposed to be this way. Harry was supposed to be there with her for the rest of her life. He was her best friend and would always be her best friend.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears. And I held your hand through all of these years. But you still have…all of me…

She picked herself slowly up off of the floor and walked to her desk which was scattered full of more pictures. She ran her fingers over the smiling faces of her two best friends. Her hand came to a still on a pictured that Colin Creevey had given her. It was a picture of her and Harry on Halloween at the party. That was the night when Harry had confessed his love for her. The night her life began to fall apart. The night she had also given her virginity to Draco Malfoy. She picked up the picture and ran her fingers gingerly over Harry's face. His emerald green eyes were sparkling with fire and love. He smiled at her and she could see that for once he seemed truly happy.

You used to captivate me by your resonating light. Now I'm binded by the life you left behind. Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams. Your voice it chases away all the sanity in me…. These wounds wont seem to heal. This pain is just to real. There's just too much that time cannot erase….

How could he leave her? She needed him so much and he left her! She found herself becoming angry…angry at herself for leaving him. Angry at him for leaving her. Angry at Voldemort for taking him from her. Angry at everyone for not saving him…

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears. And I held your hand through all of these years but you still have…all of me…

Her tears began to flow swiftly down her cheeks again as she watched Harry's face smiling up at her. She couldn't believe that he was just gone…that it was just over like that. She felt her anger coming back again and before she could stop herself she threw the picture across her room watching the glass shatter into a million pieces as the picture hit the wall.

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone.. But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along….

She started screaming. Screaming at herself for letting him go. For not loving him as much as he loved her. Screaming at him for leaving her. For not fighting harder. She picked up another picture and then another, throwing each one at the wall on the other side of the room and watching them each smash from the force. She found herself launching anything she could get her hands on. Blaming herself for his death. It was her fault he was at the manor in the first place. If she hadn't gotten herself kidnapped he'd still be there. If she hadn't gotten herself into that mess he'd still be alive.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you screamed I'd fight away all of your fears. And I held your hand through all of these years but you still have…all of me……………all of me……….

She collapsed again in the middle of her room, the tears flowing swiftly and freely now. Out in the common room, Draco and Ron heard the commotion over her CD player and jumped from their chairs to see what was going on. Busting open her locked door, they found her collapsed on the floor of her room, shaking uncontrollably as she cried, the letter laying on the floor beside and the room in utter chaos with shattered glass all around. Both boys immediately dashed to her side and wrapped their arms around her while she cried.