A Girl's Day Out
Chapter 3: Just Plain Idiots
Author's Note: Hello everybody! This chapter will probably be very short (sorry), but funny. Once again, sorry I can't update as fast as I used to, but I managed to get a short chapter updateda fewdays after my last one, so that's great for my standards.I wrote most of the chap at school during newspaper and lunchtime. I am also extremley hyper right now, so I hope this chap will be hillarious!
I would really appreciate it if more people would review! Reviews are very encourging, and I like reading what you guys think about this story. If anyone's got any suggestions about some future funny stunts for Christine's day, or who they think should win, don't hesitate to send me a review or an email. I'm more that happy to take suggestions from my readers, and a lot of the time I do use them in my stories.
Disclaimer: Seeing as the book was written almost a hundred years before I was born, there is almost no possible way I could own the rights to POTO (Wow, that sounded really smart :)
Raoul burst into Erik's place at a very...inconvenient time. Erik just happened to be watching QVC and was hassling with an operator over the phone. This is basically the jist of what Raoul heard after he burst in:
"Hello? Yeah, I'd like to order item number 34964542, the Complete Crochet Package. Yeah, rush delivery. No, I don't have a credit card. Why not? I'm a disfigured musical genius that lives five stories underground! What the hell would I need a credit card for? No, I don't make out checks either! Whaydaya mean "Those are the only two forms of accepted payment"! Fine then, I'll just buy a crocheting kit elsewhere. I'll have you know I have a very good reason as to why I crochet. Stop laughing! I said STOP IT! I crochet my own clothes! No, I can't just walk into a store and buy my own suits, I get attacked by angry mobs, little children, major Phangirls begging me to marry them, or any combination of the above! That's it, I've had it with you people! STOP LAUGHING!" Erik screamed into the phone before he angrily hung up "That's the last time I ever order those damn "Only seen on TV. products" he muttered angrily to himself
Erik slowly turned around as he heard Raoul laughing "How much of that did you hear?" he asked Raoul dangerously low
Raoul was laughing so hard, he could barely get enough breath to answer "Trust me dude, waaaaay more than I needed to know!"
In a flash, Erik had Raoul up off the floor, and had him pinned against the wall, pulling out the Punjab lasso. Raoul, who had been burst in on Erik at a lot of inconvenient times and almost gotten punjabbed as a result of it, he now knew Erik's whole "threaten the intruder who burst in at an inconvenient time" speech by heart, which he recited boridly as he blew his bangs off his forehead.
"Listen you, if you ever tell anyone I was -insert stupid, girly, wimpy, pointless, or otherwise un-Phantomlike like thing to do here-, then I swear, I will hunt you down and Punjab/kill you and then I'll haunt you forever in the afterlife. You will forget that you ever saw me doing-insert stupid, girly, wimpy, pointless or otherwise un-Phantomlike like thing to do here- understand?' Yeah, yeah, Erik, I know the deal. Can you let go of me now?"
Erik released him and sat back down "So, what's wrong this time?" Erik asked while channel surfing.
"Well, I'm afraid of Meg, and I reaaallly don't wanna be at my house right now. I need to be around someone other than a crazy, deranged, woman psycho!"
"Hey, that's my future wife you just called a crazy, deranged, woman psycho. Wait, do you even know what any of those words mean?"
"Nope."
Erik was a bit puzzled by this, but he momentarily forgot that fact. He continued channel surfing "Hey Raoul, I'm starving. You bring any food with you?"
"Nope. Meg burned everything we had in the house. She can't cook."
" What else is new? I practically puked my guts out when she forced some of her so-called home cooked dinners down my throat. All she knows how to do is yell and boss me around, dance, sing, cry for her mother or scream "He's There, The Phantom of the Opera" in a high, shrill voice every time I come in the room, which gets really annoying after a while. She has no clue how to cook. We're going to be living on takeout the rest of our lives."
"I like takeout. The bags they come in are pretty." Raoul chirped
Erik smacked himself on the forehead. Why oh why were the only people he knew a wimpy fop, an emotional ditz, a bossy ballerina that couldn't cook, and an old lady that strangled him every time she got the chance?
" I don't wanna go back home. Meg's gonna be there 'till 2:00." Raoul whined
Erik stood up and walked over to open the refrigerator "Well, Meg will eventually come back here and torture me."
"Dude, you don't know how easy you've got it. Meg is like an angel compared to Christine."
Erik pulled out some chips, nachos, and two beers, and tossed one to Raoul " There is no way Meg is easier to be around then Christine. Christine may be a totally emotional ditz, but at least she's sane."
"Oh yeah? Meg is ten times better than Christine, even if she screams at me and hurts my feelings."
"Christine is soooooo much easier to deal with then Meg. I mean, Christine is so stupid and wimpy. She's just like you" Erik smirked
Raoul grinned "Yup"
"Okay, anyways, at least neither of our wives/fiancées are here now. So, we could just do guy stuff. Whatcha wanna do?" Erik asked while stuffing his face full of nachos.
"We could have a Disney sing a long" Raoul suggested
Erik stared at him " I meant something that won't make me puke, you idiot."
"Oh. Well, how about a game of Twister?"
Erik cringed, remembering his little experience playing that with Christine in the tunnel and Meg on the cell phone "Nah. Hey, wanna watch some TV?"
"Sure"
So, Erik started channel surfing again. First, he stumbled upon Titanic, which made him and Raoul both sink to the floor while Raoul screamed" NO! THE HORROR!"
Erik was rolling around on the floor in pain. He frantically grabbed the remote while muttering "Must... change...channel! Can't...stand...gushy...stupid...love...scenes!"
When they finally got the channel changed, Raoul started surfing and came upon Gilligan's Island, which made Erik beat his head against the wall, in an effort to keep himself sane while the annoying theme song played. When that was over, Erik beat Raoul senseless and flipped the channel to the following:
Gone with the Wind (Erik screamed in pain, Raoul got into the fetal position)
The Price is Right ( Erik tried to guess the price, got mad when he was wrong and beat the TV set, while Raoul remained in the fetal position)
Sponge Bob SquarePants (Both of the guys sang along to the theme song, then flipped the channel cause they were bored) and finally:
A Soap Opera, which made Raoul cover his eyes (still in the fetal position), rock back and forth and frantically mutter "Bad TV, evil TV. Must not watch evil TV. TV is bad. I don't like TV. TV is not my friend! EVIL!"
Erik muttered every curse word in the book and beat the stupid TV until he got bored. Then he dragged Raoul up off the floor and into the kitchen. Then both guys basically played with some silverware, and had some deep, intelligent conversations:
"Hey Erik, who do you think has bigger boobs: Meg or Dolly Parton?"
"I dunna know, they're about the same. Meg's probably bigger though.
"Okay."
"So, what do ya wanna talk about?"
"I dunna know."
" Politics?"
"Those big words make my brain hurt"
"Books?"
"Make my brain hurt"
"We could just get drunk"
"Okay, sounds good to me Erik"
So, the guys sat down, and started getting drunker with every passing minute. Finally, they brought their wives/fiancées back into the conversation
"So" Erik said after loudly belching " How much longer has Meg gotta tough it out with you?"
"About, uh, wait, I don't know how to tell time"
"Never mind. She'll be running back here any minute and this crap will end"
"Who says?" Raoul asked
"I do" said Erik
"Wait, do you mean you think Meg's gonna lose this bet?"
"No, I know Meg's gonna lose this bet. She'll never make it for five more hours if she has to deal with you."
"You mean, you don't think she can make it? All she's done is boss me around, tackled me and called me mean names and hurt my feelings! She's totally gonna win their bet"
" There ain't no way Meg can tough it out much longer, Raoul. She'll either
A) Beat you senseless when you do something stupid and quit
B) Won't be able to take the frustration you caused her and go even more insane than she is now
C) Run back here, crying for her mother or
D) Come back here, slap me for uh, having some fun with Christine while she was gone and quit."
"Wow, you really think so" Raoul asked while applying more lip gloss
"Totally. Christine is definitely gonna win this bet"
At that, Raoul dropped his lip gloss, fell to the floor, holding his stomach, and began laughing hysterically. Erik just kept on drinking until Raoul was able to speak again.
"You actually think Christine is gonna win this thing? That's so funny!" Raoul cried
Erik belched again and set the beer down "What's so funny about it?" he asked
Raoul sat back down again, still laughing "Dude, there is no way Christine's gonna win their bet. She hasn't actually worked at anything in her life! You think she'll make it for twelve hours as Assistant Ballet Mistress and twenty four hours as Madame Giry's daughter? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life!"
"What's so stupid about it? Christine was already a ballerina when she was like six or something. She already knows what to do and it isn't that horrible being Madame Giry's daughter for a day. Meg's been doing it her whole life!"
"Yeah, but Christine is a total emotional wimp! You give her one criticism, and she sobs and whines and screams and everything! Ya know how tough Madame Giry is? Christine's probably already cried her ten rivers! And you actually think she'll be able to teach those little ballet brats for twelve hours without cracking? Give me a break."
"Wait a minute foppy, you're saying you don't think that your wife is going to win their bet?"
"Hell no! I know she ain't gonna win that bet. Meg totally will."
"No Christine will!"
"No, Meg will!"
"Shut up!"
"No, you shut up!
"No, you shut up!
"I don't wanna shut up! Quit being mean to me! I can't take it anymore!" Raoul sobbed. He got into the feetal position gain, rolled around, sobbed and screamed. Erik just sat there, flipping through a car magazine until Raoul finally got back up to the table, where Erik continued:
"Whatever. Raoul, let's just face it: You're wrong, I'm right, and Christine is gonna win the bet. Got it?"
"No, because I say Meg is gonna win!"
"All right dummy, why not put your money where your mouth is?"
"Because money doesn't taste very good. I tried eating it once and it tasted worse than Meg's cooking, I mean, it was like eating-"
"I mean" Erik interrupted "Why not bet on it?"
"Bet on it?" Raoul repeated stupidly "You mean, you wanna make a bet on who we think will win the bet the girls have already made?"
"Exactly. You think Meg will win, I think Christine will. We just bet on it, wait, and see who wins the girl's bet, and then the loser (that's you Raoul) pays up."
"But, don't you think the girls will get mad?"
"Hey, what they don't know won't hurt 'em" Erik said and winked
Raoul looked disgusted "Wait, are you flirting with me? That's just sick and wrong! I'm supposed to be the gay one!"
Erik sighed "Never mind that. Just keep your mouth shut and don't tell them we're betting on who will win their bet. Understand?"
Raoul nodded, keeping his mouth firmly closed.
"I didn't mean literally Raoul"
"Oh okay" Raoul sighed
"So, let's just bet fifty francs this time. I say Christine will win, and you say Meg will win. As soon as we find out who does win, the loser (Raoul) will pay the winner (me)."
"Wait, when are we gonna pay each other?"
"Ahh, we'll work that out later. So, you wanna bet?"
"You got it" Raoul said
"All right. We'll see who wins this afternoon. You better be going back home now Raoul. Meg's waiting" Erik said sinisterly.
Raoul whimpered as he stood up to leave "You just wait smarty! Somebody's gonna be fifty francs richer tonight!"
"Yeah, me!" Erik called.
As soon as Raoul was gone, Erik drank some more and then started to crochet again, laughing to himself as he wondered how Christine's day had been so far...
Geez, review already! You peoples are driving me nuts!