A Girl's Day Out
Chapter 5 : Christine Causes Chaos
Author's Note: Hey! Sorry for how long it took me to update. Still as busy as ever. Hope everyone likes this chap. I tried to come up with some funny stuff. This is probably the biggest hunk of crap I've ever written in my whole life, but I hope you guys enjoy it anyway :) And, I would like to have ten reviews per chapter please!
Disclaimer: Can't think of a funny one right now. Don't own it.
Christine yelped for about the millionth time as Mme. Giry dragged her out to the stage where rehearsal was going on "Hey! Watch it! Owww, you're hurting me!" she yelped
"You're such a baby! Shut up! Ballet rehearsal already started and I won't be late just because I have to baby-sit an idiot today!"
"Geez, for some old lady, you're really mean. You're hurting my feelings!" Christine whimpered, using the puppy dog pout
Mme. Giry turned around and looked at her "Ooooh, you poor thing. Am I really?"
"Yeah"
"GOOD!" she screamed "Ahh, finally. We made it just in time for rehearsal. Now, ballet is very complex. It requires grace, poise, and intense training to become perfectly apt at the art. Every move you make must be utterly and completely perfect. Now, when you are instructing young ballet students, it's important to..."
While Mme. Giry continues her big, long, boring speech about ballet, here's what Christine was basically thinking:
-Hmm, wonder what all those big words mean? It's just a ballet class. Can't be that hard. I mean, I was a ballerina for like ten minutes at the beginning of the movie, even though all I did was wear a skimpy outfit and do a few dance moves on the floor. Piece of cake.
-I like cake. I want some cake. Oh no, I gotta watch my figure cause I'm a ballerina now! But that would mean I'm fat! But I like cake! I have the worst craving for cake right now, but I can't get fat! What can I do? Maybe I'll try the South Beach Diet.
-What was Mme. Giry talking about again?
-Okay, lady, your mouth still keeps moving, but I'm not hearing anything. Oh god, what if I'm going deaf? Or losing my hearing because I'm old! But, I'm only like, 20! I can't be that old yet! Noo! I don't wanna be old!
-Wonder how old Mme. Giry actually is? She looks like she's seventy or something. Wait, if she's seventy, how's she still do all those ballet moves? Have to think about that.
-What was I just thinking about? Probably Erik. God, he's hot. Especially hot. Way hotter than Raoul. I can't believe how hot he is. So sexy. So damn sexy. I love Erik when he's naked-"
"CHRISTINE!" Mme. Giry yelled "Did you hear a word I just said?"
"No. I mean, YES!"
"Okay, then come on! We must begin class!"
So, ten minutes later, Christine was in front of about 20 snot-nosed little ballet brats, had no idea what she was supposed to be doing, and Mme. Giry was clapping her hands and screaming at the kids like some maniac.
"All right children. Today, we have a substitute teacher. Her name is Mlle. Daae, and she will be taking Meg's place today as Assistant Ballet Mistress. So, now that that's settled, Mlle. Daae, start teaching, and I'm going to go get some coffee. And kids, Mlle. Daae had better not have any broken bones, injuries, internal bleeding, concussions, or be dead when I come back. Understand?"
"Yes Mme. Giry" the little ballet brats chorused
"Yeah, and you brats better not mess up any of my makeup either" Christine added forcefully
Mme. Giry groaned and left
Christine looked around at the twenty young girls surrounding her "Okay, let's do ballet stuff" Christine said gleefully
"Like what?" one asked
"Uhh, uhhh, uhhh, I'll get back to you on that" Christine said, taking off. She frantically searched through her mind trying to remember anything about ballet, but all she could think of was the song that was running through her head, which just happened to be The Dick Van Dyke Show theme song.
"Uh, lady, are we gonna start dancing soon? Like, before we're as old as you are" a ballet brat asked
At that, Christine sharply turned around "I am not old! Not old! Not Old! Not old! I'm still young! I can't be getting old yet. Oh god, what if I am? I thought I saw a wrinkle the other day. Oh my god, I'm old! I won't be pretty anymore! I'm gonna start getting saggy skin and arthritis and I could go bald. NOOOO!" she screamed, basically having a fit
The students just stood there, watching their substitute roll around on the floor, screaming like an idiot.
When Christine was finally done having a fit, she stood back up "Okay, where were we?"
"You were supposed to start class" a girl prodded
"Oh yeah. Right. Uhhh, okay. Well, uhhhh, All right already, I don't know anything about ballet. I'm stupid, and I don't know anything. Nobody likes me anymore! I can't do anything" she sobbed, getting right back to where she left off in her last fit.
Erik, who had been watching the scene from above, smacked himself on the forehead. He was not going to lose the bet he made to Raoul, and that meant he had to make sure Christine won. But how?
Five minutes later, Erik dropped a book he had just speed written from the rafters "Hey, ballet brats, heads up" he called
At that, all the girls started shrieking and cowering in fear at the thought of the opera ghost, and ran to the other side of the stage. Christine actually looked straight up, and the book hit her smack on the head, knocking her out (temporally)
When Christine woke up five minutes later, all the girls were huddled in the corner, screaming from fright because Erik was tormenting them while Christine was unconscious by screaming horrible ghost noises and stuff like "I am the Phantom of the Opera! Beware my ghostly powers! I need to kiiiiiiiiillllllllll again! I want to suck your blood" into the megaphone.
Christine looked up and screamed "ERIK! SHUT UP RIGHT NOW OR I'M GONNA HAVE A SCREAMING FIT AGAIN!"
Erik hurriedly dropped the megaphone and ran out of sight.
"Okay, now that that's over, everyone come on out. Time for class" Christine said, kneeling down
"What if the Opera Ghost tries to kill us?" Bridget asked
Christine scoffed "Kill you? Please, don't make me laugh"
"But, he's like, deadly" one pointed out
Christine scooted over to them "Girls, I'll let you in on a little secret: The Opera Ghost isn't that dangerous. Extremely sexy, but not dangerous. All you have to do is show him the color pink, and he'll run for his life"
"Wow" they all chorused
"Wait" Marie broke in "How do you know that? You're just making this up, aren't you?"
Christine was deeply offended by this "I soooo am not! I know him"
This brought a chorus of gasps from the group
"Really?"
"What's he like?"
"Is he even hotter up close?"
Christine made that stupid zip-your-lips-and-throw-away-the-key gesture "Sorry, that's personal"
"See, I told you guys. She doesn't really know him, or you'd tell us all about him" Marie challenged
"I do too!"
"Then tell us about him"
Over the next course of a half-hour, the twenty ballet brats learned a ton of... interesting facts about Erik, such as:
"He crochets, he loves football, he has four pairs of music note boxer shorts (which I bought him), he can't cook, he's engaged to Meg, he's terrified off the color pink, the QVC ordering number is on his speed dial, you can torture him by watching or mentioning Titanic, Gone with the Wind, Casablanca and other beautiful, romantically-fluffy movies, and he doesn't like Bath and Body works, their lotions, shampoos, soaps and he hates shopping." Christine finished
All the girls sighed and the rest of their conversations went something like this:
"God, he seems even hotter now"
"He sounds so cute!"
"I wanna marry the Opera Ghost when I grow up"
"Okay" Christine interrupted "Time to start class"
The girls ignored her and continued the conversation
"Oh god, the Phantom is so cute!"
"Cute? He's sexy. My god, he's way hotter than that Vicomte guy"
"Damn right. He is such a moron."
"Yeah, did you-"
"Girls! Time to start class!" Christine snapped
Once again, they ignored her
"The Phantom is so much hotter than him"
"Can you imagine how sexy he must look without a shirt on?"
"Oh my god, what would he look like nake-"
"GIRLS! TIME TO START CLASS! NOW GET!" Christine screamed in a shrill voice
The girls hurriedly scrambled to the bare
"All righty then. Ummm, I'm gonna get some help on this whole teaching thing" Christine looked at the book Erik had given her. The title read:
Teaching Ballet Class While Trying to Win a Bet You Made without Calling Your Best Friend, Best Friend's Mother, Best Friend's Incredibly Hot Fiancé, or Anyone Else to Help You Because You're Too Proud and/or Stupid.
Christine flipped through the book. Inside were step by step instructions, drawings, diagrams, routines, the whole nine yards.
"Whooo. Thank you Opera Ghost." Christine sighed
"Okay. First position" she called out
The girls got into first position
"Second position"
The girls got into second position
"Third position"
The girls got into third position and so on.
After doing the five positions for about an hour, the girls were very tired of it, and annoyed
"Could we stop this already?"
"This is so boring!"
"Can't you do anything else?"
"I'M TRYING HERE!" Christine screamed, a bit frustrated. Even though she was using a For Dummies book, her intelligence level wasn't that high. Okay, it was low. Super low, and that said, a For Dummies book was way too complicated for her pea-sized brain.
"I don't understand this book! Why's everything so hard! Everybody's smarter than me! I'm so stupid. Everybody else thinks I'm stupid too! I can't believe it! Nobody likes me! Everyone must be out to get me! I..."
By now, the girls were so sick of this. So, while Christine was on the floor, they swarmed around her, and blew hundreds of spitballs at her, making her cry for mercy. The girls kept the spitballs coming, and eventually, Christine got herself off the floor, and in a standing position. The girls kept firing spitballs at her and now a few were even throwing tomatoes and water balloons. They were booing and starting to form a riot. Christine ran, and the girls followed her all around the stage and backstage. She screamed, and the spitballs increased. By now, Christine was wet, her makeup and hair were ruined, and she was screaming and crying like a baby. Half the girls were doubled over in laughter, and the other half kept throwing spitballs. Finally, the girl's mouths were so dry, they were forced to stop. Christine eventually quit crying.
"What do we do now?" Julie asked
Suddenly, Christine got an idea. Who said she only had to teach ballet? This was a dance class. So, she should be teaching dance. That made much more sense (well, at least it does for stupid people :)
"Okay everyone. We're gonna learn some dance moves." With that, Christine popped a party music C.D. into the player, and started doing the robot. Next, she tried moon walking, but she fell down and while she was on the floor, she slid around and spun.
The girls stood there, jaws dropped
"Come on everyone! Get up and dance!" Christine called out excitedly
Ten minutes later, the girls and Christine had done the electric slide, the cabbage patch, and were in the middle of break-dancing when Mme. Giry came in.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN' ON HERE?"
Everyone instantly stopped. Mme. Giry was standing on the other side of the stage, shaking from a mixture of waaayyy too much caffeine and fury
"What do you all think you're doing? This is a ballet class! Ballet! Not some street-dancing block party! And you!" she said, pointing to Christine
"Meg would never had acted this way! You are a shameful excuse for Assistant Ballet Mistress! An absolute disgrace"
"No I'm not! Why are you so mean to me? I don't have very high self esteem anyways and now this! The girls were mean to me, you're mean to me, everybody's being mean to me! I can't take it" she sobbed
Mme. Giry just drank more coffee while watching Christine
"Nobody likes me anymore! I'm so unpopular! Why doesn't anybody be nice to me? I'm not that big of a - what did you call me a few lines of dialogue ago?" Christine asked
"A shameful excuse for Assistant Ballet Mistress and An absolute disgrace" Mme. Giry suggested
"Yeah, I'm not any of those big words! And nobody's nice to me! Everybody thinks I'm some ditzy, air headed, singer!"
"But you are some ditzy, air-headed singer!" Mme. Giry said
"See!" Christine cried
Mme. Giry showed her some sympathy "Poor dear. Oh well, nobody cares. Now, time to conduct this class correctly. Christine, get off the floor and quite acting like a whiny baby. Tough it up, you ditz"
"Hey!"
"You are what you are. Now, up!" she said, forcefully pulling Christine to her feet
"Now, let us begin. The routine we performed for Hannibal, please"
So, Christine watched the girls dance with Mme. Giry. Until, Mme. Giry came up behind Christine "You! You are not the Head Ballet Mistress! You must dance with the rest of them!"
"Wait, you mean I have to do ballet?"
"That is exactly what I mean! Now, DANCE!" she cried, shoving Christine into a line of dancers. Christine stumbled along, trying to do what the rest of the girls were doing. Eventually, she just got lost, got back into the line, and started doing the can-can. Mme. Giry offered some...constructive criticism while all this was going on.
"You! Daae, get your head in the game! I mean, in the ballet! That's the best you can do? Come on, dance! Get your head up. Stop that, we are not doing the can-can right now! Augghhh, everybody, stop!"
With that, Madame Giry gulped down the rest of her coffee, and bounced over to where the ballet brats and Christine were.
"Now, since you are all such pitiful excuses for ballerinas, and can't do the simplest of routines, I will have to demonstrate. Move to one side, come on. Now watch"
Mme. Giry started demonstrating the routine in hyper speed, working off all the caffeine and energy she had from drinking six cups of Starbucks. Eventually, she just became a big, black, blur, and the girls got a headache just watching her.
"Got it?"
The girls all nodded
"Then let the rehearsal begin" Mme. Giry said, an evil glint in her eye that was directed at Christine.
And so, after four hours of agonizing stretching, positions, routines, pilates, and other ballet stuff, Christine was too tired to breathe. Her feet were bleeding, her muscles were aching, and Madame Giry had yelled at her so much, Christine just never stopped crying, and the tears and sobs blended from one fit to the next.
Christine was holding onto the bare and looking at herself in the mirror, admiring her beauty and fixing her makeup, when she noticed a small red button on the under side of the bare
"Hey" she squealed excitedly "What does this button do?" she wondered out loud as she pressed it
"NOOOOO! Christine, don't" Mme. Giry screamed.
Too late. Christine pressed the button. The entire bar and mirror flipped over to reveal a secret passageway that led to... Erik's lair. And Erik just happened to be walking through it.
"Uh-oh" Christine said
"GET HIM!" Annie screamed
Immediately, all twenty ballet girls started screaming and ran to the passageway. They fought to get through, trampling over one another and screaming at Erik. Madame Giry and Christine fought to hold them back, while they started throwing autograph books, cameras, their shirts, and various other things at Erik while screaming their guts out. It was a riot.
Eventually, the girls wore Christine and Madame Giry down, and charged at Erik. He shot Christine a murderous look, then took off running down the passageway. The girls tackled Erik, screaming marriage proposals and singing stuff to him. Christine and Mme. Giry chased after them. They were able to drag the ballet brats up off Erik and back to the stage. Two of the brats had a piece of fabric they ripped from Erik's trousers, one had a ruffle off his shirt, and another had a piece of his hair.
When they all got back to the stage, Mme. Giry gave Christine a deadly look "Girls" she commanded "Go back to the ballet dormitories. I'll be with you in a moment "
All the girls scurried away, and then, the true torture begin.
"CHRISTINE!" Mme. Giry yelled, lunging at her. She proceeded to beat Christine mercilessly with her cane, until Christine was pleading for mercy. A noise from the passageway made them both look up
"Ahemm" Erik said. "I believe I have something that's your, Mme. Giry" He gestured to the two ballet brats he was holding by their shirt collars, who were squealing with delight at the thought of the Phantom touching them
"I guess we didn't get all of them" Christine said sheepishly
Erik looked at Christine "Shut up, Daae. Anyway, these two must have followed me back to the lair. They got lost, and then they burst in when I was in the middle of... important business."
"Like what?" Mme. Giry asked
" He was crocheting and arguing with a QVC telephone operator about his method of payment" one ballet brat said
"He doesn't have a credit card, or a checking account" the other added helpfully
Erik scowled "As I said, I was taking care of important business when these two burst in. So, here they are back." He dropped them to the floor "Oh, by the way, is Christine winning the bet?"
"Why do you wanna know?" Mme. Giry asked
"Because, I just, uh, wanna"
"Erik, she'll be lucky if she lasts until six o'clock"
Erik groaned and left
"All right Christine, you've been through enough today. Come, let's retire to the ballet dormitories."
"Yes!" Christine squealed "You mean I get to retire? I don't have to work anymore!"
"No, you dumb ass, 'retire' is an old fashioned word for rest or quit. I swear, you must get dumber by the minute"
Christine grinned "Thank you"
So, Christine made it to the ballet dormitories. They was a take-out bag from McDonald's sitting by her bedside (compliments of Erik) "Thank god, I need some fast food"
Just as she was about to chow down into some delicious, fatty, French fries, Mme. Giry snatched the bag away from her
"Hey!" Christine yelled
"Sorry. Ballerinas can't eat fast food. You're watching your figure"
"But, I'm leaving at 2:00 tomorrow. I won't be a ballerina then"
"Don't really care. You are Assistant Ballet Mistress today, and that means you must watch your figure and turn all fast food over to the Head Ballet Mistress"
"Are you sure?" Christine asked
"Positive. Now, give me the Big Mac, the chicken Nuggets, and the soda. Especially the soda"
"The soda's caffeine free"
"Eww, keep the soda"
Christine grudgingly handed over the fast food
"Besides" Mme. Giry continued "All this fat will lead you to an early grave."
"But, I already die earlier than you do in the movie, so what's it matter?"
"Shut up."
"Okay" Christine said Mme. Giry began to go back to her dressing room "Hey, what am I supposed to eat?"
" Here's some crackers" Mme. Giry called, throwing her a pack
"Sucker" Mme. Giry muttered when she was out of the room
Christine eventually ate the crackers, drank the soda, wrote in her diary, and fell asleep, hoping tomorrow wouldn't be this hard, and hoping she could last until tomorrow. Unfortuatly, just as she was falling asleep, Erik started blasting some 50 cent rap music in his lair and singing along to it, which Christine could hear through the vent system. She wrapped her pillow around her ears, and eventually screamed "Erik! Shut up! I can't sleep!"
"So?"
"So turn the damn music off!"
"I don't wanna. Besides, you're always saying 'In sleep he sang to me'!" he screamed back
"I don't care. Do you always have to sing when I'm falling asleep?"
"Yes."
"So stuff it! I wanna go to bed"
" IF YOU TWO DON'T SHUT UP IN THERE, I'M GONNA CANE YOU BOTH!" Mme. Giry screamed from her room
Erik shut the music off , and he and Christine both shut up. Christine fell asleep that night thinking about how hot Erik looked in his "Point of No Return" suit.
Uhh, I mean, Christine fell asleep that night thinking about how cute her darling husband Raoul was and how she couldn't wait to see him tomorrow
-Excuse the authoress while she goes and pukes from re-reading that last sentence-
Anywhere you go, let me go too. Review, that's All I'm Asking of You People! Geez...