A/N: Hey guys, back with another chappie! This will be the second last chapter for the story meaning that after this, it shall end…TT fear not for I have another story in the works! On a sadder note, its back to the angst relationship between Tidus and Yuna again…sigh. Yes the title is incredibly cliché but I found that it really suit the overall theme of this particular chapter. Hmmm…so anyway, this chapter is going to have some more tension fluff before we get down to serious business in the final chapter of 'Please Tell Me' afterwards DUN DUN DUUUUUN! LOL Anyway here it is!
Chapter 6- I Hate You But I Love You
As his eyes began to flutter open, it took him awhile to realize where he actually was. Tidus gently pressed his hand against his pillow in order to hoist himself up, and it was at that moment he realized how early it was. Darkness still held on tight to most of the cabin, with the beginning of the sunrise battling furiously against the shadows so as to let in some sign of the coming day. It was a weak light, but it seemed to suffice for the young man so he was able to take in his surroundings. Tidus moved his gaze gradually over towards the window, the golden bronzed tip of the sun peaking over the horizon, looking magnificently beautiful as he gawked at it in complete awe. 'It's so beautiful…'
A rustle and a slight moan from the bed abruptly snapped him out of his apparent daze, causing him to jump slightly, as he felt a warm body press itself tightly into his back. He turned around sharply only to find Yuna sleeping peacefully, her chest rising and falling with each soft breath she took. All at once he was calm, and allowed a small smile to grace his lips as he looked down on her with complete adoration gleaming in his eyes. All too soon had he forgotten the predicament he was in, and the difficulty of the coming day. He gradually turned and began to stroke her forehead, running a finger over her glorious facial features, enjoying the slight tingles that were jolting up his forearm, simply from touching her.
Yuna began to stir, and as her eyes opened, she quickly flinched away, momentarily frightened by the black moving object gliding over her face. She sat up startled, rubbing her eyes so as to see what the thing was. The room still dark, had hidden it from her, and she soon noticed the outline of someone sitting on her bed, following her every move.
"Wh-who is it?" She stuttered, rather nervous.
"It's me Yuna" Came a quiet, calm voice from the darkness.
"Who? T-Tidus? Is that you?" She said, bewildered as to why Tidus would be sitting on the end of her bed…then she suddenly remembered that she had fallen asleep in his arms and figured that he must have just put her on his bed instead of taking the risk of getting caught outside in the hallway. But then where did he sleep?
"Yes…you should go back to sleep Yuna, it's barely morning yet" He sounded as though he was trying to soothe a young child after a terrible nightmare, his voice with a alluring sound to it, making her want to almost for a second, lie down and snuggle back under the sheets. At the thought of children however, Yuna felt a horrible pang in her heart at the sudden awareness that she wasn't going to have the chance to ever have a family with him should he fade away.
Relieved that it was indeed Tidus, she began to relax as she moved slowly, the spell of sleep still had not completely lifted and she felt somewhat groggy as she edged her way toward him, before coming in contact with his shoulder and snuggling into his side. He automatically moved it above her head so as to allow her to get comfortable before securing it around her hips, both of them enjoying the comfortable silence that followed for a few minutes before Yuna began her interrogation.
Tidus felt her breathing begin to shallow off and knew it was about to begin.
"You know what I'm about to ask…don't you?" Her voice uncharacteristically grim.
"Hmmmm…" He mealy nodded.
"Even though it hurts to think about it…and even though once I find out the reason as to why you feel that you must leave me…I-I know it will hurt even more…I still want to listen."
She was finding it incredibly hard to keep her voice under control and she couldn't meet his gaze while saying it. She wanted to scream, yell or throw something at him if that meant stopping the horrible feeling that was filling her entire being; the simple yet frightening feeling of rejection was filling her every cell, and she grew sick at it…why had he done this to her? Why was he doing this to her? Did he not love her anymore?
The pains of such questions were eating away at her very soul. She dared to face him, to gauge at his reaction, but he hadn't moved…he still sat there seemingly in a daze, almost as if he hadn't heard a word she had spoken. Yuna was beginning to grow frustrated at this, was Tidus ignoring her? She was the one trying to compromise and at least try and act somewhat civilized. Could he not see how much suffering and agony this whole ordeal was causing her? Was he blind?
"I love you Yuna…truly I do…" She was so wrapped up in her self-absorbed anger, the fact that he actually said something came as somewhat of a shock…the fact that he was speaking so calmly about this whole problem though, was what was exasperating. He was treating his disappearance like it didn't seem to matter, like nobody cared…
"Then why are you leaving me?" She was speaking quite angrily, agitated as to why he couldn't just give her a straight answer.
"Because I have to…" Again he was speaking in a quite and tranquil manner, and Yuna had had just about enough.
"Yevon what is wrong with you! You sit there and talk about this whole ordeal like nobody cares and it's driving me insane!" She yelled, suddenly remembering that her friends still slumbered and tried to lower her voice.
"I care…can't you see how much this hurts! Can't you see how much pain I'm in! I've spent countless hours planning the rest of our life together only to have my heart torn into millions of pieces over what I would do to myself were you ever to leave me! I-I love you so much…you don't know how much you mean to me…to have you disappear would be…"
She didn't finish before she broke down into tears, sobbing desperately into her hands. Tidus began to approach her, but she stumbled back against the wall, recklessly flailing her arms about in front of her body.
"K-keep away…from me!" She blubbered, trying to edge away.
Tidus simply caught her arms with ease, binding them together in his fist, and pulled her into a tight embrace. She struggled frantically against him, but couldn't break free. He began to tighten his hold, trying to still her.
"Shush now Yuna…its okay." She was clawing away at his chest …furious that he was still acting so unruffled by everything. But Yuna kept on crying, if anything it had begun to intensify.
'I don't think she can get much worse then this…may as well tell her now…'
"Yuna, I'm not rea-"
A pounding sound on the door, stopping him from completing his sentence, and immediately Yuna jumped with fright.
'Damn it…interrupted again!'
"Yuna are you in there!" Lulu was screaming furiously, banning her fists as hard as she could on the door. "He hasn't touched you has he? If he has I swear I will render him…"
He stormed angrily towards the door, infuriated that he had been interrupted…again.
"What do you want Lulu?"
Lulu was taken aback slightly at the anger that was swelling up in his voice, but it was only for an instant before she returned to her normal suspicious and interrogative self.
"What? Was I interrupting something? I'm so sorry," she said quite sarcastically.
Yuna had turned her back towards the door, not wanting her guardian to see the trails of tears that had been streaming down her face. Her hands clasped over her eyes in a desperate attempt to hide her pain. But Lulu seemed to have such a piercing gaze that it seemed to go directly through Tidus' body…she could feel her overpowering stare fall upon her presence, and instantly Yuna grew anxious.
"Yuna? So you are in here! What's wrong? Yevon you look terrible!" She tried to push herself through, but Tidus was blockading her path, refusing her entry.
"You let me through this instant Tidus before I am forced to-"
"I'm fine Lulu…really" Yuna interceded, trying hard to keep her voice steady and firm, but it wasn't working, her voice betraying her orders; to stay firm and strong. She just simply couldn't lie…even to herself, no matter how small that lie may be.
Lulu grunted, obviously unimpressed. "That's some small consolation, look at you! I can see even from here that you're absolutely miserable. What did he do to you?"
"Nothing Lulu…please leave us be," she implored as she felt another sob rising in her throat, trying as hard as she could to hold it back.
"What? You're crazy if you think I'm going to leave you here like this! Yuna come with-"
"No…I'm staying here Lulu."
Finally, Tidus decided to step in, wanting this all to end. He knew this argument between them, on top of everything else that had built up thus far was certainly not making anything easier. "Look Lulu…I swear to you that I have not touched her in anyway that you would call…appalling or…bad, so I ask that you please leave us alone," he spoke quite softly, but firmly. "Yuna is upset, but that is only because I am trying to tell her what I have already spoken to you and the others about…and quite frankly I am sick to death of you people constantly interrupting me! It's hard enough as it is!"
Lulu opened her mouth to respond, but found herself closing it quickly again. He couldn't be lying…the fact that he was talking to Yuna about that definitely explained her current state. Of course she would be upset…heck, they all were, but of course, Yuna was the one closest to him…the one who loved him, so her reaction was perfectly normal.
She sighed in defeat.
"Alright…I suppose I have to let you both be…but, I will be listening and if Yuna gets worse I'm afraid I will have to step in. Agreed?"
Tidus didn't want her to interfere, he wanted to handle Yuna himself but he knew that if he didn't say 'yes', Lulu would not let them be.
"Okay," he sighed, annoyed, and with that shut the door in Lulu's face, not giving her the chance to carry on with the convocation and turning his direction back on Yuna. She was facing him now…although her face was a mess from all of her crying, she was looking at him curiously, as if she didn't understand what was going on.
"What is it?" He asked, glad for being given an opportunity to get off the topic of his fate even if only for a short moment.
"Y-you j-just said that you…had already told them what was…going to happen to you," she stuttered, still unable to get her voice under control.
"Yeah, I did…I told them while you were resting after your first attack. I kinda had to; they wouldn't leave me alone…why?"
She looked at him for a moment, and could see that he was genuinely perplexed as to why she wanted to know. She was kind of upset and not to mention jealous that he didn't wait to tell everyone at least after she woke up…she managed to mask her feelings well though. "I-it's nothing…it's just that…w-why couldn't you tell me first?"
Tidus was momentarily shocked by her question, and racked away at his brain trying to think of an answer. "I-I didn't want to hurt you…that's all. But then again you know how the saying goes…" He laughed uneasily before continuing. "The ones you love the most are usually the ones you hurt the most"
Yuna mumbled nervously at his rather wise remark, all too aware of how it related to their situation. She moved her gaze slowly to the floor, finding it impossible at this point to make eye contact with him…but she wanted this whole thing over and done with. Or rather over and said with…now.
"So?" She prompted him, eager for him to finish…anymore pain and Yuna was beginning to think that she would rather die then be put through any further suffering.
A few moments of silence passed and still nothing was said. He seemed to be having quite the inner struggle with what to say, but that made Yuna want him to say it all the more, until finally he seemed to just give up and let the words topple out of his mouth in whatever way they came.
"Yuna…I'm a…dream…I'm not…real" Tidus' words sounded unnatural even to his own ears, and was probably for the first time he had actually said them out aloud, and realized how true they were. He had told the other guardians already but he guessed that because he was so wrapped up in his vortex of emotions, he really mustn't have let it sink in. Also, it was Yuna he was saying it to this time, and for some odd reason, that seemed to make all the difference.
"How can that be?" She whispered softly. "You're standing right here in front of me…it doesn't make any sense" She knew it made sense though, she just preferred to submerge herself in complete denial rather then readily except the truth…the truth just meant more pain.
"Yuna…I'm a dream of the Fayt-"
"Don't say it! Please don't say it…" She clutched her hands around her ears, trying frantically to block out his words…it didn't work of course, and with a sudden gasp of complete agony, she finally came to the horrific realization that was Tidus' fate. Yuna knew now, she knew what the Fayth meant, she now knew everything…it all made sense. Why he would stand in the middle of the room, just staring at everyone…why he was acting so distant, why he was so upset all the time…somehow though, it wasn't as bad as she thought it was. Maybe it was because he wasn't leaving her out of choice…he really did love her and that was some small consolation to know that he wasn't rejecting her, he simply had no choice but to leave her…it still hurt though…it really hurt. She felt like her heart was bleeding…the torment and suffering just wouldn't stop; she couldn't seem to cry either. Her body had gone into such a state of shock that it seemed to shut down completely.
He would have liked to help her, to comfort her and say that everything was going to be okay. But it wasn't. He couldn't take back those words…there was nothing he could do to make Yuna feel better, and at that simple thought, intense anger began to swirl in the pit of his stomach. He soon found himself taking it out on the closest wall, punching and ramming into it furiously, letting out cries of anguish and frustration every time his body came into contact with the steel surface, all the while lamenting himself for his entire existence.
"Why, why, why, why, WHY!" He screamed before shrinking down into a corner, burying his face in his hands.
'Why would the Fayth do this to me? They send me to Spira to help them rest for all eternity, and kill me as my reward! What am I going to do? I can't just leave Yuna lying there like that…'
He dared to move his gaze upon Yuna, who by the looks of things still hadn't moved from where she had collapsed earlier.
"Do you remember Macalania Tidus?" Yuna rolled over on her side, refusing to look him the face, her voice though was but a mere whisper.
"Yeah…why do you ask?" He tried to sound happy, considering that that was probably his most treasured memory…but the atmosphere created in the room had seemed to suffocate his cheerful side to death and at the moment, Tidus didn't think that he would ever be happy again.
"Do you remember when I asked you to stay with me until the end of the pilgrimage?"
"Yeah…" he replied distractively, all too aware of where the convocation was heading.
"And you said-"
"Not until the end…always," he finished for her.
"Yuna I-"
"You lied to me" She cut him off, the coldness in her voice startling him at first.
"Yuna…I didn't lie back then I seriously meant it! I didn't find out what I was until Zanarkand, and even then I fought it off as a crazy dream!" He was trying with all his might to make Yuna understand, but then again, he knew why Yuna was trying to find some way to pin the blame on him. She was angry, but she was also denying the simple truth…she would much rather exhaust herself coming up with hundreds of excuses rather then readily accept what he was saying…that much he knew at least.
"Still…you lied to me!" Her voice was incredibly harsh, and all Tidus could do was sit there and take Yuna's abuse and hope that she would eventually calm down.
"I'm sorry Yuna…" was all he managed to say, even though he really wasn't sorry. He could do nothing but go with the flow in this particular convocation for now.
"I hate you…"
"I know"
"Stop it! Please just stop it!" Yuna was sobbing again. "W-why can't you just be angry with me…or at least pretend to show that you care?"
"Yuna I do care…but getting angry isn't going to solve any of our problems is it?" Tidus carefully went about the task of crawling over to her, placing himself down behind Yuna and gently stroking her arm, trying to console her, but she flinched away, scotching hesitantly out from under his touch.
"Don't touch me…I don't like the idea for having a liar for a lover…" she snapped at him coldly.
He sighed rather annoyed with her…he was sick and tired of playing this 'good guy, bad guy' routine with her…and so in one playful and swift movement, he threw his arms around her waist, and hoisted her into his lap. She gasped at little as she was dragged from her original position and not giving her the chance to respond, Tidus began planting small ticklish pecks down her neck. At first, Yuna tried to pull away…but he was ready for this and in response, pulled her in even closer and went about the task of digging in lips even further into her collarbone. Yuna tried her hardest not to laugh as his lips caressed her skin…she was definitely enjoying the feeling, but at the same time was absolutely furious that he had this power over her. Yuna knew that this was yet another one of his annoying attempts to steer off the topic and hand. Her mind was being stubbornly persistent in not letting him win over her, all the while cursing him over and over 'Tidus I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate…' but her body was saying the exact opposite…telling her to shut down all logic and enjoy the ride, so to speak.
Unfortunately though, her body was indeed winning and Yuna was having an extremely hard time concentrating on even trying tohate him. The tingling sensation originating from where Tidus' lips met her skin were now creating alarming jolts of pleasure to run throughout her entire body, sending her wild. Yuna bit down hard on her lip, almost drawing blood as she struggled to suppress a moan rising in her throat. She had to face facts; she couldn't hate him any longer…not for this moment anyway. Besides, he was going to fade away and leave her alone…so why not enjoy these few moments of longing passion with each other?
'Tidus…at the moment, I can't stand you…I hate you for the pain you've caused me…but, it's at times like these that I remember just how much I love you…'
With one last dying thought, Yuna's brain shut down as she found herself gasping out aloud, finally letting the pleasure that was Tidus, flow through her body. At hearing her reaction to his touch, a wide smirk began to appear on his face. He gently pulled her of his lap and pinned her to the ground, all the while never letting his lips leave her skin. He quickly moved his kisses from her collarbone, and clumsily, forced his lips onto hers somewhat desperately, trying to get even closer.
'Tidus you idiot, you're going way too far!'
His brain was screaming at him to stop, as what started out a rather innocent situation in the beginning was now rapidly spiraling out of control, both of them being so wrapped up in their emotions that they hadn't realized a of yet how serious the situation was becoming.
He was trying incredibly hard to pull himself away, but he just couldn't release himself from where his lips were glued to hers…not to mention that Yuna was making his job of refusing her much more difficult by actually forcing him down on top of her. He was starting to get quite frustrated with himself, as Yuna's determination to continue with this little 'love scene' was just out right intoxicating. He found his self control slipping away rapidly, and he knew that if he didn't stop himself soon, he wouldn't be able to until it was too late.
But just then, he was saved by God in the least likely of forms…
"Yuna!" Came a furious voice from the other side of the door. The lovers were so caught up in each other that it took them awhile to identify who was about to smash down the entire wall…Lulu. 'That was too close Tidus! I never expected Lulu to be the one to save me!' They were both gasping for air and they knew if one of them spoke before they had their breathing under control, Lulu would undoubtedly suspect them both of doing something bad. They waited a short while, waiting for their lungs demand for oxygen to return to its normal levels, resting on each other and relishing their last few moments of being this close. Tidus gently rested his forehead on Yuna's before he gave her one last passionate kiss before jumping to his feat to face an enraged Lulu. He turned around and waited just near the door for Yuna to fix herself up and get to her feet before calling out to Lulu.
"Yeah Lulu, everything's fine! I'm coming to the door now…so you can stop trying to break it down!" He shouted back.
With a 'click' the door opened and there of course stood Lulu looking like her usual angry self…but as he saw, everybody else was standing behind her, waiting patiently. Tidus knew what that meant…there was no delaying it any longer…they had to finish Sin off once and for all…now. None of his friends would meet his gaze, all too aware of what would happen once they defeated Sin…the only one who was able to do so was of course, Lulu. But even she looked upset.
"Let's go…" She tried to say firmly, but of course her words were unsteady. Tidus mealy nodded and as everyone began filing down the hallway he began to follow reluctantly, when all of a sudden he was pulled back. He didn't dare turn around because he knew who it was. He simply hung his head…standing there, they were back to square one with this whole problem.
"Don't go…please" Yuna begged softly, pulling gently on his arm like a small child trying to get an adults attention.
"Yuna…" He wanted to say more but only found his voice trailing off at a loss for words…what could he say? Nothing.
Even though it was hardest thing to do right then, he pulled his arm away from her and kept walking but was predictably pulled back a lot stronger this time. Yuna stood there holding onto Tidus' arm tightly…she couldn't say anything so she simply shook her head every time he tried to walk away. She had to admit, she was being extremely childish…but she couldn't help it, even if he had tried to explain to her that no matter what she did he would fade away.
The others were waiting at the end of hallway and Tidus' knew that if he didn't do something soon, they would never defeat Sin. He turned around to face her, her facial features a picture of pure misery…Yuna wasn't going to be letting him go anytime soon, and they really needed to go… now. He moved in closer to her…and quickly wrapped both arms around her waist and hoisted her up over his shoulder, turned around and began walking down the hall to meat the other guardians, all the while having Yuna kicking, punching and sobbing frantically to be put down.
"Let me go! Please let me go…I don't want to leave…I don't want you to leave!"
It was hurting, but he tried to ignore it…'this is the only way' he admitted to himself, although some small part of him buried deep down hoped that it really wasn't the only way for these events to play out. Now, the question remained…when should he put her down? And, more importantly, was Yuna able to fight? Hell, would he be able to fight knowing that death waited patiently for him at the end? These questions buzzed around in his head as he came closer to meeting the others. At the moment though, all he wanted to do was apologize to Yuna…if only to comfort her a little. But he couldn't…the words wouldn't come. Instead, he tried saying them to himself…hoping that if only a slight chance that somehow he would remain alive, and then maybe someday he wouldsay those few, simple, words to her.
'Yuna…I am truly sorry for doing this to you…I love you, and only wish that someone, anyone would let me stay with you…I'm sorry I broke my promise, but in a sense I know that wherever I may be, I will be with you not just until the end…but always…'
A/N: Phew, that got a little steamy in that chapter hey? I'm sorry that I haven't updated in my usual span of time, its bloody school I'm afraid and there is not much I can do. I will endeavor to update again as soon as I can. It definitely will calm down in couple of weeks so I should be update much sooner by then. Now, you all know what I want! (Nudge Nudge) All you have to do is push that beautiful, shiny and absolutely wonderful purple button and tell me what you think! I'll see you all again soon in the final chapter of 'Please Tell Me' Bye for now!
Warui-Usagi