The Hardest Thing Chapter 7, an one tree hill fanfic

Author's Note: Hey guys! Yay! I didn't take as long a time for this update! I bet you're all happy! Anyways, this is a pretty long chapter, the longest I think, so that's good. Not much to say this time. School's been keeping me pretty busy and I have some family stuff going on but I found some time and inspiration to write. Well without further ado, I will let you read the next chapter of The Hardest Thing! I hope you like it! As always, please read and review!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. One Tree Hill and its characters are property of the WB.

Rating: K+ to T

P.S. – OMG did you guys see the previews for Wednesday? Brooke and Haley in bed, is not so weird since they're roommates and I LOVE Baley but Chris and Lucas in bed together! WOWzers! It's gonna be one hell of an episode this week!

The Hardest Thing

Chapter 7

Lucas' POV

It's been a week since I last saw her in the hallway and we haven't said a word to each other since the day I told her I didn't love her. It was my biggest regret, not telling her, but as much as I didn't want to, I had to do it for the sake of my relationship with Brooke because if she ever found out about Haley and I, I'd be castrated and buried alive. I sighed heavily as I stared at the computer screen, pictures of Haley opened everywhere. I placed my elbow on the desk and leaned my head on it, gazing mesmerized into her beautiful brown doe eyes. I traced the lines of her face with an index finger and slowly dragged my finger across her lips, trying to remember how soft they felt against mine. God, how I missed her kisses.

I was brought out of my thoughts by two knocks on the door before Nathan entered with Tim following behind him. Immediately I closed the pictures and shut off the computer monitor. "Hey Luke," Nathan greeted then asked suspiciously with a grin on his face, "What were you looking at? Porn?" I shook my head no. "Just naked pictures of Brooke. Nothing you want to see. You've already seen her naked anyway, you two grew up together. Didn't your mom used to give you two baths together," I gave him a sort of half-smile. "Well, she wasn't developed then," Nathan grinned. "Brooke naked," Tim asked as a excited expression formed on his face, "let me see! I wanna see that fine piece of ass! She's hot!" "Dude, Dim, that's my girlfriend you're talking about," I replied then turned to my brother, "and Nate, you're married!" Nathan just smirked, "What can I say, the guy has a point. Brooke is hot. Besides, I can look but not touch." "Not when they're naked," I exclaimed.

"Come on guys, I thought we were gonna play some ball," Tim said as he squeezed the ball between his hands. I raised my eyebrow at Nathan and he responded, "We came over to ask you if you wanted to go down to the rivercourt with us and play some basketball. We thought maybe some of your guys will be down there so we could do teams." I sighed and ran a hand through my hair as I sat on the couch, "Nah, you guys go by yourselves. I don't really feel like playing basketball right now." Both Tim and Nathan looked at him incredulously. "You, not want to play basketball," Nathan asked, shocked. "How can you not want to play basketball? Basketball is like- the bestest sport ever! Well, besides football. I wanted to play football before but my mom said something about being crushed in the head or whatever. I wasn't really listening," Tim responded. "Dropped on the head more than a few times is more like it," Nathan coughed with a smile.

"Come on man, let's play some ball," Tim exclaimed, "The old ball and chain finally let Nate out to play for awhile. Gotta get your time in with him while you can before his old lady beckons him again. I hate to say it Nate, but you're whipped," Tim smiled widely. Nathan punched him in the shoulder while I slapped him in the back of the head. "Ow," Tim shrieked. "First of all, her name is Haley. Second, she's my wife and I would do anything for her, no matter if she ordered me to or not," Nathan explained. "Don't ever talk about Haley like that, Tim," I said with a growl.

"Speaking of Haley," Nathan spoke up as he turned to me, "you need to clear up this fight with her man, she's miserable. She won't even let me mention your name in her presence or in the apartment. The fight must have been pretty bad for that to happen." "Yeah…" I turned my head away and looked down, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jeans, "listen guys, thanks for inviting me but I think I'm going to hang around here. Brooke's supposed to call in a couple hours and I want to be here when she does," I said to them. "Oh that's right, Brooke's in California visiting her parents. When's she coming back," Nathan asked. "She'll be back sometime next week," I replied. "Alright man, we'll catch you later," Nathan patted me on the back then started to walk towards the door, "Come on Tim."

Once they left, I sighed and sank back down onto the couch, rubbing my hands over my face. I couldn't keep doing this. I couldn't handle this, keeping up this façade that everything was all hunky dory. The truth was, my life was falling apart and I didn't know how to stop it, and I didn't know if I could. I didn't know how much longer I could restrain myself from just grabbing Haley right in the hallway at school and kissing her with all the passion I had for her. I didn't know how much longer I could keep on this mask with Nathan, pretending that we were okay and that I didn't have any feelings whatsoever for his wife, my best friend. I felt as if I was about to lose it. If I didn't get out of this town soon, I'd go crazy. If I didn't, then I might say something, something I'd regret, and all hell would break loose.

I decided to take a little road trip for awhile. Two weeks ago, Keith had called me up from out of nowhere after not hearing from him since the wedding when Jules left him. Needless to say, I was surprised at his call, and grateful; I had worried about him greatly. We had talked for a long while and he had apologized, which surprised me even more since I was at fault; I was the one who had lied to him, deceived him. He then invited me down to visit him but at the time I couldn't because I had some exams at school but he said that whenever I wanted to come, he would have a place for me. I thanked him and told him I missed him then we hung up. I figured now was as good a time as any for me to take him up on his offer. I needed to clear my head and this would provide the perfect opportunity without Haley, Brooke, or Nathan around to make me feel guilty or Peyton to pester me into fixing things with Haley.

I didn't know how long I'd be staying, but I figured packing for two weeks would be enough so I pulled out my large suitcase and started putting clothes in. I wasn't much of a neat packer; that was more Brooke's style than mine. Once I was done tossing clothes in, I added in my bag of essential grooming tools and dental products then began to pack in other entertainment necessities such as my CDs, CD player and Ipod, portable DVD player, DVD movies, and some books. Once I was done packing, I sat down at the computer and went online to order my ticket for the trip. With everything else squared away, I did the last thing I had to do, one I dreaded and felt relieved at the same time. I had to write letters saying goodbye to Brooke and Haley.

The next morning, I rose early so I could leave Haley's note without being seen. I jogged to hers and Nathan's apartment, my breaths heavy and labored because of the nervousness boiling inside me. I couldn't let Haley see me and if Nathan ever read the letter I had written her, well I didn't want to think about the repercussions of that. I walked quietly up the stairs, avoiding the creaking steps, until I finally reached the door. I slipped the envelope with Haley's name on it into the handle of the door. I held onto it tightly for a moment, rethinking leaving it there, before I finally let go. I stared at the door for several minutes and lifted my hand to gently touch the door with my fingers. "Bye Hales," I whispered softly then quickly turned and rushed down the stairs, taking off down the sidewalk.

When I arrived back home, I placed Brooke's letter on the kitchen table then picked up the phone to call for a ride. After Peyton arrived, I loaded my bags into the trunk of her car while she leaned against the side, her arms crossed. "You're a coward, you know," Peyton finally spoke up, "Running from your problems. What I don't understand though, is why you're running. I mean, it was just a petty little fight between you and Haley, Luke. Why can you just say you're sorry, admit that you were an idiot, and be friends again? Why does such a little fight have to break up a friendship you two have shared for almost sixteen years?" "It's more complicated than that, Peyton," I replied quietly as I opened the door and sat in the passenger seat, "come on, let's go. I don't want to be late for my flight."

When Peyton parked in the drop off area of the airport, she turned to and stared hard at me for several seconds, as if she were trying to look into my soul. "You really love her, don't you," she asked softly. I nodded my head as I kept my eyes focused down on my hands in my lap, "Yeah, but she loves Nathan." Peyton rubbed my back sympathetically, "I'm sorry." I nodded my head again silently. "She's happy, Luke," Peyton said, "Brooke's happy. Don't try to mess things up again." Too late, I thought. "See you later Peyt. Thanks for the ride," I responded as I got out of the car and grabbed my suitcase and duffel bag. "Bye Luke," Peyton replied as I started to walk away. I turned and gave her a slight wave, a grim smile on my face.

Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long for my flight to arrive. I passed the time by getting a cup of coffee from the nearby Starbucks and making a trip to the bathroom. I'd always hated those small bathrooms that you could hardly move around in. When the plane arrived, I was one of the last people to board since I had purchased my ticket on such short notice. There wasn't many people on the flight though, since it was Tree Hill after all, so there was a lot of room to spread out if need be. I settled down in my window seat and took all the necessary precautions; buckled my seat belt, made sure the air mask was nearby and functioning. I never liked flying but for this trip a train would take forever to get to my destination.

I pulled out my CD player and put in a CD Haley had made me awhile back. I don't think I had ever listened to it as I didn't recognize the cover on it or the titles of the songs she had listed on the piece of paper she had enclosed with it. I hope she didn't put some sappy love songs on here. I couldn't handle that right now. I pressed play and looked out the window as the plane began to take off, staring down at the decreasing size of the town as we lifted into the air. As the first tunes of the song began to play, I sighed. Yep, a sappy love song, just as I predicted. It was going to be a long flight. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, listening to the words of the song. Next stop, California.

Haley's POV

I slowly woke to the bright sun shining in my face and I turned to glance at the clock, trying not to disturb Nathan lightly snoring away next to me. Lucas never snores, I said to myself then instantly began to yell in my mind, Don't think about Lucas! You're married! You know, Nathan, your husband? I feel so guilty for what I have done to Nathan, cheating on him with Lucas, his brother no less. But Lucas, he's been my best friend for nearly sixteen years and I have loved him for so long…I can't help but wonder what could have been. What if I had never married Nathan? What if I had never even dated Nathan? Would Lucas and I have gotten together sooner? At all? Would we be married? A thousand questions and more ran rampant through my mind as I quietly climbed out of the bed and slipped on a robe before walking to the door to retrieve the morning newspaper.

As I opened the door, something fell to the floor and I bent down to pick it up, slowly rising to my feet as I read my name across the sealed envelope. It was Lucas' handwriting. My breath caught in my throat as I realized this. I closed the door, forgetting the newspaper, and walked over to the couch, curling my feet under me as I sat down on it. I carefully ripped open the envelope and pulled out the piece of paper inside. My eyes scanned the paper quickly, for there was not much written, and they immediately filled with tears.

Haley,

I love you. You are my best friend and always will be. I just wish we could have had our time. Goodbye.

Lucas

I laid down on the couch as the sobs began to overtake my body and I used the remote to turn on the stereo. I selected a station with songs that mirrored my mood, songs of heartbreak and lost loves and sappy old love songs I used to like before I got her heart broken by a man I truly cared about, truly loved. The song started out soft and slow as I closed my eyes and remembered the song, one I had recorded on a CD for Lucas so long ago. At the time I had thought it would help voice my feelings for him and I guess he didn't get the message. I wondered what made him really realize his feelings for me as I choked on another sob and clutched the letter close to my chest. I heard a quiet thud of footsteps and Nathan's sleepy voice, "Hales?" I quickly hid the letter in my robe as he approached. He saw my tears and sat down beside me on the couch, brushing away a few of them from my cheek, "What's wrong?" I looked up at him as more tears fell from my eyes, "He's gone...Lucas is gone…He didn't even say goodbye…" Nathan wrapped his arms around me and I continued to cry on his shoulder as the words of the song ran through my mind…

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything uh to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
Do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to you
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care

What do I gotta do to get to you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
Cuz baby I can't sleep

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night (breaks you from inside)
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night (so bad you just can't sleep at night)
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
Have you ever?

Song: "Have You Ever?" by Brandy