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(Lucas was starring out the window of the car watching the scenery go by and wondering if that would be the last time he would see his hometown. This had been the only place that he had ever lived. His eyelids were starting to get heavy and he had to fight to keep them from closing. He was tired. Actually he had past tired about two years before that. There were only a few times since Matt was two that he could remember sleeping more then three hours in a night. All of the times that he could remember were times that he had managed to go out for a night and get drunk to the point of passing out. Luke ran his hand through his blond hair feeling a chunk of dirt that still remained from his mud fight with his little brother. He was so exhausted that the roots of his hair actually hurt when he touch them. He wondered if that was actually possible. Nights were bad for Lucas. Most were spent doing what little homework that he could fit in, laundry, cleaning the house or just laying awake in bed as his mind raced thinking of everything that he had to do the next day. Luke had learned that if he didn't do the housework then it would never get done and he also knew that he had to keep it looking decent. He never knew when the "wrong" person might show up at their front door and see that there were two kids living in an unfit home and try to do the "right" thing and call social services. Lucas had worked too long and hard to keep him and his little brother together and he was not about to let some stranger blow his secret. Nighttime was the only time that Lucas really had to himself. Matt would be asleep and his parents would be passed out. Lucas had thought that he had everything planned out. He was going to graduate high school, get a job and get enough money to fight his parents for custody of Matty and in a matter of minutes his entire life went up in smoke...literally. For the first time since Lucas had seen what was left of his house he wondered what had started the fire. No one had told him and he had not asked. Luke concluded that it was either a cigarette that fell out of his dad's hand when he blacked out for the night or one of the hundred candles that his mom insisted on burning every night. Lucas had blown out candles and put out cigarettes every night for as long as he could remember. It actually made him wonder how it had not happened sooner. Luke was relieved that they had not been home at the time. He thought about what would have happened if he had been. If given the chance would he have saved his parents? Maybe his mom. Who was he kidding? He would have saved both of them because that was just the kind of person that he was. But the real question was whether they would have saved him? Luke felt a tug at his shirt and he turned and met the eyes of his brother seat belted next to him. Matt pulled on his arm so that he was closer and was able to hear him whisper.)
Matt: Lucas where we goin'? (Lucas shrugged honestly not having any idea what would be happening next.) will you ask? (Lucas shook his head and then turned back to the window but soon the tugging began again.)
L: (He looked back at the five year-old a little more annoyed at him then he should have been. He just wanted to take a shower and lay down for a few minutes. Whispering.) What do you want?
M: (He cupped his hands around his brother's ear to ensure that the two strangers in the front seat did not over-hear.) I hafta go to the bathroom.
L: (Rolling his eyes.) Couldn't you have went before we left the courthouse?
M: No one asked me if I had to go. But I really gotta go bad Lucas.
L: Can you wait?
M: How long?
L: (He watched as the little boy squirmed in his seat. Lucas knew well enough that was a first warning sign that he didn't have long before he would be sitting in a puddle. He leaned up a little to the front seat.) How long before we are going to stop? My brother has to go to the bathroom.
Dan: (Looking in the rear view mirror and seeing the discomfort apparent on the little boy's face.) A few miles. Three at the most. Karen wants to stop at the mall and pick up a few things before we head to the hotel and eat.
Karen: (Turning all the way around in her seat.) Honey do you think that you can hold it for a few more minutes?
M: (He smiled a little at the dark-haired lady. His teacher call him "honey" and he really liked his teacher.) I think so.
Karen: (Turning to Dan.) Why don't you drop me off at the door and I will run him in while you and Lucas park.
(Dan went to say something but was stopped when the teen in the back beat him to it.)
L: I can take him myself. (He saw Dan and Karen give each other a worried look.) You can stand guard outside the door if you think that we are going to take off. (Dan looked at him through the mirror and Karen turned back around.) I heard Stacey warn you about keeping an eye on us.
K: Lucas it's not that we don't trust you...
L: You don't and that is fine because the feeling goes both ways. How long are you going to be shopping? I want to take a shower.
K: Not too long. I just figured that you guys needed a few new clothes.
L: We have some. (He knew that she was right. Everything that they owned was shoved into the two backpacks that were sitting on the floor by their feet and he had very little money. He had only spoken to the couple when he absolutely had to and even then he had not been that friendly and he hated the fact that at least for a little while he needed them.)
D: You both will need something for the funeral.
L: (He sat there for a few seconds a little stunned at the fact that he had not even thought about the fact that there would be a funeral for his parents. He must be even more tired then he had thought.) I don't want to go.
D: They were your parents Lucas.
L: (Giving a sarcastic laugh.) Really? I thought that is what you are.
D: They raised you.
L: (He wanted to scream at the guy. He wanted to tell him the truth about the couple that died in that fire. He wanted to tell him that the only thing that they had managed to raise was a glass of alcohol and the back of their hand until he was black and blue, but he bit his tongue.) I'm not going.
Ka: Closure is an important part of grief Lucas
L: Well thanks Dr. Phil but I got my closure when I heard one of the fire fighters say that there wasn't much left of the bodies.
(Karen looked at Dan a little concerned about Lucas's refusal to attend the funeral and not liking how he was talking in front of his little brother.)
K: How about we talk about this later?
L: There is nothing left to talk about.
D: Maybe Matt wants to go to the funeral.
M: (Temporarily forgetting that he had to go to the bathroom.) What's a funal?
Ka: A funeral.
M: (Crinkling his nose.) What's that?
K: Well it's a time for you to say good by to your mommy and daddy.
M: But you said that they were dead Lucas.
L: They are.
M: Then how do I say good bye?
L: (Lucas waited for Karen and Dan to say something. He could see that they were
uncomfortable and he let them squirm a little before coming to the rescue.) Matty,
remember when Goldy died?
M: He jumped out of the fish tank and he couldn't breath anymore. I fed him everyday.
L: I know Matt. When we found him we put him in the little box and then went to the park, dug a hole and put him in the ground. You said that you were going to miss him and that he was the best pet that you ever had. That is sort of what a funeral is except it will be at a church and there will be more people there.
M: I don't like church. Mommy yells at me because I don't sit still and daddy spanked me when that kneeler thingy was on my foot and I screamed. (Matt stopped talking when he saw the look on Luke's face that told him that he needed to be quiet. Karen and Dan were in the front seat smiling as they pictured the quietest time in church and then suddeningly having a child scream at the top of his lungs.) Were we at a funeral then Lucas?
L: That was a wedding. One of Dad's friends got married.
(Karen again suddenly realized how very little she knew about her son. Details that she had never thought of.)
K: Lucas are you guys Catholic?
L: (He shrugged.) When we go to church we go to a Catholic church. I had my First Communion and I was suppose to make my Confirmation in April. (Lucas always found it funny that his mom would forget to pay their lunch tickets or sign their report cards but never forgot to enroll them in the weekly religion classes. Lucas never questioned it because it was two hours a week that kept Matt busy and Luke managed to catch some sleep here and there and get a little homework done.)
Ka: Well that is good. We are Catholic too.
L: Was that one of the requirements that you had of the couple that you chose to give me to?
(Dan saw the hurt on his wife's face but also heard the pain Lucas tried to cover up in his voice. He gave her hand a squeeze and was relieved that he was pulling up in front of the mall.)
Da: You run them in and I will park and meet you inside.
(Karen grabbed her purse and opened the door for Matt who was already unbuckled. Karen went to take his hand when he jumped out of the car but Lucas took it first and gave her a glare.)
L: Let's go Matty. (They went to the door and sadly Karen followed.)
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Okay people.. i will spare you all the apologies for the delay... i am trying to do better... i
have tons written and will be trying to get another update up today ... sorry this was short
but there is lots more where this came from .. please reply and thanks for sticking with
me... next up ... dan shops with lucas at the mall ... we see what nathan is up to also.
wendy