Here's the next chapter to the story..hope u like, and I thank all who have reviewed so far..please review more…lol…

Chapter 7

Remembering Is Like Death Itself

It was just after New Years..everyone was back at school trying to get back into their "boring" schedules. Even though Hermione was glad that she was able to let her friends know about her secret…she thinks about all that has happened. She rarely sleeps at night, she puts on a spell to hide the bags that have begun to form under her eyes…she screams out at night…but only waking up to nothing but the empty, dark as velvet night room she has been in since September. One morning after breakfast…Peter decided to all of a sudden be nosy..since he had no idea about her past…..or does he..?

"So Rhia..how have you been?"he asked.

"Oh..fine Peter, just fine." She said looking up from her book. They were the only ones sitting in the library at the time…the others were a quidditch practice.

"Really? You don't look so well,"he said taking a seat in front of her…he noticed her get tense.

"No, really, I'm fine…why aren't you with the others?"she asked curiously.

"You looked lonely, thought you could use the company."

"Oh, that's nice of you…"she smiled….what are you getting at you good for nothing toad

"Hermione…do you not trust me?"he smirked.

She looked up from her book with shock. "What did you just call me?"

"Nothing.."

"You called me Hermione!"she said worriedly.

"Well did I? I don't remember…I swear I called you Rhia..that is your name isn't it…or is it really Hermione…cause..Sirius isn't exactly quiet when him and the others talk."

Hermione just sat still….trying to clear her mind of what she just heard.

"Of course, they didn't know I was in the room at the time..I was a rat…very good hearing…so you miss your friends do you…from…your past..or is it future..haha."he chuckled.

"You little piece of scum!"

"Haha..now really Hermione..what words."he smiled.

"You don't know anything about me!"she stood up abruptly, staring him in the eye.

"Ahh, I think I have the cure for that.."he pulled out his wand… "Ava.."

"NOOOO!"came Remus' voice from behind and knocked Peter's wand from his hand. "How dare you put your wand up to my wife!"

"Your wife? I see Moony's been busy."

"As will you!"came James' and Sirius' voices from behind Remus.

"Careful, he works for Voldemort!"said Hermione in Remus' arms.

"You know too much wench!"and Peter scuttled out with his wand and disappeared.

"You okay love?"Remus asked with concern. Turning Hermione around so he could see her face.

"Yes, I think I need to lay down…I'll see you all at dinner.."and she left.

"What do you think he said to her?"asked Lily looking as the door closed behind Hermione's retreating figure.

"I don't know…but obviously it was something that struck a nerve."said Sirius..wanting to follow her.

Hermione made it up to the dormitory and laid down on her bed and let her thoughts wonder.

How dare he….thinks he can just…arghh..I thought I moved on already..why does it have to hurt so much…"sniff" it's not fair….Harry…Ron..damn..Draco..if I could, I'd go back and kill him…I want to die…this is all my fault….awful things happen to wizards who meddle with time…I knew that..and now with everything going on….how am I to tell Remus..I'm pregnant…I just want to give up…I can't hide this pain anymore..and now that Peter knows…everyone is going to die..and it's all my fault….my fault

"Hermione's been in that room for hours…it's dinner time and she's still not here…I'm worried James…you should go check on her.."said Lily worriedly.

"Alright..be right back."and he was off.

"Hermione?...Hermione…you okay?"came his voice. Lily had given him the password for emergencies. James walked into the room an noticed the bathroom door opened..so he slowly walked over to it.

"HERMIONE….NO…!"he ran over to her body..she was in a bloody heap on the floor..he picked her up and ran straight to the hospital wing.

"MADAME POMFREY!"he yelled as he laid her on the bed and Mme. Pomfrey came bustling in and scolded James for yelling till she noticed Hermione's form on the bed and went straight to work on her.

"Mr. Potter did you see what happened to her?"

"No, she said she would meet us for dinner…and when she didn't Lily sent me to check on her cause she had had a bad day…and when I went into the room I found her like this…"he said distraught.

"Well you did the right thing…I think.." she observed Hermione's wrists and noticed deep gashes in them. "I think she might have tried to kill herself the poor dear."

"WHAT! No that can't be."James said. Just then the others came in.

"WE SAW BLOOD ON THE FLOOR…WHAT HAPPENED!"asked a very worried Remus Lupin.

"Don't worry Mr. Lupin..she will be fine."said Pomfrey.

"Don't worry…DON'T WORRY! THAT IS MY WIFE LYING THERE AND YOU TELL ME NOT TO WORRY…DAMN IT ALL!"

"Your wife?"

Remus finally calmed down a bit. "Yes, we're planning on getting married after graduation..didn't you see the ring on her….the ring…where is it?"he said looking at where the ring should have been on her finger.

"She must have taken it off before.."Lily trailed off.

"Mme. Pomfrey…can I say here with her tonight?"asked Remus.

"Yes, but the rest of you must go, she needs her rest."and she left to her office.

"It'll be alright mate, she's strong."assured Sirius.

"I hope so.."Remus replied and sat in a chair next to the bed.

A few hours later…..

"What did you do Hermione?"he asked…crying.

"Remus?"she stirred.

"Yes love, I'm right here."

She opened her eyes..and looked at him. "I'm so sorry Remus, I was so stupid."she cried.

"No..no sweety..you are most definitely not stupid..anthing but…but why did you do it?"

"Peter…"she looked away.

"Peter?...Hermione…what did he say to you?"

"He brought up my past…my friends.."she looked at him but was silent.

"Please love, tell me.."his eyes never leaving hers.

"I know I can't go back…. made it so hard…I wanted to see them again…Harry…Ron…I wanted to die…to see if that was an outlet…"

"Hermione…"

"Sigh……I thought that if I could die…then this pain…would be released..so I cut myself…I didn't feel anything..really, except I felt my life slipping away..it felt….good."

Remus didn't like this at all. "Hermione..after all we've been through…you really want to leave?"he asked…scared to death of what she might say.

"Oh Remus…how can you ask me that…"she rolled away from him. Just then Mme. Pomfrey came in.

"Ms. Granger…or rather" she looked over to Remus "Mrs. Lupin, do you know that you're…"

"Yes..I know.."she said irritated.

"Know what?"asked Remus…thinking it was something fatal.

Hermione sighed… "I'm pregnant,"she practically whispered.

"You're…..you're…pregnant…if you did die…that would have meant…"Remus trailed off looking down.

She turned back around to Remus with a tear stained face. "I didn't think about it really Remus…I'm sorry."

"Hermione..how could you?"he asked not looking at her.

"What if it's a werewolf..I mean…I don't care…I will love him or her no matter what..but.."

"Then..we'll make the decision together…just please..don't you know.."he said

looking at her arms. "That this is killing me inside."

"I promise…I'll need you every step of the way…I miss my friends…but this is my life now…our life…but.."she looked down.

"But what?"

"Remembering is more painful then death.."she said as a fresh tear came down her cheek.

"Not if you have someone who loves you right by your side." Remus said taking his thumb and whipping the tear away.