"What the hell were you thinking!" Hammond yelled. Jack studied his hands intently, avoiding Hammond's death glare at all costs. He felt like he was back in Mr Petersons Year 4 class again, getting told off for hanging Billy Sayers upside down out the 4 storey window.
"I was just trying to pull a prank on Colonel Reynolds," Jack answered softly. Hammond snorted.
"Well, that little prank ended up with Major Davis being in the infirmary with a broken nose and concussion! Major Davis! One of our most important officers let me remind you!" Hammond raged. Jack cringed.
"It wasn't meant to get him," Jack defended pitifully.
"Well, it did! You do realise that Major Davis was meant to pull off a major operation tomorrow! He is in no condition to do that now! If he doesn't show up, the man could uncover the entire Stargate Program! Did you realise that Colonel?" Hammond snapped. "You're lucky I don't have you court marshalled."
"I'm sorry sir, it wasn't meant to hurt anyone," Jack muttered. Oh yeah. Year 4 all over again. Hammond sighed, taking a seat.
"Why did you do it Jack?" he asked, rubbing his forehead.
"Reynolds sold me out to Teal'c about his ice cream! You saw what T did to me! I needed to extract my revenge! I wanted to humiliate him like he did to me!" Jack exclaimed. Hammond smiled scornfully.
"So you decided to dump a bucket of water over his head?" he questioned. Jack nodded vigorously. Hammond shook his head, smiling slightly. "You're lucky you're my favourite Colonel, Jack. Otherwise I would kick your ass so hard you wouldn't be able to sit for a month. Now get the hell out of here. I have to figure out what to do with tomorrow's mission."
"Yes sir," Jack mumbled. He stood up, and quickly made his way towards the door.
"Oh and Colonel," Hammond called. Jack turned around to face his CO. "Next time, don't use the bucket on top of the door prank. That is so 20 years ago. Find something new." Jack smirked slightly. Hammond was still the coolest General around.
"Yes sir," he repeated, smiling as he left the room. Hammond rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair.
"Why me?" he muttered.
Jack sat in Daniel's lab, biting his fingernails nervously. He may have single-handedly ruined the Stargate Program. You knew this would happen, he chastised himself. As soon as you were given the command to lead SG 1, you said you would be the one to ruin it.
"Yeah, I remember you saying that," Jack yelped, then turned to face the sudden voice. Daniel was standing in the doorway, staring at him. It was not a happy look on his face.
"Huh?" Jack spluttered. Daniel moved towards him slowly.
"I remember you saying that," he repeated. Jack suddenly realised he had spoken his earlier thoughts out loud.
"Oh. Well, it's true," he muttered. Daniel rolled hi eyes.
"Jack, what were you thinking!" he exclaimed.
"Oh no, don't you start!" Jack said defensively, jumping to his feet. "I got enough from Hammond. Oh, and every single person I passed in the hallway!"
"Well, you deserved it! Major Davis is going to be out of commission for a little while, and that fact has quite a few people worried!" Daniel said wildly. Jack groaned. Why oh why did he have to hurt Davis. He couldn't have got some one less important, like Griff. Or Reynolds, he thought darkly.
"And by the way, General Hammond has figured out what to do about tomorrow's mission," Daniel said, somewhat sarcastically. Jack squirmed. Judging from the death glare Daniel was giving him, Jack had a feeling he wouldn't like what he was about to hear. He also felt that Daniel was not a happy camper.
"What?" Jack squeaked.
"He decided that, since this Charles Price would only talk to Major Davis, then we needed Major Davis. He also thought that Price would know what Paul looked like, so he has requested that the mimic devices that the aliens used in the foothold situation four years ago, and again last year,"
"And?" Jack prompted, fearing the worst.
"And, and it's a big and! And, one of us must be the person to impersonate him! Seeing Sam is a bit too feminine in the way she walks and talks, she is out. Unless we want Major Davis to get a bit of a…weird reputation, of course. Teal'c is also a bad idea because…well, he's Teal'c. So that leaves us two," Daniel said, his glare deepening. Jack swallowed. He had a feeling what Daniel was going to say.
"And?" Jack repeated a bit softer this time.
"And! And both Hammond and the President agree that you are too much of a freaking idiot to pull off this job, so I am the one to do it!"
"They used those words exactly?" Jack questioned, regretting it instantly. Daniel's eyes flashed angrily as he took a few more steps forward, effectively pinning Jack into the corner.
"Damnit Jack! I don't want to do this! It's creepy! It's weird! I feel like I'm invading Paul somehow! And plus, anything could go wrong! I could act wrong, and end up dead! But because of your incompetence, I have to do this!" Daniel raged, waving his hands in this air. Jack winced. This was it, he thought. Daniel is finally gonna kill me. "And you haven't even apologized to Paul yet! Or to Janet for that matter, for giving her an unnecessary patient! And what's worse, you didn't even consult me about the prank! I could have created a much better one then the one you did! That is so 1985! So, if anything goes wrong Jack, I'm blaming you!" Daniel poked Jack's chest for dramatic effect, before turning on his heel and leaving the room. Jack watched him go, pouting. He seemed to be in everybody's bad books recently. And for what? Stealing some ice cream? Breaking someone's nose? Screwing up a mission? Pissing Daniel off?
He had endured some pain too! Everyone had either seen or heard about his ass bearing accident in the briefing room!
"Haven't I suffered enough!" he yelled, raising his fists in the air, like he had seen so many times in the movies.
"Not even close!" Jack turned to find Sam in the doorway, a look of evil covering her face. Here we go again, Jack thought, sighing.
"With all due respect sir, what the hell were you thinking you retard!" she exclaimed. Jack sighed again, a familiar thought crossing his mind. This was it, he thought. Carter is finally gonna kill me.
Jack sat in the commissary, smacking his head repeatedly against a table. This was calming, he thought. Compared to what he had been through today. People he didn't even know had come over to give him a piece of their mind! Even Siler had given him a disapproving look. Siler! He had only given a guy a broken nose, for crying out loud! It wasn't like he had stolen candy from a baby! Although that would have been a walk in the park compared to this!
"Colonel O'Neill!" A sharp voice interrupted his head banging. Jack inwardly groaned. Here we go again.
"Yes?" he said coolly, raising his head slowly from the table. To his surprise, Major Davis was standing next to him, with an odd look on his face. Both his eyes were bruised, and his nose was swollen. Davis reminded him of a racoon. Jack suppressed a giggle at the thought.
"With all due respect sir, what the hell are you doing?" Davis questioned rubbing his bruised head in confusion.
"I should ask you the same question Major!" Jack exclaimed.
"Sir?"
"What the hell are you doing out of the infirmary!" Jack quizzed the befuddled Major.
"Dr Fraiser let me go. I was stealing the other patient's jello," Davis answered, sitting across from Jack.
"That's what Daniel does to get out of there," Jack mused. Davis smiled.
"I know. That's why I did it," he admitted. Jack grinned. "So, I ask again, what the hell are you doing?"
"Beating myself senseless! It's actually quite soothing," Jack said smiling. Davis nodded.
"I see," he reached into his pocket and brought out a chocolate bar.
"Peace offering?" he said, handing it to Jack.
"What?" Jack asked, frowning.
"This is so you stop feeling guilty, and so I don't have to stay pissed at you. Now give me your jello. You have to keep up your end of the offering, you know!" Jack handed his jello over, smiling. Figures. The one person who should be pissed at him wasn't.
"Oh and by the way sir?" Davis continued, digging into the blue jello. "Bucket on the door? Get a new prank! Honestly, that is so last century!" Jack rolled his eyes. Typical.
Author's Note – Thankyou for the review's people! I promise to have more soon!