Standard Disclaimer: You know the drill by now.
Author's Notes: …I am BEYOND infuriated. Who reported my story in? WHO? God, I did it as a parody. A fricken' PARODY! Can't anyone take a JOKE? Who had enough of a big, bitter, and angry grudge against me to REPORT me?
God…in hindsight, making it into script as a parody was a bad idea. But you know what? I didn't care. I STILL don't care. If at all possible, I'd repost the chapter (and the story, of course) in its entirety just to prove that I stand up for my writing. AND to spite the anonymous reporter. Of course, that would result in me getting banned.
I'll repost the story without the script…but seriously. I'm so upset now that I want to kick my shins.
And if I am reported in even AFTER I've removed the script…I'll simply have to make a separate website to upload my stories. You hear me? I won't stop writing because of this pathetic insult on my writing integrity. YOU HEAR ME?
Gah…read on.
xxxx
Chapter 10: Weirdest. Dream. Ever.
xxxx
/Davis and Mantarou's Room, Inoue Apartment, Odaiba, Wednesday, November 23rd, 10:23 PM/
"You should've added soy sauce."
"Eh Mantarou, you worry too much."
"I'm SERIOUS bro. You're going to regret it."
Davis scoffed as he calmly inserted his lower body beneath the covers of the bottom bunk. "Geez! So I ate your mom's miso soup without soy sauce. Big deal! It tasted just fine!"
Mantarou sighed from atop the top bunk, his body hidden from view. "That's not that point…"
What was all the fuss about, you might ask. Well, Subaru had decided to cook dinner tonight. Normally, that wasn't bad. Heck, her cooking was actually quite good.
However, she had decided to make her homemade brand of miso soup.
AND SHE HAD FORGOTTEN TO ADD SOY SAUCE.
You see, the first time Subaru had made her homemade miso soup – which had been well over five years ago – every member of the Inoue had devoured the good concoction eagerly.
However, during the night…they had experienced…problems.
To be fair, no one (besides the cook, of course) knew what mixture of special ingredients Subaru had added to make her miso soup 'homemade' (for the uninitiated, miso is a thick, fermented paste made of cooked soybeans, salt, and often rice or barley; it is usually used to make soups and sauces in Japan). All they knew was that something had to change for the second iteration.
By the time Subaru made her miso soup for the fifth time about two weeks later, the magical ingredient to alleviate their 'problems' had surfaced: soy sauce. Add soy sauce to the meal, and it counters whatever it is that gives the miso soup the problem in the first place.
Even so, there were times when Subaru would forget to ADD soy sauce…and tonight had been one of those times. That's why they would have to add it themselves.
Unfortunately…Davis hadn't.
"It doesn't sound too bad! Besides, Davish can handle anything!" cheered Demiveemon, who sat on Davis' head quietly.
"Darn right!" boasted Davis.
Mantarou sighed again. "Fine then…don't say I didn't warn you. G'night bro."
"Night Mantarou," replied Davis as all three of them went to sleep in the darkness.
Minutes later…
…squuuuurrrrriiiiikkk…
The icky sound was subsequently followed by Davis leaping out of bed and running for the bathroom.
Five minutes later, he walked back in, looking slightly relieved.
"Number two?" said Mantarou, his voice piercing through the silence of the dark room.
Davis mumbled, "Yeah…nothing big though." He calmly got back under the covers and went to sleep.
Mantarou sighed again. If he was right, Davis' problems were just beginning…next up were the dreams…the weird, weird dreams…
xxxx
/Davis' Subconscious, 11:59 PM/
At first, there had been nothing but the calm blackness of a dreamless sleep.
(As it should be.)
Then, a few minutes ago, the blackness turned into a never-ending realm of white.
(Odd.)
Then, one minute ago, a badly drawn figure of Big Ben sprouted out of nowhere.
(I don't like where this is going…)
The clock struck midnight. Bells rang.
THEN EVERYTHING HAPPENED AT ONCE.
Flowers sprouted out of oxygen molecules. Cars grew out of the ground, which was now a gigantic M.C Escher painting. Airplanes flew upside-down in the sky. Stick-figure people began shooting each other with nuclear bombs. How that was possible, I don't know.
(What the crap is this? WHAT TRAVESTY IS THIS? This is the unholy spawn of Satan! I SHALL NOT TOLERATE THIS!)
Lightning rumbled in the distance, and the unholy scene of randomness was struck down! Now it was time for real idiocy!
(God help us all.)
Davis stomped down the street angrily. He was MAD! His footsteps were like earthquakes on the cement! Dogs cowered in fear! Cats hissed at his pants! Popcorn was spilled! He was ANGRY!
"I AM ANGRY!"
Why was he angry?
"ANGER!"
He had gotten detention for burping! Such an innocent act got him into detention! So what if it had been in the teacher's face? Oh, the thought of his 3,235.2345217th detention made him FURIOUS! He felt like growling at something!
"GRRRRRRRR!"
Children screamed! Ice cream was dropped! The world's happiness levels dropped down by 500 percent! Even the Grim Reaper cowered in fear of him! The Angel of Death was so scared of Davis that he resigned, gave his job to a hobo, moved to Hawaii, and jumped into a volcano so he could die all over again! Such was Davis' anger!
Davis roared, "FURY!"
Death wailed, "BURNING!"
The hobo squealed, "I'M IMPORTANT!"
No one cares about a hobo!
"WAAAH!"
And there was another thing; Kari had denied him a date! He was the Child of Miracles! He was Mr. Terrific (although not the superhero by the same name!)! How could anyone deny his boyish charms? How could anyone deny his suaveness? How could anyone bump into him? Speaking of which…
BUMP!
Davis cried, "I'VE BEEN BUMPED INTO!"
HORROR OF HORRORS! Who would dare bump into the super-angry Davis? Who I ask you? WHO?
Dr. Seuss answered, "Horton heard of a Who!"
Not that kind of who!
The Unknown bumper said, "I am sorry for bumping into you!"
Davis blinked. "Why kind of name is that?"
The name was revealed for everyone to see! The girl had five million pigtails, and her hair was colored white! In fact, it was made of diamonds! And her eyes! They flashed all the colors of the rainbow! They were bedazzling! They were blinding! Cars crashed because the drivers were blinded!
The car drivers yelled, "OUCH!" Their cars screamed, "PAIN!"
Davis couldn't believe the girl's beauty! Such beauty…and her skin was silky-smooth! He wouldn't be surprised if her sweat was milk and honey! What was this girl's name? He had to know!
Davis hurriedly asked, "Tell me your name, beautiful stranger who has captivated me like a vixen even though I just met you ten seconds ago! Is your name 'Unknown' ?"
Unknown giggled. "Nope! My name is…Mary Sue!"
Thunder crashed! All over the world, fan fic writers suddenly cringed, feeling the threat of apocalypse growing! Toei's stock fell five billion zillion gajillion points, for the doom of Digimon had been spelt! The gods of Olympus took a vacation to the Underworld to see Hades, because nothing could save Earth now! All because of one girl named Mary Sue!
Mary Sue sweetly asked, "Hi! Who are you?"
Davis eagerly replied, "I am Davis!"
Mary Sue smiled. "Nice to meet you!"
Suddenly, a punk walked by and did something no punk should EVER do to a Mary Sue! He committed a cardinal sin, an act that would be punishable by a fate worse than death! To melt your own skin would be PREFERABLE to doing what the punk just did.
The punk gave a wolf whistle. "Hey BABY! You look HOT!"
Mary Sue's eyes suddenly lit aflame as she reared her hand, screaming, "HENTAI!"
She smacked the punk hard! He flew backwards through a building! The punk was sent all the way to the sun! People thought Godzilla was attacking! In all actuality, Godzilla was vacationing with Mothra in France, crushing the Eiffel Tower! But back to the story! Davis was amazed!
Davis, stricken by awe, exclaimed, "I am amazed! Are you a black belt?"
Mary Sue giggled. "Nope! I've never taken karate! But a sweet, innocent, perfect girl like me has to be tough in this world!"
Davis was shocked. "Wow! Tough, yet sweet! Beautiful, yet innocent! I have found perfection!"
Yes! Mary Sue was perfection! More perfect than an OREO cookie! More perfect than gold! More perfect than a 100-percent savings deal at Wal-Mart! These three became jealous of Mary Sue's perfection.
OREO Cookie yelled, "I AM JEALOUS! EAT ME!"
Gold roared, "I AM SHINY AND JEALOUS!"
Wal-Mart shouted, "BUY FROM ME SO I CAN CONSUME YOUR SOUL! OH, AND I AM JEALOUS!"
They were so jealous that they became allies with one goal! To destroy Mary Sue!
"YARGH!"
"ROAR!"
"GIVE ME YOUR WALLET!"
But then they were destroyed by a comet! The comet was so sad that she cried! As she cried and ran away into space, her tears became Niagara Falls!
Niagara Falls chirped, "YAY! WE EXIST!"
But back to Davis and Mary Sue! They were so madly in love with each other that they did everything together! They went to McDonald's! They went to an amusement park! They played in the bumper cars! They went on the Ferris wheel! They played Dance Dance Revolution! They flew to the moon on a rocket! They were nearly incinerated in atmospheric re-entry! They crashed into Tokyo Bay! But they had fun!
McDonald's roared, "YOU WILL CONSUME MY CALORIES AND FAT GRAMS!"
"I am not amused at all!" So said the amusement park!
"BUMP!" That is what bumper cars do!
"I get dizzy!" Of course, you silly Ferris wheel!
"DANCE, BOYO!" DDR issues a challenge!
"I have acne! Look at all the craters on my face! WAH!" Poor moon!
"BURNING FRICTION!" Indeed, you silly atmosphere!
"I'm nothing but a fish's toilet!" There there, little Tokyo Bay!
"I'm a Spongebob Squarepants episode!" That's Fun for you!
Oh, but Davis and Mary Sue were laughing! They were having such fun! Davis was no longer angry! Then Mary Sue became quiet and silent.
Mary Sue suddenly exclaimed, "Davis…I LOVE YOU!"
Davis was stunned! No seriously, he was really stunned! A guy had tasered him and ran off!
The guy cackled. "I'M EVIL!" His taser went, "BZZZT!"
But Davis did not falter!
Davis muttered, "I…I love you too!"
Mary Sue squeaked with delight. "Hold me!"
Such raw, unhindered passion! Davis was so in love that he completely forgot about Kari! SHOCK OF ALL SHOCKS!
Kari authoritatively said, "Not so fast!"
But what have we here? Kari has arrived! And so has Yolei, Sora, and Mimi! And they looked angry! Not as angry as Davis had been, but angry enough to scare Barney!
Barney cackled, "I'm an immortal demon, so I'll NEVER die out! Eat THAT T-Rex!" How true!
Davis was shocked! Why had all the girls arrived?
Davis asked, "Why have you all come here?"
Yolei yelled, "We are jealous of Mary Sue!"
"Her hair is prettier than mine!" screamed Mimi.
Sora shouted, "Her eyes are brighter than mine!"
Kari suddenly became passionate! "I was wrong Davis! I LOVE you!"
The three girls concurred as well!
"And me!"
"And me!"
"And me!"
Davis was shocked; they ALL loved him? What of Tai, Matt, and Ken, the former boyfriends of Sora, Mimi, and Yolei? They had moved on to better things!
Tai said, "Sora hates clowns. I'm a clown. WOOF! FEEL MY HAIR!"
Matt whispered, "I like ninjas. Mimi thinks they dress tackily. Now I'm brooding. DIE BY ASSASSINATION!"
Ken laughed maniacally. "I like being a tyrant. ALL HAIL THE DIGIMON EMPEROR!"
And what of TK?
TK calmly pointed out, "Actually, I'm not Kari's boyfriend."
Yes, that was true! At that comment, all off the Takari fans the world over became enraged! They wanted to devour the author's flesh! Fortunately, they were too busy watching CNN to care.
"TED TURNER OWNS YOU!" boasted CNN.
Davis was suddenly sweatdropping. Why was everyone suddenly heaping all this attention on him?
Then, at that moment, all five girls yelled the same thing.
"FATHER OUR CHILDREN!"
Davis screamed! Such a thing had never been asked before! Should he turn down such a ludicrous offer?
Izzy suddenly appeared out of nowhere, dressed in shorts two sizes too big; he also wore a medallion bigger than a speed bump! He rapped out, "Of course not, homeboy! If he gets it on with the ladies, he be gettin' some bling-bling and street cred! I'd be able to hang with him, cuz I be a true gangsta! My homies be the bomb, cause we're the boyz n the hood!" He then fired an Uzi into the air. "Represent!"
But Davis panicked! Ignoring Gangster Izzy's advice, he fled! But the five girls pursued him until they trapped him in a warehouse! He screamed and wanted to flee! Then the girls-
(NO! NO! I WILL NOT STOOP TO SUCH LEVELS IN A PG-RATED STORY! FAST FORWARD!)
Fifty minutes later, Davis was running again! He was scared like nothing else! Right behind him were Kari, Yolei, Sora, and Mimi! Their bellies were rotund and bulbous! Why? Because they were pregnant!
"GET BACK HERE AND FATHER OUR CHILDREN!"
Davis yelped, "NO WAY!"
Yes! The four girls were now pregnant! In less than fifty minutes, they were nine months into their pregnancy! Such metabolism those girls have! Their babies will be strong!
(URGE TO KILL RISING.)
Davis stopped for a breather in a field of cherry blossoms. To his shock and awe, Mary Sue was there!
Donald Rumsfeld was full of glee! "Shock and awe! Baghdad go boom!"
Mary Sue looked sad. In her hands was a white Digiegg.
Mary Sue whispered, "Davis…take this digiegg."
Davis blinked. "Why?"
"Because it is yours…"
Davis was flabbergasted!
"I'm flabbergasted!" Davis meant it! "What do you mean?"
Mary Sue suddenly glowed brightly! When the light faded, she had grown cat ears and white angel's wings!
"Because…I am really a Digimon called…MSGmon."
Davis gasped!
"And this digiegg is our child"
Davis gasped twice!
"And you are allergic to MSG!"
Davis grumbled as his feet swelled. He already knew THAT.
"And I am about to die!"
Davis gasped three times as much for the price of one!
Mary Sue suddenly exploded into nothing. The digiegg floated onto the ground, unharmed. Davis fell to his knees and let out a pained cry.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
In the year 3000, a robot actor was watching this moment on TV.
Calculon dramatically dramatized, "Such raw emotion! Such unfettered passion! My muse never fails to inspire me to do my best! And that lung capacity! Were I not a robot, I would never be able to compare!"
(THIS IS NOT FUTURAMA! THIS IS DIGIMON FOR HEAVEN'S SAKES!)
At that moment, four familiar girls stepped behind Davis. Davis suddenly felt terrified again; it was Kari, Yolei, Sora, and Mimi! And they were no longer pregnant!
"DAVIS! YOU DARE LEAVE WITHOUT SAYING HI TO THE CHILDREN!"
Children? Yes! Behind the four girls were four babies in diapers! And they all sat on Yoshis!
The babies burped out, "GAGAGOOGOO!"
The Yoshis chirped, "YOSHI!"
Davis screamed! "AH!"
(THAT'S IT! NO MORE!)
A giant boot suddenly stomped through everything! With the exception of Davis, everything blew up in a massive explosion of pink and brown fire! Davis was knocked unconscious!
Davis somehow said, "I AM OUT COLD!"
(I'M GOING TO SALVAGE THIS CHAPTER EVEN IF IT KILLS YOU!)
Then Davis was kicked into an entirely different dream, leaving this burning wasteland of refuse that was a 'dream' behind.
And that's when the cockroaches took it over! The Cockroach Overlord immediately proclaimed, "TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION!"
xxxx
Davis grumbled as he landed face-first in a pile of dirt. "Agh…my head…"
He slowly stood, brushing some dirt off his clothes. Apparently, all traces of the last dream were gone. That's when he looked around.
Then he paled.
Odaiba was in cinders. Standing above it all was a familiar figure, lording over the destruction like a dark god. Black tentacles stretched from him, covering the city.
Darkheart, thought Davis with a scowl.
Darkheart was a name he detested with every fiber of his being. Darkheart had been the monster UmbraDevimon had created from Davis. Using fifteen Black Gears and the Touch of Evil, UmbraDevimon had turned Davis into a mindless servant of destruction. However, when Demon had implanted a Dark Spore into him, he had gained free will…and, as Darkheart, he had come close to ending the legacy of the Digidestined for good.
"Darkheart…that monster…" Davis growled angrily. However…there was one thing that bothered him though…
This was not an image of the Digital World.
Then he remembered the nightmare inflicted upon him by BelialMyotismon's Gaze of Despair…his worst fear magnified.
Darkheart's return.
Davis grimaced; was this like that image? His fear being played out?
Wrong…
Davis wondered where the voice came from…and paled when he realized it was coming from the massive figure of Darkheart that towered over Odaiba.
You don't understand what I am boy…I am a force far beyond anything YOU can comprehend…
"Heh. Not likely. I can kick your sorry tail anyday."
Then why are you so scared?
Davis, much to his shock, had no reply. Darkheart guffawed as his tentacles continued to spread. The fires of his wrath continued to spread onward from Odaiba's ruins.
Be honest…I'll break out…and I'll become the greatest scourge this universe has ever known…and let's do a little 'what if' scenario. What if you actually BEAT me?
Davis frowned; why didn't he like where this was going? "Then what?"
THIS.
Suddenly, the image of Odaiba's fiery ruins was gone. He was standing in the middle of a road…and he was surrounded by people.
Angry people. Furious people. To Davis' shock, the people at the front of the crowd were fellow Digidestined. "Guys…?"
A globule of spit landed on his cheek, courtesy of a royally ticked off Tai. "Scum. And to think I made you the leader."
Those words felt like a weight upon Davis. "…what…?"
Sora was next. Her eyes were laced with tears. "You killed my parents…how could you…"
"You put goggle boys to shame," muttered Matt, his voice venomous in its tone.
"You heartless murderer. There IS no justice for you," said Cody with a low growl.
"Wait…I didn't…" muttered Davis.
Then Kari spoke. "I couldn't speak to a monster like you…even the Dark World is too good for a cruel beast like you."
Those words were like a dagger to his heart. He slumped to his knees. The roars of the angry crowd didn't reach his ears, but they were all the same; they were bays for blood. His blood.
Even if you defeated me, you will be seen as the one responsible for it all. You will be branded as a monster, a demon…a harbinger of doom. Death itself.
"No…"
So no matter what you do, your life has been set in stone. You will suffer at MY hand forevermore…direct…or indirect.
"NO…"
The crowd around him morphed into copies of Darkheart. They began to laugh and jeer at him. Davis closed his ears to try and block them out.
Hope you're a masochist. Because you'll know nothing but pain for the rest of your MISERABLE LIFE! And so will your worthless friends!
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
xxxx
Davis sat up like a shot. Sweat beaded his forehead, and his breath was short. He quickly checked himself.
He was himself.
He looked around. He was in his own room in the Inoue Apartment. It was still nighttime.
…all of it…was a dream… All of it had been a dream. Nothing but a dream.
That does it! I'm off miso soup for LIFE!
xxxx
To be continued…
Next time…
Chapter 11: A Mon in Need
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Author's Notes: There. You fricken' happy? The humor value brought by the script is GONE. The humor brought by the intentionally bad grammar is GONE. I had to cut A LOT OUT. You know how much it hurts for me to sacrifice something I WROTE? (screams out of rage)
On the upside, there is nothing you can report me in for anymore. Script? Sorry. Bad grammar? Too bad. Not even the 'New Digi-Episodes' got me reported, and it had script up the wazoo! Well guess what; to protect myself, I deleted it from the site. Now the thing I wrote long ago can no longer be compared to my current works, so now NO ONE can see a living example that practice and experience creates a better writer!
Well…to whomever reported me in, congratulations: you've succeeded in royally TICKING ME OFF.
Gah…
(sighs and composes himself)
HOWEVER, I'm not going to hold a grudge against you. I will turn the other cheek. If you reveal yourself (I already have a good idea as to who you are, but I won't name names), I will not report you in. And neither will any of those who are reading and reviewing this story.
Everyone got that? As a favor to me, DO NOT REPORT HIM – OR HER – IN.
Why, you ask?
Because I'm a better person for it. Holding grudges against someone is a pointless exercise in futility. So do me a favor and don't report this guy in. I'm asking you all to do this for ME.
HOWEVER, if I am reported in AGAIN – for unjust reasons, mind you – I won't hold back the floodgates. I DO happen to believe in a saying called 'don't throw pearls to swine'.
So instead of leering at my story and trying to undermine my credibility as a writer, why don't YOU work on your own skills instead? You'll be better off for it.
Well, I'm off. See everyone soon, and please review!
(P.S: I'm serious about not reporting this guy in. Understand?)