The Wishing Well

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of the characters associated with it.

May contain spoilers for Season One and Two.

Chapter Sixteen

Beep….beep….beep. The annoying sound clanged around in his head and didn't stop. Sheppard moaned and tried to buffer the noise, but gentle hands gripped his wrists, pulling his hands away from his ears.

"Colonel Sheppard, wake up."

He tried to move his head, but his body chose to ignore the order from his brain. What's that smell…Anna's perfume?

"Colonel,...John,...open your eyes, son."

"Carson, that you?" Sheppard's words were a mere wisp of air, and Beckett had to lean in close to understand.

"Aye, that it is, and I'm glad you recognize me." Beckett's soft chuckle held a note of relief. "Will you be opening your eyes any time soon, lad?"

Sheppard decided to give it a try. His lids slid open just a smidge before light seeped in and he changed his mind. "The light, Carson," he croaked out.

"Oh, of course!" Beckett dimmed the lights near Sheppard's bed. "There you go. Let's try again, shall we?"

Hazel eyes slowly opened and met Beckett's smiling gaze. "Hey, Doc," he managed in a raspy near whisper. "How long have I…"

"One week. You're fine, just exhausted. Your body needed time to recover from the trauma of having your ticker stop working for a while." Beckett's blue eyes radiated his relief.

"Where's Anna?" Sheppard inhaled again, trying to capture her scent and hold it deep within himself.

Beckett's brow shot down in a concerned frown. "I'm sorry, Colonel. Anna's not here." He helped Sheppard sip some water from a nearby glass.

Sheppard's eyes searched the room in confusion. A vase full of the purple and white flowers he'd pulled from the well sat on the side table. Ahh, that explains the smell…

Beckett watched where Sheppard's gaze landed. "Your flowers, Colonel. They didn't do so well in regular water, and Rodney and I put them in the last of the ancient water. They bounced back quite nicely."

"Thanks, Doc." Sadness flitted across Sheppard's face, but he quickly clamped down his emotions and tried to give Beckett a reassuring smile. "I see I have all my usual equipment attached…" he indicated the various monitors, tubes and I.V., which had kept him alive for the last week. "Any idea when I might get outta here?" Sheppard rubbed the palm of his right hand absently.

"Not for a few more days, Colonel. Your body's been through quite an ordeal, and I'm sure your mind has as well. Once you eat some solid food and your body functions return to normal, then I'll consider releasing you to your quarters for two weeks rest and recuperation." Beckett's firm lips and steely eyes brooked no further argument.

"What's wrong with your hand, Colonel?" At Sheppard's confused look, Beckett pointed to the hand he kept scratching and rubbing. "What say we have a look?" Beckett reached out, snagged the offending hand, and turned it palm up. "What's this? It looks like you have a wee mark there." He pointed to Sheppard's palm.

Sheppard pulled his hand up to his face for a peek. Centered in the palm of his right hand was a mark that hadn't been there before. It was pinkish tan and shaped like a teardrop. The mark tingled just a bit when he slid his fingers over it, a gentle reminder of things past.

"Memories, Doc…just memories." Sheppard's throat felt as if it was full of moon dust, and he coughed to clear it a bit. "Hey Doc, about that food?..."

"Carson! How's he…. Oh, you're awake!" McKay bounded up to the bed and slid to a stop when he saw Sheppard. "Why didn't you call me, Carson?"

"Relax, Rodney. He's only just awakened." Beckett's tired voice held both irritation and amusement.

"I'm going to let Elizabeth know you're awake, and I'll have someone bring you some food. Don't stay long, Rodney. He still needs rest." The doctor gave Sheppard's arm a pat before walking away.

"So, do you remember anything that happened?" McKay sat in the chair next to Sheppard's bed and leaned forward expectantly.

"Yeah, I remember." Sheppard turned sad eyes up to McKay's face. "I don't want to talk about it."

"What? Why not? You discover a way to swap realities, but you won't talk about it?" McKay's voice shot up two octaves. "Or was there another reality? Maybe that's it. You weren't really in another reality; the water just made you hallucinate. That would explain why your body didn't disappear…"

"There were other realities…I just never chose one! I stayed in the waiting room…" He cut himself off with a whispered curse. "McKay, I said I don't want to talk about it!" Sheppard hissed and gave his friend his best 'scare the hell out of you' glare, which was lost on McKay.

"What about Anna? You wished to see her, didn't you? Did it work? You've been calling her name for the past week." McKay watched Sheppard's closed face for any signs of weakening. When there was none, he played his trump card. "Elizabeth heard you and already has plans to send you to see your favorite psychiatrist, 'inquisitive Kate', when you're well enough."

"What? I don't want to talk about this. It's personal, McKay!" Sheppard turned his face away and refused to answer any more questions.

He must have dozed because the next time he opened his eyes and looked toward the chair, he found Weir sleeping in it. "Elizabeth," he said quietly.

Weir jumped, sat up in the chair, and leaned forward. "John! How are you feeling?" She sent a worried smile his way as she raised his bed so he could sit up a bit.

"Fine, just tired." He looked away from her anxious eyes. The feelings he saw reflected there were too much for him to handle right now.

"John, I know you've been through something traumatic, and you don't want to talk about it, but I think it might help to see Kate…" She trailed off at his abrupt interruption.

"No! Elizabeth…I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap." He sighed and wrapped his fists around the blanket covering his lap. "Let's just say I had to fight some serious inner demons to get back, and it wasn't fun. If it's all right with you, I'd rather not relive it all again with Kate."

"Well, if you want to talk, I'm here." Weir's face reflected concern and support in the dim light.

"Thanks, maybe I'll take you up on that….later." Sheppard's stomach growled, and Weir laughed.

"Beckett left a tray a few minutes ago. Here, you need to eat." She pulled a little table on wheels over and situated it close to Sheppard. She uncovered the food and smiled when she saw the turkey sandwich nestled atop a lettuce leaf. "Yup, this has your name all over it!"

Sheppard smiled because he knew it was what she wanted to see and reached for the sandwich. "Comfort food!" From the raised eyebrow she fired his way, his smile didn't fool her for one minute, but she chose to let it go for now.

"Well, I just stopped by to check on you. I'll let you eat in peace. Rest, John. Things may seem better after you rest." Weir squeezed his hand for a minute before turning and heading to Carson's office.

"I believe the lad is suffering from depression, but Kate would have to confirm that," Beckett said to Weir when she stopped by to address her concerns.

"I've tried. He refuses to meet with her." Weir ran her hands through her dark curls. "I asked Rodney to talk with John after you release him to his quarters. I'm hoping he can get through to John."

"Aye, well, Rodney doesn't give up when he's trying to solve a problem. He'll get John to talk." Beckett patted her hand. "Now, lass, it's about time you caught up on your rest."

"I will, Carson, I will." Weir gave him a quick hug and left for her quarters.

Beckett had released Sheppard to his quarters a week ago with instructions to catch up on food and rest. Sheppard was trying to follow orders and rest, but his mind kept replaying the image of Anna looking at him just before she slammed the tunnel door. He felt sick at the thought of her sacrificing herself to save him. He just couldn't deal with the fact that his return caused Anna and her reality to disappear forever. He knew he'd been cold and distant to everyone. He just didn't have the energy to deal with the unease he saw on the faces of his friends.

Ronon and Teyla tried to draw him out, but he'd politely kicked them out of his room. Ronon's last words still resonated in his mind. "Talk to someone, Sheppard, before this eats you up."

Weir left him alone, only checking on him once a day. He could see her fear--fear that he was slipping away to somewhere she wouldn't be able to reach. Beckett required him to stop by once a day for a check-up, but Sheppard could see the concern reflected in his eyes as well.

He'd moved his flowers to his quarters but, after a week, the smell was cloying. He eyed the vase and then carefully removed the flowers, setting them to the side. As he picked up the vase, his eyes locked on the mysterious water, and he felt the stirring of something deep in his mind. He hesitated for just a moment before shaking off the lethargy, and then dumped the last of the mystical ancient water down the drain.

Turning back to the flowers, he dried the stems and looked around, eyes falling on War and Peace. He opened the book to a page near the back and placed the flowers inside. He closed the book with a heavy thud. His mother had pressed flowers as a hobby, and he sent a little thank you her way for helping him keep a piece of Anna with him forever.

Sheppard paced the diminutive space. He felt crowded and unsettled, and his skin itched with pent-up emotions.

"I can't take this! I need air!" Sheppard strode out of his quarters and headed for his favorite balcony. He needed the open space, the fresh sea spray on his face. He arrived, out of breath, and not quite as rested as he'd thought. The light breeze wafted over him, cooling his hot skin. The evening sun was just setting over the horizon. The beautiful pinks and purples reminded him of the day Anna died.

Everything hit him at once, all the emotions he'd bottled up since returning. He slumped to the ground and let it out…the rage, the pain, the overwhelming sense of loss, remorse and the guilt for simply existing when Anna should have lived. His feelings poured out, rolled off the balcony and dropped into the great emerald ocean depths below, swallowed up forever by the rolling waves. He lay, spent and shaking, and gazed up at the twinkling stars in the now dark sky, wondering how his life had arrived at this point.

The swish of the doors alerted him to his visitor's arrival. "Sheppard…" McKay's voice whispered. "John…you awake?" When he didn't answer, McKay moved closer and spread a blanket over his shivering body.

"Thanks." He sat up weekly and turned to face McKay. "I didn't realize it had gotten so chilly out here." He pulled the blanket snuggly around himself. "I see you brought one of your own."

"Yeah." McKay tucked his own blanket a little tighter. "So…how're you doing?"

"Not so good." Sheppard's quiet admission had McKay studying his friends face carefully. "I killed Anna."

"What? How is that possible? She was already dead!" McKay's confused and irate words caused Sheppard to bristle.

"No! You don't understand." Sheppard turned an incensed face out to the ocean. "No one can understand what it was like."

"Try me." McKay said sympathetically. "I've been carrying around my own pound of guilt regarding choices I've made since we arrive here and scientists who've died because of those choices. I might surprise you with the depth of my understanding!" He met Sheppard's gaze unflinchingly.

With a long, appraising look, Sheppard's resolve slipped a notch. With a nod of surrender, Sheppard filled McKay in on the events that had transpired while he was in the padded room, leaving out the part where Anna had been married to Rod. Some things McKay just didn't need to know. When he was finished, McKay just sat there, mouth agape.

"So, you're saying there really was a way to travel between realities! Are you sure it wasn't just a dream? I mean, Carson brought you back with the paddles."

"No, Rodney, I chose to come back." Sheppard said softly, his intent eyes on McKay's face.

"Well, I, for one, suspect the whole thing was a hallucination. I bet the water made you think you were in that padded room. The chance of it being real is so remote….although that would explain why your body never left….well, never mind." McKay quickly changed the subject at the outraged look on Sheppard's face. "You hungry? 'Cause I can get some food…"

"Yeah, I think I could eat." Sheppard watched the low moon flirting with the surface of the dark ocean.

"I'll go get us something. Be right back." McKay jumped up and hurried out to search for food.

Sheppard watched the ocean dance in the moonlight, cresting white caps visible in the distance, the occasional spray reaching his level and helping cool his heated face. The hair on his neck shot to attention, and he spun around and jumped to his feet. He reeled back at the sight of the glowing white mist, filled with shining lights, as it glided to rest on the balcony and then solidified into Anna.

"Hello, John." Her smile radiated with love and happiness. She reached out with both hands and pulled him closer. She took his face in her hands and kissed him soundly.

"Anna! How….?" His broken question made her laugh.

"Door number three, Monty." She smiled gleefully. "Once you were safely in the tunnel, Chaya and the others decided my sacrifice earned me the right to ascend instead of disappearing forever. They ruled that if I chose to ascend, my old reality would continue to exist, just without me in it. Now, I have the ability to watch over Rod and make sure he has a good life."

"Anna, that's…amazing! So, my return didn't cause you or your reality to die?" Sheppard felt the frost melt from around his heart and the warmth of hope seep in, filling his entire body. "How is Rod?"

"Unfortunately, not so well. It will take time for his heart to mend. Since ascending, I have the power to traverse between the past, present, and future, and I can visit all realities. I am not permitted to change the past or interfere with the future, but I have glanced ahead and can say he will have a wonderful life." Annapeeked at Sheppard with a small smile. "In the past three weeks, Stargate Command decided to beef up our military presence due to the events with the well, which Chaya and I destroyed as soon as we could. Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter arrived to head the military contingent, and she has been the best thing for Rod. She makes sure he eats and gets his rest, and she argues with him so much that he forgets to be sad, if only for a while. She's a good person, and I can tell she cares for him deeply."

"Really….interesting!" Sheppard laughed to himself over the turn of events in Anna's reality. "Did they appoint a new Expedition Leader?"

"Yes, interestingly enough, a Dr. Elizabeth Weir and her fiancé, Simon, just arrived. They seem like a lovely couple." Anna turned at the sound of the doors sliding open and gasped.

"Sheppard, they were all out of turkey sandwiches…." McKay trailed off at the sight of Anna's glowing form. "Who?...how?" He stuttered, until Sheppard interjected.

"Rodney McKay, meet Anna. Anna, this is my Rodney McKay." Sheppard hid a smile when the two began circling each other, mouths open in surprise.

"Wow! Sheppard, how is she here?" McKay stared in wonder.

"Chaya offered her ascension, and she accepted. The Ancients allowed her reality to remain. All's well McKay!" Moreover, Sheppard realized he meant those words. He hadn't killed Anna or her world. He beamed his first genuine smile since his return to Atlantis.

"Rod..ney, it is nice to meet you." Anna stepped closer. She reached out and touched McKay's face with gentle fingers, then indicated the food he was carrying. "John told me that you are a good friend. I see he was not exaggerating."

"What? Oh, yes, yes. Food. Well, he was hungry…" McKay stammered and flushed.

Anna leaned in and kissed McKay on his reddened cheek. "Thank you for being such a good friend to John. Please promise you will continue…both of you…" She directed a look at Sheppard. "to take care of each other."

"For you, anything…" McKay's dusky cheeks went almost purple at Anna's laughter and quick hug.

Anna turned and enveloped Sheppard in a long hug. Pulling back, she looked up into those sparkling Sheppard eyes and leaned in close. "I came back because your future worried me. You were not recovering from your deep sorrow. I received permission to visit and let you know that I'm fine and I'll be watching over you, John. I can see things will be better for you now. I'll be with you always." She kissed him softly and then stepped back. With a tiny wave and a stunning smile, she spun into her star filled mist and drifted away, leaving the scent of flowers in her wake.

"Wow! So that was Anna, hmm?" McKay still looked a bit dazed. "She's hot…for a brunette! I mean…if I met her and didn't know she was your old flame, I could easily fall for her! There's just something about her…."

Sheppard's eyes went round and then narrowed in on his friend. "Maybe in another life, Rodney…"

McKay jumped as Beckett's worried voice buzzed from his earpiece. Quickly tapping the radio, he replied, "It's okay, Carson. He's with me. I'll bring him back so you can do that voodoo you do so well…" He snorted at the deluge of Scottish curse words pouring from the earpiece. "Carson wants you back in the infirmary for your daily check-up. Come on, we'll bring the food with us and eat it there."

As they slowly made their way toward the infirmary, Sheppard nudged McKay, playfully. "So…ah…listen, Carson filled me in on your reverse engineered water experiment. I just want to say thanks for everything you did to bring me back. I'm grateful."

Oh, well,…how grateful….exactly?" McKay asked with a smug smile.

"Grateful beyond infinity." Sheppard hid a smirk.

"Oh, um.., thanks. Wait! That's redundant! There is nothing greater than infinity!" McKay groused.

"Well, I say there is." Sheppard replied blandly.

"It's not possible…." McKay started in hotly, but Sheppard cut him off with a hand to the shoulder and a firm squeeze.

"Then let's just agree that my gratefulness is greater than the greatest measurement!" Sheppard glanced at McKay, fighting a smile.

"What? Oh, yes, I see. Well, then, your welcome."

The End!

A/N: I hope you enjoyed the story and that the ending met you expectations! Thanks for the reviews and encouragement! I am joyful that I actually finished my first story, but sad at the same time. I feel bereft and strangely light-headed, with nothing to write! Hmm, maybe I'll go back and fix my punctuation errors, add in the comma's I know I left out. I hope another plot bunny visits soon while I sleep and leaves me with something else to write! Until then, I will keep reading all your stories and live vicariously through them.

Hugs,

Evie