'I might've guessed it would take you two twice as long to find the hospital wing.' Hermione muttered as Ron and Harry came into the infirmary.

'Please Miss,' Harry said, raising both hands in a defensive gesture, 'we detectives like to get straight to the point and we hate wasting time.' He turned to Ron. 'Watson slash Weasley, take notes!'

Ron whipped out a notebook and a pen, the pen flew out of his hands and hit Hermione in the eye.

'Ouch!'

'Excuse me Miss,' Ron snapped, 'that's MY pen, thank you very much!'

He snatched up his pen and began writing 'the victim likes taking other peoples things…this is probably due to the victim's trauma…'

'Ron,' Harry said, 'Please keep it to yourself!'

Ron went quiet.

'Anyway, we would like to stop anything bad happening to innocent pupils at Hogwarts and we would like to know what happened to help us on this project.' Harry said, he then smiled because he sounded so grown up, his mother would be proud.

'Well' Hermione sighed, 'You can start by getting a brain cell between you,' Ron wrote this down, 'another suggestion is to stop your things hitting other people, and also, keep creatures like Malfoy under control!' Ron did not write the last suggestion because he did not know how to spell 'Malfoy'.

'Aha!' Ron yelled, 'I found a clue!' he jumped to Hermione's side. 'Hey Sherlock, she has two holes in her neck!'

Harry fell over. He accidentally saw Hermione's underwear so after getting up he fell over again. 'Ah so what do you say to THAT miss?'

Growling, Hermione sat up. 'I say it's rather convenient as I DID get bitten by a vampire last night!'

Harry went to say something incredibly clever, but then said 'hold on'. Then, He and Ron re-read chapters 1, 2, and 3. Together they both said 'OOOOOOOOHHHH.'

They turned to Hermione. 'Dreadfully sorry miss.'

Then Harry ran off to follow up on a hunch he just had. 'That's him got a hunch' Ron said. 'He has to get rid of it by noon or else he'll become a hunchback.'

There was silence. Ron then began to feel edgy. 'I feel edgy,' He said. Hermione smiled a scary smile. 'That smile is scary, stop it.'

'Ron,' Hermione said, 'Come here, I need to tell you something in secret.'

Ron, being the stupid, gullible red head we all know and love, went to her and bent so she could whisper in his ear. After a few second he felt a pain in his neck. It then felt wet. Pulling away he said, 'Can you wait a minute? It appears my neck has decided to bleed for no apparent reason. He walked off to the bathroom.

'No…please Malfoy, don't!'

Draco grinned. 'Why shouldn't I Weasley?'

Ginny felt her back hit the wall behind her. 'Damn walls…'

Draco approached her. 'Now turn your head slightly, it'll hurt less when I…bite!'

Ginny squeezed her eyes shut put her head down. Draco moved her hair away from her neck and went in for the kill when-

'Oi, ferret features!'

Draco sighed in exasperation. 'What do you want Potter?'

Harry walked over to them. 'Sorry to bother you, oh hi Ginny, anyway, after reading chapters 1, 2 and 3 I just had to ask you something.'

Draco looked at him in annoyance. 'Shoot.'

'Shoot what?'

'It means go ahead, ask your question.'

'Why not just say that then?'

'What?'

'Why not just say 'go ahead' or 'ask your question'?'

'Just…its shorter just to say shoot, it would be-crap Potter just ask me the bloody question so I can get back to lunch!'

Ginny quivered.

'I'm sorry for holding you back, I just have to know, are you a vampire?'

Draco looked at the audience, 'See what I have to deal with? And you lot thought HE was the smart one…'

'Draco, please stop talking to those people,' Harry said politely.

'Potter, go and read chapter 4.' Draco said in fake politeness.

Harry re-read chapter 4. 'Oh I see, sorry I forget things quickly.'

Draco shook his head and turned back to where Ginny had been. 'What the-Where the hell is she?'

'Oh, are you meaning Ginny?' Harry asked, 'She ran off after we mentioned the whole 'lunch' thing. I should remind her that there is no running in school corridors…'

Draco turned back to him, furious. His voice turned grave and threatening. 'Potter…she was my lunch…I'm hungry…I want some blood…'

'And I want some more parents! The last ones were bloody useless!'

'No,' Draco said quietly, as if talking to a child, 'You don't understand…I'm hungry for blood. You let her get away, therefore…I will have you…'

Harry laughed at him, much to the vampire's annoyance. At first it was a giggle, then a chuckle, then a quiet laugh, then a normal laugh, then a loud laugh, and soon Harry was on all fours, howling. Then he realized Draco was not kidding. He shot up 'You're not kidding…oh crap,' He then ran.

For four hours Harry was chased by Draco. He hid in boxes, behind tables and twice he dressed up as a maid and got past the vampire that way, but by the third time, Draco realized most female maids who wear short dresses have breasts and they certainly do not have hairy legs. So, Harry had to abandon his costume and run like a mad man. Finally, Draco had him cornered.

'Aha! I have you cornered!' Draco cried. They were in the Owlery, with hundreds of owls gazing at them. Draco licked his lips and stared at Harry's neck longingly.

'Good for you,' Harry replied, 'but I have another question. Are you gay?'

Draco stood straight with an insulted look. 'I am insulted! Of course not!'

'Oh good, just the look you were giving…'

Draco blushed slightly. 'Well I assure you I am perfectly heterosexual.'

'Ok, I believe you…'

'I'm serious! Really!'

'Then why would you bite me? I'm a boy after all.'

Draco spluttered, 'That means nothing to vampires! All we care about is blood, not the sex.'

After ten minutes of Harry laughing his butt off, Draco continued.

'Just let me see your neck, Scarhead,'

Harry obeyed, sniggering a little. Draco bent to bite.

'Oh no you don't, Buster!'

Draco growled angrily. He and Harry looked towards the door. Watson, I mean Ron, stormed in.

'Get off him right now!'

'Oh, hello Watson,' Harry smiled pleasantly.

Draco turned to the red head, who was looking rather pale and cold. Harry observed that the way the other two boys were standing looked like two cowboys in a showdown in an old western film. 'ooh,' Harry muttered, turning his attention to a passing ball of tumble weed as it rolled by.

'Get out of here, Weasley,' Draco snarled, 'or Potter won't be the only one getting hurt,'

Ron pulled himself up to his full height, 'Too late, Malfoy, dear boy, I'm already turned.'

Draco's face went into shock mode before he shook it off and lunged at Ron. Ron then did a quick movement with his arms and left foot, sending Draco right back and flying out the large open window.

'Whoops…' Draco said in faint surprise. Harry ran to the window and stared down as Draco got nearer and nearer to the ground. But, to Harry's surprise, Draco never made it to the hard ground, as Draco screamed and tried to protect himself from the sunlight. But slowly his skin was red and was burning. Smoke was coming off him and Harry sneezed as Draco blew up into tiny, yucky pieces.

A few first years who just so happened to be walking down below, gazed up in wonder at the raining flesh.

Harry raised his eyebrows. 'Well, that's that done.' He then admired the sunset. 'What a beautiful sunset, eh Ron? It's hardly surprising now that Draco didn't sunbathe that much, who would if that was going to happen? Ha ha!'

There was silence behind him. 'Ron? One thing I don't quite get…What did you mean when you said it was too late and you were already turned?' Silence. The sound of cutting flesh, 'oh sorry, I'll just wait till you're done sucking my neck…'

END

AN sorry I'm not in the 'humour mood' right now, so this chapter is kinda bad…

But I hope you enjoyed the story, I had to finish it since I never update and I can't really think of any way I can go on, although I'm sure you have loads of ideas:D Thanks for the support! Much appreciated.