Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to X-Men or the lyrics to the song I used in this chapter, which is called 'I Miss You'...how very original. Anway, I hope everyone likes the new third party sort of view this is written in, I wanted something different and I thought it would be cool. I want people to review, even if it's just to tell me that I have typos, I want to hear everyone's opinion so that I can either keep doing it if it's right or change it if it's wrong, I need some help from my lovely readers. Okay, enough with the smarmy stuff, on with the story. Please enjoy!

The next morning, Logan woke at nearly six. Though he usually didn't wake until around seven thirty or eight, he got up. He was starting to get used to not getting as much sleep as before, since my death had caused him to be more restless than normal.

He got up and was about to get in the shower, when he realized he didn't feel like it. Instead, he pulled on a T-Shirt and buttoned up a flannel shirt over it. Logan realized that he needed to run, not to anywhere, but he just had to run. Xavier's school sat on beautiful property in Westchester, mostly surrounded by tall trees to keep curious passersby from seeing too much. There was a thick forest around the frozen lake near the school and that's where Logan ran. When Jean had been gone he ran there nearly every day for a couple of months, but he slowed down, eventually only going a few times a month. Once they found her, he felt like there wasn't much of a reason to continue them, but he did, it was what he needed to control the animal inside of him; he had to let it get out and run every once in a while.

Logan ran as though his very being depended on it, dodging long branches, jumping over fallen trees, never stopping, always going. He ran and ran, his chest heaving as cold air stung his lungs, letting out his breath and watching it rise into a puff of smoke in front of his face. Logan was in his element when in the woods; surrounded only by natural sounds and scents. Where there was no one that he had to answer to, only other animals, all of which respected his space. He ran long and hard and after an hour, he began to enjoy himself. That's when he stopped. He stood still in the middle of the trees, listening around him as he caught his breath. He didn't know where he was at exactly and was listening for anyone that might have been close by. Sure enough, he heard two female voices, though he couldn't make out whom they belonged to, back behind him. He turned and ran in their general direction; he wasn't trying to find them, just the path that they were walking on. After a few minutes, he finally made his way from the stark white forest out onto the long, winding gravel pathway that started at the school, wound past the lake and around the trees surrounding the mansion.

"Oh!" Ororo said as Logan just missed her as he came running from the woods.

Haylie, whom Storm was walking with to show her the school, was slightly more frightened by the sudden appearance of a wild man.

"Sorry 'Ro," Logan apologized to Storm.

"It's fine," she said with a polite smile, not looking him in the eyes.

"You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Haylie exaggerated.

Logan looked at her and growled roughly. Had Storm not been so fixated on trying to be sympathetic towards him, she would have reprimanded him for trying to, and succeeding in, scaring her.

He didn't stay around; instead, he started the long walk back to the school. He was quite a few feet away when Haylie decided to tell Storm how rude he had been to her the night before, but unfortunately for her, she wasn't aware of Logan's great hearing. So although she was being very quiet, he still heard her asking Storm what his problem was.

"It's a little complicated, but you have to understand that he was the closest person to her, and she to him, from the time they met until the time she died. It's not been nearly a week yet, give him some time, I'm sure he'll come around to you," Storm said, but Logan wasn't so sure; there was just something about her that put him off.

He decided not to go back and tell her that his problem was the simple fact that his girl, his little darlin', was gone and she would never understand how he felt. He just continued his way to the mansion. Once he got there, he noticed just how much everyone avoided him, even the students. A little upset that everyone was running away are the mere sight of him, Logan took the steps two at a time, wanting to just get to his room and shower. He had nearly reached it, making his way through the empty halls, as most everyone was eating breakfast, but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me standing in the hall, right in front of his door.

"I hope you don't feel as bad as you look," I said to him.

He looked shocked, suspicious and near happy to see me. "How…what are you doin' here, Chloe?"

"I wanted you to come eat breakfast with me,"

He wanted to run to me, grab me and never let me go, but he couldn't move. "What?" was all he could manage to ask.

I smiled at him sweetly. "I have to go," I said.

"Why, where…what are you doin' here?" he asked. I pointed to something behind him and he slowly turned his head to look. When he didn't see anything, he turned back around and I was gone.

He hadn't seen a ghost, what had happened to him was something that was common among people who had lost loved ones; when you want to see someone so badly, some times your mind lets you; projecting an image of them in front of you. Logan knew right away that I hadn't really been there and the realization of how unstable he had become in those days slowly began to sink in. He didn't realize, however, that it was only the beginning.

Thought I heard your voice yesterday
When I turned around to say
That I loved you baby
I realize, it was juss my mind
Played tricks on me

I miss you
There's no other way to say it
And I can't deny it
I miss you
It's so easy to see
I miss you and me

He forced himself to move and to go to his room, slamming the door behind him. He grabbed a bottle of whiskey and opened it before tipping it back and chugging nearly half of it down. It didn't help. He went into his bathroom and turned on the water in the shower to as how as it would go and let it heat up, filling the room with steam, before stripping down and getting in. During those three days, Logan's schedule had consisted of getting up, eating breakfast, working out, eating lunch, working out, eating dinner, working out and then showering for an hour, maybe two, before going back to bed.

He let the hot water pound against his chest, feeling the burn of it against his skin. It was one of the only times when his powers didn't interfere, as the feeling was a steady pace instead of a one time pain. Logan spent a lot of time in the shower, trying to wash away the blood that I had left and only he saw. He saw it on his chest, his arms, his hands. He saw it on his hands most often while he was eating or working out. He thought that that would be it, though; just seeing my blood dripping from his hands was enough to send a sharp feeling of pain running throughout all of his body. Then he saw me, not just a flash of someone from the corner of his eye that he thought was me, no he had seen, and even spoken to, me. He hadn't realized that how he felt when Jean was gone would be different from how he felt when I was gone. He loved Jean, always did, always would, but she had belonged to Scott and he reminded him of it often. I, on the other hand, had always belonged to him alone and knowing that hurt him worse that he had ever known. But he wanted it to hurt, he couldn't allow himself to not hurt and the thought of ever being happy again was just absurd. He had been content while living at the school, he had even enjoyed it, it was his home, but once I was there, he was happy. He felt as though everything he wanted was all in one place. I made him happy; if I was gone how could he ever be happy again?

Breakfast was, once again, awkward. Not many people spoke while Logan ate, except for Scott, whom everyone assumed was just trying to irritate him. However, they didn't realize that he was actually trying to be helpful. Scott remembered how he felt when Jean was missing and know that the last thing Logan would want was someone being overly polite, not treating him normally and, the one that had bothered him the most, no eye contact…or as much as you could make with him.

"Bobby, can you help me hand up the Valentine's decorations today? The Professor wants them up by the Monday," Scott asked while they were eating.

"Uh…" Bobby said, looking over at Logan. He wondered why Scott would be talking about such trivial things while he was sitting there. "Yeah, I guess,"

"Alright, just meet me in here at around five, I've got a few extra classes today, but I should be done by then," Scott said, tucking into a stack of pancakes. Scott had taken over Logan's self-defense classes at the beginning of that week when he had needed the day off to take me to my interview, the day that I had been shot. Most of the classes had been let out until my funeral, after which they resumed, with Scott continuing to teach for Logan.

"I'll take back over next week," Logan said to him.

Everyone looked from Logan to Scott, waiting to see how he would react.

"I've got next weeks curriculum learned already, why don't I finish it up and then you take back over the week after?" he asked, looking up at Logan.

"I don't need," he started.

"I know you don't need it, what I'm saying is that I've already learned it so I might as well go ahead and teach it to them. It's only five classes," Logan looked at him suspiciously. "Look, I'm not trying to take over your classes, the last thing I need right now is another class to teach, but I've already learned everything for next week so it would be pointless for me to not just go ahead and teach them," he said as Haylie came and sat down beside Rogue.

"Maybe you should have thought about that before,"

"Or maybe you should have told me that you were planning on taking back over before today,"

"Scott," Jean warned.

"Fine," Logan said. "You can teach next week and then I'm takin' back over,"

"Okay, fine," Scott said and then continued to eat his pancakes.

Everyone looked around at one another, trying to figure out what had just happened between Scott in Logan in front of them. For the first time in nearly a week, there was somewhat of a normal conversation at the breakfast table.

Everyone was fairly quiet for a few minutes until Haylie decided to speak. "What sort of things did Chloe do, did she have any sort of hobbies or traditions or anything?"

There was a silence as everyone thought for a moment and watched to see if Logan would answer, but he did.

"Well, she liked to…watch Animal Planet, the History Channel and all of those other boring channels. She would always bring up weird and random facts while we were eating. I do miss that," Rogue said.

"She liked Broadway musicals," Jean said. "She used to come into my classroom singing 'Oh What a Beautiful Morning' from 'Oklahoma' when it would be pouring down rain out and that would always cheer me up,"

"She was a very optimistic person and it rubbed off on other people," said Storm.

"She, uh…she liked the Three Stooges and Abbot and Costello movies. I don't think she had any traditions, though," Scott said.

"She had to watch the movie 'A Christmas Story' before midnight on Christmas Eve and she had to watch the 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' cartoon every year," Logan said and everyone looked at him, listening very intently. "She was terrible at pool and one of the only people who could beat me at poker. She was always trippin' over things, her own feet, everything, but when she would dance, for some reason she could do that right. She got too involved with her job because she wanted to help all of the kids and she couldn't, which drove her crazy. She had an opinion on everything and always told it to me, whether I wanted to hear it or not. She grew up too fast and died too soon,"

There was a small reverent silence at the mention of my death.

"What do you mean she grew up too fast?" Haylie asked.

"I mean that while you were livin' in a big house, havin' everything handed to you, she was livin' in a bar with people who didn't care about her. She had to start working when she was eight years old. More things happened in that bar than most people ever see and she was there every day and night, watchin' it all,"

"Excuse me, but how do you know that everything has just been handed to me, you don't know me and you don't know about my life," Haylie said offended.

"You're right and I couldn't care less," he said, eyeing her.

"Logan, there's not need for you to be rude, she's our guest," Storm said, finally fighting through her deep sympathy for him enough to reprimand him for his comment.

"I'm not bein' rude 'Ro, I'm just bein' honest," he said, standing.

"I don't know why you're so mad at me, I haven't done anything to you," Haylie said.

"You were in her room, messin' with her stuff,"

"Only because I was trying to find out something about my sister, if you had told me about her I wouldn't have been in there,"

"Well it awfully funny that you've known about Chloe but you don't care about her until she's dead,"

"I told you; I was too young to ever do anything,"

"How old are you now?"

"I'm twenty-six,"

"So you must have been pretty busy these past eight years then, right?"

"You don't know what I do with my time, because I have been busy. I help a lot of people and I would appreciate it if you didn't criticize me and my life. Just because I've had it easier than most people is not a reason for you to just assume that I'm a bad person,"

"I don't think that he meant you were a bad person, I just think that he's curious about why you had never tried to contact her before," Jean said.

"How was I supposed to get in contact with her? We have the same father but I didn't know where he was at,"

"I know, I understand,"

"Well I don't, if you cared so much about her than I think you would have found a way to find her. Why do you care about her now?"

"Logan!" Jean said firmly and grabbed his attention.

"What?" he growled.

"Why don't you go and cool off? If you still want to have this conversation later then you can, but you need to calm down a little bit first,"

Logan gave a growl and walked away. He didn't need to cool down; he needed that stupid girl to go away. He walked down the hall and turned to go up the stairs.

"Logan," Rogue called to him as he placed his foot on the first step.

"I don't wanna' talk right now," he said, continuing to climb the stairway.

"I just wanna' make sure you're alright,"

"I'm fine, just go,"

"Logan, please,"

"I said I'm fine Marie, I don't wanna' talk," he yelled, stopping and looking down at her. She looked heartbroken and slightly scared; he had never yelled at her before. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you," he said, walking back down the stairs.

"I know, you're havin' a hard time, but I'm just worried about you. I know this is killin' you but I think it would be better if you talked about it,"

He absentmindedly played with one of the white streaks of hair that framed her face. "I can't right now,"

"I'm afraid that if you don't now, you never will, though,"

"You know me Marie; if I need to talk, I'll come find you," he said. "I'll be fine,"

"No you won't, you're not fine, you go off on everyone and work out constantly. I think that you should let Scott teach for you and you should take some time off and go somewhere,"

"I don't need to take anymore time off, I'm gonna' be fine,"

"I need you to be okay Logan, I need you. I'm tryin' to sit back and let you work it out on your own but it hurts me to see you hurtin' like this. The Professor would probably let you go up to Canada, I'm sure,"

But how could he go to Canada without me? He wondered.

"Look, I'm not goin' anywhere, I'm stayin' right here and I'm gonna' be okay," he said before pulling her into a hug. "Don't worry about me kid; I'll be all right,"

But he was lying; he wasn't going to be all right.

Logan went back to his room, debating whether he wanted to go to the gym and workout or not. After the conversation at the breakfast table, he certainly had a lot of frustration to burn through. He thought about it and was even about to change when he saw my journal lying on his nightstand. I had nearly filled it up and so he was curious to see what with, but he still didn't feel right reading it. However, as always with Logan, he had to fight to resist what was in front of him when he wanted it, and he was far too weak to fight. He picked up my journal and opened it randomly to a page, then flipped back to find the beginning of the entry. It was written the Sunday before Thanksgiving.

"Dear Journal,

Hi, it's me again. The Professor called me into his office today and I swear every time he does I'm scared that he's going to fire me or kick me out of the house. I guess he knows I'm nervous because he always just smiles and tell me that it's nothing too serious. Today he called me in because he wants me to speak on Thursday's dinner. Yeah, he wants me to say something that I'm Thankful for this year. Funny thing, nothing comes to mind right away. Ha. I don't know how to sum up these past two months and how grateful I am for it all. I mean, do I try to sum it up? Perhaps I should just pick one thing…but then, what one thing would I pick? I've have a home, a job, Logan. Can I mention Logan or is that just something I need to keep between us? I don't know, but he wants me to write out something nice to say along with the other staff members. You know, for someone who's psychic, he's quite oblivious of my nervousness about speaking in front of large groups. I didn't mention this to him because, A; I'm sure he really knows but also knew that I would say yes anyway and B; It's Chuck, I can't say no to him. He's given me everything that I have, pretty much, and I don't guess it would kill me to stand in front of a few kids and say so. I hope it doesn't kill me anyway, I kind of like being alive right now.

Anyway, as I was coming out of his office, Logan nabbed me and made me play a few games of poker with him…okay, so he didn't make me, but whatever. We started out just going to play one or two and then ended up playing around ten hands. I won seven and now have enough money to buy those black boots I wanted and Scott insisted on referring to as 'hooker boots'. Not that I'm sure the man has ever seen an actual hooker in real life, because if he had, I think he would know that they don't wear those kinds of shoes.

After I beat Logan's bum in poker, I had to get ready for my date with Jason. Logan was not happy about that.

"Where are you goin'?" he asked me, hanging around in my doorway as I was looking for my pair of scissors to cut off the tags on my new jacket.

"I'm meeting someone and then we're going out to eat and to see a movie,"

"What time does the movie start?"

"Seven fifteen, I think,"

"So you'll be home by ten?"

"I don't know,"

"What do you mean you don't know? If the movie's at seven fifteen, it lasts two hours, that gives you forty-five minutes to get home by ten,"

"We might go get something to eat after the movie,"

"But you're eating before,"

"Logan, have you met me, have you seen me eat before?" I said, giving up my search for my scissors. I'm sure that I'll find them one day as they attack me from somewhere I've forgotten that I've placed them and I'll end up being stabbed by them.

"Are you gonna' be home by eleven, then?"

"Look, I don't know, I will be home before midnight though, alright?" I said looking at him. I am such an idiot sometimes. There, standing in my doorway, was a walking Swiss Army Knife, except without the screwdriver and the corkscrew. "Pop a claw, I need one,"

"For what?"

"I can't find my scissors and I need this tag cut off so I can go. I should have been gone five minutes ago,"

"Fine," he said, extending the first claw on his left hand, slicing through the plastic tag with ease.

"Thank you," I said as he retracted it and I slid on my jacket.

"So, are you gonna' sneak in and tell me goodnight when you get home?" he asked with a smirk. My heart slammed against my chest like a bug hitting a windshield, only without all of the gross stuff splattering everywhere.

"In case you haven't noticed, you're not exactly the best person to be sneaking up on, or so I hear anyway," I said and felt quite proud of myself for not just melting right in front of him.

"I wouldn't hurt you," he said.

"As much as I love you Logan, I'd rather not take my chances," I told him and then looked at my watch; it was past five o'clock and I was running later. "I've got to go,"

"Have fun," he said with a slight sarcastic tone.

"Yeah, I'll try," I said and then started to leave but turned back around to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "In case I don't see you tonight, there's a goodnight kiss,"

"When did I start gettin' those?" he asked, still smirking, my heart still pounding.

"You only get them when I go away," I said and then managed to give him a wink. "Bye, I'll see you later,"

"Bye darlin',"

Talk about melting; when I hear him call me darlin' I can barely stand, it's like my legs are voice activated to buckle up on me when they hear him say that. It's almost mean, in a nice sort of way.

My date with Jason was okay, the movie wasn't all that great and dinner sucked. We went to some sushi place because I didn't know any better. I nearly gagged when I tasted a piece. How can anyone actually like that stuff; it's raw fish with nasty, sticky rice wrapped up in it.

Anyway, I got home at just after ten o'clock. We had stopped and got some ice cream before I headed back home and once I got there, I was starving, so I went straight to the kitchen, first thing. I walked in and saw Logan standing by the bay window, looking out at the snow, which had just started falling; it was the first of the season. I didn't want to say anything, I didn't want to disturb his peace and he did look so peaceful. I wanted to just stand there and watch him because he looked so beautiful, well…it's because he is beautiful, I guess. I was about to turn around and leave him to think by himself when he turned around and smirked at me. I think my heart might have stopped…or sped up, I'm not sure. Funny how that works, isn't it?

"What are you smirking at?" I managed to say.

"Couldn't wait until tomorrow to see me, huh?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "What did we have for dinner?"

"Some chicken stuff, 'Ro put you a plate in the refrigerator in case you wanted some when you got home,"

"Yes, I love that woman," I said, going to the refrigerator and pulling out a plate. It was spinach and cheese stuffed chicken with noodles and Alfredo sauce.

"I thought you went out to eat?" he asked as I grabbed a bottle of water, a fork and sat down at the island in the middle of the room.

"We went to a sushi place, so I didn't really eat anything,"

"Sushi?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Yeah, it was gross,"

"What's wrong with cooked food?" he asked, moving from the window and sitting down at the island across from me. That's one of the great things about Logan; he likes real food, not sushi.

"Did the Professor ask you to speak at the dinner Thursday, too?"

"No,"

"Why not,"

"Because I didn't want to,"

"Ungrateful," I said but smiled. "Why don't you want to do it?"

"I don't like upstagin' Summers," he said with a wink.

"How very nice of you and here I was, thinking that you didn't like him all this time and yet you're letting him have his moment," I said sarcastically.

"So, what are you gonna' say?"

"I haven't a clue; I nearly have a panic attack every time I try to think about it,"

"Why?" he asked and blinked at me patronizingly. He kills me how he does that. He's the only person I've ever met who can do it.

"Because I have a phobia of speaking in front of large groups of people,"

"Since when?" he asked.

"Since I was like, ten. I had to talk in front of my class at school and messed up my whole speech thing; everyone laughed and made fun of me. Ever since then if there's more than like, fifteen people, I start freaking out,"

"Well, some of the kids'll be goin' home for the weekend, so all of them won't be there,"

"Only around seventy-five students are going home, that still leaves a hundred students, or more. Then there's the staff, that's seven, no including me, which is nearly half as many as I want to speak to,"

"You'll be fine,"

"What if I'm not? I mean, what if I throw up on everyone or something?"

"You won't,"

"You have more faith in me than I do," I said.

"You're gonna' be alright, kid,"

I nodded my head slowly. "I will be if you're there," I said. Then he gave me one of those looks that made cold chills run over my skin. He looked as though he wanted to say something to me but couldn't think of the right words, so he didn't, but that was okay with me. Why does he affect me like that?" But I don't suppose that you would miss Thanksgiving dinner, would you?"

Our moment had passed and I had been the one to end it. He looks at me so serious some times; I just get anxious and try to find a way out of him staring at me as intensely as he does, as quickly as possible. Otherwise, I'm afraid that my heart's going to pound from my chest and stop beating.

He smiled at me. More heart pounding. "No, I doubt that'll happen any time soon,"

We stayed up talking and joking around for about an hour and a half before I decided to go to bed. "Goodnight Logan," I said, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"I thought I only got one of those when you were goin' away?" he asked.

"Well, we'll excuse that rule for tonight," I said before he pulled me to him and kissed my forehead.

"Night darlin'," he said, but kept holding me with his lips pressed to my forehead. "Why don't I walk you to your room, I gotta' go to bed anyways,"

So he walked me to my room and said goodnight to me again then we both went to bed. And speaking of which, it's late and I'm starting to feel bad, I think that I'm getting sick, maybe I'll be okay for dinner on Thursday. If I am sick, I really might throw up on the students and I'm thinking that just wouldn't be a good thing to get all of the teenagers into the holiday mood. That and I'm sure that Logan would taunt me with it for the rest of my life. Anyway, I need sleep so I'm going. I'll try to write back later when I have the time. Goodnight!

Remember To:

Do laundry

Make practice pecan pie for Thursday, just to make sure it doesn't suck now

Write speech for Thanksgiving dinner

Never try sushi ever again

Chloe,"

Logan closed my journal and placed it back on his nightstand. He had remembered my speech from Thanksgiving; I had said how thankful I had been for Scott and Logan saving my life and bringing me to the school. If you don't know, there was a six-year gap between the time Logan left me and when I saw him again. The night I had seen him was the last night my boyfriend had given me to get out of the apartment we had shared, because, you see, I had told him that I was a mutant and he was furious. I had gone home by myself and he knocked me in the head, causing me to bleed profusely. Scott and Logan had gone in and saved me and that's what I had decided to speak on. However, as Logan thought back on it, it pained him. I had said that I was thankful for them saving me because I was enjoying life and the opportunities that I had been given so that I could use my life to my advantage. That is what we call 'dramatic irony'.