Just Chilling
You never know where the ages go until they're all gone... (one-shot)
Way back when, before I knew the meaning of the phrase "lion's den", I was thrown in one. But I managed. I found a most unlikely friend; an avarice-prone young man with one obcession: Jawbreakers. For the life of me, I couldn't discern why. I found him in a scheme that defied all logic, all physical laws I knew of. He had another friend that was well intentioned, but as dumb as a rock, that was the centerpiece of this scene. It was a challenge that he could eat anything, even the small TV that was set before him. It was obvious the avaricious one had rigged the setup, but still had doen a poor job of it. I paid a quarter, trusting that physical law would hold true. My curiosity piqued, my academic interest raised, I was determined to disprove this as a charade. I later found that it was indeed real, and, for the first time in my life, I was just chilling with my friends...
I use this phrase because I find it amusing, and I find that the usage of such idoms, outside of this summary of my autobiography, aids in others understanding of me... Also, because no scientific laws, language, or theorems can describe it as clearly as simple english... Me and my pals were just chilling. Never with regret, I aided him build more and more ridiculous schemes, and aided the tall, dumb one, with more and more impossible feats. Such as flooding the town to the rooftops, flooding it with rabbits to the same level, and even building the Tower of Babel of obstacle courses. We shared the same name, and the same childhood. All while... just chilling.
In time, of course, he learned that there were other things to capitalism than just Caveat Emptor, and eventually began selling worthwhile products, such as several of my own inventions; a hoverscreen that displayed all 999 channels of Sattelite TV, and a prepackaged, self preparing meal. There was powder in five separate sections, with a pipline to each. When the button was pressed, the battery opened the valves, and flash-cooked the meal. He also had several successful mundane business chains, such as the school store... Never before did the school store earn more than the school cafeteria (considering the quality of the food far exceeded the quality of the goods and the shopkeep) and it never did again after we graduated.
The older, and dumber friend became a bit more wise, and had more of his epiphany moments, and they lasted longer. He continued to occasionally defy reality, but we stopped talking about that. We were able to raise our grades, popularity, and status in general, but eventually, we graduated and were shuffled up to High School. A whole new shark tank; and a whole new blue whale of a shark. Around the house, my mother gained a slightly pale, depressed look... like that of one who knows he has a short time left on the mortal coil ... I heard whispers whenever I lurked outside of a room, the word intractable being thrown around far too often for my liking. I was able to surmise that she, somehow, was sick. She was about to die. I confronted my parents about it one day. I locked the computerized lock behind me with a code known only to me. I began with a tone as forceful as an earthquake, unusual for me.
"Alright you two, spill the beans. I know that you're sick, mom. Tell me what's wrong, how long you've known, and how long you have to live."
His father, in a deep, usually comforting tone, said "Edward- you don't realize what you're getting into..."
"John, we should tell him. Edd, dear, it turns out that I have... a very mild form of a very rare disease. At the lab I work at, I was infected with a single viral cell. That single cell will kill me. It will take only two more weeks. Why will it kill me? It is a special form of AIDS that has a magnetite shell, and is designed to go straight for the brain, converting it, neuron by neuron into a primal, bestial thing, and working solely off of the transformed skin, which will turn into a solar cell. The inner organs will decay, and become useless. We were trying to retro-engineer it to make it into an immortality serum. A sample I was working on shattered during the earthquake, and, even with my intense martial arts traniing, I was too slow to prevent a tiny scrape. One single cell that had slid to the edge entered into the gap, though I got it healed immediately. And before you ask, the reason why the normal AIDS cure we invented didn't work is because it has a special, metallic shell, rather than an organic one. It is the Immortal disease."
"What about the Pandora project?"
"Rather than ask how you know about that, I'll accept it as given for the moment. The Pandora nanotech is just that- Pandora's box, we don't know whether or not it will kill us, or help us. We're missing that one bit of code that will make it adaptive; we cannot divine it."
I knew I could do it- if I had the right equipment. I was able to write code that made robots sentient; I think I could recreate the learning tech on that scale.
"Mom. It's essential that you lend me your lab access card. I can whip this thing if you let me into your lab." The equipment needed would cost 500,000 dollars otherwise. I could always sneak in, but having permitted access would allow me to do it in two days.
"No, honey... I can't ask you to do that..." I set my heart against her wishes, and said, "With all due respect, mother, you don't have much of a choice. Give me the card, or we won't ever leave this room. That's right. I locked the door with the Loki Algorithm. One mistake, and we're trapped. Permanently." She sighed, handing over the card, and I pulled a device out of my pocket, whipping it around their necks. I unlocked the door quickly, and set it on a six-hour time release, and slipped some food in the room before shutting the door. I heard them coming around. A small bit of guilt played around my head before I went down the street to the lab. It was conveniently right out of the neighborhood. I slipped the card through the scanner, and went down to the Pandora lab, fingering my blaster. I prayed no one would invoke my wrath. I would go to any length. I went into the lab itself, and no one stopped me as I stalked to my mother's lab. I attribute it to my homicidal expression at the time. I analyzed the code, and, sadly, opened the email I had sent to her computer some months earlier, downloading the code. Finding the sections for learning, I posted it into the code existing, and prayed as I forced it into the simulation. It ran a ninety-two percent probability of survival at the beginning of the disease. That's the best odds I've heard, so I went with them. I took the stylish wooden box that they'd put the vial in, nitrogen cooled, independently powered. I went back to my house, and stunned my mother and father, forcing the contents of the vial down her throat.
Feeling nauseous, I hurled and fainted. When I woke up, I was wearing a hospital gown, and was signifigantly taller, older, and and stupider looking. I was fully sentient as I awoke, and I called the nurse by pressing the button beside my bed. I rubbed my legs, and arose. The nurse screamed when she saw me up. I rubbed my temples, and said, "Let me guess: I was in a coma due to some silly defense mechanism in the lab. And you are shocked to see me not only cognizant, but up on my own two legs. I can explain. When I fainted, I still was clutching the bottle. I assume nanomachines slipped into me as I was asleep, and replicated themselves as the prevented my muscles from atrophying."
She nodded. I took the bedside PDA, and took note of the date; some four years later. I was now officially an adult. It was also interesting to read of the exploits of Ed and my good, if not altruistic, friend Eddy. They apparently created a company, and used the profits to pay for my care, seeing as... my gambit failed. My father committed suicide, and my mother went insane from the untested bots. Apparently, my machines learned from the signals hers put out, and leeched the slightest bioelectricity off of my brain to correct their code. I made the smallest error in their programming. I used a single version older than theirs, and what I took to mean 'delete this memory' became 'delete everything' in the new edition of code.
Reading the latest articles, I felt a sinking sensation in my heart.
We'd never be "just chilling" again.