A/N: Hello there! ..: ducks pitchforks and tomatoes:.. I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I know I haven't updated in, like, a year. SORRY! But seriously, I have been busy. Got a job over the summer (sailing instructor 5 days a week), and now that school's back, I have to deal with homework and being a major band geek, not to mention my friend's wedding (YAY for Becky Gettel!) so I haven't had a lot of time. And now, for an announcement. I AM SICK. VERY, VERY SICK. What Lily feels towards the end of this chapter is actually how I'm feeling right now, down to the eyelids. Meh. So, ya. I 3 Halls cough drops. I think I OD'd on Claritin too. Oh well. If it helps the writing. And now, for another announcement. The idea for the scene with the couch and the search (trying to be vague here) IS NOT MINE. It's Abraxan's, from the story Order of the Phoenix or Well of Shadows (I'm not sure which). Speaking of that, those stories are AWESOME! 5 stars. Go read them. After this, of course. LAST ANNOUNCEMENT: I'm gonna shut up now, but if you like this story, I started a second one too, so go check it out! OK, on with the story. Much love!
Disclaimer: All I own is my meds, my hamster, and my tenor sax. And my cummerbund and retarded tux shirt (why they make girls wear them is beyond me). So, I do not own HP.
Previously:
"Say goodbye…" Abruptly, the light went out. At the same time, every single piece of glass in the room broke: the windows, goblets, chandeliers… The students cautiously uncovered their heads, wary of any more explosions.
"Ah, yes…private would be very good, Mr. Potter," Dumbledore declared.
An hour and a half later, Remus, Sirius, James, Lily, and Rhia, who had insisted on being there, were gathered in Dumbledore's office, naturally accompanied by the aged Headmaster himself (the Lupins had flooed home after deciding that they could not give the Headmaster any information other than that which their son already had). The four students, excluding Rhia, had just told the old wizard their explanations, and now Albus was mulling over the situation in his head.
Sirius, Remus, and the Lupins had been portkeyed successfully to the Ministry of Magic, and from there they had used a public fireplace to floo to Hogwarts. Unfortunately, Albus had been away for the Christmas holiday, since none of the students had elected to stay at the school over break. He had been in Honolulu for the week, and by the time the urgent owl had reached him, almost 24 hours had passed. He had apparated back to Scotland immediately, appearing just in time for the welcome back feast.
As soon as he sat down at the Head Table, he had been bombarded by anxious students, all demanding to know where Lily and James had disappeared to, and what had happened to the Potters. At which point two of the people in question had staggered into the Great Hall, barely able to stand upright, chilled to the bone (despite the warming charms they had obviously applied) and looking more traumatized then anyone Albus had ever seen.
Immediately after that, one of them had collapsed, succumbed to a huge amount of magical backwash, and promptly dismantled the entire Hall. Miss Evans had come round about ten minutes later to find herself in the Headmaster's office, where she and the others involved began telling their story (I could start over again at the beginning of this paragraph, but because I love you guys I won't (lol)) Lily and James, although they were somewhat cleaned up, thanks to a hastily applied scourgify, were still looking like a herd of hippogriffs had trampled them and then dragged them into the lake. "So…um, can we go now, sir?" asked Lily tiredly, too weary to perform more than the basic motions of respect. "If you don't mind, I, at least, am loving the idea of a shower right about now."
"Of course. I bid you all goodnight," the headmaster said, smiling at the group of students. They trooped out of his room silently, and he settled back in his chair, deep in thought. He had a feeling that there was a long, sleepless night awaiting him.
Up in Gryffindor Tower, five teenagers stood staring at each other in front of the empty common room fire. "Well…good night?" James said uncertainly.
"Night," Lily said, giving James a concerned look before heading back up to her dorm, Rhia following. Both she and Sirius, usually the liveliest of the group, had stayed abnormally silent that night, out of respect for their two friends, who obviously didn't want to talk much.
Once they were up in the girls' dorm, Lily made her excuses to Rhia and went to take a shower. She turned the showerhead onto scalding heat, stripped, and stepped in, sighing in relief. Muscles that she hadn't even known she had unkinked, and the pounding water beat at her body, warming her from head to toe. Scrubbing furiously, Lily scraped at her body until she was red raw all over. She wanted to feel clean again. As this thought occurred to her, she stood bright upright in the shower, stunned. I killed someone tonight, she thought, dazed. I'm a murderer. She stood there for a minute, letting the word fill her up to the brim and flow out, saturating her very essence. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer.
She felt like screaming, crying, hitting something, anything, to make the words go away. She settled for wrenching the shower dial sharply, causing the water to shoot out at a quicker rate, and to increase in temperature dramatically. She gave a sharp gasp as the near-boiling water hit her skin, luxuriating in the pain. After a few moments, she turned it off and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around herself on the way. Her skin was bright red from the heat and intensity of the water, and she was shivering all over. Toweling her hair dry swiftly, she flipped it back a few times to give it body and left it framing her pale face, the only part of her body that had escaped the blistering water. Shrugging on a camisole and short boxers, she winced as they touched her bare skin. Lily slipped into the bedrooms and saw Rhia waiting, cross-legged, on her bead, looking expectant but cautious.
"Hey, Lils," she said quietly. Lily gave a weak smile back. "You wanna talk about it, hon?"
"Maybe later," Lily said exhaustedly, taking a seat next to her friend. "My agenda thus far is sleep, eat, sleep, sleep, sleep, and eat, then more sleep. I'll let you know if I see an opening anywhere in there later," she said, yawning widely. Rhia put a reassuring hand on her arm, and Lily bit her tongue to keep from wincing at the pressure on her raw skin.
"OK. Just remember, I'll be right here whenever you're ready to talk," the other girl said seriously. Lily hugged her, her muscles resenting every movement. Evidently the shower hadn't totally stretched them all out.
"Goodnight," she said, as Rhia climbed off her bed and into her own.
"Sleep well," Lily heard her friend say. Sliding carefully into the cool silk sheets, she breathed deeply, savoring the feel of cool fabric against her sore skin. Within moments, she was asleep, but her slumber was by no means deep or restful.
She was back in the Potter manor library and the air was bright with flying curses. The effect was almost beautiful, marred only by the screams and yells of the casters. Funny, she thought detachedly, how something so deadly could be almost…pretty. Just then, a slash to her leg brought her to her knees, yelling out in pain. "Say goodbye," a man rasped. Everything went black, and then she was standing in the door to Kelsey's room, peering around James' shocked body at the still form lying in the bed. Raising her wand. Leveling it at the robed man's heart. Saying the curse. Avada Kedavra. And just like that, it was over. She had done it. Murderer. Murderer. Murderer. "NO!"
"NO!" Lily screamed, sitting bolt upright in bed, hair in disarray and breathing heavily. "Lily?" came Rhia's sleepy voice, soon joined by the other girls in the dormitory. "You OK?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," Lily said loudly, running a trembling hand over her pale brow. "Sorry to wake you guys. It's…it's nothing…" Soon, the dorm was silent again save for the sound of gentle breathing and an occasional "No, Lucy, it's my seal and I want to play with it first!" or "Mmmm, try some of the pudding, it's delicious…" Lily sat leaning against the headboard, her pillow pressed to her face. Murderer. She knew she wouldn't be getting any more sleep that night. Slithering out of bed, she padded silently out of the dormitory and down to the common room, taking a seat on a couch next to the fireplace. She stared into the flames for what seemed to be an eternity, lost in thought. The arrival of a body next to hers on the couch stirred her from her thoughts, and she looked up in surprise to see James there, gazing into the fire much like she had been mere moments before. She poked him gently on the shoulder.
"Hey," she whispered. "What's your excuse?"
"Huh?" James said intelligently.
"What's your excuse for being out of bed this late at night…or is it morning? Not that either of us exactly need an excuse," Lily said thoughtfully.
"I couldn't sleep," James said tiredly. "Too many bad dreams."
"Same," she responded. "I killed a man, James. I. Killed Him. I'm a murderer. A murderer."
"Shut up," James said. 'You killed him saving my life, and taking vengeance for Kelsey's. Which, might I remind you, should have been my revenge. She was my sister," he said, his voice cracking slightly.
"Oh. Well, I considered it taking revenge for you and Kelsey, and your parents. They were my first chance at a loving family, and for the short time that I knew them, they treated me like a daughter" she replied seriously. "That man killed you, too, you know. A little bit of you died with Kelsey that night."
"I know," James said flatly. "I know."
The next morning, the residents of Gryffindor Tower awoke to find that something important was missing. Two somethings, in fact.
"Lily? Lily! Where the bloody hell are you?" Rhia's voice echoed down the stone staircase.
"Prongs? Jamesie? James Harold Potter, if you don't show up in five minutes, so help me, I will- Ow! Rhia?" Sirius said, after collecting himself off the floor where he had fallen after slamming into an equally worried Rhia.
"Have you seen-" they both began.
"No," they both responded in unison again. Sharing a worried glance, the two began their search anew.
At the far side of the common room, James and Lily, who had fallen asleep on the couch, woke to the concerned voices of their housemates. Almost all the Gryffindors had been roused, and their voices were growing louder. James blinked owlishly, groping for his glasses, which had fallen off his face sometime during the night. Lily, quickly gathering what was going on, stuck her head up over the top of the couch. Looking around blearily, she ran a hand through her frowsy hair. "Um…hello?" She gave a small sarcastic wave.
"Lily!" Rhia cried. "Where were you? We've been looking for absolute ages! Is James there?"
"Um…yeah, we've been right here the whole time. We were actually sleeping, yeah, I know it's a bit odd, but that's what most people do at night…" Needless to say, Lily was a bit annoyed. It had taken them both about three hours to sleep last night, but when it had come at last, the sleep was uninterrupted by dreams. Only to be broken by the entire Gryffindor house.
"Oops," Rhia said in chagrin as James stuck his head up beside Lily.
"I guess this means we have to go change, doesn't it?"
"Yeah," Lily said, sighing theatrically. James slipped his arm around her waist and gave the top of her head a kiss.
"See you in a bit," he said, as they parted ways, each heading up to their own dormitory.
Lily changed into her robes and gave herself a cursory glance in the mirror, rubbing at her eyes wearily. It felt as if she hadn't gotten any sleep; the more she thought about it, the more it made sense. The dream had awoken her at three in the morning, she and James had finally fallen asleep at six, and they had been woken up at eight. Two hours tops, she estimated. Oh, joy. Looking in the mirror, she saw that her eyes were rimmed with black, deeply shadowed. Lovely. Her skin, for some strange reason, had turned so pale it was almost translucent, probably a side affect of nearly boiling her skin off. The opaque coloring contrasted alarmingly with her dark robes. Her hair, at least, was somewhat normal, braided down her back in a neat plait, despite being slightly singed from the manor's fireplace. Grabbing her bag on the way out of the room, Lily headed down to breakfast.
James looked almost as bad as she did. He had his head propped up on his arms, and was rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.
"Mmmmph," he muttered at her, by way of 'good morning.'
"Me too," she replied in a heartfelt tone. Looking at all the food set out on the table, she felt somewhat nauseous. Taking a small piece of toast, she buttered it thinly and brought it up to her mouth, chewing slowly. Just hours ago she would have done anything to get food, but right now the idea of eating was utterly unappealing. James, who had only a goblet of orange juice, seemed to reciprocate the feeling emphatically. Ignoring Rhia's attempts to cheer her up, she stared at her empty plate dully. It was going to be a very long, very tiring, day.
"I want to die," she told Remus conversationally later that day.
"Oh? That's not a good sign," he said lightly. They were walking to Divination, the only subject they had without the rest of the group. Remus' parents had insisted that he take it, and Lily hadn't known what she was getting into when she signed up. They both regretted it dearly now. Prof. Trelawny, a young woman with a penchant for false predictions, was an absolute bat. None of what she said made any sense, and although she had just gotten the job last year, all the students agreed that she should be fired. Immediately.
"Any reason in particular for your morbid turn?" Remus said, slinging a friendly arm around Lily's shoulders.
"I. Hate. Divination. How do you think Trelawny is gonna react to the…the Potters? The only good thing is that James won't be there to listen to her going all, 'I have foreseen this for years, my child' on us," Lily sighed.
"No worries, my dear Lily, for I shall be by your side!" Remus said, leaping around the hallway, pretending to slay invisible Divination Professors, and earning himself multitudes of strange glances. Lily laughed at his antics, and they continued on to Divination.
An hour and a half later, they exited the tower, numb with boredom.
"Jupiter…in first phase…signs of mossy trees in the stratosphere…what? I'm coming, Agatha!" Remus said witlessly, casting about himself for the wall, as he was tottering dangerously. "Woooh! Why's the hall…spin…spinning?"
"No thank you, I don't actually like crumpets…" Lily said groggily, whirling in circles, and crashing into the wall. "Nor liver, thank you very much-what? Whoa!" she said, regaining her senses in time to see Remus execute a lovely pirouette and swan maneuver, like the best ballet dancer.
"Hold on, now, Remmy, just calm down, come on," she said, catching him before he fell flat on his face and lowering him to the ground. Sending up a silent apology, she slapped him full on the face.
"Huh?" Remus said drowsily, sitting up. "What the hell? Did you just…just…slap me?"
"Yes," Lily said sincerely. "Who's Agatha?"
"What? Who told you…Oh, yeah. I did," he said, recollection dawning in his eyes. "Um, thanks…I think."
"No problem," Lily said, helping him stand. "I think it was the tea."
"Yeah," agreed Remus. "I thought it tasted a bit off…probably stale. No wonder I couldn't come up with a shape in my cup."
"Faulty leaves," decided Lily. "Anyway, if you're recovered, we'd best get to Potions."
Three minutes later, they were seated in the Potions classroom, along with James, Sirius, and Remus. Lily, partnered with Rhia, stared listlessly at the board, looking at the list of ingredients but not really seeing them.
"Ennervate," whispered Rhia, discreetly pointing her wand towards Lily, who straightened up and began adding the ingredients.
"Thanks," she muttered, smiling gratefully. She felt awake on one level, but on another, she knew the feeling was false. It would wear off soon.
Ten minutes later, finishing her potion without mishap, Lily felt as though an anvil had dropped onto her head. Her skull was throbbing in time to her heartbeat, which was quick and uneven. He breath was coming in short gasps, and hitching often. She closed her eyes, but this action made her eyelids feel like they were on fire, so she opened them again. When she did, she nearly screamed in shock. Prof. Tennison's face was mere inches from her own, and he was scowling unpleasantly.
"Miss Evans," he sneered. "Although I perceive that you have completed your potion, a rare occurrence in and of itself, I see absolutely no excuse for sleeping in this class. I realize that other teachers might give you…leeway…but be assured that I am not so soft. Mr. Potter's unfortunate loss-" out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Sirius and Remus keeping a firm grip on James' shoulders as he attempted to jump Tennison, rage blossoming in his eyes. "-Does not grant you any empathy on my part. You will sit up and pay attention, or I will take 20 more points than the 15 your actions have just cost your house." Lily just looked at him through heavy-lidded eyes, breathing shallowly. Her heart was thrumming in her ears, and her whole body was trembling.
"Lily? Are you alright?" she heard Rhia say urgently, as she stared at Tennison uncomprehendingly. The last thing she saw was a small frown beginning to form on his face, before she toppled from her chair and onto the cold stone floor, completely unconscious.
A/N: muahahahaha. I always end up leaving poor Lily unconscious. So…what did you think? PLEASEEEEEEE REVIEW. Please! I will love you forever.
xoox