I wrote this years ago, and despaired of ever having a place to publish it. All commentary accepted, particularly with regards to the dialogue which has always been my writer's Achilles heal.

Finally

It had started several months ago. Dinner grabbed late at night while Mulder had been on loan to Violent Crimes. He had opened up a bit, about his loneliness, his frustration, his fear, and she had listened, and somehow they had ended up at his place, in his bed, sweating and tangled and spent.

Skinner handled it better than she did, of course. He was professional when necessary, respectful of her privacy, completely discreet. But when they were alone, he smiled at her. Small hopeful smiles that looked out of place on his craggy face and powerful body. Smiles that made her feel frozen, paralyzed with terror that someone might see, someone might know, and that that someone might be Mulder

Of course she needn't have worried. Mulder was oblivious as ever, punning his stupid puns, standing way too close, and ditching her whenever it suited him. Sometimes she wanted to throttle him for his obliviousness, grab him and shake him and make him admit that there was a reason he was always touching her, a reason why he studied her legs whenever she wore a skirt, a reason why he had cried by her bedside as she lay dying. Just once, she wanted to hear him admit it.

And so she got into her car, and turned it towards his apartment, ready to do battle. And instead she ended up on the opposite side of town, knocking on Skinner's door. Inexcusable, passive aggressive behaviour. Unfair to him. Unfair to her…and she knew it. But she went anyway.

When Skinner opened the door, he was still groggy with sleep. Scully moved quickly, launching herself into him, pulling his head down to her mouth before he could speak, pressing herself into every hollow of his body. He grunted softly, nudged the door closed with his bare foot. His hands were too full of Scully to slide the deadbolt home. Lock wouldn't stop anyone who wanted to come in anyway, he thought. He scooped Scully up, and carried her without effort up the stairs.

Scully knew if she let him, he would be gentle. Too gentle. So she gave him no room to maneuver. She invaded his mouth with her tongue, thrusting her hands under the waistband of his pajamas. She knew his body now, knew its scents and its secrets. She knew how to make his reserve falter, steal his gentleness from him. It was then, when the gentleness fell away that he became the nameless, faceless, safe haven she could hide in. She stole from him, and he surrendered helplessly.

Mulder watched her walk into the office. There was something off with Scully these days, he could feel it. It was almost…sadness. God, he hated that cool smile, the one that followed "I'm fine Mulder." The smile that indicated that she was calm, on top of her game. This kind of deception was Scully's particular talent. For months after her diagnosis she'd used it to build an invisible wall between them, one neither of them would acknowledge. He'd almost lost her then, in more ways than one.

After her remission she'd dropped the cool smile. Things had been back to normal. Or as normal as they could be when he was pathetically in love with her. But lately, lately it was back to the wall thing. And the coolness was beginning to drive him a little batty.

He had a suspicion, a nagging hunch, that Scully had a man. It was groundless, really, he had no proof. But there were mornings, like this one, when Scully would come in looking different. Not mussed or anything, just a little rosier in the face, a little quick to blush. She had, he admitted, something of the look of a woman who had been well fucked. And the thought killed him.

Mulder closed his eyes for a second, and took a few deep breaths. He should be glad for her, really. After all, what had he given her other than a crusade that had fucked up her life? When had he gone to her, and put it all on the line, been honest with her, asked her if she felt that way too? Was it her fault that no matter who he fucked it was her name he called out? No. It was his own damn fault. He'd made this bed, and if Scully was lying in it with someone else, he'd just have to learn to deal with it.

Every time she came over, he would be ready to fight it. This time, he would swear, he would make her talk the whole thing through. He would not be Mulder's proxy. Not in this. Then she would move first, and his resolve would be gone. In minutes, she would have him willing and ready and wanting to give her anything, be anyone that would get her through the night.

Skinner put down his pen and rubbed his face with his hands. He was wearing down, he knew. God knows he'd had empty affairs before, but never with someone he liked. Never with someone he cared about. She was self destructing, using him as her tool. And he couldn't let it go on any longer.

Not that he was entirely sorry; there are worse things than having a beautiful woman use you for sex. But the real problem here was that every night she showed up on his doorstep, every time she climbed into his arms was one more chink in his armor. Every look into her stormy eyes was one step closer to loving her. Closer to giving her a heart he knew she didn't want. Enough was enough.

"Agent Scully." He said, motioning for her to close the door behind her. This was not going to be a comfortable scene for either of them, but it had to be done. "The matter I need to discuss to you is personal, not professional."

"Sir?" She shifted uncomfortably. He knew she was buying time to prepare herself. She was a smart woman. She knew exactly what was going on here.

"Dana." he said, sinking weakly into his chair. "We've got to end this. It's not good for me, and I know it's not good for you." He watched her study the pattern of the grain on his desk. She looked as delicate as a china doll, fragile and cool to the touch. How would he look at her now, knowing how warm she really was?

"Look Dana," he said, to stop himself from reaching for her. "I'm not going to pretend that I didn't enjoy myself. And I'm not going to pretend I'm sorry this happened. But it's not good for us professionally," he laughed softly to himself. "And, personally, it's starting to hurt like hell."

True words, spoken with a smile. She smiled sadly back at him.

"So," he said, leaning forward in his chair, "let's call it quits while we still like each other. Deal?" She reached over, laid a cool hand of assent on his own.

"Walter." She said quietly. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be." He said. " I'm not."

He sat like that, holding her hand in the silence. There was really nothing left to say. They'd been friends before this. Eventually, they would be friends again.

Mulder lobbed another pencil into the ceiling of his office. Skinner had called Scully into his office over half an hour ago. A half hour meeting with Skinner could mean only two things: One, the X-files were being shut down again, or two, they were being blamed for something. Well, whatever Skinner had to say to Scully he could say to him too. One day, Mulder chuckled to himself, Skinner would get a buff male secretary who could prevent his intrusions. But until that day, Mulder would just let himself in.

At the sound of the door, Scully pulled her hand away from Skinner's. She moved quickly, but not quickly enough. As he closed the distance to the desk, Mulder wondered how he could have missed this. How could he have missed that it was Skinner in his place. Skinner's hands touching Scully, Skinner's arms holding her the way he never would.

Mulder lunged across the desk and grabbed Skinner by the throat with both hands. In some distant corner of his brain, he could hear Scully's voice commanding him to stop, to leave Skinner alone. It distracted him, just for a moment, but it was enough.

Skinner was a big man, but he was fast, really fast Mulder had to admit, as his face made hard contact with the floor. His shoulder was locked behind him and a knee was kneeling on his kidneys. Any second now, his wrist would snap like a little chicken bone in the AD's big hands.

"Sir," Scully said in a quiet, tense voice. "Let Mulder go."

There was a pause, a long one. Long enough that Mulder wondered if this was going to be it for him. Killed by his partner's lover. Killed by his own stupidity. Fitting. Then the pressure on his wrist began to ease, and he was jerked to his feet. "Get the hell out of my office Mulder."

At least, Skinner thought with some satisfaction, I made the fucker bleed.

Mulder drove across Georgetown furiously. If the tension in the car got any thicker, he thought, Scully's head was going to combust in an arc of fire. Let's see her rationalize that one away with scientific data. Unfortunately, the swelling of the side of his face was making it hard to concentrate on being self-righteous. Instead, his mind kept returning to a graphic mental image of Scully with the AD. A wave of nausea roiled up from his gut. Someone was going to have to start this discussion, and it didn't look like Scully was going to volunteer.

"So. What," he said, glancing away from the road "was that all about?"

Scully's glared. "Well, Mulder from my perspective it looked like you just charged into the AD's office uninvited, and attempted to kill him for no reason. Correct me if I'm wrong."

Mulder shrugged. "There was a reason. Not a good one, but a reason. Do you love him?"

Scully's regard was glacial. "That is none of your business, and you know it." She reached reflexively for the dashboard as the car went over a vicious bump. Mulder could almost see her patience snap in half. "Mulder, slow down. Are you trying to kill us? Is that it? Jesus Christ. You are the most selfish, self-centered, self-righteous child I have ever met. Barging in and trying to strangle him. You're lucky he didn't kill you. And while we're on the subject, my personal relationship with Walter has no bearing…"

"Walter?" he screamed, unceremoniously slamming the car into park, "You call him Walter?"

"He" she said, unable to keep the triumph from her voice, "never told me I couldn't, Fox." She paused for a moment to let her words bite into him. "I can walk from here."

He snapped the lock button on the door. "No, you can not walk from here, we are having a conversation."

"Are you going to stop me?" Her look was pure warning. If she had to, she wouldn't think twice about shooting him again. He backed off.

Scully reached over and unlocked her door. "And for your information, we are not having a conversation. Conversation implies a quiet exchange of words. What we are doing now is yelling at each other. And I'm sick of it."

He meant to let her go, really he did. He meant to hold on to his anger to protect himself. To hold on to the deception that had kept him safe for five years. But the sight of her, not just walking away, but walking away from him was too much. He got out of the car and ran after like their lives depended on it.

Once again Mulder, you old smoothie, you've managed to hurt the one person you'd die to protect. No wonder she's sleeping with someone else.

She knew he was there. He could tell when she straightened her shoulders that she could feel him behind her. But she didn't turn around. Not this time. If he was lucky, he might still save what was left of their friendship.

"Scully." His voice came out rusted solid. If he lost this woman, he would be nothing. "Scully, I'm sorry." He let himself rest a hand on her shoulder. She didn't pull away "I just saw you with him and I imagined him with you, and I" he took a deep breath of air, " I just wanted it to be me."

That was it. After so long, after so much pain, it had been so simple. So easy to trust her. To put his heart in her hands. To tell her the truth. He was light and relieved and suddenly fearless. There would be no ridicule, no judgement from her. How could he have doubted it? She would understand. She was Scully. She always knew what he was thinking, always felt his moods from across the room. Christ she even knew when he was hungry. All these years, how could he have thought to hide this from her? She would consider this another one of his eccentricities, like eating sunflower seeds, or watching porn. Her crazy partner who was in love with her. Not an ideal vision, but as long as she could live with it, he sure could.

"How could you be so stupid?" Her fist came out of nowhere to collide strongly with his abdomen. Her left. She was holding back, he thought as he gasped for air. "How long have you been doing this to us? How long have I slept without you because you were too wrapped up in yourself to notice me? Did you ever once consider that I need you, that I wake up every morning just to see you? That I have been here waiting for you for years?"

Then, a miracle. Her hands came up and into his hair, and her lips moved towards his, and before he could breathe, she was kissing him. And he just stood motionless.

And that's where they found him, ladies and gentlemen, frozen by the beauty of one perfect kiss.

She pulled away and broke into a gale of sunny laughter.

"Oh, god, Mulder, you should see the look on your face."

He knew how he looked. Like a stupid dork who was struggling really hard to keep up with this situation. "You kissed me."

More Scullylaughter. "Yes," she said, "I did, didn't I?" Her eyes sparkled with mischief. She was enjoying this. Her voice dropped as she purred, "Do you want me to do it again?"

This time, when her lips hit his, he was ready. He trapped her head with his hands, opened his mouth and sunk gratefully into her. Tasting her, feeling her mouth, pouring his heart into every second of the kiss. After so many years of dreaming it was happening. Finally.

He gently pulled her away from him and rested his face on her neck. "Scully, what about Skinner?"

Scully shook her head. "It's over. And it should never have happened. I wanted you, Mulder." She smiled and tucked an errant lock of his hair back into place. "Since the day I met you, it has always been you."

Mulder pulled her gratefully into his arms. If there was a heaven, then he was living it right now with the body of this wonderful woman pressed against his. "Well then" he said, his eyes closed against tears, "I am yours."

That's it folks. This is my first try at the whole fanfic thing. Please let me know what you think. But be kind…it is my first time.

Thanks! Libby