CHAPTER 4

YEAR LATER

Lauren smiles looking at one year old, Sophia, as she plays with Michael on the floor, 'My family.' She starts in surprise as she hears her phone ring. She picks up the phone flipping it open, "Reed"

"Hello sweetheart."

Lauren gasps hearing the familiar voice and quickly moves away from the living room, "Julian where are you? No one has heard from you in four months... they believe you are dead."

"I'm around taking a break."

Lauren walks upstairs to the bedroom, "I know about the shoot out. Are you OK?"

"Just recuperating, I will be fine." Sark assures

"Why are you calling? I haven't heard from you in seven months."

"It is my daughter's birthday. I wanted to check in on her. How is she?"

"Getting big, she's walking and talking."

"She's calling him Daddy." Sark says sadly.

"Yes." Lauren whispers sitting on the bed. "She's growing fast."

"I wish things were different Lauren."

"So do I." Lauren sighs wistfully.

"She's beautiful. She looks more and more like you in each picture."

"She has your smile. Sometimes it surprises me that no one realizes it." Lauren smiles sadly. "She's incredible."

"I take it your marriage is faring well." Sark states

"Doing as well as could be." Lauren answers with a mental shrug.

"He's still close to her."

"They're still close but Sydney won't let him closer. She's the reason we've stayed together this long. A few days after Sophia was born Sydney came to me... she told me that she didn't want to be the cause of problems between Michael and I. She asks him for help only when need be."

"Are you two friends now?"

"Not entirely. We've come to a truce."

"Lauren... I want to see her."

"We agreed"

"I haven't seen her since she was four months old Lauren. If you're worried about him, I'll send him out on a search for me. I'm not asking you to bring her to me while she's awake, I'll come by when she's asleep."

Lauren sighs 'I know I shouldn't do this.' "Fine. Give me a call when you plan this; just in case they end up calling me in."

"It should be in a few days."

"In a few days than." She relents

"I miss you Lauren."

"Same." Lauren hangs up closing her eyes, 'Oh Julian.' She takes a deep breath trying to control her feelings.

FEW NIGHTS LATER

Lauren looks up just as Sark walks into the house through the back door, "Hi." She sets the book aside.

Sark looks her over, "You look good Lauren."

Lauren swallows heavily, "So do you." She notices him limp slightly as he walks closer. "What happened?"

Sark shrugs, "Took one to the leg. I'm still healing."

"Oh." She leads Sark upstairs to Sophia's bedroom where the girl is sleeping in the crib. "You luck out she's a heavy sleeper." She says softly as they reach the crib. She turns on the bedside lamp.

Sark smiles faintly, "She looks great." He notices the blanket in her grasp.

"She doesn't let her blanket out of sight." Lauren says when she notices his attention on it. "She takes it everywhere. Michael's tried to take it from her to wash it but she cries whenever we do. So we take it at night so she doesn't notice."

Sark smirks, "Devious, love."

"It is the only way to get it washed." Lauren shrugs "She's very possessive about her blanket."

Sark looks at Lauren and reaches up brushing her hair back, "You look good."

Lauren shudders, "Please Julian, don't." She walks out of the bedroom.

Sark looks at Sophia 'I love you my little girl.' He walks out of the room where he finds Lauren standing in the hall. "What's wrong?" He steps up to her his hand going to her cheek.

Lauren shivers, "Don't"

"Why?"

"Because" She gasps at the feeling of his fingers trail across her jaw "We agreed"

"Agreements are made and broken every day." Sark kisses her lightly, "And this is one that needs to be broken."

"Oh Julian." Lauren moans kissing him back. "We shouldn't do this"

"We do what we don't want to do because we want too."

LATER

Lauren inspects Sark pressing her lips to each new and unfamiliar scar she finds. She looks at Sark who smiles faintly, "We shouldn't have done this." She whispers

Sark shrugs "Well we did."

Lauren sits up looking back at Sark, "We can't start up again. I want to make my marriage work and it won't if we start up again."

Sark steels his emotions then replies, "I want you happy Lauren. Even if its not real happiness."

"What makes you think its not real happiness?" Lauren demands

"Because I feel it when we're together."

"I'm happy." Lauren protests

"Not as happy as you deserve to be. You play at being happy Lauren but you aren't." He grabs her hand pressing it to his stomach, "I feel it here" he moves her hand to over his heart, "and here. You deny it Lauren but I feel it like I feel my own feelings." He brings her hand to his lips.

Lauren shivers "He loves me... I love him." She whispers

"You say that yet I don't feel it." He murmurs

"Please Julian don't"

"Don't what? Say the truth?" He pins her to the bed her hands over her head. "You don't love him."

Lauren struggles "I love him" she hisses her anger rising.

"No you don't" Sark snaps. "You love me!" When he sees the tears fill her eyes before she looks away he brushes his lips over her cheek, "Like I love you."

Lauren looks at him startled by his admission, "We can't be together... no matter how much we love each other we can't be together. If Michael found out we had an affair and that Sophia isn't his he would try to kill you. I can't have either of your deaths on my conscience." She closes her eyes taking a deep breath, "We can't risk Sophia's future for what we want." She looks at Sark then worms her hand from his grasp and brushes her fingers over his lips, "You know we have to do what's best for our little girl... even if it hurts. If you love us you'll stay away." She searches his eyes, "Please Julian. Swear you'll stay away from us."

"She's my daughter Lauren. I can't abandon her."

"And you can't be with her and you know it."

Sark pulls away and stands going in search of his clothes.

Lauren stares at him shivering at the anger radiating off his body, "Julian you know I'm right."

"That doesn't make it any easier Lauren." Sark glances at her as he pulls on his boxer briefs. "She's my child Lauren." He says sadly.

"You think I don't know that? I just have to look at her to be reminded of that. If the world was right we wouldn't have this problem." Lauren watches him dress "You can't be with her or me Julian. It's not fair to any of us." She stands going over to him she grabs his arm, "Swear on Sophia's life you will stay away from Michael. That means no killing him... no sending someone else to kill him." When Sark looks away she reaches up her hand going to his cheek she forces him to look back at her, "Swear to me" she pleads

"Why?"

"Because I can't lose both of you. If Michael dies they will come after you... and I'll lose you as well."

Sark scowls "Fine I will not harm your husband... I will not facilitate in anything that will be of any harm to him." He pulls on his shirt his mind starting to plot.

Lauren pulls on her pajamas and looks at Sark as he starts to button his shirt. She steps up to him stopping him in mid-button and leans in pressing her lips to the scar on his chest. "You know I don't want this." She continues to button his shirt.

"Part of you doesn't but another part of you does."

"The part that wants to give Sophia stability and safety. That's what you want as well." She finishes just as she buttons the last button of his shirt.

"She's my daughter."

"Always will be." Lauren brushes her fingers down his jaw. "We're doing this for her Julian."

"Doesn't make it easy." Sark steps away and walks out of the guest bedroom heading to Sophia's room. He stops at the crib looking at the sleeping girl, 'You will always be my little girl. I'll always be there when you need me... not matter what it is you need I'll be there.' He looks at Lauren as she joins him. "You know how to find me."

Lauren nods and walks with him out of the room and down the stairs to the back door. She watches as he disappears into the night. 'I'm sorry Julian.' She closes her eyes trying to control the tears threatening to fall.

NEXT DAY: CIA

"Well Sark is alive." Dixon announces once everyone is seated.

"He's been quiet for a while." Jack remarks

"Apparently he was injured in the last shoot out." Vaughn informs them "According to some informants he was injured pretty bad, almost died."

Lauren swallows heavily remembering the scars, 'Oh Julian why didn't you tell me?' "Where has he been then?"

"No one knows." Sydney answers "But wherever he's been he's ready to make his return."

"So do we wait?" Vaughn asks

"We don't know where he is." Sydney shrugs "We have no idea what he's up too."

"I'm sure we'll find out soon." Dixon says dryly.

THAT EVENING: REED/VAUGHN HOME

As she passes the guest room Lauren stops and looks in remembering the other night, 'It's never going to happen again.' She tells herself. 'I can't let it happen again.'

'You love him' A voice argues 'Don't give up on love.'

'I can't be with him. I can't leave Michael... if I do there will be a custody fight. I can't risk it.'

'You want to be with Julian'

'I do but I can't be with him.' Lauren closes the door and heads downstairs where she finds Michael playing with Sophia. 'Michael is a good Dad.'

'Yet he's not hers.'

'I know.'

Vaughn looks up and smiles "Hi honey."

Lauren smiles "Hi. What are you two doing?" She joins them on the floor.

Vaughn grins, "We're playing."

Lauren takes the baby from him kissing Sophia's cheek, 'My sweet little girl.' She smiles at the familiar smile, 'Got your Daddy's smile.' She hugs Sophia resting her cheek on the baby's head, 'I miss your Daddy. At least I have you.'

Sophia squirms

AFTER MIDNIGHT: SOMEWHERE

Sark opens the door gun in hand to find Lauren standing there "What are you doing here?" He asks stepping aside so she can enter.

Lauren shrugs "I couldn't sleep."

"You shouldn't be here."

"I know." Slowly they inch closer to each other, "Why'd you have to come back."

She whispers staring at him.

"I needed to see Sophia... and you." Sark brushes her hair back. "I miss you"

"You can't just show up when you want too and throw my life into a tailspin." Lauren says pained. "It hurts too much."

"And you think it doesn't hurt to be apart!"

"Yes it hurts!" Lauren says angrily "But it hurts more to see you and know what could happen if anyone found out about us." She shoves him "I hate you"

Sark grabs her pinning her against the wall, "You don't hate me."

"Yes I do. I hate you for making this all happen." Lauren whispers hoarsely. "Why couldn't you just stay away after that night!" She demands.

"Because I wanted you! You wanted me as well." Sark hisses "You wouldn't be here now if you didn't want me even now." He watches as her eyes close and she sags against the wall. "Admit it!" He growls "You want me"

"No"

"Yes." Sark steps away from her, "You want me." He walks over to the counter pouring himself a drink, "You wouldn't be here if you didn't." He downs his drink and looks at Lauren who is staring at him with a look of pain and anger trying to keep tears from falling. He sets his glass aside and steps up to her his fingers tangling in her hair kissing her again. Soon he feels Lauren give into the kiss her arms sliding around his neck.

Lauren whimpers feeling his lips trail down her neck, "Julian" she sighs

"You want me." He whispers looking at her.

"I never stopped." Lauren whispers "But we can't start up again. We can't risk it." She strokes his cheek. "You know we can't risk it. You know we have to stay away from each other." She murmurs against his lips.

"I know." Sark kisses her.

COUPLE HOURS LATER: REED/VAUGHN HOME

Lauren stares at her reflection in the mirror, 'No more. As hard as it is I can't go back to him. We're through.' She takes a deep breath opening the bathroom door she turns off the light making her way to the bed she crawls in beside her husband, 'I have Michael. Julian and I are over. As long as he stays away that is.' She blinks back tears. 'Goodbye my sweet Julian.'

NEXT MORNING

Lauren frowns seeing an envelope on the driver's seat picking it up she slowly opens it removing a piece of paper, as she reads she feels her heart break.

'If it is what you want, I will stay away and keep my earlier promises. If you need me you know how to find me.'

Hearing Sophia babble in the back seat Lauren looks at the little girl and smiles sadly, 'It's for the best Julian. We have Sophia to think about.' She refolds the note returning it to the envelope.

Across the street Sark sits in his car watching as Lauren carries Sophia out of the house and buckles her into the car seat. 'Be safe my girls... I'll always be around if you need me.' He watches Lauren's expression as she reads the note, 'So much pain, I wish I was able to help you alleviate it sweetheart. I'm sorry for everything Lauren... if I could make it better I would.'

CHAPTER 5

4 WEEKS LATER: LAUREN'S PARENTS HOUSE

"No" Lauren whispers staring at the stick in her hand tears blurring her vision. She sits on the floor of her parents home in Washington D.C. stunned at the results in her hand.

"Lauren" Olivia Reed calls "Sophia's up from her nap."

"I'll be right there Mother." Lauren calls wiping at her tears she stands looking at herself in the mirror before taking a deep breath. She returns the test to the box and putting it in the bag she shoves it into the bottom of the trash can. Opening the bathroom door she walks out of the bathroom following the sound of giggling to the bedroom where she finds her Mom standing at the window with Sophia in her arms.

"Mama" Sophia grins squirming.

Lauren smiles taking the little girl from her Mother, "Hi sweetie. Good nap?"

Sophia claps happily.

Lauren chuckles

Olivia looks at her daughter, "Lauren what is it?"

Lauren looks at her Mother, "Nothing"

"You came back to see us without Michael."

"He's working. I just wanted some time away from work while he didn't." Lauren shrugs

"Lauren"

"I'm fine." Lauren says quickly as she hugs Sophia her eyes going to the window.

"All right honey. I'll leave you two alone." Olivia walks out of the room.

WHILE LATER

Lauren dials a number as she steps away from Sophia who is quietly playing nearby.

"Yes"

"We need to talk."

"So talk." Sark replies

"In person."

"You tell me you don't want me around then you call me." Sark says angrily. "Make up your mind Lauren. You don't want me to appear in your life because it hurts... yet you think I don't feel"

"I'm pregnant" Lauren hisses angrily as she checks to make sure she's alone.

"Fine we'll meet." Sark says after a moment "Where are you?"

"At my parents."

"I can be in D.C. by tomorrow evening. I will call you then." Sark hangs up.

Lauren closes the phone and looks at Sophia who smiles "Hey sweetie" she joins her daughter on the floor.

NEXT NIGHT: SOMEWHERE

Lauren bites her lip as Sark enters the dingy hotel room. When she meets his gaze she swallows heavily at the feeling of intense love hits her.

"Mine or his?" Sark demands immediately.

"Pretty sure it's yours." She hugs herself, "I can't have it."

"Can't or won't?" Sark asks coldly.

"Both. As it is, I have to constantly worry that Sophia won't hurt herself too bad or that she doesn't get sick. I can't go through that with a second baby. The stress of keeping the truth a secret is hard, add another baby..." Lauren shakes her head. "Why weren't we more careful?" She mutters running her fingers through her hair. She looks at Sark wincing at the pain and anger in his eyes "You know I'd have it if I could."

Sark crouches before her cupping her cheek, "Then don't have an abortion... we can go get Sophia and disappear. Go somewhere where no one can find us."

"We can't. They won't stop looking for you. We can't raise two kids on the run." Lauren whispers tears blurring her vision. "They'd find us... then what? How will we explain things if they did find us? We can't run from the CIA and NSC." She says sadly. "Michael wouldn't let us just disappear... not after what happened with Sydney." She nuzzles into his hand, "I do want to be with you Julian." She whispers tears falling.

Sark wipes at the tears with his thumbs, "Then come with me."

"I want too"

"Then do... walk away from Vaughn and be with me."

"I can't" Lauren closes her eyes not wanting to see the anger in Sark's eyes.

Sark leans in kissing her forehead

"Don't be mad." Lauren whispers

"I'm not sweetheart." Sark assures carefully he pulls her up then sits on the chair pulling her onto his lap.

Lauren buries her face in his neck tears falling, "I do love you Julian." She whispers.

"I love you too." Sark presses his lips to her hair.

"If things were different I'd have this baby."

"I know."

COUPLE HOURS LATER: HOUSE

Lauren looks at Sophia as she sleeps in the crib, 'I'm so sorry Sophia... you won't have the chance to know your little brother or sister. If I could keep the baby I would... its part of your Daddy. I love him so much but I can't be with him... we have to stay with Michael.' She wipes away the tears as they fall, 'I'm sorry Julian.'

COUPLE DAYS LATER

Lauren opens her eyes as she hears a knock at the bedroom door, "Yes"

Olivia enters "Honey, are you OK?" She asks entering the room she sits on the edge of the bed, "You look sad."

'I am sad. My baby is gone.' "I'm fine. Just a little tired." Lauren lies "Where's Sophia?"

"She is with your father. You know how he likes to spoil her."

Lauren smiles "Yeah he does."

"Where did you go the other night Lauren?" Olivia asks curiously.

"Just needed to drive around and think." Lauren shrugs

"How are things going between you and Michael?"

"Everything is fine."

"Lauren I know you... something is going on." Olivia brushes Lauren's hair back. "Talk to me. You know you can tell me anything."

"Did you ever wonder if you made the right choice in life?" Lauren asks softly.

"Is this about him?" Olivia demands

"I love him. He loves me." Lauren looks down at the floor tears blurring her vision.

Olivia sighs saddened by her daughter's pain, "You are married Lauren."

"I'm not going to leave Michael." Lauren assures "I can't be with him and I know it. I've managed to stay away from him."

"But?"

"He's who I think of when I think about the future. Michael... I don't know if he actually loves me or is with me out of duty."

"Lauren"

"You should see how he looks at Sydney. I know he still loves her and she loves him. I tried to make things right... with Sophia... allowing him to help Sydney... begging him not to help Sydney. I've tried everything Mother. I can't make him love me as much as he loves her."

"Lauren he loves you."

"No he loves the fact he's Daddy."

"Is he really though?"

Lauren shakes her head, "No." She whispers

"Oh Lauren."

"It just happened." Lauren shrugs "Michael can't know Mother... ever." She says worried. "If he finds out he'll go after him."

"It is your decision to tell him Lauren." Olivia says softly. "If you want to keep your marriage you'll need to stay away from this man."

"I know. We agreed to stay away from each other... even though it hurts we know its for the best if we stay away from each other." 'Can't risk me getting pregnant again either. God knows we're very fertile together.'

"Lauren I know you're unhappy and hurt but staying away from this man is for the best."

Lauren nods "I know."

"I'll leave you alone. Daddy and I will keep an eye on Sophia tonight."

"Thanks." Lauren watches as her Mother walks out of the room and closes her eyes, 'I just want to be in Julian's arms. Have him tell me everything is going to be fine. No Lauren... don't dwell. You and Julian are done... no more being together. Focus on your marriage... maybe keep it going.' Her hand goes to her middle a flash of pain hitting, 'Julian and I will never have another baby. I'm so sorry Julian.' She buries her face in the pillow swallowing heavily as the tears fall.

THAT NIGHT

Lauren sits on the rocking chair holding Sophia close tears blurring her vision, 'My little girl. I just have to get over your Daddy. It will be hard but we'll go on with Michael being Daddy. I love your Daddy so much and as much as it hurts we have to stay away from each other. One day when you're old enough I will tell you all about your Daddy. How he made me smile... how he made me feel... how much he loves us. Despite what you might hear from Michael and his friends... Julian Sark has an incredibly sweet side, it's hidden but its there if you look for it. He's a good man Sophia and he loves you so much.' She presses her lips to Sophia's soft curls. 'Be safe Julian.'

TBC…