Chapter Three

"Roger, I can't let her go-" started Andrew but was interrupted.

"Let her go," he repeated.

Andrew glanced at his sister reluctantly, then at his uncle. His uncle nodded and Andrew unclasped the handcuffs and walked back to where Candy and Linda were standing. Candy looked at his eyes, full of fire and regret.

"I shouldn't have done that," he muttered.

"A reporter's oath is just as bendable," she said to him. "You did what you had to do."

Candy's dad brought Maureen to the sofa as she shivered through her silent sobs. Roger tried to calm her down, but she stubbornly insisted on being mute. He turned to Mark for an explanation.

"We just got into an argument. It wasn't anything serious," said Mark.

"The woman threatened you with the jagged piece of glass," said Andrew.

"Trust me, that's nothing," said Mark. He held his hand up before Andrew could press on. "I know you have your duty, but please just let us handle this. I'm fine, I swear to you." He leaned toward Angela. "I'm fine, Angela." Angela slowly backed away to give her father some room. She walked over to Candy and gave her the same look she had on. Candy wanted to know what was going on.

"Maureen, you didn't have to tell him she was dead," said Roger. Everyone looked at Maureen, waiting for an answer.

"What are you talking about?" she demanded.

"You could have at least been sensitive about it," continued Roger.

"Who died?" asked Mark.

"You don't know?" asked Roger.

"Roger, what are you talking about?"

"Audrey." He stopped. Candy could tell that her father didn't want to press any further so he stayed silent. He looked at Maureen in a confused gaze.

"Audrey's dead?" whispered Mark. "Maureen, why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I didn't know," said Maureen.

"How couldn't you have known, Mimi just called and told me-"

"Mimi?"

"Hold on a second!" said Angela. "Can someone please give us the courtesy of knowing what's going on, who this is-" she gestured to Maureen. "- and who Audrey was?"

Candy watched as her father and Maureen both turned to Mark for an answer. Everything was moving a bit too quickly. An unknown name, an unfamiliar face... how was it that the names Maureen or Audrey were new to her? They were heard in their household. They were definitely not good friends of her dad's or else he would have talked about them more. He held friendship high in his list. Candy felt a bit discomfited as her father stood up, gesturing Maureen out the door.

"I think you need to leave Maureen. We'll keep in touch," he said. Maureen looked at him, surprised, almost shocked that she had been dismissed. She didn't say anything more though and reluctantly glanced over at Mark who looked straight ahead with an expressionless face. She walked away, and Candy saw her father wave his hand for her to come over.

"We need to talk. And I think you two need to talk as well," he said to Mark. Linda quickly reacted.

"We'll be on our way then," she said grabbing her brother's arm and leading him out the door.

"Yeah, but-" he started to protest but quickly pulled back when Linda shot him a look. They left quietly and Candy remained as confused as ever.

"Come on baby," said her father, "I'll explain on the way." Candy gazed into her father's eyes, full of genuineness and seriousness. A gaze she had never seen her father before because he was usually so light-humored and funny. They went back into their apartment where the candlelight began to dim from around the room. They switched the lights on which had come back during their absence.

"Sit," he said softly. Candy couldn't get use to him this way. She was waiting for him to burst into a parody of Puccini's Boheme. She sat on their sofa, and he took his seat beside her.

"I think we're ready to tell you how me and your mom got AIDS," he said lowly.

"From Audrey?" asked Candy absent-mindedly. She assumed it had to do with her.

"No, no," he said. "She's a different story, but… I need to tell your more about the past before we get into her."

"We're not going to wait for mom?"

"I already talked with her. She said that she'll have a talk with you later tonight, okay?" Candy nodded and she let him go on. He took a deep breath. "I met your mom when she was nineteen. We… we weren't the type of people you'd see around here. We lived in the East Village."

"The East Village?" repeated Candy, jaw-dropped. "Didn't grand-"

"We didn't look to our parents for help. We wanted to make it on our own."

Candy scooted in her seat. "So you guys were in love and defied your parents by moving to the East Village."

"No, not so fairy tale-ish," he said with a laugh. "I was rooming with Mark when I met your mom. I wasn't in the best of shape- I wanted to become a rock star but a few things sort of… weighed me down."

"AIDS…"

"Partly. Before your mom, I was… I was in love with another girl." He stopped suddenly. It looked as if he was about to choke up, like it was difficult to go on. He turned away and leaned forward.

"Daddy, is she important?" She didn't want to see him hurt. She didn't need to know anything her parents prevented from telling her. She didn't want to know, not at a cost to see her father hurt.

"She was probably the one who gave me AIDS," he whispered. "But there were so many factors. I could have had it and didn't know. I was a junkie, I could-"

"A what?"

"Junkie…" he paused and turned to her, then smiled. He took another breath. "Smack. Drugs. I did them all."

"You what?" She almost felt heart-broken, but didn't exactly know why. She wasn't sure if it was sympathy or disgust, or if she just felt betrayed, but she couldn't believe her father was a drug addict. It just didn't seem like him. It didn't seem like he would be the type to share needles, and sniff crack, and…

He shook his head. "The rush was unbelievable. But I had to pay for it later. Anyway, I had quit once I met your mom. She was still on it though-"

"She was a junkie too?"

"Yeah, she was. Candelyn, we weren't the best people growing up. We had good intentions, but what we had to do to survive, to get by… we had to escape some how. We hardly had food on the table, and all we could focus on was living the moment-"

"But didn't you worry about what was going to happen to your future?"

He shook his head. "Not at the time. We figured, we're going to die anyway, we might as well make the most of right now."

Candelyn looked down. She had never really thought of it that way. She too knew that she was going to die. Did it matter whether she wanted to be a big opera singer or ballet dancer if she was just going to tire herself out and die later? But she couldn't possibly live that way. She knew that she had time, but her parents' story corroborated the fact that there wasn't any time like the present. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do now. What am I supposed do, she thought desperately.

"Now don't start thinking that your life's a waste," her father said. "I know we thought differently then than we do now, but the times are different for you. Circumstances are different, better even."

Candy just nodded and continued to look down. "So who was Audrey?"

"Audrey was the woman Mark got involved with for half a year or so. They were sort of in love, I guess, if you can call what they had love. They didn't have a lot of chemistry, but he hung on to her like glue and she didn't have the heart to turn him down. Then they had Angela."

"Hold on." For as long as she's known Angela, she was always told that her mother died when she gave birth to her. Angela had always wanted to know about her mother, but never got the chance to. If she ever found out that she was still alive, she would have a fit with her father. Although she guessed that it would be soon enough that she'd discover the truth. Still, Candy was confused on why they just wouldn't tell Angela that her mother was still alive.

"Why say Audrey was dead?"

"Mark didn't want to tell Angela that she had a mother who didn't want a thing to do with her," he said. "It would hurt her and Mark couldn't live with that."

Candy felt slightly upset. "So the truth just comes out…"

"We would have had to told you sooner or later. And with you coming in to see Maureen acting… well, like Maureen, and then the name Audrey popping up- it would have been complicated covering it up and we hated to continue going on that way."

"So you waited this long to tell me the truth? You've been lying to me all this time?"

"No, no. Don't get upset. We didn't lie to you, we just thought it was best for you not to know about how things were. Look how great you turned out."

"All because of a lie." She felt horrible now. Didn't her parents think that she would understand? Maybe she'd have a better understanding of how life was for her parents, and thus a better understanding of herself, her roots. All this time, she always thought she was brought up well, but now she wasn't sure. She was curious and a bit… disappointed.

"We worked hard for all this Candelyn, don't think differently," her father said. "Our past doesn't matter."

"You changed so much…"

"For you. For our family," he reassured. "And we're happy."

Candy smiled and nodded, but inside there was this feeling of remorse. Her existence could have been the cause of their change, but why didn't she feel like it was for the better? She got up to go to her room to think, but then turned back.

"Who's Maureen?"

"Maureen Johnson." He laughed. "She's on Broadway, on and off Hollywood. She used to be Mark's old girlfriend before she turned lesbian. She hated Audrey."

"Was it because they were together?"

"Not too sure. I never understood her, only that she was crazy. She was always causing some sort of disturbance or riot. Luckily, she's put all that into something constructive."

"Actually, her clothes were an obstruction to my vision."

He laughed. "You've got my sense of humor. I meant her career."

"If you don't mind dad, I'm gonna hang in my room for a while okay?"

"Well, I was thinking we could have dinner later on since you'll be leaving in a week to that school…?"

"I'm not feeling much of an appetite." She walked into her room, blowing out one of the candles on her way. She shut her door and flopped herself onto her queen-sized bed colored in soft pink. She buried her face in one of her feather pillows and sighed. What was life like back then? She tried to think, but she couldn't picture it. She tried to convince herself that they were happier now, but this unknown feeling kept creeping up telling her otherwise. Why did she have this weird intuition? She turned on her back and stared at the ceiling filled with glow-in-the-dark stars. She soon fell asleep under the Milky Way.

Someone nudged her gently and she woke up slightly annoyed. She blinked a few times and saw her mom staring back at her. Her full lips smiled at her, and her long curly hair dangled from her face.

"Hello hija, sleeping well?" Candy looked into her round, brown eyes. "Doin' okay?"

"Fine, mamá," said Candy sitting up. She laid her head on her mother's lap who sat her legs on top of her bed. Her mother untied Candy's hair and started combing it with her fingers. She petted her softly and Candy suddenly felt home-sick even though she had a week left before she actually moved out.

"Are you sure you want to transfer?"

"Opera and ballet mommy," she said. "It's what I want."

"I know." She kissed the top of her forehead. "You and your father talk?"

"Yeah," she replied softly. "Almost unreal."

"It'll sink in. Do you have any… questions?"

Candy shrugged. What was she supposed to ask? "It's just hard to accept the way you were, and why you never told me."

"I'm sorry, baby. But we didn't want to feed you those thoughts. We wanted you to think about your future. We did the exact opposite."

Candy gulped. She wanted to say it, but was fighting her conscience. But she had to know. "Why did you do drugs?"

She sighed. "All my friends did it. Now, don't give me that. I was young. I used to live every day as if it was my last day."

"How do you live it now?"

"I live it…. as if I can't wait for tomorrow," she said, "because tomorrow always brings you." She hugged her tightly. "You don't know how much we love you."

"I do," she said hugging her back. "How did you become a nurse?" For some reason that profession didn't fit when her mother was once a druggie.

"I didn't finish high school until I was 23. I dropped out then came back, and when I came back I decided I wanted to help others like me."

"What did you do in between? Why did you drop?" Another shocker. It was so unlike her parents.

"I uh… I…" she was afraid that her mother wouldn't say it. She was twenty-one, she'd at least hope they'd talk to her like an adult. "I was a stripper. At the Cat Scratch Club…"

"You stripped?" Candy sat up and looked at her mother in the eye. What kind of life did she live if she had to resort to that? They continued to talk through the night, and Candy learned more about her mother and father. She learned about the three way triangle they had with another man named Benny. She learned a bit about a cross dresser named Angel and all the other friends she had. The friends her parents had now were nothing like she had described about her past friends. Why did they break apart then? Was Candy the fault of losing what she perceived as such great friends? What was this other life? There were a few times during their conversation where Candy had to pause and think for a moment because she just couldn't face it. For her, it was a difficult thing to swallow.

Hours into the night, her father finally interrupted, asking why there was an empty place beside him in bed. Her mother smiled, and told Candy that she should be getting some sleep. It was nearly 5a.m.

"Go ahead and sleep for the rest of the day. We have a dinner date with Maureen later tonight," said her mother.

"How did that happen?" her father asked.

"She dropped by the hospital to ask about Audrey, and we started talking. She invited us to Angie's to catch up."

"She still wants to keep in touch with the little people?"

"She has a big heart and you know that. She wanted our kids along." She looked at Candy who nodded sleepily.

"G'night," said her mother kissing her cheek. She got off her bed and her father kissed the top of her head. Candy started feeling her eyelids droop and the last she saw was her father and mother leaving her room. But now it felt more like two strangers with a broken past.