A/N: I have a tendency to make up my own swear words and will use the same one for different ones depends on what im feeling. I'm telling you this cause im going to use a few to make Greg seem weirder than he already is. Also since I once was a big Nsync fan, and the recent release of their greatest hits Cd, I've decided to do a series of fics that have Nsync songs. Hehe. Also doing another fic little thingy between Nick/OC and Sara/Greg in the same chapter. Look for these in stores somewhere, or so I hope. Haha. (Now if only I had time to type them up) Sorry this took so long to update but I hit a writers block the size of Texas. Then tonight bam! It all came rushing out like the hoover dam. First song below this is Superman's dead by Our Lady Peace, may use it again don't know. Check it out – geez I'm sounding like Fergie from Black Eyed Peas in My Humps. The rest of the bolded lyrics are Tourniquet by Evanescence. Check it Out!

How long to you break?
Your happy cause you smile
But how much can you fake?
Ordinary boy ordinary name
Ordinary's just not good enough today

SMACK!

"Ow what in the flip balls was that for?" Greg asked as he began rubbing the back of his head.

"You told me I had permission to hit you when you weren't cluing in" wasn't cluing in to what? Oh right kissing her.

"Would you like me to kiss you?" he asked in a joking sort of way

"Among other things" she said, the wind blew gently as he came towards her.

"Tell me about her" Sara whispered, he had to strain to hear her.

"Who Jaimie Lee?" he gulped down his milk in the early morning, his mother would kill him if she knew he was up this early in her kitchen making a mess.

"Ya" he sat down at the kitchen table thinking how to sum up his sister in a sentence or less.

"Well she was the popular one, the steady boyfriend, the one who got good grades without even trying, model daughter, you know the one everyone hates"

"I'm sure she was more than that" she said as she came to him, placing her hands on his sagging shoulders.

He had to think about that one, was she really?

"No matter what time or how busy she was, she always had time to spend with you or do you a favor"

"She seems like a nice girl"

"She was" she'd been dead a week and he was already talking about her in the past tense

"You don't have to tell me this but was there a note left?" he really had to think about that too, he remembered his mother mentioning something along the lines of a letter but he didn't remember her coming out and saying the word 'letter'.

"I…I don't know" his sister killed herself and he didn't even know if there was a letter left, what kind of a brother was he?

"There you are" Sara stated as she found Greg sitting in a room, she knew as Jaimie Lee's, the door had been closed ever since they got here, the only one that had been closed. She sat at edge of the bed, a nice baby blue comforter covered the sheets.

"I didn't even know her favourite colour"

"That's okay how long have I known you and I don't know your favourite colour"

"I mean she kept changing it so often that I just gave up trying to know it" he swirled around in her computer chair, he'd been in there over an hour and the only thing he'd done was sit down on her chair.

"You don't have to do this" she finally said after a few moments of silence. He knew he didn't but he wanted to. He wanted to know his sister.

Sara glanced around the room, a little too girly for her with the pale pink walls and the baby blue comforter, the white furniture, it looked something that came from a movie. Her eyes rested on a book shelf full of pictures, she saw one that held younger version of Greg and a very young Jaimie Lee. She walked over to it, picking up, thinking it would have been nice to have keepsakes for eternity.

"That was taken the summer before I went to college. Dad insisted we take a camping trip, that he could get along in the wilderness"

"Did he?"

"Are you kidding we got lost twice and he got poison ivy, mom is was the leader for the week" she believed that, she hadn't known Cathy very long but something told her, she was the take charge kind of person.

"We have to tell them"

"I know"

"I think they already guessed about the engagement but the pregnancy"

"I know that too"

"Wanna wait for the right moment?"

"Definitely"

"Well I go see if I can help with dinner" she walked to the door but stopped and walked to him instead. She hugged him from behind, his arm coming up to return to the embrace.

"I'm worried about you" she whispered, her voice filled with unwashed tears

"There's no need, I'm fine" now if only she believed him.

She kissed his temple and left without saying another word. He knew she worried about him, it wasn't good for her to worry, it would hurt the baby but he really was fine. His finger reached out and turned on the screen to her computer, the screen instantly lighting up revealing her background. Her friends, family and herself filled the screen all smiling. His eyes welled up with tears, this was harder than he thought, but something that needed to bedone for closure, he was treating this like a crime scene, minus the collecting of physical evidence, he wanted to get inside of Jaime's head so that he knew her every thought and finally have the answers he was looking for.

He knew what kind of music he listened to but what about her? Hmm… he scrolled down and opened her music player and clicked play.

I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more
So much more
I lay dying
And I'm pouring
Crimson regret and betrayal

Why did his sister have this song and only this song playing? Had she known for quiet a while that she was going to commit suicide? Usually when he processed a suicide, the people got depressed tried once or twice never really hurting themselves and one night took it to the next step, just using what ever was available, razor, rope, a gun or even pills. As the song continued on he looked through Jaimie's files hoping that something she had would give him the answer he needed.

I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?

Bingo! He found it or at least he hoped he found a document entitled me. It had quite a bit of pages to it 101 in fact and as he began to skim through it, he became more aware that it was her diary. He skipped most of it landing on the stuff that had started a month prior to her death. One entry caught his eye. April 19th.

My god My tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My god My tourniquet
Return me to salvation

April 19th
The time is four pm, the weather is far a slight breeze blows the trees outside as I'm writing this, mother nature is at peace with the world when I am ready to throttle it by the neck. Today of all days our two year anniversary, Jeff comes out of nowhere and tells me that we should see other people, in front of his friends. They got a kick out of that, but I wouldn't let him or his idiot friends have the last laugh, I smacked him across the face and stormed out calmly. I sat in the bathroom until the end of lunch, not letting anyone see me cry. I barely made it through Math and English, anyone who was anyone had seen the break-up and I was the center of attention indirectly of course no one would talk to me, just look at me and laugh and continue talking. I broke a pencil in half by accident –I know what you're thinking but it really was an accident. Although I do wish it was Cindy's head. My friends wont even talk to me, they think I am some kind of freak now, they even voted to have me kicked of the cheerleading team. ME the Captain. Jeff, not even two hours of breaking it off with me had Cindy draped all over him and he did nothing to push her away, just looked at me like I was the one who had the problem, umm hello did the last two years not mean anything to you? Guess not. I was sooo mad when I came home I locked myself in the bathroom and well before I could think I picked up Dad's razor, amazing how this is the millennium and the guy still uses things they used in the 1800's. I broke the flesh, glad Greg was the one who went into forensics cause the moment I saw blood, I panicked and dropped the razor, if feel to the floor, along with the blood drops from my wrist. Maybe next time I try I will have enough guts to do so.

He read a few more entries, nothing important coming up an occasional name mention of the new Ms. Jeff and no one talking to her. Another red flag came up when he read another one almost a month later.

May 12th,
I ALMOST DID IT! I know I usually start off with how the weather is but well its shitty outside meaning its rainy and the wind is cold. Kinda like what I feel inside, my wrist hurts I finally got up enough courage to try it again, it only hurts for a few seconds before the pain goes away. The pain comes back after the bleeding stops, Mom still hasn't found the other towels from a month ago, I hid them in the back of the closet and used them again today. It's getting quite bloody; I may have to wash it. If only I knew how to use the washing machine. More about my day, same as usual no one talks to me, rather laugh and point, the friends I was thought were my friends were only being my friends to get close to Jeff and look how that turned out. They act as if I don't exist. Maybe it's better if I don't.

His sister was starting to scare him, she had all the signs a suicidal person had. Unshed tears finally washed over his eyelids and down to the keyboard as he read the final entry.

May 29th
Weather was okay, it was warm in the sun, cold in the shadows so of course I'm freezing. I know if I wait a month more, I will be rid of these people and quite possibly never have to see them again but it's hard. I've made my decision, I have it planned out, I know how and when I'm going to do it. Tonight after mom and dad go to sleep so they cant interrupt me, and at least they can get some sleep. They worry about me, but have no idea what I'm going through. They don't understand, no one does. I'm so sorry but this is the last time I will be using this, shame really they bought me this computer two months ago for my birthday. I don't know what's to become of this maybe erased maybe not I really don't know.

Oh ya by the way Greg, I know you're reading this, the only one in the family strong enough to do so. I really am sorry. I wish I could take away the pain from everyone but all the pain that I feel inside will never amount to mine. I really am sorry and I hope you forgive me, this was something I had to do. Until we meet again - I've spent too much around mom

Jaime Lee

my wounds cry for the grave
my soul cries for deliverance
will i be denied Christ
tourniquet


my suicide….