Grissom held Sara's face, her tears damping his hands, but her gaze never left his eyes.
Sara couldn't pretend anymore. All the emotions that have built in her over the last few days have finally exploded and left her spent and beaten.
She had left the hospital, relieved that Nick was okay. She wanted to head straight back to the lab, but as soon as she got in her car, she hesitated. The truth was, the lab was the last place she wanted to be.
She felt exhausted, she hasn't slept in God knows how long and everything that's been happening, has made her realize few home truths.
Sara rested her forehead on the wheel, the leather cool against her warm skin. She closed her eyes and slowly let out a breath, trying to fully take in the magnitude of recent events.
She thought of Grissom and suddenly she felt dampness on her palms, the unwanted tears making its way across her cheeks.
She didn't want to cry. She hated herself for it. She's always been so strong and breaking down wasn't something she'd ever allow herself to do. True, there have been few times where her walls have crumbled and she let her defences down, only to put them back up immediately.
And there was a reason for it.
Grissom.
Sara knew that if she ever let herself go in front of him, she could never go back. Once the walls were torn down, he would see her for who she really was.
And she wasn't sure if she was ready for it.
I choose men who are emotionally unavailable.
She worried about his reaction. What if he decided once and for all, that she wasn't the person he wanted?
What if she wasn't someone who he could imagine spending the rest of his life with. Someone who lit up the room with a simple smile. Someone whose face was the last thing before he fell asleep.
What if...
None of those "what ifs" mattered. She loved him anyway. She always would.
And that's why she had to see him. She'd almost lost him tonight. And even just the thought of the alternative was enough to make her sick.
Sara started the car, and looking in the rear view mirror she saw her reflection. She almost didn't recognize herself. Where was the bubbly, strong, confident woman who Sara knew so well? She'd been replaced by the shadow of her former self.
She studied her eyes in the mirror, full of sorrow and regret. Was that how she wanted to live the rest of her life?
The answer hung in the air, as she pulled out of the hospital garage, heading in the direction of North Trop Boulevard.
She pulled into the garage and parked the car. She sat still for several minutes, gathering her composure.
She'd be fine. They needed to talk and that's what Sara intended to do. She checked herself in the mirror again. The tears have subsided, and the puffiness around her eyes has gone.
She smiled reassuringly to herself and got out of the car.
Sara slammed the door, dropping her keys in the process. She bent down to pick them up and all of a sudden something inside her cracked. The sight of Nick in a coffin, the explosion as they pulled him out, Grissom sitting in the ambulance, the vision of him in the explosion, Gil's bloodied face...
Sara couldn't hold it back anymore. She collapsed on the ground, resting her back against the car door, as tears fell freely from her eyes. She sobbed, as every painful memory in her life flashed before her eyes. They were always coming back to haunt her, when she was at her most vulnerable and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
She didn't think her heart could take that much pain. She felt unable to fight it anymore, because long time ago she has realized that she was not be able to deal with it alone.
Only she wasn't alone.
On hearing footsteps, her body froze. She tried to stop crying, but it proved impossible, especially as the footsteps sounded only too familiar and the voice which called out her name made her heart constrict with a wave of emotions.
---
Grissom's heart ached when he saw her. He felt the familiar tightening in his chest, always when he saw Sara in pain.
He was next to her within seconds. He cupped her face and wiped away the tears, wanting nothing more than to take her in his arms and shield her from all the pain in this world.
"Sara..."
Grissom couldn't help it. Looking at the woman he loved, and seeing her face creased with pain, his lips trembled and tears fell from his eyes.
He wanted to comfort her, and as clichéd as it would sound, tell her that everything was going to be okay. His heart went out to her, yet he couldn't say a single word.
It was new to him. She had cried in front of him before, but this was different. Before, when they briefly talked at Boulder Highway, an unspoken promise passed between them.
He'd told her he needed her, thus betraying his most guarded secret. The secret he'd kept from her, afraid that it would destroy him. He'd admitted his weakness.
Her.
He always knew he needed her. She was the only thing keeping him sane. His life changed the moment he saw her face and from that moment he knew he could never go back. He knew that once he lost himself in her, that's where he'd stay.
Under Grissom's touch, Sara's tears subsided. She closed her eyes, revelling in the feeling of him being so close to her. She slowly exhaled, and opening her eyes again, she found his face inches from hers.
She swallowed hard, as Grissom caressed her cheek. Everything around seemed to slow down, as two of them realized the inevitability of what was going to happen.