He was walking towards her, his gaze fixed upon her face. She was certain that his expression was meant to tell her something, but she couldn't quite figure out what it was. Instead, she stood where she was, terrified of might happen, but fascinated at the same time. Unable to move, she could only wait.
She waited, until his steps quickened and he was almost within her reach. He held out his hand and she smiled, ready to follow him anywhere. She leaned forward and leapt into darkness.
He was no longer there and she kept falling, deeper into the familiar depths of her masked expectations. Shadows from the farthest part of her mind once again started to devour her soul, as the demons screamed out her biggest fear.
She woke up in cold sweat, with her eyes unfocused and full of unshed tears. Trying to get her shallow breathing under control, Sara's first thought was to reach for the light switch on her night table, only to realise that someone was watching her. Her hand froze in mid-air, and the question died on her lips, when she heard the only too familiar voice utter her name with a great deal of concern.
"Sara?"
---
Grissom stood outside Sara's door, staring at the floor. What was he waiting for? He couldn't even remember getting here, all he knew was that his need to see Sara right now was far greater than anything he has ever experienced and he had to make sure that she knew that.
The walls around him have started to crumble and he started to feel the warmth of the sunshine shining on his face, little bright rays, starting to get through the cool and hard exterior, gingerly making their way in.
He felt the softness of her skin under his palms, her touch allowing him to finally express his emotions. The beauty of her eyes, when she looked into his and made a silent promise. The taste of her lips when longing and desire found the release in the sweetest and most passionate kiss.
She had made him complete. It's taken him years and an almost tragedy to finally realise where he wanted to be, and now...
He was letting her go again. The hurt he felt, when she walked away, was ripping his hear apart. He felt the familiar tightening in his chest, when the pain had become so unbearable that he almost couldn't breathe.
This has had to stop. He wanted to reclaim his life, he wanted to start living.
Reaching up, he softly tapped on her door. There was no answer, but Grissom waited, patience being one of his strongest traits.
He listened, trying to make out a sound from inside the apartment. A sign, that would tell him that she was there. But he heard nothing.
His breathing quickened, as a sickening feeling of panic hit him.
"Sara?" He put his face closer to the door.
"Sara, it's me. Please, open up?"
She could have gone out, she could have been still at work for that matter! That wouldn't surprise him in the least. Grissom cursed himself silently for not making sure of her whereabouts before he came looking for her here.
Sighing with disappointment, he turned away from the door, ready to walk away, but not before he'd done something he would normally never do.
He gently pressed the doorknob, as if to make sure that she wasn't really there. His heart almost stopped in shock, when the door opened silently, revealing Sara's apartment, empty and completely in darkness.
And she was nowhere in sight.
Grissom's hand automatically reached for the light switch, bathing the room in its warm glow. Everything looked normal, but Grissom's instinct was telling him otherwise.
He noticed the stack of books on her desk, as she was probably working on something, as usual. The faint rustling of paper came from the other direction of the room and Grissom turned, startled. The window was ajar, and he felt the gentle breeze on his face, however it only fuelled his anxiety.
He could felt sweat on his forehead, as the vividness of his latest nightmare came back to hit him in its full force. Blinking away the distressing images, Grissom looked around to search for Sara's presence.
He noticed a white orchid on top of the bookcase, right where he remembered it from the last time he's been here. She had kept it after all this time, putting all her effort into looking after it, perhaps something to remind her that he did, in fact, care.
His heart ached at the thought. He did care, and he would never have wanted her to think otherwise, yet in the light of everything that has happened in the past few years, he wouldn't be surprised if she did doubt him. What has he brought her recently if not more pain? His indecisiveness has cost both of them so much time, time which could have been spent so differently.
Taking a step forward, Grissom stumbled over Sara's shoes, placed right between the front door and the fridge, situated on his left. Reaching down, he picked up a pair of brown leather boots and set them aside, almost frightened to disturb the order of Sara's neatly arranged things.
Standing up, he brushed his back against the cool metal of the fridge door, knocking off one of the fridge magnets, which in turn caused a photograph to slide down on the floor.
Sighing, Grissom bent down once again and gingerly picked up the unfamiliar object. His vision suddenly went blurry, as he recognised Sara's features immediately, in a little girl, with a big smile on his face. She was standing between her parents, clutching her mother's hand, her eyes looking straight at him. The intensity with which her face projected all the childhood feelings of innocence and future expectations made his heart constrict with unbelievable sadness, when he thought of the injustice of her having to endure so much pain, and not long after this photograph was taken.
The least he could do was try and let his love shield her from any more heartache. And that's what he intended to do, if only she'd let him.
Lost in his thoughts, he jolted back to reality, upon hearing soft cries from Sara's bedroom, and the ever present feeling of worry took over. Replacing the photo on the fridge, in a few steps Grissom crossed the distance separating him from the half-closed door to the next room. Putting his hand on the handle, Grissom hesitated for split second, before making an equally swift decision. There was no turning back now.
The door opened gently, revealing a sleeping figure. Sara was curled up on one side of the bed, blanket draped over her slender form. And she's been dreaming, but by the look on her face, Grissom could tell that they weren't pleasant dreams. Her eyes were tightly shut and the occasional blinking signified how much she wanted to erase the painful images and let them disintegrate into nothingness.
Grissom moved closer to the bed and his eyes took in the sight of the woman he adored. Woman he couldn't live without. Woman who he loved and who he wanted to know that.
Before he could stop himself, Grissom sat down on the bed, reaching for Sara. As delicately as he could, Gil moved his hand up and down her face, trying to bring her out of the nightmarish world that she seemed to end up so often recently. He wanted to touch her, take her in his arms and hold her until neither of them could breathe. He wished to kiss her again, and tell her how much he wanted her to be a part of his life.
Gil Grissom saw beyond the hard-built facade, that he'd spent many years behind and he finally saw Sara Sidle.
"Grissom?"
She was awake. Her eyes were full of questions, as she stared into his blue eyes, trying to decipher the look in his. She could neither take her eyes off him nor utter a word, not knowing whether his presence was real or whether he was a figment of her over-active imagination.
Her steely gaze remained firmly fixed on his face, until she could no longer keep her composure and, fresh from her nightmare, she choked back a sob, hiding her face in her hands.
Nothing could have prepared Sara for Grissom's reaction, though. With one swift motion, he wrapped his arms around her, as she buried her face in his neck, finally allowing him to hold her, with an intensity she'd never experienced before. Grissom held her as she cried, revelling in the feeling of being this close to Sara.
"Grissom... " he heard a muffled sound.
"What, honey?
"Why are you here?"