Authors note: Yes i am british, I'm scottish

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Mark sat there, very confused, Did what he thought happened really happen?

Magenta, had just all of a sudden, grabbed him and kissed him full on the lips.

He'd enjoyed it in the aftermath but it shocked him how open she'd been. She'd ran out immeadiatly afterward, was she embarrassed too?

The next morning, Roger and Mimi burst into his appartment eager for the news, they on the couch waiting. Twenty minutes later, Mark woke up and walked out of his bedroom, only in boxers, he almost died of fright when she saw Mimi and Roger, especially Mimi.

"ARGH!-oh it's you, wait what the hell are you doing here?"

"We wanted to know how the date went and we're dodging Maureen, she's been exceptionally moody this week, even for her," said Roger smiling, "so, did you get laid?"

Mark went red,

"What sort of question is that?"

Mimi smiled,

"I'll take that as a no?"

"Get out,"

Roger and Mimi left still laughing as they did so.

As Roger and Mimi went downstairs they found Maureen waiting on the doorstep,

"Oh shit," whispered Roger and tried to back upstairs.

Sadly Maureen saw him,

"ROGER, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Don't you know it's dangerous to mess around on the stairs?" she looked at Mimi, "Well, aren't you going to invite me in? It's cold out here!"

Roger unlocked the door and Maureen barged past him, and sat with her legs up on the couch all comfy-like.

Roger tried to be nice,

"So, where's JoAnne?" he asked conversationally.

"Huh? Oh, well if you must know she away working in Harlem for the week, she says you two have to take care of me, nice huh? You get to spend a whole week with ME!"

Roger groaned inwardly, oh help, he thought, it wasn't that he didn't like her, it was more SHE didn't like HIM.

"Well then," said Roger with a fake smile, "Would you like a cup of tea?"

"What are you up to Roger?" asked Maureen leering at him.

"N-nothing," he stuttered back, "I just thought-"

"Well, take a hint, I don't," she snapped.

Oh boy, thought Roger, this is going to be one lo-ong week.

Five minutes later Roger made his escape, out of sheer desperation, he told Maureen, he was going to the store. Maureen was having one of her cravings and asked him to bring back pickled onions. But, instead of heading downstairs he headed up to bug Mark.

He opened the door with his own key and walked in shuting the door quietly behind him. He walked through the kitchen where Mark was busily making a cup of tea.

"Make me one while your at it," he said loudly, Mark was nearly sat on the roof, he'd got such a shock.

"I'm begining to regret giving you the spare key, I'll take it back if you don't stop doing that," Mark replied impatiently.

"Sorry," replied Roger, still laughing at the fright his friend got, "But the mad cow lover's down there and-"

Mark raised his hand, "I understand," he said, "You want to stay here for a bit."

"Oh, thanks so much, you won't regret-"

"Woah, woah, woah, who said I'm allowing you to stay, out now, you should have thought about that before what you and your girlfirend said earlier, so out,"

"Your nasty Mark, sending a poor guy to his doom,"

"OUT, I don't want her up here,"

"Five minutes,"

"OUT," Mark grabbed his camera, "But I'm coming to, this should be good to record though."

He switched on the camera,

"There goes Roger Davis, off to his doom, a.k.a to meet Maureen, Alas, I knew him well."

He pulled on his shoes and followed Roger downstairs close-up all the way.

Roger pulled open his door Maureen stared at them as they walked in,

"Where's my pickled onions?" she asked impatiently.

"Erm..well," said Roger anxiously, "The thing is, I er..I forgot, erm..but I brought you Mark."

"YOU WHAT? MARK? GAARGH! I WANTED PICKLED ONIONS," she started pacing the room with her trademark pout.

Mark followed her with his camera,

"MARK," she barked at him, "YOU'D BETTER NOT BE FILMING ME OR I'LL SHOVE THAT THING SO FAR DOWN YOUR THROAT YOU'LL BE ABLE TO GIVE YOURSELF KEYHOLE SURGERY."

"Okay, okay," he replied calmly, "calm down Maureen, calm down just take it easy,"

Then she exploded,

"ARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH, I NEED PICKLED ONIONS," she grabbed her coat from the chair and threw it on and Mark, and anounced, "I'm going for some, Mark, you'r coming with me."

"Okay," said Mark, literally flowing out behind her, it wasn't okay but he wasn't in a position to do anything about it.

"So," said Mark politely for the circumstances, "Why have I to come?"

Maureen replied,

"Because now that I'm pregnant, I can't be left on my own," she put the pickled onion tub on the counter, "and secondly, I didn't bring money with me, pay up Marky,"

The very moment they were out of the shop, Maureen opened the tub and dove in.

"Thank you Marky," she said between munches, "you very kind,"

"Yes, I know I am," he replied, why did he put up with this?

Maureen went back to Mimi's appartment and Mark to his own, where he locked the door to hide for the rest of the day. Not that the lock would help considering Roger had the spare key, it would only stall them while he jumped out of the window.

He didn't jumped out of the window though he merely jumped in the bath for a good long soak, halfway through it though, naturally, the phone rang.

Mark climbed out of the bathtub, wrapped a towel around himself and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hiya Marky,"

it was Magenta.

"Oh, hi em..what's up?"

"Nothing much, I was merely wondering how my favourite little Marky, was doing?"

"Oh well I'm fine,"

"Are you missing me?"

"Are you kidding I- uh of course i am, desperately,"

"Oh, Marky, you're so sweet, wanna' get together again tonight?"

"I'm skint,"

She laughed, "No, I meant just a little get together, I could meet your friends,"

"Yeah, okay," he replied,

"Well, see you in five minutes, bye bye,"

"Bye."

He put the phone down and quickly got ready.

Exactly twenty minutes later Mark heard a knock on his door, he literally hoped to the door (he was putting on his shoes) and opened it.

"Hi Marky,"

"Hi,"

He locked his door and they went downstairs, into Mimi's appartment.

"Hello folks," he said, sitting down on the couch," you can sit down," he said to Magenta, who unexpectedly sat on his knee.

Mimi and Roger ame out from the kitchen, and saw them sitting down on the couch,

"Oh, you must be Magenta," said Roger, and she stood up to shake his hand, he ignored it, "I'm Roger, his best friend," he grabbed her arm,"You'd better not be thinking of dumping him any time soon." Magenta jumped back in fright.

"Roger, cool it man," said Mark, taking Magenta's arm from Roger, he looked her in the eye, "honestly, he's harmless."

"I'm Mimi," said Mimi graciously extending her arm, Magenta shook it, "I'm Roger's boyfriend, I keep him in under control."

Erm...Roger," said Mark suddenly, "where's-"

BANG! The kitchen door fell it's hinges and Maureen ran through coughing, black smoke followed her through.

Roger ran through to the cause of the smoke,

"MAUREEN! WHAT THE HELL?"