Pride Comes Before the Fall

I ended the world, and fell forever...(not an apocalyse fic! One-Shot)

In a world where any victory is pyrrhic, where nothing's sacred, is it really so evil to annihilate the annihilator? To conquer those who would conquer you? I pondered this every night as I fought Zim in my sleep... then, eventually, the idiot pulled me back to his home planet... apparently his Tallest assigned him a "Test of Honor", wherein he must defeat his greatest foe. Little did he know, win or lose, he was going to get a surprise. More on that later. Anyway, my first indication of being kidnapped was seeing his odd jewel-eye/bad 1950's film combination face right in front of mine, when I was about to go to sleep. I would've screamed, but he managed, against all odds, to hit my jugular vein with his tranquilizer hypospray. Put me to sleep instantly. I awoke on the ship, and asked one question, and he told me all about it. And he continued telling me about things I'd rather he have kept in his metaphorical closet.

No, nothing like that... More like what happened when he ate waffles... god the waffles...

When we arrived, we disembarked, and, oddly enough, I was able to breathe. Apparently Irken physiology is carbon based, oxygen breathing, like I had hop. I figured they might've just given their "invaders" an implant or something... Anyway, Zim's leaders rose out of a platform with a dang disco-ball set of lasers, and even a fog machine. I thought that a race advanced enough to fly through the stars, make a planet a glass parking lot, and attract crowds so massive as to screw around with the fabric of space and time like Bill Clinton with Monica Lewinski, would be over cheap, B-movie special effects. But no; they were dutiful drones and pulled off the Irken equivalent of going nuts for a celebrity. The one in red took charge (as usual)

"As you all know, we are here to celebrate the immense accomplishments of Invader Zim!" the crowd snickered slightly, as did Red. Purple took over. "He is to be given the honor of having a Trial of Honor against his personal Stinkmonkey! When he wins, he will be promoted to Vishnurk of the Irken Armada" Vishnurk is the equivalent of Admiral. Red continued, "Now choose your weapons and prepare for...BATTLE!" As the platform sank, I caught a glimpse of their disgusted, fearful, even slightly amused look at Zim- the look of someone who's got their archfoe on a rope- too scared to draw him in, for fear of it breaking, too scared he'll escape if you walk to him, and knowing you've got him in your power if you stand still.

I chose an energy scythe. He chose a laser sword, almost european in style. We tangoed, beginning with a curling swipe at his neck, and then a feint and a vault to the other side of him. He deflected my kick, and I responded while we exchanged relatively normal blows with a question.

"So Zim, tell me, what's it like knowing that your whole race hates you?" He, funnily enough, didn't believe me, and responded with one of his own

"What's it like living with an abusive sister and a dad who's never around?" I, in a funny twist of fate, stopped just long enough for him to knock me down. His sword was posed over me, and he said, "Any final words, Dib?"

But as they say, pride comes before the fall...

"Just a few... See you in hell, Zim!" With that, I whipped the robot out of my pocket, and threw it onto the PAK of the Tallest Red.

Here's where things get interesting. You see, I once bonded with Zim's PAK. It told me some interesting things: First off, it told me the Irken hierarchal structure; one can never disobey the Tallest. Why? It's programmed into the PAK. The PAK of the Tallest sends out a signal to a series of Irken mainframes, which then beam that to a series of distribution domes, broadcasting orders to PAKs across the universe, like the Ansible in Ender's Game. So guess what I did? I designed a robot with a logic bomb. You see, it also told me the Irkens had no security systems. Whatsoever. They laid it bare because of a Spartan disregard for life; if you tried to get into a ship, and you weren't Irken? The ship blew up. If you were Irken, you couldn't disobey orders; why a security system? The logic bomb was written in binary. The one thing all computers can understand. On and off. Universal. Immortal. Code. It sent out a copy of the program to every PAK in the universe. It gave out one command; format C. It erased everything on every Irken computer; the Irkens literally dropped dead because their PAK no longer existed. It was a hunk of metal.

A cry of pain told me that it did its job... And a thousand more cries of pain told me it did its job better than I'd intended. Zim was the last one to fall. I smiled, and closed my eyes. Zim didn't kill me; no, never that... he trapped me, in the worst way possible. He put me in an chamber, full of infinite amounts of food and water. It was on a seperate circuit from the PAK circuit. Everything except the door. This bunker had everything I needed to live... except an exit... it even had a replicator so I could make more food, water, and machinery... just no power tools. I was buried alive...

But as they say, pride comes before the fall...