Pairing: Athrun x Kira

Summary: Kira could not find any part of him that regrets all the things he had sacrificed for this marriage at all because really, to love is to accept both the happiness and the sadness that you gain from it. Athrun x Kira

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

Timeline: GS timeline. After the marriage of Athrun and Kira. You can say it's after 'Beautiful'. Or u can imagine how they got married. Hoho...

Not Easy

Whoever that told you marriage is a world of beautiful and entrancing heaven is a big fat liar... or they are not married yet. True, in many ways and many things... Kira was a dreamer. It wasn't such a bad thing really. Being a dreamer gave him the strength to live... It's the only way he knew how to live. Nonetheless, in love or marriage, Kira was definitely not a dreamer. There was nothing easy in both of the subjects.

So, truthfully... from the very moment he accepted the proposal, he already knew that things would be a bit harder, like any other changes in one's life would be. He understood the fact well because he had been living in a family with a father and mother. He had seen how mother cried when things got out of hand. He had seen how father got moody when there were conflicts. He had also seen how they reconciled later. All in all, Kira had parents that love each other so much and he admired them for that. Nonetheless, from them he learned that to love was one of the hardest things in this world.

To accept the seemed to be harmless delicate ring meant getting yourself a whole new set of responsibility and a higher level of commitment. You would tie yourself to that person you're married with. You would spend your life with that person for your whole life. He had thought of all that before he said 'yes' and so he did not got himself into a cultural shock when he had entered the highest stage in the life of lovers... partner. It was just that he did not know exactly how hard and how heavy the responsibility would be.

In the first few months, everything was so fine and fun and happy. After all, their engagement was still so young at that time. But when Athrun went back to work, and he was left with nothing to do at home, he started to worry about many things... sometimes, he wondered whether he was dreaming because, really... does this kind of happiness was allowed for him to gain?

Athrun was many things... he was rich, he was influential, and he was famous. Every word he said meant a lot in maintaining the peace. Every paper that he signed would mean a better life for the people. Athrun was everything... while he was just an ex-pilot of a Gundam who was still learning to fit himself into the society. It didn't count that his sister held a very high position in the Orbs Government. It was his sister, not him.

Not wanting to think so much about bad things, he wanted to find a job. Athrun had objected at first, it was unnecessary, he said. Athrun's income alone was much more that enough for the two of them. He knew it... but his job wasn't for the sake of money. He wanted to work because he wanted to build his own confidence, mix with the people and just...just learn to live. And when he had finished explaining his reason, he had almost cried because he saw the wan smile of understanding on Athrun's lips and the sad light shone in his eyes.

He was upset that he unintentionally reminded Athrun how much the war had scarred him. He was upset because Athrun understood it all... and accepted everything nevertheless. Kira kept on showing his weaknesses but Athrun never, ever waver in loving him. He held back the tears because he knew when he cried, Athrun would hurt so much more.

He worked in a flower shop owned by a middle aged woman. It was a fine place. His workmates were kind and his employer was a very jolly, happy-go-lucky kind of woman. And furthermore, they accepted him for who he is even though he was married to another man. He was happy, happy that there were people in this world who liked him because he is himself. The husband of his employer, Takashi-san often comes to visit his beloved wife, Miwa-chan. They had been together for ten years and their love were still so strong. He was happy for them, really. Still he couldn't help but envy them a little. He wanted to like them too. They could share simply anything with each other.

Miwa-chan was a very observant woman. She knew what was playing in the young man's head when he looked at them with a melancholic gaze. She had been at such a stage too. She then invited him to sit nearer and smiled.

"Kira dear, your marriage is still so young... still baby. It was not a wonder that there seemed to be a lot of unresolved issues between both of you at the moment. What both of you needs now is the time and space to adjust. You'd eventually change a bit, in order to adjust to him and he will too. What's more important is that you just try to enjoy and be happy together every single day..."

And his heart lightened up. He was being a fool, rushing things, worrying himself over something insignificant until he forget what's more important in one's life. He should just think about learning and appreciating every moment that they have together. True, he was not used to it but that didn't mean that he would never get used to all this.

Later, more problems came up. Renowned people, like Athrun, were always gossiped. People often pair him up with these people today, that man the next day and that lady the other day. At first, he was unhappy with all those crazed hype but he never believed in them though yeah, a twinge of jealousy could be felt in his heart. As time went on however, he learned to laugh it off. Let them say whatever they wanted to, he didn't mind because he knew Athrun best and he was proud of that ability.

Those people who though that Athrun could fall in love with those ridiculously high class pretty women and men were simply silly. His beloved couldn't even be bothered to remember their names for heaven's sake. Nonetheless, the jealousy still showed up every time a new article appeared, but it was okay... it merely meant that he really, really loved his husband. Sometimes, he used his jealousy as a bait to tease Athrun.

He was not a saint and neither do Athrun. They did sometimes argue, got frustrated and riled each other up. There were times that Kira's swing of mood could rival the woman whose having PMS. Any other time, Athrun could even be compared to an unpredictable bomb. In some of their episodes, Athrun even occupied the couch.

But... they were quick to cool down and ask for forgiveness from each other.

Moreover, there were times that Kira cried and hugged the bewildered Athrun who a few seconds ago was sleeping –restlessly- on the couch because of guilt. Kira knew that sometimes he could be frustratingly unreasonable and it seemed so unfair for Athrun to receive that side of him, husband or not. Some other time, Athrun would caressed him far gentler that the usual time, asking for forgiveness because really, he never ever wanted his beloved to be sad. Truthfully, arguments were rare in their relationship as their level of understanding for each other were very high and Kira wouldn't want it any other way.

True, it was amusing to see Dearka & Yzak screamed their head off –like crazy- as a daily –affectionate- exercise (Dearka said that...) but the idea of Athrun and him doing the same thing would be a bit disturbing... really.

Anyway, one thing Kira loved most about marriage was that you would always have a shoulder to lean on. There were certain times that he remembered unhappy memories about the war that they had left behind, about the people that he had killed and about the people that he hurt. Usually, he could brush it off easily but some other time... it would not be that simple.

When he was like that, he just had to sit on Athrun's lap and bury his face into his husband finely developed chest. There was no need for them to talk; Athrun was there too after all. Kira always got sick too... and he really, really hated his weak immune system. As much as he enjoyed being pampered and spoiled to death by Athrun when he's sick, he detested watching his beloved worried face.

Sometimes, the job simply became too much for Athrun. He would get grumpy and snappish for a few days. Even little things would made him went Mr. Grouch. At such a time, Kira would just smile understandingly and treated him gently. He would coax him to speak about his difficulties and though Kira didn't understand much about the political world, he still do knew how to calm his Athrun down anyway. And Athrun's employee dared to wonder why their boss always comes with a genuine smile on his face...

There were times that Athrun took his job too seriously until he forgot his body needs like sleep or eat properly. He worked himself to the brink of over-exhaustion. At such a situation, Kira had even needed to pull desperate trick like giving teary eyes in front of Athrun just to get him to relax and rest. Athrun was not a robot and he needed to loose up once in a while! His husband always smiled at Kira's 'mother-hen mode'.

And now here they are... their fifth anniversary and still going strong. In fact, their bond strengthens as each day passes. Now, Kira no longer envy the silent understanding between his parents nor the intimacy between Takashi-san and Miwa-chan because, really... he had it all. True, it is not easy to go through this road called marriage. It took a lot of effort to build their 'castle'. It is not as grand as the 'Taj Mahal' but for him their castle couldn't be more than beautiful.

Kira could not find any part of him that regrets all the things he had sacrificed at all because really, to love is to accept both the happiness and the sadness that you gain from it. And to see your loved one smiling contently is the best gift that you could ever have, eternally.

Owari

God... this is so bad... (Buries face into palms). Sorry for disappointing those who loved "Beautiful"...Baka me...