Love Me For Me Chapter 6: Better Off, a degrassi fanfic

Chapter 6: Better Off

A/N: yeah I don't own anything but Amanda, I wish I owned Craig/Jake Epstein, but yeah, and this is a whole Ashlee Simpson theme if you haven't noticed…so here you go! I would appreciate some review please…

The sky is falling
and it's early in the morning
But it's ok somehow
I spilt my coffee, it went
All over your clothes
I gotta wear mine now

So I've lived here with Craig for two weeks. I guess I enjoy it; at least I'm not totally alone. Emma visits me every so often, fills me on a gossip around town. Marco comes around too, because he is my best guy friend. I've been wearing Craig's shirts to sleep so that way I can feel closer to him whenever he's at work, or with the band or out with the guys. It's upsetting that he never really wants to spend time with me, I hate it, and I wish he would spend some more quality time with me. I know, I'm selfish right?

HELLO!

I'm 6 months pregnant, on bed rest, and lonely, if you were in my fat shoes you would be selfish too! I can't take this pain anymore; I have such a pain my heart. I just want to die.

And I'm always, always, always late
and my hair's a mess,
even when it's straight

"Good morning sweetness" Craig said as he leaned down and kissed me on the mouth hard.

"Hmm…good…morning" I said as I stretched, and motioned for him to help me up.

This was now our normal morning routine. He would feel he had to say something sweet to me, and tell me good morning, and he felt he had to kiss me. Then I would stagger walk w/ him to the bathroom, he'd watch me pee, then some mornings (well once a week) he'd take me a bath (which was my favorite part winkwink. He'd stand behind me as a brushed my teeth, and he'd just help me around. After that, he was non-existent to me. I saw him at least 1 or 2 more times before he came home at 2 in the morning to go to sleep. I wish I were a teenager in the summer. Oh yes, I am, but I'm just pregnant.

"Craig, stay here with me today please?" I begged as he bathed me.

"You know I can't, I'm making money for our children." He said in a sincere voice as he caressed my leg as he lathered it up.

"Well, I talked to Joey, and he told me you could have the day off." I said as I winced, scared of his reaction.

"What the hell do you mean? You talked to Joey?" Craig said angrily.

"I just want to be closer to you, I want some time with you before we don't have any time together for the next 18 years." I said as tears streamed down my face.

But so what,
I'm better off everyday
When I'm standing in the pouring rain, I don't mind
I think of you and everything's alright
I used to think I had it good
But now I know that I misunderstood
With you I'd say, I'm better off in every way

"Why is it that every time we argue, you start crying?" Craig said as he yelled at me more.

"Because, every time I get yelled at I cry, and I just want you to be here for me. If I could I'd be there for you, and you know that. You treat me like shit, and we're not even married yet!" I yelled in anger as accidentally splashed water on Craig.

"Yeah, well, sometimes I'm not so sure if we should get married." He said in anger as he threw the washcloth in the tub and walked out.

"I'm not the only one at fault here, you're the one who didn't think about having a…what are they called…oh yeah CONDOMS!" I yelled as he took one last look at me, and slammed the door.

"ARGH I WISH I WERE DEAD!" I yelled as I laid my head under water.

My friends keep callin'
They say, they say im stallin'
and they wanna meet you now
I tell them hell no, I say
We're tryin' to lay low
Don't wanna lose what I've found

I felt the water suffocate me. I felt at one with myself. I felt so alive, when I could possibly die. Maybe Craig heard me. Maybe Angie heard me, maybe someone who actually cares heard me. In my head I screamed 'SOMEONE SAVE ME!' but in my heart, I wanted it to happen.

"Babe, I'm sorry---WHAT THE HELL!" Craig said as he rushed to my side. "Come on, wake up!" as he pulled me out of the water.

Not knowing what to do, Craig felt immediately guilty, he had to save his girlfriend, and his 2 children. He checked her breathing, and felt it shallow, he felt a slower heartbeat, and needed to do something. He remembered he needed to do CPR! I lifted her chin, pinched her nose, and breathed the life of him into her. He then did compressions, and after 2-3 more tries, she started spitting up all the water, and woke up.

"Oh my god, you're alive, I thought you were dead. I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry" Craig cried as he cradled my head in his chest.

Things are finally, finally lookin' up
Oh my feet are on the ground
Even though im stuck

All I could do, was squint up, and stare into his eyes. I couldn't say a word, I was in complete shock. The next thing I know, was Craig wrapping me in my robe, and carrying me to the bed, and putting a blanket on top of me.

"I'm sorry." Was all I was able to blurt out.

"You're sorry? You have no other explanation for attempting suicide?" Craig said rationally as he held my hands.

"I couldn't take it anymore, you don't understand how I feel" I said as I cried on his shoulder.

"Try to get me to understand! Please I need some help to be able to understand what the hell is going on with you." Craig said as he threw his hands up in the air.

But so what,
I'm better off everyday
When I'm standing in the pouring rain, I don't mind
I think of you and everything's alright
I used to think I had it good
But now i know that I misunderstood
With you I'd say, I'm better off in every way

"What's going on? Stay with me for one day, stay in bed with me all fucking day, and understand, ok. I wish I could go out and work, I wish I could hang out with my friends until 2 in the morning. I fucking have to stay here and try to stay alive while I mother your children in my womb. Try to understand, the thing in your pants is what got us in this situation. So why the hell do I always have to fucking suffer?" I said as tears were streaming down my cheeks.

Things are finally, finally lookin' up
Oh my feet are on the ground
Even though im stuck
Even though im stuck

"What do you mean, suffer? You should be happy to have children, you should enjoy being pregnant, most mothers are." Craig said dumbfoundedly

"HELLO! Most mothers are in their late twenties, have jobs, and have faithful husbands. I'm stuck with being 15 years old, pregnant with TWINS might I add, mooching off my boyfriend, and boyfriend's step-father, and not to mention, I have you, who I see a total of 3 hours a day. So what Craig, what don't you understand, that I'm unhappy, or that you're not helping me out here?" I said as I just lay back in the bed and closed my eyes.

"Maybe there's more to this whole thing you know. Maybe I want to be here, but I can't." Craig said outloud

"What's keeping you busy besides work, the band, and your friends?" I said as I was hysterically crying.

"I'm scared, I'm not sure if I can be a good father. I just want to slack off a little more before we both get tied down." Craig said with his head in his hands.

Yeah, yeah

"Well, Manny came over the other day, and tried to console me. She told me how when she was pregnant with yours and her child, you were all for the idea, and excited. She told me you wanted to pick out names, and be there for the baby. I asked her why weren't you like that with me? She said because you were probably scared of the whole thing, because before it didn't happen, so the concept was a lot easier than reality. I don't want to be pregnant Craig; I didn't choose this for me. So don't blame your shortened young life on me. I can easily go home, and be alone, at least there I know I'm alone, at least there I know that being alone doesn't mean depression, I'm used to it. If I were there alone, you wouldn't be my worry anymore, just these babies. Or better yet, I'll get daddy to put me in a catholic hospital, where they'll take my babies away because I'm a bad catholic school girl who fucking got knocked up by a little rock boy. So go ahead Craig, make your move, you're here for me, or you let me call my father to pick me up so I can walk out of your life and leave these babies with someone who cares for them." I said as I attempted to stand.

"Since when have you been unhappy Mandi?" Craig asked

"Well, I was unhappy when I first found out we were pregnant. I got more upset when I gave up my cigarettes. I got even more upset whenever I was put on bedrest and saw you a part of the day. So there, you happy I'm not happy. Is that what you want?" I said

"Yes, that's my goal to make you unhappy." Craig said sarcastically

"Not time for jokes Craig. I need you to understand, you need to be here please." I said as I cried even more. What was worse was my children were having a say in this fight, the entire time they were kicking me. "I think these kids hate us fighting already." I said with a small laugh

Better off in every way
I'm better off in every way
I'm better off today

"I am going to try to be here for you, for them, for both of us. I want to understand. Ok? I've worked at the dealership for over a year, I can get a week's paid vacation. How about I do that? We can have one of our last, quiet, romantic dates during the week. I'll lay in bed with you all day, and kiss you. I just want to make you happy. I was born to make someone happy, I just never thought It'd be someone I cared so much about. I love you, and I'm glad you're sticking with me." Craig said

With trembling lips, I sobbed, and said "I love you too Craig, always have, and I'm so sorry." We shared a kiss, that made my world, eventually, we fell asleep the way we were. I was laying on Craig's chest, and he had his arms wrapped around me.

The sky is falling
And it's early in the morning
But it's ok

A/N: Yeah, that was defiantly 8 full pages on MS word

SO F'IN REVIEW PEOPLE! Please, I know people read it! Please read and review.

I'll love you more than yesterday!