Disclaimer: I look forward to receiving Half Blood Prince as much as you guys.

Ginny-Star- An excuse? I don't have a good enough excuse to excuse my lousy updating.

Hermione Double1- Uh-huh.

The Birds and the Bees

'Well, well, well. Looks like Herm-o-ninny isn't as chaste as she makes herself to be!' crowed the evil, pompous annoying git.

'Nothing happened!' Oops. Now that didn't sound at all like we'd be fumbling about in the dark, did it? Ron you absolute, idiotic twat! Make yourself sound guilty why don't you?! 'Nothing happened, I swear!'

Sometimes, I really hate my mouth.

Sauntering into the kitchen, Forge stepped over our bodies and sat down with a satisfied sigh on one of the chairs. Coming to my senses, I scrambled up from a very red Hermione, and made a lunge for the stairs.

'Oh no you don't!' shrieked Hermione, making a grab for my ankle. 'You're not leaving me here with your crazy brother to fend for myself!' God that woman has absolutely no bloody problem about waking up the entire bloody family, does she?!

'Shut up! They'll wake up, they wake up!'

'Honestly, how can a Weasley get sleep around here?' sighed Forge. 'With this entire racket you make, I can hardly get enough beauty sleep! Oh, good morning Fred.' WHAT? Oh, this night just gets better and better, doesn't it? My other twin git has just come to play with us!

'Mornin' George.' Replied Satan's twin. 'Why is Hermione on the floor in a wet nightie with her hands cutting off the blood pressure around Ronnikin's ankle?'

'Fred, I think it's about time that we taught our little brother the ways of the world.' Eh?

'You mean-?'

'Yes. It's time we told Ron and Hermione about the birds and the bees. It will prevent them from making little Hons and Remiones before their time.'

Oh... no. NO! I do NOT need to know about the birds and the bees! I know about all that! I don't need any graphic details from my brothers!!! Apparently, neither did Hermione. She was up like a shot, and began backing away slowly from the two manic ones.

'Erm... look Ron! It's, it's very late. I should be getting back to sleep.' Said a rather shrilly Hermione. I couldn't do anything but nod dumbly and begin shuffling my feet towards the stairs.

'It's nothing to be afraid of!' chirped George. 'It's all very normal!'

'I'm very tired, Gorge- I mean George, I don't think-'

'Don't be silly! It won't take long, please co-operate with us.'

'Seriously you two, I... really don't want to- oh God!' My eyes darted to where Hermione's were looking at. Fred had found a carrot and a cup.

A carrot.

And a cup.

Almost in unison, me and 'Mione (Hermione, Her-mi-o-ne you great tit!) both tried to make a run for the stairs, but got caught in the back with a yell from George.

'Petrificus Totalus!' Crap! A feeling of dread washed over me. The two idiots levitated me and Hermione over to the sofas in the living room and sat us down opposite them. Please God, cut off my ears and throw them to the dogs, please, please, please...

'Now,' said Fred, in a smooth, low voice, 'it all starts when a man and a woman love each other ver-'

'No it doesn't!' cut in George, a 'How can you be so stupid' tone in his voice.

'Your right, it doesn't.' exclaimed the first idiot. 'It all starts when a man called... uh...'

'Reginald, and a woman called Harriet hate each others guts.' I could FEEL the embarrassment from Hermione. Those two EVIL plonkers! How could they put 'Mione through this? Isn't it bad enough they're scarring me for life?

'Yeah, that's right. They really don't like each other- or so they think. But one day, they realised that they loved each other very much.' No, shut up! Shut up! Stop it! I can't hear any more!

'And they got married. But y'see, the wedding night is a very important night.' Oh they can't be thinking what I think they are...

'Very important.' They are.

'It's the¡K ah, joining of two bodies.' DIE FRED! DIE! ROT IN HELL GEORGE!

Here, Fred held up the carrot and cup with an insane grin on his face. Oh bloody hell! I am going to KILL those two when I get out of this spell! KILL! But as it is, I just wish that I didn't have to live through this. Please, ground, swallow me now! Vol... Vol... Volly, kill me now!

It was going to be a long night.

Next day...

'Ron! This must be the first time I've ever seen you actually refuse seconds at breakfast!' said Dad, looking about the busy breakfast table, 'Not like you.' A snort of laughter came from down the table. Well, two snorts. Both the identical sort you expect pigs to grunt out, 'cause that's what they are. Mum's supersonic hearing zoned in on their giggles and her eyes narrowed at them. Whoo, go mum, go mum!

'What mischief have you two done to the poor lad?' she demanded, hands on hips. 'And why won't Hermione come down? I suspect you've done something.' Well, I'm not bloody buggering surprised she won't come down! After what... no, it's too painful to even think about it.

What passed as an insulted look flittered across their faces. 'What, do you suspect us of having done something to our ickle brother?' Hell yes.

'Never! We merely told him some home truths, is all.'

'HOME TRUTHS?' I couldn't help but burst in, 'You've scarred me mentally for life now, you great bas-'

'Ron! Language!' said Mum in a sharp voice. Harry looked from me to the twins with a suspicious gaze. But before he could say or do anything, Dad stood up.

'Well, I'm off then. Bye kids, Harry. Goodbye Molly.'

'Bye love. Don't come home too late! Now,' continued Mum. 'I'll get started cleaning this mess up.' As soon as she had left the room, Harry pulled me aside and demanded answers.

'What happened yesterday Ron? Ginny told me Hermione's just rolled herself up in duvets and refuses to move, let alone come downstairs. Did you do something to her?'

'No!' I protested. 'Why the hell would I do that? It's just some things that Fred and George... er... yeah. Listen, if they ever want to talk to you about... summat, don't let them. Promise me that!' Bemused, Harry slowly nodded.

'O¡Kkay. Why would they want to talk to me?' Poor lad didn't know what he was dealing with. The very forces of Satan! They would... would... VWOOSH him down as soon as they got a whiff of a romance from him and a girl!

'Just promise me Harry that if they ever try to corner you, run. Run far far away, and never look back.'

-

I know, it's bad and not up to par, but it's only me, Ginny-Star writing this. I might send it to Hermione Double1 to tweak up a bit some other time and repost, but I might not. See? At least I did update again!