Disclaimer- Yeah, yeah. Read previous ones. Pah.

Ginny-Star: Okay, I apologise for the title. Really, I hadn't thought of it that way until this girl here pointed it out to me.

Hermione Double1: Mental images!! MENTAL IMAGES!!! I'M SCARRED, SCARRED FOR LIFE!! Give me Alex Band relief!

Ginny-Star: Sigh. You and your Calling...

Hermione Double1: Hey, they rock. I met him by the way. Yes, you heard right, I met Alex Band!!!!

Okay, well this is Part One of a chapter. It doesn't really have a point, but I'm sure one will come up soon enough. Maybe in Part Two. But for now, bear with us!

Buggering Knight in Shining Armour- Part One

Harry grinned, obviously imagining the hellish experience Hermione and I had had last night. Oh God, PLEASE let me die! Even the memory of it... NOOOOO!!!

Harry downed his remaining pumpkin juice and said he needed to write to Snuffles, so he went up to my room, with Crookshanks behind him. Mum and Ginny went to wash up, and I sat down. BIG mistake. What the hell made me sit down? Sit down at the same table as Satan personified... twice! Uh-oh, here it comes...

"Well, are you going to go and have, erm, further discussions about the birds and the bees?" Fred asked in an undertone.

"NO I BLOODY AM NOT!" I said as quietly as possible in my 'ohmygodshutthehellupandnevermentionitagain' tone.

"Well you need to confront each other some time. Mind you, use protection, though, won't you young Ronald?"

Oh. My. God.

"... de-gnoming can be an extremely risky business, can't it George?" as Mum shot an extremely suspicious look at Fred.

OK, what the hell would you do? Continue being tormented by Sod 1 and Sod 2, or go to your room where your best mate is (Harry, erm, was taking a very long time up there. I strongly suspected he had finished writing to Sirius and was carrying out alternative literary pursuits- I had found my magazine under his bed that morning... ) or see Hermione. None really appealed to be honest, so I just legged it upstairs away from my self-titled Guidance Counsellors, perhaps to visit the ghoul in the loft. He has no friends. Bless.

And... BANG again. Hermione had just stepped out of the bathroom the exact moment I had reached the landing. She fell backwards, and me, Knight in Shining Armour and all that, had to catch her... and again, my wish to die a quick unembarrassing death was back once more.

NOW what do I do??

Thankfully, she spoke first.

"Ron, er..."

"Um... bluh... fffrr... abou' lastn...errr..." Yeah. Smart move Ron. I just thanked my lucky stars that Lucifer and Lucifuss weren't around.

"Um... yeah, thanks." Ok so maybe saving her life was a good thing? "You can let go of my arm now, Ron," Kill me. NOW. DO IT NOW!!!!

Unfortunately, no-one heeded my silent calls for a tragic accident to happen.

"Yes, anyway, about last night... " Shut the hell up Hermione. Just SHUT it! I want to REMOVE that from my memory, and YOU of ALL people DO NOT HELP by reminding me of it! Of course, I do not tell her this. I don't have a death wish (not one to be killed by Hermione- Hermione of all people!)

I have done nothing to deserve this.

"Um, yeah. I don't know what I did in my former life, but whatever it was it must have been bad to have been cursed with those gits." Well. Better than 'bluh', or 'fffrr' at least.

She laughed. Do I really have to use humour as a defence mechanism? Or is that like a good thing?

"I couldn't answer that."

"Make's a change!" Ronald, you retard.

I meant that as a compliment, but it kind of sounded like I was making her out to be a know-it-all. Which I mean, she sort of IS, but that's not the point. She said nothing, obviously debating whether to yell, cry, lecture me about being ignorant to all that intellectual malarkey, or say "Thanks, Ron, you're so sweet." It was a mix of numero uno and numero 3 (I don't know what three is in... whatever language that is).

"Mione, I meant it as a compliment. Please stop yelling, I have Mum to do that for me." Did I honestly say that? Me, Ronald Jerome Terrance Luke Boris Weasley (If only my name was that... ) say that to Hermione... erm... I don't THINK she has a middle name... Granger?? Seriously? Dude, I need a medal. Or maybe a kick in the cod piece, I haven't quite decided yet. I just wish that Ginny or someone would explain to me what girls mean when they say stuff and how you answer them without causing them to go all huffy and mad and wishing to die a long painful death.

Hermione never said anything. She looked mad though, and just buggered off to Ginny's room.

Women. I really don't know what it is with them! Why do they have to be all 'Oh Ron, you're doing it wrong! Levi-o-sar, not Levio-sar!' and ignore the good things, like I'm actually trying it with a crappy old wand? That I'm actually trying it full stop?! God I hate that girl.

Hmm...

Hope she isn't too mad at me.

TBC

Vwoosh. Part 2 coming up! Oh, remember, our profile is there for your interest on how the chapters are coming.

Ginny-Star- For those of you who have been checking that, you will know I've been keeping you guys updated on the chapters.

Peace,

G-S, HD1