NOTES- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch. Nee has no idea who own Mack the Knife but it belong to them (The version Nee heard was sung by Bobby Darin). Nee's characters are property of Nee. Nee is in a happy mood right now, the words Nee change actually fit the tune. And don't worry, the main story start soon.
Ch2 - A Crime Scene Singalong
"Move the plants!"
"'cuse me?"
"I said move those plants," the exhausted Inspector tried to explain, "those plants obscure the air vent from the security camera's view."
"But Mr Kellerman said..."
"Move them NOW!" Carmelita had had enough. She had already spent half the day telling the hired help the do's and don't's of security, such as:
Don't hide any air vents.
Do make sure that her men could watch the ceiling
And don't erect a giant floor-to-ceiling cutain all the way round the most valuable rocks in Argentina.
However all those plans and rules came second to presentation, it seemed, in the eyes of the Museum Curator, Mr Kellerman. The old baboon had asked the men to do exactly the opposite. That meant all "unsightly" vents were to be covered, several giant pinatas were in the way of the ceiling (what they had to do with the stones was anyone's guess). But those were peanuts compared to the biggest security risK of all; the giant crushed velvet curtain which surrounded the gems' glass cabinet.
"Honestly! How am I supposed to guard something I'm not allowed keep under observation?", the Inspector muttered under her breath.
"I'm sure you'll think of something." A voice answered from behind her.
The unexpected answer caused the even cautious Miss Fox to spin around, shock pistol at the ready. To her surpise it was Mr Kellerman and what's more he apparently had the ability to maintain his regal composure even with a gun thrust in his face. Carmelita reminded herself to get her hearing checked, too many people were getting the drop on her recently.
"I wouldn't have to, if you weren't turning this building into a goddamn sneak thief's paradise.", the vixen replied lowering her weapon. She saw no reason to apologise, he'd crept up behind her. Besides he didn't seem to mind.
"That's not what I'm trying to do at all, Miss Fox."
"Well, you're doing a very good job of it."
"Look... the glow the gems give off is so other-worldly, the museum and I have decided that their surroundings should reflect that. We want the Diplomats and the news cameras to feel they no longer in some boring old building but another plane of existence entirely. Hence the over-sized novelty creatures hanging from the ceiling and the covering of those unsightly air vents. Now stop worrying Inspector, I didn't when your age and look what happened to me."
This last statement made Carmelita walk away from the conversation and made her way to the platform set in front of the curtain. Arty weirdos she knew how to handle, she just gave them a smack in the mouth, but guys whom mentioned her physical well-being were harder to handle. On one hand you can't just leap down their throats for caring but on the other they (As Carmelita found out when she was younger) often had hidden motives. She just chose to walk away most of the time (except when it's a certain ring-tail). 'It's bad enough they gave me this joke assignment, why they'd have to make me work with him?'
The baboon stood and watched the over-worked fox walk away. 'That's the problem with the youth of today, they don't know how to have a little fun', he smiled to himself.
"Err 'cuse me Mr Kellerman..."
"Yes, what is it?"
"Err.. Miss Fox told me ta move those plants, so where should I put 'em?"
"Oh I think we'll just leave them where they are."
'Thanks for making up your minds' Sly thought to himself. He'd been making his way past that cover when he heard Carmelita's familiar voice say "Move the plants!". He couldn't risk passing an air vent when some guy was moving the only thing between him and plain sight. He had now spent three minutes waiting to see whether or not his only path to the ceiling was going to be blocked by a hole in the wall.
"If you had risked it, they would have moved them with the Inspector looking straight at you."
"I could have made it!", the impatient racoon whispered into his collar, "Besides Ben..."
"Remember the codenames, Sitting Duck!"
"Okay! Besides 'Wizard' you said timing for this one was crucial."
"I always factor in a few minutes 'Sitting Duck'. With you and "The Murray" on the team, I have to."
"Okay I'm off to the ceiling, 'Sitting Duck' out." And with that Cooper made his way thought the vents to his post - the empty space between the ceiling and the roof - to wait for the beat.
'Why do they even have these gaps?' Sly had been sitting and waiting for at least two hours. It was now 08:22pm. Bentley wasn't kidding when he'd said he factored in a few minutes. 'Sure, it gives a little more protection from the rain but the roof is leaking anyway...'
"Ladies and Gentlemen, members of the press..."
"Showtime." The grin on the young master thief could not get any wider. "Bentley, cut the mic and cue the music."
"...We are here tonight to...dum deedee dum deedee dum deedee..." Kellerman had no idea what was going on. He'd only just started what was timed to be a hour-long speech and out of the speaker was pouring a steady jazzy beat. He turned to the others on the stage, looking for an answer, however the answer and the cause booted open the doors behind the audience.
"Oh, the shark, babe, has such teeth, dear" A small ferret in a light blue shirt and skin-tight black pants with a mic was grinning as he sung "Mack The Knife". This was surreal, this was weird, this was...
"Other-Worldly.", the old baboon said in a whisper. This madman was what the event was lacking. A bit of fun. Unfortunately someone else on the platform wasn't the fun-loving type. Carmelita had already locked her gun-sight on the singing ferret. The only reason why the singer wasn't shocked was Mr Kellerman's stare.
"What are you doing? The man is ..."
"Funny." The curator laughed. "The press are also present, you can't shock someone just because they're singing. Relax. If he goes for anyone then you can shoot." Carmelita merely replied by folding her arms and muttering to herself.
The small guy in skin-tight pants had however just continued his song...
"And it shows them pearly white Just a jackknife has old MacHeath, babe And he keeps it, ah, out of sight Ya know when that shark bites with his teeth, babe Scarlet billows start to spread Fancy gloves, oh, wears old MacHeath, babe So there never, never a trace of red."
While all this was going on Cooper had started work. Timing his movements to the beat, Sly could move under the cover of the music especially when it came to things like breaking the glass case which housed old Ville's gems. After ropeing down Mission Impossible style, Sly shattered the final thing between him and a long vacation. 'But then again, don't want give up thieving altogether.' he thought as he only took the one. 'Fuzelflop if I'm not mistaken, heh heh heh'.
"Now on the sidewalk, huh, huh, whoo sunny morning, un huh Lies a body just oozin' life, eek And someones sneakin' round the corner Could that someone be Mack the Knife?"
'Just shoot me', Carmelita wasn't having fun. She was stuck in a room full of idiots and Diplomats who thought this was all part of the show, 'I thought this was a museum, not a three-ring circus. Forget the plants and the curtain, this guy the biggest security risk.' Kellerman was now dancing alongside the singing ferret, who somehow had the spotlights on him.
Standing on the light rigging, which was hidden amongst the pinatas, Sly was grinning down at Carmelita's beautful pout. Sure this wasn't part of the planned escape route, but since the museum was so kind as to put a path of platforms (i.e. the pinatas) that ran from curtain to window Sly felt obligated to climb up the rope and use them. Plus from here he could give Carmelita more reason to keep a eye the ferret, hence the spotlight. Moving over to the window, he blew the Inspector a kiss and jumped out to the van before his improvements to the song kicked in.
"There's a tugboat, huh, huh, down by the river dontcha know Where a cement bag just a'drooppin' on down Oh, that cement is just, it's there for the weight, dear Five'll get ya ten old Macky back in town Now d'ja hear 'bout that guy Clockwork? He disappeared, babe After drawin' out all his hard-earned cash And now the theft spends just like a sailor Could it be our boy's done somethin' rash?"
'You didn't just say what I thought you said.' Carmelita's ears pricked up, a worried look on her face.
"Now Mister Muggshot, ho, ho, yeah, Miss Ruby Ooh, Miss Carmelita and old Sir Raleigh Oh, the line forms on the right, babe Now that Sly is back in town"
"Oh. God. No." Inspector Fox's legs couldn't move quick enough for her as she rushed to check the gems. As she threw the curtain back, the whole room was able to see the shattered case. Then there was pandemonium, officers running left and right, Diplomats just running and screaming for no particular reason. As for the singer... he just kept singing.
"I said Mister Muggshot, whoa, Miss Ruby Look out to Miss Carmelita and old Sir Raleigh Yes, that line forms on the right, babe Now that Sly is back in town..."
"SERGEANT, SHUT THAT MAN UP!" The vixen barked to the officer closest to the singer. She reached into case and pulled out the very familiar blue calling card.
Dearest Carmelita,
I wish I could have serenaded you personally, but I have a terrible singing voice. I'm better at whispering sweet nothings, perhaps we could give that a try.
With Love
Sly Cooper
X X X X X X
P.S.
Ask the old guy not to make it so easy next time :)
"That irratating... DAMN YOU COOPER!"