~ 26 ~

Elizabeth wipes a tear off her cheek as she rises from behind her desk. She turns, catching John's overly-tired gaze, arms folded across his chest as he leans back against the glass window he once broke. He nods. Over near the sofa, Carson and Rodney sniff as they, too, wipe tears from their eyes. Ronon's sitting in the chair next to the sofa, arms resting on his legs, hands clasped, head hanging so that his thick mane hides his face. He's shaking with emotion. Teyla stands slightly behind him, her hand resting on his shoulder, brows wrinkled with confusion. Major Lorne and Lt. Cadman stand on opposite sides of the room, remaining stoic, though Elizabeth can see Laura's on the verge of losing it as well.

It's been seven days since they returned from PXT-705; the first two were harrowingly long without sleep for most of them. Carson remained on duty around the clock those first two days. The remaining five were filled with heavy emotion and difficult decisions… especially for Elizabeth.

"I'm glad we could gather here," she says. She picks up a tray of glasses and a bottle of moonshine that Jax brought back from the planet after her first trip. Jax had mentioned to John that it was really good and she wanted to share it. Elizabeth sniffs, still a little teary-eyed and shaky. "So we can say a private goodbye before making the announcement."

John steps over to her and pours a bit of the clear liquid into nine glasses. Elizabeth's gaze flows over everyone's face as they wait. There's so much love in this room right now. She's almost overwhelmed by it. Elizabeth's fascinated that this one woman, who spent most of her time in the city avoiding making personal connections, managed to touch so many lives… without even trying. She had her reasons for being aloof, secretive…but those reasons don't matter any more. Everything has changed.

Jax was in bad shape when they came through the gate. Carson and his team were waiting as the jumper arrived and the rear hatch opened right in the Gate Room. Ronon rushed out, carrying the unconscious woman in his arms. She looked like death to Elizabeth. The usually composed leader felt sick to her stomach and almost lost her lunch when she saw the beaten young woman. Her friend. Carson disappeared down the corridor wheeling the gurney with Ronon, Teyla and John quickly following.

After speaking with that man, Girsh, and finding out a piece of the bullet was still imbedded in her shoulder, Carson rushed Jax into surgery. He refused to let any of them in the infirmary during that time and only came out after a few hours.

If the corridor had been any larger, Elizabeth is sure there would have been more people waiting outside the infirmary. As it was, she and John huddled together near the door with Rodney and Lt. Cadman. Major Lorne stood off to the side by himself. Dr. Zelenka and Dr. Heightmeyer held hands as did Ronon and Teyla.

Elizabeth caught Ronon's eyes once and then had to look away. She'd never seen so much rage and sorrow mixed together. After all his years alone, without family, he was close to losing the one person who made him feel like he belonged somewhere… a soul mate…a sister.

But it was John who worried Elizabeth most. As soon as she'd seen his face when he came out of the jumper, she knew something had happened…something big. His feelings for Jax had changed somehow…deepened. The waiting was going to tear him apart.

When Carson finally emerged; his expression told them what they didn't want to know. "I removed the bullet fragment," he said. "The wound is badly infected. And her heart is weak." He swallowed hard. John's hand crushed Elizabeth's, but she took it. "We almost lost her on the table," Carson added solemnly.

"What's the prognosis?" Elizabeth asked.

Carson shook his head. "It doesn't look good." His hand rested on John's shoulder. "I'm sorry, Colonel." John's head bobbed then his eyes dropped to the floor. Elizabeth could feel a shudder go through him.

"Can I see her?" Ronon asked, his deep voice cracking. John looked up at the other man and they shared a silent thought. Ronon cleared his throat. "Can we see her?"

"She's unconscious. I don't know if she'll wake up."

John caught Carson's gaze. "Please."

After a heavy sigh, Carson relented. "All right. Just the two of you."

John's fingers slid from Elizabeth's hand. He glanced back at her, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

She didn't see him again for two days.

John passes out the glasses, taking his last. As a group, they raise a toast. "To Jax," Elizabeth says and the others echo. "For her amazing spirit."

"For being the strongest person I've ever had the pleasure of meeting," Carson says.

"For having magic fingers," Laura Cadman says with a small grin.

"For being a child at heart," Major Lorne adds.

"For being a true friend," Teyla says, giving Ronon's shoulder a squeeze.

"For saving my life," Rodney says. "And being totally hot while doing it."

Elizabeth's eyes narrow. "Rodney."

"McKay!" Everyone else says.

Rodney raises his brows, glancing around at everyone. "Am I lying?" The men shake their heads as the women look on with mild amusement.

Standing behind the sofa, John holds up his glass. "To Jax…for not needing to be saved."

Ronon's head comes up on that one and he locks eyes with John. Then he glances at the sofa. "To Jax…for being…gone."

There's a universal gasp followed by a deep chuckle from one person: the one laying on the sofa. "Here here!" Angela cries, raising her glass. She shakes her head at everyone else. "You're all so full of shit. Only Ronon's willing to tell it like it is. Jax—may she rest in peace—was a serious pain in the ass. What a drama queen!" Ronon and Angela clink glasses then down their drinks. Everyone else follows that lead. Elizabeth sips hers only to get a raised brow from Angela…a dare. Elizabeth takes the dare by downing the rest which results in a shiver. The young woman chuckles again. "Such an alkie," she tisks Elizabeth.

Laughter erupts, threatening to bring more tears on as it had before. A few minutes ago, Angela told them her theory about the origins of Scooby-Doo, a tangent she went off on while explaining how she managed to not succumb to the brainwashing because she kept singing the song. Elizabeth's duly impressed with her strength and the bond she obviously shared with her father. It was their show on Saturday mornings as she grew up. Something as simple as a cartoon managed to keep her grounded in reality…linked to her real father.

"Let's face it," Angela explained at the time. "It was created in the sixties!"

And that got most of them roaring with laughter, except Teyla, who didn't understand and Lorne and Cadman, trying their best not to lose composure. Elizabeth did see the Major smirk and, of course, Laura was nearly busting at the seams with giggles. Even Ronon couldn't control the chuckles because he's seen a couple of the episodes as well.

Just a couple days ago, Elizabeth was filled with worry and terrified of losing yet another member of their family. Someone who meant so much to John it scared her. And now she can't remember those dark feelings because there's nothing but joy. Everyone is safe, well—or on the way to recovery—and home.

Angela's bruises have started to fade, leaving a tinge of green and yellow around the edges. The cuts on her lips are pretty much healed and she's alert and amazingly chipper for someone stuck with bed rest for the next several weeks. Carson made an exception today, as long as she remains lying down as much as possible, which is why she's on the sofa surrounded by her adoring fans.

It took seventy-two hours for her to show signs of improvement. Carson is still shocked by how quickly she's healing. Aside from two broken ribs, head trauma, and malnutrition, the infection in her shoulder had gotten into her blood stream, but the broad spectrum antibiotic seemed to knock it out of her. She's lost some more weight, which makes her look extremely gaunt and fragile, though they all know that's not the case.

It'll be months before she's able to skate or dance again, but given how much attention she's getting from her two favorite men, Elizabeth doubts it'll be that much of a hardship.

She's even offered to return with Rodney to Janus' lab once Carson approves. She's requiring Elizabeth to assign 'a whole hell of a lot of' security, though. Rodney's expecting a major shipment on the Daedalus next time it comes in: several thousand portable hard drives. He wants to download the entire lab and bring it back to Atlantis.

Not only that, Angela's friend Girsh has rallied the town into trading with Atlantis. Seems they usually have an excess from their crops and not enough trading partners. Along with Carson, Elizabeth established a relationship with the Huskin leaders—now grateful to be free of Kolya and his men. They've made arrangements to trade food for medical training and clothing supplies. Girsh turned out to be a very kind man and Elizabeth could not hold a grudge considering how much he tried to do for Angie.

Something Angela insisted on being in the trade agreement, however, was the moonshine. Elizabeth had to say 'no' to that, but she's not concerned about the lack of alcohol that will manage to make its way from the planet considering Girsh makes it and holds Angela in high regard. Something she tends to spark in people.

John, Ronon and Teyla filled Elizabeth in during the debriefing on how Angela not only saved herself, but them as well and took out Kolya. Dr. Heightmeyer is concerned that Angela has taken lives and is requiring the young woman to have two or three sessions a week for the next few months. But from what Elizabeth can tell by looking at her—and from hearing John talk about it—she doubts the young woman has been irreparably traumatized by the events.

As John put it: she's kinda scary that way.

Scary, maybe, but that hasn't put him off of her. After he made his toast, he leaned down and kissed her on the lips, a long, sensuous kiss that made her beam with delight and made Elizabeth blush. Ronon's announcement put an end to that by making Angela laugh.

Her voice has changed, possibly permanently, according to Carson. Her vocal chords were damaged by the attack from Kolya. Elizabeth was visiting the infirmary when Carson told Angela the news. She didn't seem all that upset, simply shrugged and nodded with acceptance. "Always thought I sounded too nasally before anyway." And Elizabeth has to admit, her new husky voice fits her…a bit rough, but seductive and unique.

And speaking of seductive… After Carson left to let them talk, Elizabeth found herself drawn into Angela's two plans she had for the immediate future. The first involved putting Jax to rest once and for all, which meant announcing to the city that Angela Peterson has arrived to take Jax's place. She left it to the leader to figure out how exactly to pull it off, but Elizabeth feels up to the challenge. She wanted to get Jack's permission first, however, and Angela agreed.

Her second plan took a bit of persuasion. And that's when the voice started getting to Elizabeth. She found herself nodding along as if her willpower vanished. Angela told her to take a couple days to think about it, but repeatedly said: "It's the only way I think it will work."

Elizabeth feels herself growing red at the thought…at the decision she made. How could she go along with something so… different?

John catches her gaze, sees that her mind is wandering from the celebration. He questions her with his eyes, wondering where she's been. Elizabeth offers him a polite smile as her gaze drops to Angela, who's staring at her with those intense, dark eyes; willing her to go along with the crazy scheme.

Is it so crazy?

Yes.

But it's just crazy enough to work.

John sees them staring at each other and then Elizabeth blushes and drops her gaze. He knows something's up with them. He felt it when he interrupted their visit in the infirmary yesterday. He was surprised to see Elizabeth there…again. For someone who rarely leaves her office for anything other than meetings, she sure managed to spend a lot of time with John's girlfriend recently. What were they talking about?

The kiss.

Gawd, I hope not.

Those first few days were nothing short of torture for him. Kolya did what he intended even if he didn't know it at the time…he hurt John by hurting Angela. Angela, not Jax. It's going to take some time for him to get used to the name switch. Something Ronon said in the cell didn't make sense at the time, but now it does.

That's not Jax anymore.

At first he thought Ronon believed Kolya had managed to turn her. But once Angela started kicking ass, John caught on. Ronon had been right all along. Jax really was a mask for her to hide behind...not for herself, though, but to keep everyone else safe. Because when Angela lets loose, she doesn't take prisoners.

All those times he saw her battling in the gym, kicking the crap out of the heavy bag…that wasn't Jax that was Angie. Only someone dealing with a lot of pain could inflict so much damage. All these years of acting like other people, changing names, she managed to cover all that pain but not bury it completely. It had to build up at some point. And that boiling point came in the form of Acastus Kolya. John's sure that Kolya's torture sessions opened up something inside her, something dark that she's been trying to avoid facing for years.

John saw it as she locked her eyes to his just before firing the bullet into Kolya brain. Rage. Unrepentant rage. Jax wasn't there to hide the emotions anymore…wasn't there to control the feelings. Angela was out for blood…and she got it.

As a military man, John should have a problem with revenge killing. But in this case, he can't imagine a better solution. If he or Ronon had taken Kolya out, Angie would be left without justice…without taking her power back from the man who tried to steal everything away from her.

Still, those sessions with Heightmeyer are probably a good idea. Giving up the shield of Jax is going to leave Angie open to all kinds of memories she hasn't wanted to confront and all kinds of emotions she's been hiding from.

But she's strong enough. He knows it. She survived Kolya, she can survive anything.

And he's going to be there to help her.

John sighed with relief when Carson subtly broke patient confidentiality to inform him and Ronon that Angela hadn't suffered any other internal trauma. John actually felt grateful that Kolya had tried to rediscover his daughter…as opposed to taking a carnal interest in Angie. Girsh had told him as much, but he hadn't believed it until Carson concurred.

Girsh turned out to be a decent guy. He cared for her as well as he could under the circumstances. And his booze is…wow…are my toes tingling!

Elizabeth clears her throat. "Is anyone else tingling?" With a chuckle everyone, except Ronon, raises a hand. The poor guy's probably too big to get anything from one shot of the stuff.

Angie chuckles, the deep rumble sending different tingles through John's body. No! She's off-limits. Down boy…good dog. John's been informed by Carson that he will be flogged mercilessly if he tries to do anything to his girlfriend for the next month.

Apparently, she received the same warning because she pouted after he kissed her the other day. "I think I'm a sexaholic," she grumbled. "Well, when it comes to you anyway."

John smirked. "One month's not so bad."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Take the time to rest up."

He grinned. After a moment he felt it fade as he studied her face then caressed her lips with his fingertips. "I was really scared…" he captured her eyes with his. "That I wouldn't get to tell you."

Her brows creased. "Tell me what?"

John stared into her eyes. "I love you." Her breath caught audibly and her eyes grew wide with surprise…and panic. He's seen that look before, that fear. Given her tendency to run from him, from feelings in general, John expected this reaction. He didn't regret telling her. She needed to know, needed to hear it from him. To keep her from possibly bolting then and hurting herself, John kissed her. He lingered with his lips moving gently over hers and she kissed him back as he knew she would.

John grins at the memory. He's glad he told her. There's been a change between them because of it. Her eyes light up when he's near. Her smile seems to make her whole face glow. Occasionally he catches that hint of panic in her eyes, but it vanishes quickly enough.

He feels Elizabeth watching him and looks at her. Her gaze is filled with something he can't describe: a mixture of emotions, mostly confusion and longing. He glances down at Angie seeing passion and…amusement.

"Okay," Elizabeth says, planting her glass on her desk. "If you all don't mind, Colonel Sheppard, Angela and I have some things to go over before the announcement."

Ronon and Teyla leave hand-n-hand but not before he looks his sister. "MacGyver?"

She grins and nods once. "Season three starts tonight."

John watches as the others file out of the office, each either waving to Angela or kissing her cheek before leaving. Rodney mumbles something about getting back to his lab even if his hands are numb. Carson points a stern finger at Angela and tells her she has to eat within the hour and she's to have no more moonshine. Angie flicks him a two-fingered salute.

Elizabeth closes the door. She motions to John to take a seat in the chair Ronon just vacated. Angie carefully sits up on the sofa, dropping her feet to the floor and Elizabeth takes the space to her right. Both stare at John. Oh, yeah, I'm in trouble.

"What's going on?" he asks.

Elizabeth and Angie exchange glances then look back at him, neither smiling. Angie drops her gaze to her hands in her lap. "I've made a decision that affects all three of us. And Dr. Weir has agreed to go along with it."

Oh, this can't be good. The last decision she made, she left Atlantis. She threatened to do it again, for good. John leans forward, resting his elbows on his legs and clasping his hands. "What kind of decision?"

She catches his gaze again. "About you and me."

John slides out of the chair quickly and sits on her left side, grasping her hands. He's about to repeat what he told her before, as many times as she needs to hear it…even in front of Elizabeth if he really has to, though he'd prefer not.

A delicate finger covers his lips, stopping him. "Please don't. This is a difficult situation, John. For all of us." She looks to Elizabeth again. "I don't want anyone to be hurt…" she smiles softly at him. "Not even me." She swallows and licks her lips. "You said you love me." A deep breath shudders through her and he's not sure if it's from physical or emotional pain. "But I also know you love Elizabeth. And she loves you too."

John looks up, seeing the beginning of tears and the faintest smile on Elizabeth. His heart is thumping so hard. This is it. He's taken too long so they're making the decision for him. But that's not how it's supposed to work. Angie can't just step away…he loves her too much to lose her. He needs her too much.

But what about Elizabeth? If she's willing to take the risk—something she swore she would never do, even to be with him…

He gets up from the sofa, shaking his head. "No. You're not going anywhere."

"You're right," Angie says. He turns to her. She's smiling again, a soft but sly grin that sends a chill down his spine.

He watches them warily. "Huh?"

"John," Elizabeth starts. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. "Angela made a proposal to me and I've found it rather…intriguing. Of course, the ultimate decision is not mine to make."

"What decision?"

Elizabeth and Angie exchange another strange look before both turn back to him. At the same time they say: "We'd like to share you."

What! "WHAT?" His eyes are open so wide he wouldn't be surprised to see them popping out of his head and bouncing onto the floor. John clears his throat. "Khmm. What?" Okay, totally not what I expected. This is weirding me out…and turning me on…damn! Has to be a joke.

"Share you," Angie says again. "You get…both of us."

John lifts a finger in question. His brows furrow and his mouth hangs open. He must have something stuck in his ears because he can't be hearing what he's hearing. "What?"

Elizabeth moves over to him, takes his hand and leads him back to the chair. "I think you might want to sit down." She kisses his cheek before returning to the sofa, this time sitting between him and Angie. "Clearly you have deep feelings for the two of us…at the same time."

John nods his head side-to-side. He clears his throat again. "I…can't…choose." They smile at him. Something is definitely wrong with this picture. He holds up that questioning finger again. "Let me get this straight…" Okay, lips are dry, can't think. How do I put this? He points at Angie. "You've proposed a three—"

Her left hand shoots up, palm out. "Oh no!"

"Not at all," Elizabeth says firmly.

"I'm confused."

Elizabeth pats his knee. "So was I." She gets up. "Why don't I let Angela explain it to you? I have a wake to announce."

Before John can form another thought, she's out the door, closing it behind her. He narrows his gaze on Angie. She pats the sofa for him to join her. It takes him a moment but he gets up and slides next to her. She rests her head on his shoulder. He can feel her trembling from exertion. She needs to get back to bed. "Here's the deal," she says. "I can't stand in the way of true love. And you guys have it in spades. Soul mate kind of thing."

"That's not—"

She lifts her eyes to meet his. "Yeah…it is."

"But…that's how I feel about you." John sees her eyes start to glisten and she drops her gaze, but presses herself closer to him.

"Me too."

"So…what's this all about?"

"The thing is," she sighs, pulling back to look at him. "We'll never know if you and me was a 'meant to be' kinda thing because of the damn lust-o-rama device. Maybe it was inevitable, but…I'm thinking you and Beth have this thing. This star-crossed, eye-sex, mental connection kind of thing." She pulls in her bottom lip. "So, instead of fighting it, which would drive us both all kinds of crazy and me into the evil that is jealousy, I figure…if you want her, she gets you too." Her brow arches. "But only her. You go all 'Capt. Kirk, slut-of-Atlantis' on me and I'll kick your ass." Eyes roll. "When I'm up to it, of course."

John laughs, but the look in her eyes is deadly serious. "You…mean this…don't you. You're giving me the green light to…be with…both of you?"

"Not at the same time, mind you. I'm not that enlightened. No girl-on-girl for me, buddy. Don't even try those puppy dog eyes, mister."

John drops his gaze, smirking. Had to give it a shot, right?

She sighs, dropping her head to the side. "But…should something happen—especially with me out of commission for a while—I wouldn't go all knife-wieldy on you." She plays with the button on his shirt. "She's important to you. Hell, she's important to me…to all of us. She's the heart here. And God knows the woman needs to get laid."

Now, that's just uncomfortable. She's trying to keep it light, maybe give him a chance to say no, to actually choose one of them. But he's already decided that's a no-win situation and hell…I'm a guy and two woman are saying it's okay to…well, be a guy? When did I wake up in heaven? There's something more to this than Angie being worried about jealousy though. Something she's holding back. "What's the real reason you suggested this?"

With a great deal of effort, she pushes herself off the sofa and stands, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. She hangs her head. John can hear tears in her voice. "Now that I've found you…I don't want to lose you. To anyone."

John stands in front of her, lifts her chin. He wipes the falling tears away with his thumb. "You won't."

She forces a half-smile. "But I could. To her at the very least." John can't deny that. Things change. People change. And Angela changes on a daily basis…but that keeps things interesting. "Someday, she may give you something I never can."

"What?"

She tilts her head. "Your child." She sniffs. "If I accept this. Accept her as part of the package and she accepts me…then everyone's happy. Right?"

"You actually think this could work. The three of us, separate but together."

"As long as you don't try having sex with us on the same day and making comparisons."

"I'm serious."

"So am I." She narrows her gaze on him. "And you better never call me by her name or vice versa,'cause that'll just piss both of us off. And we'll team up to punish you, believe me."

Oh, I don't doubt that for a second.

Angie shakes her head. "It's not a bad deal, Johnny? I mean…you get variety…I get to keep you."

"And Elizabeth?"

"She gets the best deal of all."

"How's that?"

"Everyone knows you and I are together. And no one would ever think you'd be stupid enough to cheat on me." John laughs, but then realizes she's got a point about that considering, well, Ronon. "So Elizabeth gets to keep her chain of command…no rumors about favoritism, no PTB interference. Nobody ever has to know. She gets the sexy secret." Angie shrugs and raises that brow again. "Best part, I get someone to dish about your exploits with."

John hugs her close. "Don't ever tell me about that."

~ 26.5 ~

Dr. Beckett gave me the clearance I've been waiting for. It took six weeks for my ribs to heal to the point that they don't kill me every time I take a breath. My face is finally back to normal, though I got stuck with a nasty-ass scar under my hair and a bit on my temple. Luckily, no skull fracture or blood clots, nothing messing with the gray matter except the drugs and even those were kind of fun.

John's waiting for me in the corridor, his face full of hope. "So?"

I grab the back of his neck, pulling him in for a soul-searing kiss and he groans for me. "Let's get naked," I whisper against his lips. He smiles, grabbing my hand and racing for the transporter.

He's been pawing me for a couple weeks now, but I made a promise to Dr. Beckett to be a good patient and I kept that promise. Besides, I was really hurting, which never happens to me. Do not recommend breaking ribs, even with the promise of exciting pain meds. Not that John didn't try every stinking puppy dog expression to get me to give in, but I think he meant it mostly as an incentive to get better.

It's not like the guy's hard up for action. Beth and I haven't spent much time together given my bed rest, and I was really only joking about sharing stories with her—that would be too weird. About a week or so after the big announcement—everyone now knows me as Angela—and the bombshell we dropped on John, Elizabeth showed up in my room. She looked a bit wired, flustered even, but also as if she was afraid to tell me something. I guessed right away.

"You did it," I said matter-of-factly and she sank onto the edge of my bed, her hands in her lap, shoulders hunched and she cried. She sobbed for a long time. I didn't know what to make of it. No way it could have gone bad…not with John!

When she finally looked at me, she smiled the most amazingly bright smile I've ever seen. I swear she was glowing from the inside. Oh, yeah, they did it big time. I've seen that look, on me, for crying out loud, I know the Sheppard afterglow party.

Okay, I know this was my idea, but I'm still a major nut job, so for a split second, I was starting to turn green, and not because of any left-over bruising. Okay, sue me, I'm human after all. Yeah, major disappointment, I know. But I quelled that pretty quickly.

Beth looked so happy, how could I steal that from her. I was willing to give him up so she could know this kind of joy. She deserves it…more than anyone I've known. I refuse to be petty. I know he loves me, he's told me several times since that day in the infirmary. But John's a big boy with an even bigger heart. There's plenty of love to go around.

Suddenly, Beth hugged me. It hurt a little and she quickly backed off spouting apology after apology. "It's okay. But…why…?"

She jumped up from the bed and started bouncing around the room. "I can't explain it. I've never felt so…" she stopped and stared at me with those huge green eyes. How does she make them look so big? Is it the eye-liner? The mascara? "I think I'm in-love with you too."

Towabbawho huh? "Excuse me?"

She held up a hand like a stop sign, grinning wildly. "Not like that, Angie. But…God! Okay, I knew this would be awkward. I figured…we keep it all hushed up, never speak of it…but I gotta tell you…"

All I could do is laugh. Not at her or anything like that. I just started chuckling so hard my ribs hurt and I fell back against my pillows cringing in pain. Beth sat next to me, helped me take a pain pill, apologizing again but I waved it off. "I understand completely."

"He's John," she grinned from ear-to-ear.

"That he is. A hundred percent."

She giggled then, a cute little girl giggle and she covered her mouth quickly. "Could you imagine…if every woman…"

I held up a hand. "We need clones. I'm already on that bandwagon." And we laughed together.

Afterward, she took my hand and gave it a squeeze. "I truly can't believe I'm saying this, but…I'm glad he couldn't choose between us. I'm actually thrilled we're sharing him."

"Really?"

She nodded. "Otherwise, I think he might kill me," she giggled again, her eyes glistening.

"Oh, yes," I sighed. "Death by orgasm." We shared a knowing look and at the same time said: "Not a bad way to go."

So it's a rather odd arrangement, but workable. I like this side of Dr. Weir. Beth is just one of the girls. And I know that she'll always be there for John, no matter what. And she knows the same about me. It's kind of reassuring that there are two of us looking out for him.

And right now, he's mine.

He's pulling me down the hallway from the transporter with his mouth. We haven't stopped kissing since we got on the damn thing. It's slow going, with him walking backwards and me grasping onto his collar to pull him down. He's just so tall.

Somehow, he gets turned around and bangs right into the corridor wall. Not that I mind. I'm literally climbing him within a moment, pressing myself into him with all my strength. And he grabs my ass in both hands, lifting me higher, pulling me closer. We're panting and groaning out in the open when we hear the transporter. I quickly slide down his body, looking to see if anyone caught us. We're still alone. John's laughing as his hand grasps mine and he's pulling me down the corridor the rest of the way to my room and I'm rushing along, giggling.

It's like we're teenagers in heat. Crazy, crazy wanting this man. All he has to do is touch me, anywhere, and I'm ready for him. It's insane really. But I love it.

I love him.

My feet stop moving and I come to an abrupt halt halfway to my room though John's still rushing forward. He turns and looks at me, the passion in his eyes yielding to concern. Not that I can blame him, my eyes are bugging out of my head, I'm suddenly all sweaty and my mouth is hanging open, though I can't catch my breath.

Panic attack!

I look at him but can't speak. I can barely shake my head. I'm frozen waiting for the oncoming car to splat me into the pavement. John steps closer, gently gripping my shoulders and looking down at me. "What's wrong?"

"I…I…" I can't say anything. My heart feels like it's going to burst right out of my body. I have to run…get away from him as fast as possible. But my feet won't move.

His hands find my face. He lifts my chin so our eyes meet. "Angie? Talk to me." My eyes widen and I can feel myself trembling. But I can't snap out of it. I want to run and hide. Get away right now. But John scoops me up into his arms and carries me into my room. He lays me down on the bed and starts to take off my shoes. He's grinning at me, deploying the dimples of utter destruction. "Don't be nervous. We've been here before."

I manage to shake my head. "I'm…not."

Concern clouds his features again. He crawls onto the bed, hovering over me, his arms supporting him as he stares down into my eyes. His are so colorful, so beautiful…I love his eyes.

I love him.

"No!" And I'm rolling off the bed in an instant, my vision blurry. I've got a lump in my throat that's making it hard to swallow. I have to fight to keep the tears from flowing.

John grabs my wrist and pulls me back. I fall flush against him and he's kissing me. His arm snakes around my back, his other hand slides into my hair. I'm helpless to resist. My fingers comb into his spiky bed-head as I melt into him, feeling his arousal growing by leaps and bounds. Then I'm pulling off his shirt and attacking his pants as he does the same to me. We're naked, breathing hard and kissing like maniacs.

It's wonderful and tantalizing and I can't think about anything but him: his hands caressing my body, his mouth trailing kisses over my skin, his divine fingers finding my most sensitive spots, making me cry out with longing.

But he doesn't take me. He stops, staring down at me with those gorgeous eyes searching my face. He kisses me lightly, tracing a finger down my cheek. "What was wrong?" he asks, his voice a handful of breaths.

I shake my head. "I…can't…don't stop, Johnny…please." I run my hands over his chest enjoying the feel of his skin and hair under fingers, down lower and lower until my palms graze against his hardness and he moans, closing his eyes. But he pulls my hands aside, pinning my arms to the bed as he presses his weight down on me. We both groan with want and need. He's kissing me again, pressing himself into me, but still waiting. What is he waiting for?

"Tell me, Angie." He's looking into my eyes again. "I need to know."

I feel dizzy just like in the hall. My heart's beating hard, fast, sending sharp pains against my still bruised ribs. Again I shake my head. I try to pull my hands free, but he's got them locked in place. He traces kisses down my neck over a shoulder. He knows exactly how to torment me. John slides down my body, letting me feel his arousal against my skin but refusing to give in to it…to me.

His lips and tongue play over me and every so often he looks up to catch my gaze. "Tell me," he orders. "You want to." There's no playfulness in his gaze or voice, just a clear need, desire to know. But I can't…I just want to feel him, touch him.

Once he reaches his destination, his grip on my wrists disappears. He looks up at me again, those eyes wild with desire, but also a tinge of sadness, as if I'm hurting him somehow by not telling him…by not saying…

His warm tongue finds me then and I cry out as my eyes roll back into my head. The pressure…the pleasure…it's almost too much to bear. My hands immediately rummage through his silky hair as my hips rise to meet him. Ommigod! He's so amazing.

I love him.

I lose him just when I need him most and I let out a whimper, begging for him to continue. Why is he doing this? Why is he denying me? Denying us?

"Tell me," he moans against the tender skin of my inner thigh.

"I.." He nips at the skin then dances his tongue over the same spot and I know I'm going to go completely bonkers if I can't have him soon. I open my eyes as he slides his way back up my body, the friction between us could ignite stars.

He's panting. "Please, Angie." There's pain in his voice, in his eyes. "Please tell me." It's almost a whimper.

"I…I…." The lump that's been blocking my throat rushes out on a sob. "Love you." And the tears come, dripping over the sides of my face. My heart's racing…hurting. Why does it hurt so much? It shouldn't. It didn't hurt to tell Ronon. Why now? Why John?

And then he's kissing me and all my questions disappear…hell my brain turns to mush, as usual because this is Johnny kissing me, touching me, loving me as much as I love him. Tenderly, gently he takes me where I want to go, slowly guiding us into rapture.

Afterward, he kisses my tears away as his fingers caress my hair and his eyes keep a lock on mine. The pain in my chest ebbed way before the pleasure took over. And now all I can feel is a strange sense of wonder. I stare into his eyes and I never want to look away.

I've never really known this feeling before. Not in any real sense. I always thought I had it when skating, but even that pales in comparison.

I'm…happy.

Grab a dictionary, look up the word and that'll be my face right next to it. I'm actually looney-tunes freaking happy. John's watching me, trying to read my thoughts, I can tell. Maybe he can, I don't know anymore. I don't know how to block my feelings anymore. It's like I've been stripped of my power to hide.

I capture his bottom lip, flicking my tongue over it until he moans and kisses me with renewed passion. I can feel him starting again. He pulls back, staring at me. "Tell me again."

I blink and take a deep breath. "I…love you."

John smiles, an amazing sight, full of dimples. "I love you too," he says easily and I believe him. He kisses me again, fueling both of our desire. Slowly, he starts to move, growing strong, more powerful with each stroke. Our heartbeats increase in unison, our breathing turning to rapid pants.

"Thank you," I whisper into his ear as he nuzzles my neck with feathery kisses.

Still pushing, grinding ever so tenderly, he looks down at me with wonder in his eyes. "For loving you?"

"Well, there is that," I grin. "But no…" I stare into his hazel eyes, seeing something in there I'd never expected. Me. "For helping me."

"Do what?"

A crazy smile spreads over my face. I can't help it, can't stop it. I'm just so damned happy. "Lose control."

John simply re-claims my mouth…all of me as his again. I am. Always will be as far as I'm concerned.

I know it should matter to me that he's not only mine, but that he also belongs to Beth…but it doesn't. Because when he's with me…he is mine. And that's all that matters really.

Chalk it up to my crazy factor, I suppose. I guess…oh what's he…now that's just…mmm… ggggooodyes! "Johnny!"

"That's two," he whispers as his teeth graze my nipple. "We've got a few to go."

Holyshit, he's on that kick again?

I suppose I'll just have to suffer… uhhhmmm, huh right there!... Through it. oooh… after all… yes!... there's always…ommigod please!...room for… "Ohhhgod, I love you, Johnny!"

Jell-O!

END