The Brass Ring
Winry walked down the hall of the Rockbell house, on her way to find Ed and bother him. She had nothing else to do, anyway.
"Edward, where are you?" she called, peering into each room. She had no luck in the hall, in the kitchen, in the bedrooms, or anywhere else in the house. He must be outside.
Creeping silently around the far corner of the house, Winry spotted his bright red coat, hunching just as she was around the next corner. Inching her way closer, she fully intended to scare the wits out of him, but stopped short when she caught a closer look.
Ed's eyes were distant, watching something sadly. His whole body was sagging slightly, and even his golden braid hung limply down his neck. He was unconsciously holding his right arm, which in turn was holding his silver pocket watch. Clearly, he was in a world of his own, and Winry could not bring herself to disturb him. All this time, Ed had not noticed she was there, but morosely watched around his corner. Winry crept away silently, but stopped when she heard Edward's voice.
"Al, I...I...," he began quietly, almost to himself. Winry paused and turned around, scooting sideways until she could see what was on the other side of the corner.
And there was Al, playing happily with some neighborhood cats who had attached themselves to him. It was an incongruous sight; a large, clanking suit of armor being so gentle and loving. But that's Al, she thought. Ed sat down on the grass, still watching Al, seemingly about to cry. His golden eyes began to look around, and Winry quickly hid behind a tree, not wanting him to know she had seen him like this. He took a deep breath, sighing to himself.
"Al, I'm so sorry," Edward said, and Winry knew she was the only one who could hear him. He never intended anyone to hear.
"I'm so sorry," he said again. "For everything. You've always been there, and I've let you down so many times. Your kind heart has always warmed me when I felt sad and miserable; your cold steel has always cooled my heated temper. You, my little brother. What kind of older brother am I, anyway? An older brother is supposed to protect you! Look what I've done to you. My mistake cost me an arm and a leg, literally, but you; God, it cost you so much more. You're clinging to life by a few dabs of blood! Dammit, none of this was supposed to happen! You say you don't hate me. But how could you not?
"I let you down there, Al, and I keep doing it. I promised I'd get you back to normal. Look at you! Still in that ugly tin can I scrounged from the corner! I run you around on a wild goose chase, dragging you into danger for some stupid little stone. God, you have to hate me! I know you're disappointed, I can hear it in your voice, see it in your eyes or whatever they are. I keep chasing that silly stone, and here we are, still as we were.
"But Al, I have to keep chasing it; it's all I have to live for. You, me, back to the way we were, I can't let that dream go. And I'll chase it the only way I know how. It's glittering off in the distance, Al; can't you see it, just beyond the next hill? I have to keep running after it, headlong, full-tilt, I can't stop, if only in fear of never starting again. I keep reaching for that brass ring, Al, and sometimes, it shines so brightly I'm blinded. I keep reaching, and I stretch my arm out, believing that this time, this time I'll catch that ring. And my hand comes around, and I reach out for that tiny brass ring, only to find those few excruciating inches between me and my goal. Each time, I get closer, closer, closing the gap between me and that ring, Al, but just as it seems I'll finally get it, just as I finally brush it with the tips of my fingers, it pulls back, further away, just out of reach.
"How many times, Al, am I destined to fall? How many times am I destined to get back up? All I want is that small brass ring, that pot at the end of the rainbow. I want to give it to you, my brother. I need to keep trying, Al, because you're all I have, and you're in that stone. There, in its reflection, in its crimson glow I can see your face, smiling and warm like it used to be. God, I miss being able to feel you beside me, being able to share the joys and horrors of life with you. Al, you are my rock, my shelter, my support, my world. You are what keeps me together when everything else is falling apart.
"You have given so much; we both have, giving to the void without a hint of return. You have given so much, without even questioning why. You follow me with blind trust, uncaring of the stupidity in that. I am your idol, but why? Can't you see I'm only human? How can you keep smiling through it all? Tell me, Al, because I've sure forgotten how. Even now, you're the voice of reason, my guardian angel. My big, noisy, hollow guardian angel."
Edward smiled sadly, and Winry watched as he wiped a few stray tears from his eyes. She stood silently behind her tree, watching, waiting. She had never known, never had any idea.
"Al, I promise that, from know on, we'll never be apart. I'll take care of you, and we'll get that brass ring together, you and I, a team. I promise, Al; I'll get that ring, and when I do, I'll place it right in your hands. And they'll be real hands, too, you can count on it."
Ed stood up, brushing emerald blades of grass from his coat and pants. From his pocket emerged the silver pocket watch, and he held it in his automail hand, popping it open to read the inscription. Winry remembered what he had etched inside; Don't forget–3.Oct.10. He stared at it a moment, then snapped the watch shut. Another tear sprang to his eye as he whispered softly, "I promise."
Edward wiped the tear from his eye, then plastered his usual carefree face on with the almost effortless ease that came from years of practice. He rounded the corner casually, as if he had never been watching, as if he hadn't just poured his soul out to the breeze.
"Hey Al! What're you doing now? Did you take a bath in catnip or something?"
He laughed, kneeling down to pry one of the cats off of Al's back and place it back in his lap. The brothers continued to play with the cats, Alphonse trying vainly to keep them from climbing inside of him and Edward happily stroking their soft fur. All the time, Al remained completely unaware of his brother's speech, and Ed stayed perfectly composed, all signs of sadness completely erased.
I never understood everything about Ed, Winry thought, but now I know more. He's so complicated, and I'll never understand him completely. Just when I think I've figured him out, he goes and surprises me. She watched for a moment longer, a few tears in her own eyes. Wiping them on her grey worksuit, she went back to her workbench, but found herself looking out the window every minute or so to gaze at Ed in wonder.