Hmm, the radio. I like the radio, just a bunch of sound waves dancin' around in the air til' it makes it to your ears and thrums your eardrum.
I like being around people, I really do, but sometimes like Raven, I just want to be alone. All by myself in the darkness of my room. Letting it engulf my whole green body.
I like it here, a lot. I've made this my home. I don't ever want to leave but I can't stop thinking about the days when we out grow the whole, "Teen Titans Go!" thing. I mean I won't ever outgrow it. But what about Cyborg? Will Cyborg let Robin boss him around for the rest of his days?
No, maybe there will be some changes, but Cy will still stay.
And that's not the only thing I'm worried about. I've got some other issues to worry about.
Like, Raven for one. I mean, what is her deal? Is she good or is she bad? I mean, I know she means well but sheesh, a freakin' sociopath is tryin' ta suck 'er up and use her for bad. That's just it, she's the tool of evil. The key to the end of the world.
Yeah, together all o' us were able to kill Trigon. But she's still got that demonic aura I can smell from a mile away.
Man, life must be hell for 'er.
She hadda grow up with a bunch of nun type peeps away from her mom, all tha time. And ya know those moments you get when you're a kid? Like when you're really excited or happy or sad or just plain psychotic 'cause you're hyped up on caffeinated soda and candy?
Yeah well, Raven ain't got none of those. She couldn't even smile or frown for Pete sake. She had to stay cold stone. She told us she meditates and all that crap so that she can control her powers. Like she can't frown or nothin' just so she can control her powers. So they won't go haywire.
On the contrary, she's right. Buuuuttt, the truth is, Rae's gotta contain her emotions 'cause her bad emotions will give in to Trigon's demonic powers or some crap like that. So, even with Trigon gone, his demonicness still lives within her.
Sucks to be her, huh?
So, even though Trigon is outta the way there are still a lot of psychopaths that wanna getta hold of Rae... Well, I wouldn't mind gettin' a hold of her meself, but that's not exactly what I mean, what I mean is they wanna getta hold of her for her powers, of course. To take over the world, what ever super villian wants.
And okay, I'll tell you, I really like the girl. Raven, I mean. I don't understand how I could possibly like her since all she ever does is talk trash 'bout my jokes and every thing I do. But I dunno what it is.
I liked her way before Terra came into my life, see. But I knew that I couldn't tell Rae, how I felt 'bout her 'cause then she'd just laugh at me or be like, "must control emotions," or something.
So when Terra came along, I pretty much threw myself at 'er. 'Cause I thought maybe if I liked somebody else I'd forget about Rae. But see, that didn't happen. 'Cause Terra left and then kept poppin' in and out and Rae was always still around, a dark cloaky gray chick who floated around looking glum.
And now Terra's dead.
She "defeated" Slade. But that wasn't true. Slade came back but then Rae kicked his butt back in the ground where it belongs.
You know what? 'Nuff about Rae. More about me, now. After all, I am the one talkin' to ya, am I not? See, I don't really know why I'm recording this whole thing in a stupid tape recorder machine. I mean this is pretty stupid, I could just write it all down or type it in a computer. But I'm trying ta keep it secretive. I mean if someone wants to know something about someone the first thing they look at is their journals or diaries, and in this place all the computers are some how rigged up to Cyborg. So he knows all that goes on, except if Robin does some super mega block thingy or something.
So here I am, sitting in my office chair and yappin' at a recorder. What happens if my voice gets hoarse or something? Then, I'm doomed, fo' sho. Buuut, until then it's the recorder.
Now you're probably wondering why I'm recording all this crap. Well, I don't know, I mean everyone knows the Teen Titans but no one knows the true stories behind the double doors in the big ol' T. Well, except the Teen Titans themselves.
But eventually, we're going to get ol' and die and they're going to have a bunch of history books of us or TV shows or whatever. But none of 'em are gonna be right. It's nothin' like hearing it from one of the teens inside the building, living, learning, growing and eating within these walls.
Now you're probably wondering who's yappin'. O' course you might've recognized my voice but I am of course the irresistibly cute, sexy, green eyed Titan, Garfield Logan. But the ladies call me, Beast Boy. Well, my friends do too, I guess. That and BB.
I'm not really who my friends think I am. That's one thing I think me and Rae have in common. Secrets. We have big fat juicy secrets.
For years none of us knew about Raven's destiny. Well none of us, except Robin, I think. Then all the sudden it was this big huge thing and we were all runnin' for our lives... Raven, literally.
I hated that time the most. The reason why is 'cause I know that Raven would have risked her life to save the planet. I was scared. But I guess if she didn't risk her life the whole planet would be destroyed, possibly me going with it, so then I'd have no one to miss. But, still, I'm glad it turned out the way it did. With Raven living and all, I mean.
Raven still don't know how I feel 'bout her. I guess I pretty much plan on keeping it a secret til I get like fifty-two and have a long white beard and go, "yo rae, 'member back in tha day when we used ta kick it? yea', i really liked you in that tight suit of yours, wink, wink"
I know what you're probably thinking, "JUST TELL HER!" But this is different. This isn't just your average teenager, she ain't even your average superhero. Whoa, no. She's a girl with an emotionless shell. I HATE being rejected. Especially by Raven. I mean, I could handle gettin' rejected by Terra, but Raven? Man, I'd have to live with it forever!
And think of the humiliation? Robin and Cyborg would have a field day! I wouldn't even be surprised if Raven started smirking from her little meditation corner.
See, that's the reason why I don't come clean and go, "RAVEN! I LURVE U, PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME AND MAKE SWEET LOVE TO ME EVEN THOUGH YOU WOULD LIKE, DESTROY THE WHOLE CITY BECAUSE YOUR POWERS WOULD GO HAYWIRE 'CAUSE OF YOUR EMOTIONS AND STUFF, 'SPECIALLY WHEN I BE TOUCHIN' YOU!" - See what I mean? Yeah, not so great.
Soooo, I leave it at this. Spending my time playing video games against Cy and Robin, eatin' tofu, and kickin' it with other stuff.
I always knew that I kinda liked Raven. I mean, when she came floatin' around with her glum lookin' self, I would get this weird flippity-flop goin' on in my stomach. And man it felt way more oozy than when I transform from warm-blooded animals to cold-blooded.
I told myself that it wasn't anything. I told myself I didn't like 'er. I mean who could? She was Raven for Pete sakes! The emotionless demon chick who does nothing but taunt me to death with her sarcastic humor.
But it was when she got into that Malchion guy that I knew for sure that I liked her. A lot. Like, when I transformed into a fly and zipped around her room to see what the heck was going on with her, I was so jealous. There's no denying it, now anyway. I tried to deny it then, I tried to make up excuses but it's useless. The truth is the truth, so you might as well face it like a man than crawl away and deny it.
So, like I was saying about me and Raven being a lot a like - Well, we're different but we're a like in the sense of keeping secrets like I was saying before.
See the thing is my friends don't know who I really am. I'm not who they think I am. See, they think I am a changeling, and I guess in a way I am, but I'm not an ordinary changeling.
I feel real bad about keeping this secret but I gotta. For now anyway. And then soon I gotta leave.
Robin has a profile about us all on his main computer. The one that gives him information about where we're from and who our parents are and our powers and yadda yadda blah. But see my profile is fake.
I feel bad about it but all the information Robin has on me is invalid.
I've never written the truth down on anything. I've never even spoken about it. I was afraid someone might see it. But now that I've got this tape recorder thingy, I might as well spill the beans. By the time this tape is heard by anyone I'll be like really old and gray and ugly or maybe even dead.
So here goes nothing...
Believe it or not, I was a human. Well, I looked like one anyway, not that I don't right now it's just that I'm, well, you know, green.
Back then I wasn't green. Whoa no, I was your average joe with tan skin, light brown hair and deep green eyes.
Well, okay, okay, I wasn't exactly an "average joe". See, I knew I had supernatural powers. 'Cause my dad had 'em.
See, my dad, my granddad, my great granddad, and soooo forth, all were werewolves. And I was gonna be a werewolf, too. Our line of werewolves were the most powerful, we were the biggest, the most furocious and we knocked all the other ones down, leaving us on the top. So I was, technically, "The Werewolf Prince," and I was gonna be the "Werewolf King," and I guess I still am gonna be The werewolf King.
But there was a big problem, when I hit eight years old my mom died. And my dad was gone. He left 'cause that's what he's good at. Going off and doing some werewolf business.
But see like, Raven and her father and yadda yah, my dad was a supervillian. And I was.. er, am, well, was going to be a supervillian too, taking his place in the werewolf line.
I had the symptoms, I grew lots of hair, I had to shave at least three times a day or I'd have a bristles of hair on my cheeks, I had a tail, had claws and fangs, and I desired meat. Loved meat. Especially fresh meat.
I would dream about it sometimes. How I couldn't wait to have the flesh of a human being melting in my mouth as my tongue lavished up the grease and blood up and down. Seriously. But that was all part of it.
I was put in an orphanage. Let me tell you that place sucked major. I got picked on a lot, particularly because I was real skinny and ... Well, kind of a nerd. I still cracked jokes but I was a lot shier then so I didn't just blab out like I do now.
My dad always told me about the time when I come of age. Like, there were different stages of me growing more and more into a vicious werewolf, that would eat the flesh off of human bones, and enjoy it. Sit there and laugh and let the blood ooze between my fangs and pour down my chin. Howl in the moonlight, letting the wind stroke through my long brown hair. The freedom. The power. The works.
He told me about the stage when the beast within me would be unleashed. I guess, as you might have known, I was unprepared for the event, but nothing horrible happened, well THAT horrible anyway. He told me that was just the beginning though.
That I would come down with other symptoms, my taste for human blood and flesh becoming stronger and stronger by the day until one night I'd awake, completely unaware of who I am or what I do, and become a werewolf. He told me not to get close to anybody 'cause I might just eat them up too, and it would hurt when I wake up and realize what I've done.
After that stage, I would become reckless, each time my tongue would come in contact with human blood my desire for it would only become stronger.
My powers growing greatly, I wouldn't care how much damage I did to my own body, as long as I defeated what or who was in my way and to get what I want. Hell, he told me I may not even stop fighting til my last breath, unaware of my horrible condition. I'd be that blind? Sometimes it scares me.
The stages and stages would go on until I become a horrible vicious supervillian werewolf like my father. And stop, at nothing.
I was so thrilled by this, really I was. I was taught nothing but evil, see. Until I went to the orphanage when I saw things from different points of views.
There are three basic transformations, even when my powers kick into high gear. Stage one, is my usual form, which would have been looking like a human, but now that I'm green it would be looking like BB, y'know, the cute boy next door. Stage two, would be me half looking like a wolf and half looking like a human, I'd have a tail, and claws and long fangs, a lot of hair and sometimes a beard. Stage three, would be me completely into a wolf, a smaller one, not very large or anything. But still life threatening and can do serious damage.
Now remember what I said, three BASIC transformations. My dad said that our transformations are based on how angry we are. The angrier we get, the bigger and more powerful the wolf.
He said that we could run at lightening speed like The Flash or something, all depending on how mad or determined we are.
When I came to my senses and realized that everything I was taught by my father was bad. I mean, knowing about myself is cool and all, but what he wants me to do, go around and eat people is bad. I was so disgusted with my father it wasn't even funny. I wanted to be nothing like him, I rid of meat and became a vegetarian.
See the thing is, I may not be able to suck everything up in my cape like Raven can and transport the world to an alternate dimension but I can destroy this whole city. Take over the planet if I kill all the Teen Titans and the Justice League, which my dad thought I could most definitely do.
I don't want to though. Not anymore.
But it's not like I gotta choice. I was born like this. And sure, Raven was too but she is still aware of what she does and can say No in her right mind. I can't fight myself if I turn into that weird state, like not knowing who I am or anything and just attack and attack and attack.
How the hell am I supposed to prevent that? The only way I can think of preventing it is to chain myself to a wall or something. Or have someone kill me.
Now about the part of me becoming green and a "changeling,". That all happened when I was coming home from school one day.
These stupid football players were making fun of me as usual and chasing me home. There's a bunch more details but I don't really wanna get into that 'cause I don't think it's that important. So, we went into some plant and we were standing over this bridge of like, water. Well, it was like sewer water, it was the color of pee and light green. And then the security guards were closing in on us so they pushed me over the edge into the water and my jacket snagged on a broken pipe at the bottom of the waste.
I was pulled out of the water with my stomach full of that crap. My skin didn't start turning green til about two months later. And my ability to turn into any animal, was apparently triggered by my ability to transform into a werewolf, but it somehow multiplied my ability altering my DNA or something and blah blah blah. Who cares?
Anyway, thing is, I wasn't so sure of myself. I wasn't so sure I was going to be a regular werewolf like my dad, 'cause of the incident in the plant. But I was wrong, I was proven wrong when I turned into a beast and started running around with Raven's hood in my mouth.
Now I'm terrified. It's only a matter of time til' I go nutso and try to tear up my friends.
You're probably wondering how the hell I can be so blunt about all this, well it's because I've thought about it for some time. I've lived with it my whole life and I know the consequences. I stay up late staring at my ceiling and sometimes I just start crying.
It scares me. How will I ever over come this, like Raven over came her whole take-over-the-world crazy-father demon type thing? I don't know, and maybe I won't. Maybe I'll become a crazy supervillian and then the Teen Titans will have to destroy me.
But I know one thing I have to do, and I have to do soon, is to pack up and leave. I plan on doing it the day I start seeing my symptoms get worse.
And you wonder how the hell I can be so optomistic all the time? It's just an act, you know. I mean sometimes I truly am happy but most of the time it's a fake smile I paste on my face. I like making other people happy and I don't want other people to feel crappy just 'cause I feel crappy, y'know?
I guess, I just keep all my sadness inside me, sort of like Raven does. Except she's just plain emotionless so you can never tell what she's thinking. But me, I always pretend to be happy, I do that so that my friends really think I'm happy and don't go snooping around my business to try and figure out how to cure me.
I'm not as dumb as you think. How else could Robin get his information about me but the library of records? I broke into the library of records and changed mine. I changed that and information about me over the internet.
I wanted to be a part of the team. I guess, I just wanted a place I could call home. I guess I really wanted to prove to the world that I wasn't gonna be evil like my dad. Like Raven isn't going to follow in her father's footsteps, I ain't going to follow in mine.
But what good is that? Lying to my friends, I mean. I can't get help from anyone and on top of that this whole Raven crush thing is KILLING me!
Living with a really sexy girl you got the hots for is NOT easy might I say! Oh the countless times I convinced myself not to sneak into Raven's room as a fly or a bug and watch her... Well... Ahem. ANYWAYS -
That is pretty much my backround. Oh my real name's initial actually BB. And not GL.
See, my real name is, - or so my friends think, - is Garfield Logan, nicknamed Beast Boy or BB.
But my real real name is, Bernadette Barnes, the 5th.
I had to dump that name away though. That and my whole past and everything I was and was going to be... Or may still be... I don't know. I really hope not.
Well, that was my backround and stuff. Um, I don't really know what else to say. I'm real scared something bad s'gonna happen, and it probably will. I just hope that my friends will stick by my side like we did with Raven and pull through. And then everyone will be happy in the end, y'know? That's what I'm scared about the most. Things not being the same.
Like, maybe me dying or Raven dying or Cyborg or Starfire, Robin even Silky for Pete sakes. I mean who knows what could happen? And the worst thing is it would be done by me. I would try to hurt one of them and they would try to help me and be by my side like a true friend would, and then they would get hurt and they may die and it would all be my fault.
I think about this all the time. Sometimes I wonder what it's like to go to bed at night and not have to worry about a thing. Oh you may have to worry about a paper that's due on Tuesday or what chick you're gonna ask to Homecoming but nothing like this. Nothing like you blanking out and eating the flesh off the bones of people and even your friends.
When will the battle begin?
It's already started to be honest with you. This is the reason why I started recording this, see. I'm taping now 'cause God knows what'll happen next. Blood'll be shed and tears will be cried. Pain'll be brought by one of their own friends and God, if they ever hear this tape, I just want to make it clear that I don't mean to do nothing I'm going to do. I swear it.
I won't be able to realize what I'm doing. It'll be too late when I do. If I try an' hurt one of you, please just go ahead an' kill me. And save all the trouble, and pain.
See what's happening is my taste for human blood and flesh is growing. I keep drooling and drooling and I can't stop, it's disgusting. I have dreams of me running around at night with the moon up high in the sky and my furr blowin' around and me... Huntin', snurfin' out my next victim. And the thing is, my body enjoys it. It really does, until I wake up.
That's why I'm doing this. 'Cause I sense that my days are numbered. God, this whole thing freaks the living crap outta me. It really does. But life is life. And you gotta do what you gotta do.
I just hope more than anything that I don't hurt nobody. Especially my friends. I hope that everything'll be the same after the battle is over, or maybe a little different like Raven returning my feelings and going out with me - buuuuuuuuutttt, that's stretchin' it a bit so let's stick with the minorities.
You gotta admit that we all hate it. We cling onto the happy memories and wish for them to never go away, but whether we like it or not,
things change.
- Click. -