Intimate Confessions

Gijane

Disclaimer, Rating, Summary: See Chapter One

Chapter Notes: Warning: Remus grieves in this chapter. But, Dora helps him through it of course! After much debate, a few L/T'ers and I decided on Dora's natural hair colour and it's not that mousy brown colour either! Remus and Dora go through his noble excuses. Based it on the line "I've told you a million times…" in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (American Ed, p. 624) I did the maths with Remus and Andromeda; it's possible, even probable. The term 'lycanthropy' (I hope we all know what that is!) is not used in canon, but I think it's just too big of a word for the kiddies (Remember these are technically children's novels!). However, since (most) of us are adults, I'm using it. Know I've read the Mistletoe Theory somewhere…take credit if it is yours.

Reviews! Love reviews! Thanks to all!

Chapter Three- Nymphadora's Natural State

Nymphadora Tonks woke up to discover three things. One – it was late morning. Two – she felt much better. Three – the most important – she was cuddled in Remus Lupin's lap and he was hold on to her tightly. She smiled as she watched him sleep. He was a very handsome man, the grey in his brown hair adding a touch of distinction to his already powerful aura.Tonks realized that she had never seen him as vulnerable as he was now. He had opened up to her last night, pouring forth emotions and information that she just instinctively knew he had never told anyone else. She decided if he could be so open and honest, then she could be as well. In addition, she knew where to start.

Leaning in close to his ear, she whispered, "Good morning, darling."

His eyes instantly snapped open. Gathering his surroundings, he looked at her and asked, "Nymphadora?"

"Yes, it's me. This is my natural state."

Lupin stared at the woman in his lap. He looked her up and down. She was a bit heavier and her breasts were a bit larger. Her pale, heart shaped face and dark eyes were still the same, but her hair was waist length, curled at the tips, and blonde. She looked exactly like-

"My aunt Narcissa." Tonks finished his thought aloud for him.

"But not that pale white blonde. A warm honey coloured blonde instead." Lupin said quietly. "I will not even go into the symbolism behind the colour differences. Thank you for showing me."

"The honey blonde colouris from my dad. But I look like dear Aunt Narcissa when natural. Now you know why I morph my hair all those different colours. I don't want to be reminded of my Black family. Sirius was the only decent, well besides Mum, Black relative I had. Now he's dead, thanks to dear Aunt Bellatrix."

"It's hard to believe that you, Bellatrix Lestrange, and Narcissa Malfoy are even, um, even…"Lupin was at a loss for words.

"Exactly, there are no words. Please, don't remind me again." Tonks scrunched her eyes up as if thinking hard and a split second later, her hair was short, spiky, and bubblegum pink again. She winced slightly, but not noticeably.

"I do love the pink." He told her, as he tugged on a short lock.

"I'm rather fond of it myself." She wrapped her hand around the back of his neck. "You need a trim." She murmured.

"Yes, I know. How are you feeling?" he asked. He was still playing with her hair.

"Better." She began to trace an old scar on his neck.

"I use to bite myself before Wolfsbane Potion was invented. Actually, that particular scar came from Padfoot, not I. He had to control me one full moon."

"Why did he have to control you? Didn't you head to the Shrieking Shack every full moon?"

"He never told you why he was illegal Animagus?" At her negative headshake, he continued, "When Dumbledore first invited me to Hogwarts he made provisions for me. I never dreamed I'd find a friend, never mind three of them. By about second or third year, can't remember which, Sirius, James - Harry's father - and…Peter had figured out what was going on with me. But they didn't abandon me." Lupin paused to take a deep breath. "By fifth year, they had become illegal Animagi and we use to run around the Forbidden Forest together at the full moon."

"Oh my God…Remus! Do you know how dangerous that was?" The Auror in Tonks was horrified.

"Yes, I know, it was completely stupid of us." He sighed. "You've seen Padfoot. James was a stag, Prongs. Together, they were large enough to control me. I became less wolfish in their company, but I was still dangerous."

"Did anything ever happen? Or come close to happening?"

"Snape was lurking around the entrance to the Shack one night during sixth year, tipped off by Sirius. He saw me. Actually, I nearly bit him. James, upon finding out what Sirius had done, arrived in time to save him. Snape was sworn to silence by Dumbledore. A silence he broke when he let slip the nature of my condition after that incident while I was teaching, therefore had to resign. That's why he hates Harry and me so much."

"Because you, regardless that you were not able to control yourself then with no Wolfsbane Potion, nearly bit him and because Harry looks just like James, minus the eyes. He's reminded of James. And of James saving his skin." Tonks concluded.

"And he hated Sirius because he's the one who dropped him the hint."

"Typical git, Snape. While it was a bad prank, it was still a prank." Tonks shook her head. "I wonder if he gave me more hell than usual during Potions because I was related to Sirius."

"Probably, but from what I've heard, you weren't exactly a model student."

"Model student. That's funny, Professor. I know you were a model student, Mr Prefect." She laughed at the look on his face.

Lupin sighed. Closing his eyes, he went quite as the memories of his Hogwarts years came back to him. He choked back a sob.

Tonks took his face in her small hands. "Have you grieved yet? I know you were waiting for me to wake, but have you cried at all?"

"No." He whispered.

She gathered him in her arms. "Cry, darling, I'm here."

Lupin struggled to keep control for a few minutes, but her presence kept invading his sense of smell, throwing him off. He choked on another sob.

"Remus." She whispered. "Grieve. I'm here to be strong for you."

Lupin let go. Breaking down, he gripped her in a tight embrace. She planted butterfly kisses in his hair and at his temples meanwhile murmuring softly to him. Tears trickled slowing down her cheeks in response to his grieving.

Gradually, he regained control. Stroking her back, he muttered, "Thank you."

"You're welcome. That wasn't just for Sirius now, was it. He would have loved it, you know."

Lupin smiled. "I know. He would have milked it for all it was worth. That was for James and Lily as well. I never properly grieved for them either. I wasn't welcome at their funerals, being that I'm a werewolf. I went anyway, but had to stand at a distance. It was for Harry, who I saw for the first time on the Hogwarts Express three years ago. All I wanted to do was hug him. Last time I had seen him, he had been just over a year old. However, I was his professor and he had no idea who I was or what he meant to me. It was for Peter even, wondering what happened that made him betray us. Why did he do it?" Lupin asked her rhetorically. Tonks was smart enough not to answer. He continued, "Because of Peter, Harry had no parents and has to live with his horrible Muggle relations. Because of Peter, I lost James and Lily. Because of Peter, I lost twelve years with Sirius to Azkaban and I hated him because I thought he was the one that had killed James and Lily. And Peter! I swear if I even run into him! In addition, it was for you. You barely knew the only decent member, besides your Mum, of your Black family. You're blonde again." Lupin said abruptly. He had pulled back to look into Tonks's face.

"Really?" She fingered a blonde curl. "Interesting. Yesterday, I felt an unusual twinge after I morphed. Just now too. However, I dismissed it since, you know, I was injured and stuff. It's probably because I'm so emotional."

She made to scrunch her eyes for another morph, but Lupin's voice stopped her. "Wait. I like Nymphadora's natural state. Stay natural. It's probably better to let your body heal in its natural state."

Tonks looked at him for a moment. "If you say so. Now, what about us?"

"What about us?" He asked, smiling. He added 'direct' to his mental list of why he loved her.

"This!" She waved at them, her in his lap. "The kissing. This is not usual behaviour for just friends!"

Lupin grasped the back of her neck and brought her in for a kiss. "We're really good friends."

"Remus, even really, really good friends don't kiss like that. Your tongue was down my throat!"

He chuckled. "I told you last night if things were different, namely me, you'd be Mistress here. If I wasn't a werewolf, I'd be courting you right now."

"If you weren't a werewolf, you would have been married 15 years ago and had a house full of kids by now. So, don't use that line on me."

Lupin paused at her statement, "True."

"Next excuse, Lupin. Don't care that you're a werewolf. Well, I do, but it's not an issue."

"I'm too poor for you." He was pleased that his lycanthropy was not an issue for her. He also noted that she used his surname when she was annoyed with him.

"Um, let's see. You own this house. You have Katrina. You seem to be able to scrape together enough for Wolfsbane Potion every month. You might not have mounds of gold in your Gringotts vault, but do you know the obscene amount of money that the Ministry pays its Aurors? Even the junior ones, like me? 'Cause our job's dangerous or something like that. So, money's not an issue. Next excuse."

Lupin sighed. "There's no getting around this one, Nymphadora. I'm too old for you."

"It's thirteen years. That's not too bad!"

"I was a third year student at Hogwarts when Sirius got a letter and picture from Andromeda announcing your birth! Your birth! Your mother was my Head Girl during my first year."

"Oh God, really? Damn, Remus." She grabbed his neck and kissed him passionately. "Do you feel like an old man right now? 'Cause I can feel you don't."

Lupin paused, trying to think. His mind was blank.

She grinned.

"No, I don't." He muttered.

"My mother was your first year Head Girl?" She teased.

"Shut it, Nymphadora!" She smirked. "I'm too dangerous for you"

"Sigh. We're back to the werewolf thing. I've told you, I don't care! Listen, you keep your mind when you are on Wolfsbane Potion, correct. Just curl up to a harmless wolf, correct." He nodded, so she continued, "If you really want to, you can lock yourself in the basement, attic, or somewhere else during the full moon. You're out of excuses, Lupin! Congratulations, we are now courting!"

With that pronouncement, she bounded out of his lap. She tripped over his discarded shoes and ruined her dramatic exit.

Lupin, who had stood to follow her, caught her easily.

"Nice reflexes." She muttered.

"Goes with the lycanthropy."

"See, a positive benefit. I won't be hitting the floor as much. When I'm 80 and you're 93, you'll still be able to catch me. Or the kids, or the grandkids, can."

Lupin sighed. "Nymphadora, I give up."

"So, you're going to court me?"

"Yes." He sighed.

"Goodness, Lupin, if it's going to be a chore..."

He silenced her with a kiss.

She grinned. "Good, because I always get what I want. And I've wanted you for quite a while, actually."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Really, how long?"

She went pink with embarrassment. "Um, a while."

"Nymphadora-"he said in a warning tone.

"Christmas! When you kissed me last year under the mistletoe. Sirius made you. I was going to kill him! Well, anyways…Remus, what are you doing?" He had backed her into the door.

"Don't worry about me, continue." He nuzzled her neck.

She stammered incoherently.

"Can't you concentrate, love?"

"Not when you're doing that. Go sit back down!"

He grinned at her and sat back in the armchair. She perched herself on the trunk at the end of the bed.

"Christmas, Nymphadora." He prompted.

"Oh, yeah. So after you kissed me, with much cheering from the Weasley kids, remember, Molly said something about me staying overnight all the time with two bachelors and no chaperone besides a house elf." She grinned. "House elves really aren't good chaperones. Kretcher…Katrina."

Lupin let out a bark of laughter. "Let's just hope Molly doesn't find out you're here now."

"My own mother had no problems with me at 12 Grimmauld, but Molly Weasley did. Mum won't care I'm here with you either. She knows you're honourable."

"Why, thank you, Miss Tonks."

"You're quite welcome, Mr Lupin. Where was I? Ah, yes. I said back to her something along the lines of Sirius being my cousin and the head of my family, which cracked him up, remember!" They both laughed at the memory. "Molly came back with 'Well Remus isn't related to you.' And I said-"

"'He's close enough.' I remember. You nearly broke my damn heart, woman. It was those strange, shy looks you shot me the rest of the day that kept my hopes up."

"Yeah, well I had just really realized that you weren't related to me. And in fact how handsome you were-are. I realized I must have been attracted to you before that, but never must figured it out." He cocked an eyebrow. "Okay! I was denying it. Happy?"

"Yes. Nymphadora, that was seven months ago."

"Very good, Professor, you can count. What did you want me to do? Jump youone day when Sirius wasn't in the room? You would have gone crazy."

"True."

"So, I told you. You tell me. When were you attracted to me?"

"The minute I met you."

Tonks's eyes widened. "Really?" She whispered.

"Your scent drove me mad. I had never reacted to a woman's scent like that before. Sirius also noticed my reaction, cracked him up. He thought we'd be brilliant together, the werewolf and the Metamorphmagus. That's when your attraction started, by the way. I recognized you as my mate, and you responded, even if it was subconsciously."

"Oh God, really?"

"Yes." He smiled at the wonder on her face.

"Your mate, huh?"

"Yes."

"You poor bloke. Do you have any idea what you're in for?"

Lupin burst out laughing. She smiled, happy that she had made him laugh.

"Wolves are monogamous, aren't they?" She queried. "I'll have to do some more homework."

"Mostly they are. This one is."

"Good…you better be. So why that admission now? Stay over there until we're done." She ordered as he began to rise from the armchair. He sat back down, grinning when he heard her mutter, "Or I will jump you."

"Excellent hearing as well. Would you really?"

"At this moment, yes, so stay put!" She glared as he laughed. "Now, why tell me now?"

"Last thing Sirius said to me before we burst through the doors to the Death Room at the Ministry was 'If anything should happen to me, watch over Harry and finally admit your feelings for Tonks to her, would you.'"

Tonks was silent for while, then she rounded on him. "So," she hissed. "If he hadn't died, you never would have said anything?"

"Said something, no. I would have finally would have jumped you. Every time I breathe your scent, it drives me wild. I think that you would have figured it out from there."

"And now, since we're in the same room, can you smell me? And is it affecting you?"

"My sense of smell is only truly increased the week before the full moon. As are all my senses. I'm okay now."

"So, you don't want to jump me right now?"

"Oh, I do. However, you're going to have a proper courtship, even if it kills me."

Tonks went to open her mouth to retort, but there was a knocking on the door.

"Master? Miss? Mr Moody is in the fireplace. He wants to speak to you. Now, he said. So impertinent!"

Tonks laughed. "She loves that word!"

"Let's go see what old Mad-Eye wants." He stood up and strode over to her. Taking her hand, they went to the door. Lupin went to open it, but paused.

"You do realize that I'm going to court you the Marauder way?"

Before she could respond, he had her up against the door and was kissing her passionately.

She moaned in pleasure and returned his kisses.

Releasing her, he breathed in her scent at her pulse. "I lied about your scent." He whispered, causing her to shiver with passion. "It drives wild no matter what time in the cycle it is. Enjoy your courtship. It's going to be very brief." Pecking a kiss on her nose, he opened the door. Greeting Katrina, he followed his house elf to the kitchen.

He missed the grin that broke out on her face as she followed behind. TBC