Disclaimer
The series, Neon Genesis Evangelion, from which this work of fiction is based, is owned by GAINAX. Characters presented in this document that come directly from the series are also owned by GAINAX. "Lady Pheaura" owns Madison Timlitt. I own all other original characters.

Evangelion: Primum Revelation
Chapter 15: Resignation
Written by T.S. a.k.a. "Kain Tempest"
German Translations by "Steve Vader"

An overcast afternoon after rain fell. What a repulsive state for the world to be. Asuka lowered her head, resting her forehead on her knees and avoiding the grey daylight outside of her window. A day like this always caused a sinking feeling of boredom. The air was crisp with the smell of wet grass, but the humidity caused moisture to cling. You felt like you were sweating, but too much. When you came home, you felt as though you had not earned so much perspiration because you were not tired. It was so discomforting and you could never settle until you were completely dry.

Asuka hated days like this. At this point in her short life however, every day always had a reason to be hated. Twenty-four hours ago, Asuka felt the greatest sense of relief and dread she ever experienced. Like a pendulum, razor edge hanging over her head, her guilt came closer and closer to taking her sanity. She didn't want to think, she felt like she didn't even want to exist. But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't mute the cacophony in her mind. Blaring like traffic during a Tokyo-3 evacuation, she couldn't think of anything with a clear head. She would probably have to call 'sick' from NERV, because she couldn't concentrate. Tristan wouldn't sympathize with her however. Why would he? He was probably with that idiot Shinji, ecstatic at the fact that his favourite pilot was free of any crime. Damn it.

Asuka's bare feet curled into the cool fabric of the bed. Even the small pleasures such as this meant nothing. Her mind was racing, so many things were coming back, things she had blocked out since the beginning of this whole ordeal. Of E-NERV, Tower Four, and the New European Confederation. Of Tristan and Shinji.

The girl shuddered as a fragment of a memory, when she first confronted Shinji with her accusations. She was hysterical at that time, murderous even, in fact, if it weren't for blindness, she would have killed him. She raised her left hand up to her face and closed her right eye. The doctor said that the damage to her cornea was irreversible. The blurry double vision she experience was tolerable when she could use both her eyes, but in relying on the left she lost all sense of sight. She put her hand back down on her knees.

She couldn't even stay on the same subject in her thoughts; it was all a messy train yard. She was very confused, very frustrated, and mentally lost in how her life was turning out. As a little girl, how could she ever imagine that after her mother's experiment that her life would spiral down into this torturous cycle? What a horrible life she had. Even without the apocalypse she was a victim of, hers was simply a tale of suffering from beginning to end. She was amazed that she hadn't killed herself. Damn but she would have tried given the chance. With the most recent revelation, she would have nothing to lose. There was no child.

"...To keep them from you." Asuka had heard it so clearly, even though Tristan had tried his best to muffle it. He didn't mean to say it. Was it a mistake? No, he had learned to keep his temper. But then, her pseudocyesis was probably just as large a bombshell for him as it was for her, right? After all, he had assumed that she was lying; now it was proven that he was wrong. No doubt he didn't know what to do or say. So the first thing that came to his mind was...

Asuka mentally slapped herself. Like that was the case. No doubt he was jerking her chain. To get the reaction he did. But he didn't want to confront her over the situation. It must have been a mistake that embarrassed him. He wanted to avoid humiliation. That impostor of 'Winter', little soldier boy, Tristan, was afraid. He had a crush again. Puppy-love again, the very same kind she used. The one she had every right of using on him in order to win. He was being a fool after all. Now he was becoming a fool all over again.

When they were first reunited at the NEC military base several weeks ago, he had claimed he had severed all ties with her. With a year to do so, since she left Germany, it seemed possible that he was right. He had managed to compose himself after all, become a captain at the age of fifteen. Was he fifteen? Asuka couldn't remember his birthday. But why would she? After all, what did he mean to her. Just a stepping-stone. That was what he was when he was no longer 'Winter'. But what was he when he was 'Winter'? Frightening would be one way of putting it, a fitting rival another.

During their training their synch ratios were point for point, though Asuka had shown a significant amount of improvement, starting from the ground up and catching up in a matter of a few years what took him all of his life. That was frightening. While Shinji and Asuka only took a few years in order to become Evangelion pilots, Tristan had to spend his whole life. No wonder he was such an asshole, why he was so antisocial in school, wasn't it? That he was so sheltered that he couldn't relate to other people? Or perhaps because he was such a weak person inside that he made himself as strong as possible on the outside. But why was she analyzing him so much. What did he mean to her? He meant nothing. He was no longer a threat to her. He was nothing. Nothing.

Asuka sighed with a combination of relief and satisfaction. The first train of coherent thought within 24 hours. After the cramping and the high of the hormones had diminished, she was left with only her mind to analyze. She had to be at bed rest again. She glanced down at her bandaged ankle. It was healing, but it was still going at a slow pace. It had held her back a couple of weeks in Tristan's training regime, but why would she want to participate? The 'crutch' program she was testing yesterday was going to allow her to get back into the plug and regain her previously phenomenal synch test scores. Now this. Only Tristan knew about it, and she had hoped he had kept it between them and the doctor. Shinji, even though he was now innocent didn't need to know. Asuka knew better however. Of course Shinji needed to know, after all she had claimed that not only was he the father but also the method of conception was rape. What a fool she was.

Asuka dropped backwards on the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. Again, she lifted her left hand and closed her right eye, checking her vision. From the first day after Third Impact, this was the result, Unit-02 being struck in the eye causing an immediate effect on her. A higher level of feedback and therefore a much closer connection with her Evangelion. With her mother.

She snapped her eyes shut and crushed any images of her mother that were trying to rise to the surface. She didn't need her mother. Her mother was gone; the selfish bitch had taken her own life. Asuka was never going to do that. She was never going to give that ghost the satisfaction, to have Asuka give up when she had so much to live for. But she didn't have anything to live for. No child, no career, no friends. She growled at her own weakness. She was now sounding as weak as that bastard Shinji.

Shinji was no longer a criminal however she couldn't get her hatred of the boy out of her head. He was weak, weaker than Tristan. However, he was also able to pilot an Evangelion so well that he was able to win every battle. She couldn't compare. But then, perhaps his luck was running out. She didn't have any video feeds of the battle; Tristan excused it as being information on a need-to-know basis. Apparently, she didn't 'need to know'. Regardless, what Madison had told her seemed to make it clear that Shinji was more incompetent than ever before. He had to run away from a battle, he didn't stand and fight. He fled like a scared child. How pathetic. How like him. When her synch ratio was high enough that she would be a part of operations, she would show him, she would show Tristan, she would show everyone that she had what it took. She would win.

A phantom moved through her mind, the red lipped grimace of one of the EVA series. She blinked it away. However, there was still that possibility. She had won though she had still lost. How was she to know that this same result was not going to happen again? How could she know whether or not she wasn't going to die this time? Third Impact, no matter how horrible, had been her safety net. That was now gone. If she fought, she would have to do so for all the marbles. Was she ready to put that on the line?

The phone rang. With a sigh, Asuka sat up, crossed the room and picked it up.

"Hello?"

"This is the Captain, we're preparing for an operation, and you will be required for briefing in one hour."

"What's the point? Shinji is the only one with enough plug time in order to go out on an operation." Tristan sighed on the other end.

"My Evangelion is still being completed and the synch profile for Unit-05 is set for you. We cannot change it with the 'crutch' program."

"What am I good for, though?"

"Don't give me this depressed crap, Asuka. You have an obligation, it's time to fulfill it, and I expect you to be here in an hour. Only then will you know what you are good for." He hung up and the line was silent. Asuka put down the receiver. She looked out the window. He didn't care.

Grabbing her jacket from the back of a chair in the kitchen and her shoes at the front, Asuka went out into the miserable day to journey to Tower Four.

"The Sahara, perfect place to put a weapon testing facility." Tristan commented. Septerra simply grunted in response. The command staff didn't enjoy the same level of information they had when they had been fighting a home front with the UNIT only 36 hours ago. Everyone was wary, such a small window meant that the carrier that was transporting the UNIT Evangelion and the two Trident cronies. No doubt they were lying in wait.

"This was a very risky decision, Captain." Septerra murmured after a few moments.

"Oh ye of little faith. UNIT won't be so bold to try another frontal attack after coming across our defences. We know their best weapon is somewhere along the Atlantic coast. Because we are aware, they won't attack."

"It's feasible. But what happens if we underestimated them?"

"Then Asuka is our last hope."

"I don't like it. Even though she was able to-"

"Exactly." Tristan responded with a sound annoyance, interrupting the sub-commander before he could remind Tristan of why he was an operations director. "If it comes down to it, this will be the day she proves herself."

"The Confederation entire existence rests on this decision."

"So is what Shinji is doing. We have to deny UNIT any other chance to get stronger. We do by taking all the NERV bases we can and salvaging what's inside." Tristan brought up his microphone. "You doing alright, Shinji?"

"Yes. And I know how to disembark from a transport plane, don't worry."

"I wasn't about to ask you. You do it so often anyway."

"Could you please stop with the banter?" Asuka interjected. Tristan chuckled.

"Sorry to leave you out."

"Just shut up." She growled.

"Okay, I'll go over what is going on."

"I don't see why, we already know what we're doing." Asuka argued.

"I have to agree." Shinji added. "I just bully UNIT into leaving. Asuka-"

"I stay and protect the NEC's scrawny ass in case UNIT goes to bite it. I know my orders and I don't need some review from either of you two. So just shut up and let's get this over with."

"Morale seems high." Came Septerra's sarcasm, eyeing Tristan. The captain didn't respond, watching the synch graphs, looking up at the map of the operations area. A few cameras mounted on vehicles cave a view of the stretch of arid lands stretching out before the soldiers there. Three months and already their sphere of influence had enveloped Saudi Arabia. Now a network of fortified resource bases, it was the gateway to the east and south for the fledgling nation.

Approaching the landing zone, Shinji heard the chirp and a small read out displayed the count down to launch. A computer timed drop, and not one based upon gut instinct. The captain had become took tired to quickly of the very same command Misato had loved doing. Shinji felt the momentum of the releasing mechanisms bull him up and back into his seat, as the darkness of the transport jet gave way to blue sky, and golden earth, which rushed to greet him.

The teeth rattling crash and the strain upon his arms signalled landing. He was a black shadow upon the sand. The fall was exhilarating and his heart was still pound. Thoughts simplified as the Evangelion's body wrapped around him, and his awareness expanded. Unit-06 rose up and glanced around. Spying a plug on a concrete base a few acres away, the massive titan stepped over and immediately attached it. The power indicator chirped happily, showing the digits presenting indefinite power. Not having to fear running out of power, Shinji took a moment to take stock of the situation.

The command centre for the support teams was a series of trailers connected with open spaces covered by a tent. The small compound was five feet below the actual ground, entrenched, a tactic that seemed to make perfect sense based on how little cover there was out here. Three gun emplacements and a collection of large generators was surrounding the compound. The three guns, artillery, were silent but Shinji knew that they were the main weapons to be brought to bear on UNIT; he was the ultimate defensive measure. Shinji looked back to the desert spanning southeast. Somewhere out there was the NERV Weapon Testing Facility and the UNIT forward base. Shinji blinked, as a thought came to him.

In the span of three months, Shinji was seeing the world. China, Germany, and now the Sahara. It was a dumb-founding realization, but even more amazing was just how long it took him to come upon this realization. This place that he was admiring through the HUD of his Evangelion was a place he had only read and heard about. Before reaching Tokyo-3 his life was normal, but now, it was so exciting, but equally, it was very painful.

Shinji never had much time to gain intimate knowledge about adventures of other people; he didn't care much for watching television, often having to worry about his grades. Many heroes had to face hardships on the way. Did that make him a hero? The kids in Tokyo-3 regarded him as such soon after his success at defeating the Third Angel, however, it only took a little while before Shinji was forgotten. It stopped become a mark of recognition in the eyes of his peers to pilot the Evangelions, but rather his job. As soon as Asuka came, they were a buzz of activity again, only to return to normalcy once the novelty was lost. Shinji remembered finding half of the garbage in the shoe locker room full of love letters to Asuka. It was ironic how many people fawned for Asuka while he, Touji, and Kensuke knew the truth, but at the same time, his two only friends were obsessed with his guardian Misato, but knew little about her. Shinji sighed, early on, Tokyo-3 had been awkward and inviting, but it eventually became his person Hell. He would have liked things to have stayed the way they were before everything had turned out so wrong, when he was still innocent, and the Angels were simply the enemy.

Shinji took a sharp intake of breath and grabbed his forehead, images of Koaru again tried to come up to the surface and he violently forced them back into his subconscious.

"You're getting quiet, again." Tristan commented.

"S-sorry. It's my first time seeing the Sahara... Well, any desert for that matter... All I can say is... Wow." There was a momentary pause, the lag between his message getting to Tower Four and the response getting back.

"Figures."

"'Wow'? Is that all you can say?" Asuka barked.

"I though you weren't going to get involved?"

"Well how can I if he's being such an idiot?"

"Stop acted like a bloated-"

"What? A bloated wha-" Tristan sighed.

"Sorry. Moving on. This is a defensive mission for you. Simply sit tight and take out the enemy as they approach. You will be provided with a rifle, should down the enemy if they start getting close. Lieutenant Sai was sent in my stead, he will be the primary director of the operation, so listen carefully to what he has to say." Shinji nodded.

"Roger." There was a crackle as another communication channel linked up to Unit-06.

"This is Lieutenant Sai, Pilot Ikari, can you read me? Over."

"Uhm... This is Pilot Ikari. Reading you. Over?"

"Captain Nevril has already given you your assignment; I'm only here to keep you posted on the latest local reports. That is, what our artillery and recon have to report that you need to know. Get yourself armed and ready, the artillery strike will commence in two minutes. Over."

"Roger." Shinji forgot to end to signal the end of the exchange, however, it was quickly assumed. A waypoint came onto his display pointing to where his weaponry was, the generator, and the optimum places that he was to attack from. Shinji moved a brisk pace, his EVA seeming to understand the urgency as it picked up the rifle with no fuss and crouched down in a firing position.

The sound of the howitzers firing was something akin to hear something soft and heavy hit the ground. Like falling into bed. Shinji knew however, that he didn't want to be where these bodies were falling. A twinge of regret snaked through Shinji as he realized that people where going to be injured and killed. And here was abiding by it. However, he wasn't seeing it happen. It wasn't his fault; after all, the NEC was doing this for the good of the human race. A second volley was fire. Then a third. Each of which caused Shinji's brow to knit tighter and tighter. Was this the right thing to do? Not even fifteen years and humanity was back to where it started, killing each other. And here he was, doing nothing about it. Why?

"Heads up." Shinji blinked and looked around. "Radar spotted two Tridents headed our way. Get ready to intercept them." Unit-06 stood up and moved forward in front of the main guns, his rifle ready. On the horizon, he saw two dark shapes.

"Expanding my AT field now." Why was he doing this? His HUD formed two red targeting reticules, recognizing them both as Tridents. The battle at the coast was still fresh in his mind, the people there, they weren't soldiers, and they were people who wanted to do their best to help fight an Angel. They wanted to protect humanity. Shinji could still remember the young woman smiling up at him and his EVA before everything went to Hell. She saw EVA as the tool for a better world, and even though she was risking her life, she wanted to ensure that the Angels were defeated, and that was very encouraging. The missiles from the two harriers killed her and everyone else at the staging area. That was why he fought, because these people, if they could be called that, were only thinking of themselves and not what humanity was striving for after Second Impact. They were no better than the Angels. They were the enemy.

Shinji glared at the two targets and his lip curled into a sneer. He pulled the trigger. Glowing tracers arced through the sky, and he watched as the reticule wavered as one of the Trident's was subjected to the barrage. It lagged behind its mate, which immediately sped up to close the distance. Shinji regarded it with disdain, turning his rifle towards it and firing a burst. A blast of sand, and the target veered around the blast. Shinji swept his next burst around the general area of the Trident, and without a place to go, the Trident sailed right into the barrage.

Flashes of light called Shinji's attention to the first of the Tridents, which had already opened fire. The blasts were nothing but swats to his AT field. Turning away from his last target, he trained his rifle and fired another sweeping burst, the Trident dried to dodge, but only took the attack to it's broad side. Two more burst found themselves in the Trident's side.

"Watch your flank!" Sai barked. Shinji quickly snapped around to find the second Trident directly behind him and facing towards his umbilical cable. The Trident fired and Unit-06 jumped away from the Trident, causing his cable to be jerked away at the last minute. Shinji fired again, watching armour peel off of the Trident, and causing it to reel away.
Shinji gave a snarl as he snapped around to the first Trident again and fired a burst, however, the machine strafed around it, its powerful jets blasting sand and rocks everywhere. To Shinji's side, he heard the jet engine roared and looked to see the second Trident charging towards him. He raised his and pulled the trigger. The click of an empty chamber caught the young pilot off guard.

The Trident slammed into him, causing him to stumble, however, the majority of it was absorbed by the radiating hexes of light. His AT field thwarting the brutal attack. Winding up, Shinji slammed the gun against the serpentine head of the Trident, watching the weapon shatter. Not missing a moment, he deployed a progressive knife and took a swipe at his foe, managing to score a hit and see parts explode off of the head of the machine. A second explosion caused him to jumped back as the ammo in the head's gun turret exploded. The severely damaged Trident flew backwards, deploying its legs to stop from coasting around with the dead weight of the head.

"Flank! Flank!" Sai screamed. Shinji cursed, having forgotten his other foe. The other Trident had already gotten some distance and was facing the generator feeding his Evangelion. Something on the hump of the mechanical monster's back burst open, followed by the twirling lines of smoke from a volley of rockets. The generator collapsed in only a few moments. Shinji was already charging towards his foe, roaring by the time his HUD screamed to warn him he only had five minute of power left.
Shinji slammed down on top of the Trident as it turned to face him. The stabilizer jets struggled to compensate for the extra weight, causing a cloud of sand to swirl around Unit-06 and it's foe. Shinji drove the knife down into the back of the machine, causing a clean cut save for the sparks that belched out of the wound as he sunk it deeper. The Trident gave into his weight before bucking him off, having deployed its legs. Shinji stumbled back, having lost hold of his knife. Now rid of the problem, the Trident brought its legs back underneath its body and charged at Shinji. Ejecting his cord plug, Unit-06 jumped out of the way.
Shinji watched as the charging Trident missed him and suddenly go out of control, flipping and spinning before landing in the sand. Shinji didn't have time to analyze it any further as Sai came back on the channel.

"The other one is aiming for the guns!" Shinji looked over and saw the wounded Trident turn in the general direction of the compound. With another holler, Shinji tackled it, getting his arms under it and heaving upwards. The jolt was enough to halt the pilot from firing any missiles. Twisting around and getting one of his shoulder blades under the Trident's shoulder joint, he triggered the flak launchers in the armour. Two blasts of six black shards of metal slammed into the under side of the Trident, finally knocking it onto it's back. Deploying the second progressive knife, Shinji swiped the blade down the belly of the beast and second cross slash caused the machine to stop moving.

A second shrill cry from his machine warned him he had less than a minute left. Snapping around, he saw his final foe facing him, legs deployed. It's gun twitching and sparking. Damaged? This was his last chance. With a scream that he knew he would feel for more than a week, Shinji charged once more to leap on his target. The Trident twisted away, only make it's hump vulnerable. The progressive knife dug in. The explosion was enough to throw the EVA backwards and twisting, fell onto it's front. Shinji's display was glowing red from the fire as the final second ticked way and everything went black.
Two minutes later, Tristan leaned forward to get support, as the final pieces of footage from the battle came in. He and the rest of those there to witness were amazed. In the span of five minutes he was able to destroy two Tridents. The captain closed his mouth and grinned. He turned to Septerra.

"I think we underestimated Shinji's capabilities." Septerra frowned and then looked up at the screen. On another camera they could see tanks and troop carriers leaving the compound and dashing towards the Weapon's Facility as the last artillery shell was fired. Tristan lifted his headset. "Phase one complete. Good work." He then put down the headset.

"Stop right there, Third Child." Shinji halted and slowly turned around. He was exhausted, even with a solid eight hours of sleep on a transport plane; he was still tired after the flight and the debriefing. He didn't need Asuka's opinion on anything. She had her head lower though and her arms to her sides. He frowned, this wasn't like her.

"What is it?" He asked in a low voice.

"I saw you fight today."

"Oh... Sorry."

"Stop saying that, damn it. I hate it."

"Sor-"

"No!" She took a deep breath. "I'm the one who's sorry." Shinji sighed, waiting for the punch line. He looked at her more
carefully when he realized it wasn't coming. "I don't want to hear you say sorry or any such crap. You don't mean it. You never mean it. You always think that it fixes everything, but it doesn't help me one damn bit. All it does is show how little you care.""I... Uh..." Asuka raised her head and Shinji saw raw anger on her face, which also had lines of exhaustion. She stayed up all night to confront him.

"You're going to listen, Third Child, and you're going to listen well, 'cause I know this is what you want to hear. I..." Shinji held his breath. "I..." Asuka swallowed hard. "I can't compete with you!" She blurted out, the boy blinked, surprised and confounded. "Everything you do just hurts me and kills another part of me. Just being around you brings me closer to dying." She took a breath. "But now I know that it wasn't because you were the problem." Her hands and teeth clenched as she prepared to force out another forceful truth. "I was wrong about everything. I'm always wrong!

"Everything that I have done, when I compare it to you, is just so wrong. Yeah, I got through college, but I'm still just a stupid kid. I didn't even check myself to think whether or not he was right. I was still a virgin and I still am. But I couldn't admit it. Tristan had to cow me over to a doctor and he had to tell me himself, to be face that I was wrong."

"W-what?" Asuka took another deep breath.

"There is no baby." She whispered. Asuka sniffled and gave a cough, clearing her throat. "I wasn't pregnant. I just thought I was and fooled my body into acting like I was. You probably want to know why, right? Well I don't know. It was my choice as far as I see it. But then, I know it's my fault. All the bad things that have been happening can be blamed on me. I'm the one at fault for everything, not you!

"I don't belong here. I don't deserve the title of the Second Child. I don't belong in NERV or on this planet for that matter. This is it Shinji, you beat me and I lost. You're the better pilot and you always will be, there is no way I will ever be able to compare to you anymore. You're not just the better pilot, thought; you're also the better human being. I don't deserve to pilot EVA or live after seeing the way you fought today. I'm going to quit NERV, and I don't care what you or anyone else has to say about the matter. I've had enough of it. I don't ever want to see you again, Third Child. Nor do I want to see Tristan or Madison. Goodbye idiot." She turned away. "And don't you dare say anything to me, I'm not worth it!" She cried and ran off. Before Shinji could react and call out her name, Asuka was out of sight and out of earshot.

It had all happened so quickly and without warning that he barely even realized what she had said. She was going to leave NERV? What had she about the pregnancy, it didn't happen? Shinji gave a frail groan and closed his eyes. His thoughts were slothful and disorganized. No doubt she was just having another fit. He turned away with a sigh and continued to drag himself out of the door. Perhaps he could look at it afresh in the morning.

"You felt pretty useless didn't you?" A pause. The captain smiled. "And all you could was scream at him. Well at least it made him keep stock of what was going on. But then what could you do? He was doing so well on his own." Another pause. He laughed. "No, that I didn't train, but I must admit he was thinking on his feet and he was rather nimble, despite all the extra equipment. In fact, I'd say that was time well spent optimizing the Evangelions with that payload layout." Yet another pause. Tristan sat up in his seat and changed the phone receiver to the other side of his head. "Well that's icing on the cake, however, it would be best we leave the military deal with that, we just need you to supervise the salvage at the weapons facility. That reminds me, has anything on the Tridents been salvageable? No? I suppose we might as well count our blessing that he was unarmed... Yes, sidearm training will start next week, and I've already chosen just the right weapon for them..."

Tristan pulled a black pistol from a desk drawer, admiring it in the limited light from his desk lamp and the light of his computer monitor. "Water-proof? Of course not, what with the mental state of the pilots, Septerra and I both agreed that we didn't want to give them something to tempt them with suicide... Yes, Septerra and I are agreeing on something for once, but don't expect it to be trend... Good hunting, Lieutenant."

Tristan hung up and sighed, resting his head in his hands. He wanted to sleep for a week, staying up for only a few extra hours really messed him up. At least the operation was finally over and he could get some sleep. That was until a knock came on his door.

"Enter." He announced as he slipped the pistol back into the door, hearing it lock as the door opened and an exhausted girl shambled in. "Pilot Sohryu." Wordlessly, she entered and shut the door behind herself, leaning against the doorframe. He knitted his fingers and gave a wry grin. "My, you seem chipper today."

"I've been waiting her since you called."

"Your part of the operation ended eight hours ago. You should have gone home and got some rest."

"I wanted to speak to Shinji."

"He just left home. To sleep. Like you should."

"I ran into him before he got out the doors..."

"And?"

"I came here to resign from NERV."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm quitting." He frowned.

"That's not something to-" He paused. "Why?"

"Are you blind Tristan, Shinji showed me up when he was able to defeat both of those Tridents in less than five minutes. How can I compete with that?"

"Why do you think you have to compete with him?"

"Because... Because I have to be the best!" Tristan leaned back in his chair and thought for a moment. "Sit down."

"I'm fine."

"Sit down." He repeated. Heaving an exasperated sigh, she came and sat down in the chair across from him. "You still play the violin."

"What?"

"Are you deaf? Do you still play the violin?"

"Not for about three months."

"Why did you first start playing the violin?"

"I- uh..." Asuka shook her head, no words came to her. "It was... Something to keep things off my mind when I was overworked or frustrated. It was easy enough that I could work on it when nothing else was coming to me."

"You played very well a year ago."

"What?"

"I'm sure that if you were not so focused on improving your synch ratio and studies you could have become a professional musician."

"What does this have to do with anything?"

"Based upon your logic, there is no way you should even bother considering taking your passion for the violin and becoming a professional."

"What?"

"Why play the piano if Beethoven was able to write the Ninth Symphony, the song that symbolized all humanity? He was deaf! He was superior to any of the posers that came through concert halls and being hailed as masters of the piano. They shouldn't be there because Ludwig van reached the apex of piano composition. Why should they bother, they can't compete! It's because that doesn't matter. I can't believe the self-hating bullshit that is flung by you two pilots. God forbid that NERV just put your out of your misery you piss and moan so much." Asuka jumped from her seat.

"You fling twice as much as the two of us combined! What about that 'I'll protect you' shit?" Tristan grunted, he should have expected that. He took a breath.

"It was a mistake. A slip of the tongue. I regret saying it, much like I regret what I say a year ago. It meant nothing. But this isn't about me, this is about your resignation." Sohryu gave an irritated snort and sat down. "Now then. Being a musician isn't supposed to be competetive, it is a creative outlet, and it doesn't matter whether someone can use it to put food on the table or simply calm them down, everyone can still do it. Piloting the Evangelions is no different. You're not competing with anyone anymore when you enter that entry plug. It's only us against them; there is nothing that has to do with being better. We all have our roles and how well each of us can accomplish our assignments has little bearing on anyone else outside of an operation. We can't afford another pilot, and your spot isn't threatened so long as there are no pilots who can do better than you."

"But-" Tristan slammed a hand on the desk, grabbed his cellphone, pressed a key and slid it across the desk. She took it and looked at the numbers punched on the face.

"That is the number for your termination code. Don't ask why or how, but as soon as you hit send, that goes to the central computers and all your records are deleted. Nothing will be saved and you will disappear from NERV's consciousness forever. J-NERV gave Shinji a second chance, but I will not give anyone under my command that kind of privilege. When that code is sent you will be dead to NERV, and no one will mourn. If piloting the EVA is so important that you are going to give it up, then press that button and show me that you were nothing but a waste of time." Asuka picked up the cell phone and rose from her seat, glaring down at the numbers. She grimaced and her thumb hovered over the send button. Tristan watched her intently. She trembled, she tried with her other thumb, but all her fingers were paralysed. She struggle for a long moment, he could hear air come in and out of her lungs from gritting teeth. Finally she slapped the cell phone down the desk and tried to support herself on her arms, her head hanging down and staring at the phone. She shuddered.

"I can't." Asuka rasped. Tristan slowly rose from his chair and came around the desk. He gently took Asuka's shoulder and turned her to face him. She raised her head and looked at him.

"If you want to continue piloting, you will have to put everyone and everything behind you. You just have to let everything go, every piece of emotional baggage and get it in gear. I failed to become Unit-02's designated pilot not because you hurt me, but because I allowed that hurt to reflect in my piloting. That was the first time it happened and I will always have to deal with that mistake of mine for a long time. Let it all go now, and you will be able to get back in the saddle and pilot an Evangelion again. Unbridle your emotions and let nothing hold you back." Asuka lowered her head and pulled away from his touch. "Asuka, I-"
A white, stinging pain shot through Tristan's mind, and the impact caused him to almost fall backward. He opened his eyes and felt his cheek continuing to throb.

"Don't... Don't ever touch me again, Tristan." The captain stood up and saw Asuka with her back to him again. "This is what always pisses me off. You act like such a jackass and the turn around and try to be nice to me. Why do you keep doing that? None of this makes sense."

"It was-"

"A mistake? For once actually take responsibility for your own actions, captain. I know you better than to just run your mouth like I would. What you said at the doctor's office was real. You wouldn't just say that unless there was a reason. Stop toying with me and tell me the truth!"

"And what if I lie?"

"Then I will send in the termination code. Because I'll nothing else left here at NERV." She raised her head against, and despite the tears on the horizon, Tristan knew she would make good on her word. The captain collected himself and spoke.

"I spend my entire life to pull off synch ratios you could break in a day, and here you are wanting to quit. Is my job so simple that people come and go as they please while I slog through the trenches? I admire Shinji's strength, but I despise his weakness, and her you are acting just like he would. You being here and telling me you want out is more painful than if you stuck me like a pig!" The captain took a breath. "But it isn't the fact that you want to quit that hurts the most. When Shinji is depressed, I can straighten him out, cause it's all about his guts. As for you... You used my feelings for you to get Unit-02. But now Unit-02 is gone. I want to hate you for fooling me, but... At the same time I hate seeing you despair. Seeing you this close to giving up... I would straighten you out like Shinji but-"

"Straighten me out like him." Tristan looked up and Asuka turned around, looking calmer. "No teasing or jokes, just give it to me straight. I don't want you to go easy on me because you are my captain, and I hate your guts. Don't try and use logic or analogies in order to try and make me change my mind, I know better. Don't act weak when I know you are better than that, it pisses me off, because you're not Shinji. Just be the captain when I get out of line."

"And what about when we're not working?" She closed her eyes.

"Then..." She opened her eyes. "Then just be yourself." He nodded slowly. Stepping over to his desk he turned off his cell phone and computer. Tristan glanced at his watch.

"It's really late. You want me to take you home?"

"Okay." She answered.

"I- I'm home." Shinji announced after stepping across the threshold. A pair of little green eyes and red brows looked over the top of the couch curiously, the flightless avian sparing a minute of late-night television to see whom it was. Pen-Pen immediately scrambled off the furniture and out of sight. Shinji watched the little bird go before glancing around the dark apartment again. Heading down the hall, Shinji stopped in front of Tristan's door, he hesitated and rather than knocking, pressed his ear to the door. No sound. Was Tristan really a sound sleeper?

The boy returned to the living room, wondering where the captain was. The meeting was an hour ago and even though he said he still had some business to do, Tristan had a car. Shinji felt something on his foot and found Pen-Pen staring up at him, his empty bowl having been dropped on Shinji's foot. He hadn't been fed yet, and the captain would have at least given him some tuna before going to bed. Picking up the bowl, Shinji entered the kitchen, followed by the bird. Tristan was nowhere to be seen. Looked like there was more work than he had said. The boy glanced at the time on the stove, he had plenty of sleep, and perhaps he would stay up and give the captain a nightcap before both of them hit the hay. This was an eventful day.

Dumping a can of tuna into Pen-Pen's bowl, Shinji went and sat down on the couch. He could heard the bowl sliding around the kitchen floor, even though the bird didn't find canned tuna enjoyable, he was hungry enough to have it anyway. The television was set on a station showing a German TV show, know doubt a rerun. Even though it was in the middle of the program, Shinji got a general idea what was going on, and it was probably why Pen-Pen was watching it. Why would a warm-water penguin be interested in television anyway?

The little bird, having finished his meal, clamoured back onto the couch and sat next to Shinji, glancing up at him before going back to watching his show. As one show ended and another began, the penguin would flip between channels, obviously already developing a routine and an idea what to watch and what not to watch.

"So this is what you do all day?" Pen-Pen answered with a lazy squawk. Shinji sighed and stayed up with the bird, watching the Penguin's program choices and trying to figure out the plots to the shows with the ongoing plots as they went. Eventually, the two dozed off soon before the station also signed off for the night.

When Shinji awoke in the morning, Tristan was nowhere to be found and the apartment was untouched.

To Be Continued...

Author's Notes
PRE Fun Fact: Most of this chapter's dialogue was written on post-it notes during my lunch breaks at work.
Not much to say about the majority of the fic, save for the last line. Asuka + Shinji fans please don't lynch me; it's not what you think!