Intimate Confessions
Gijane
Disclaimer, Rating, Summary: See Chapter One
Chapter Notes: Remus' scene in Chapter Six of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (American hardback ed, pgs 105-106). All text in italics is direct quote from the book. Remus recognizes Dora as his mate, so I figure they have a special bond as mates. The bath scene is for all the fangirls. Remus and Dora meet for the first time after breaking up. We all contributed to Harry's gift. It was greta2242's idea, but siriusgirl thought to enchant it. I added the doe and made it pewter. I'm guessing on the exchange rate. Harry's wand cost 7 Gallons (PS/SS), but his Advanced Potion Making text cost 9 Gallons (HBP). I know that textbooks are expensive…buy I'm going with the inflation theory. I'm sure both Harry and Lupin want more from their current relationship, but both are unsure how to proceed.
I have no idea why, but this chapter was really hard to write. It's not the greatest, but it will do.
I took both chapters down and reposted them. I have no idea what happened!
Chapter Seven– Birthday Greetings
Fenrir Greyback prowled among his sleeping pack during the early dawn. Last night had been the full moon. His attention was drawn to one of the group moving away from the others, slowly and quietly. Greyback's eyes narrowed in disgust as he recognized the werewolf. Remus Lupin.
Greyback himself had bit Lupin when he was very young, in revenge for his father's insult. He had wanted Remus in repayment. Unfortunately, for Greyback, John Lupin proved to have more of a backbone then he imagined. Instead of abandoning his son, as many parents did, John kept Remus and from what Greyback had heard, searched until the day he died for a cure to his son's lycanthropy.
Lupin had been raised among wizards and the other werewolves could smell the magic off him. Because he was suddenly, after all this time, interested in living with his own kind, Greyback, as the alpha, was very suspicious of him. He silently followed Lupin to a clearing. Hiding in the trees, his lip curled as he watched as Lupin Disapparated.
He reappeared in the gardens of his ancestral home, Lupin Manor. It had been two long weeks since he had gone underground. He was pleased to be home. He knew things were not progressing well with Greyback and the pack. Sighing, he stretched, exhausted from last night's brutal transformation. It had been his first without Wolfsbane Potion in over a year and his body was screaming in pain.
Today he had left only because it was Harry Potter's sixteenth birthday. Sirius had willed his role as godfather to Lupin. He was going to fill that roll as best he could without Harry knowing. He groaned as he entered his kitchen. He remembered the day Harry had been born. Lupin groaned again realizing that he could have a child Harry's age. Where had the time gone?
"Master!" Squeaked a high-pitched voice. "Master had returned?"
He turned around as his house elf, Katrina, threw herself at him. "Hello, Katrina." He said, returning her embrace. "I'm back just for today. I have to go to Diagon Alley, and then to the Burrow. Then I go back to the pack."
Katrina harrumphed then turned to the ovens to prepare some food. She knew Lupin would be hungry. He would be exhausted as well from his transformation.
He raised an eyebrow, wondering why she didn't comment. "Today is Harry's sixteenth birthday." He offered in way of initiating a conversation. He hadn't spoken to anyone in two weeks. None of the others would talk to him, probably acting on Greyback's orders.
"Very nice, Master." She answered him shortly.
"What should I get him? I have my monthly stipend from my Potion left since I didn't use it this month. Something small?"
"Master Harry will love whatever you give him…sir." Lupin knew she wouldn't have added the last bit if her magic had allowed her not to. "Please convey Katrina's felicitations to Master Harry…sir."
Lupin bit back a smile. It was annoying Katrina that her magic would not allow her to be completely angry with him. However, the house elf was finding loopholes. He eyed in runny eggs in disgust, but ate them anyways. "I hope so, Katrina. I'm going to draw a bath after I eat. Then I'm going to take a quick nap. Mrs Weasley's not expecting me until three this afternoon."
"Master will eat. Katrina will draw the bath. Master Harry would like something that reminded him of his parents."
He allowed himself to smile as the house elf huffed out of the kitchen. He had seen exactly what he was going to get Harry a few weeks earlier in a small shop on a side street off Diagon Alley.
Lupin groaned in part pain, part pleasure, as he sank himself into his bath finally. When he had tested the water, it had been scalding hot, thanks to his impertinent house elf. While waiting for the water to cool, he reflected on the previous night. He had managed to avoid the grown werewolves, watching on the sideline with the younglings, as a newcomer, rather than participate in the adult sport. He knew Greyback was only going to allow him that one time. Next moon, he would be expected to join the adults. However, that was four weeks from now, he preferred not to think about it yet.
"Master?" Katrina squeaked through the closed door.
"Yes, Katrina." He asked.
"What should Katrina do with Miss' undergarment and shirt? Katrina found them while cleaning last week."
Lupin's stomach dropped at his house elf's mention of Nymphadora Tonks. She was the woman he loved and he had hurt her terribly. He bent his head in sorrow as he remembered her last words to him, "Please be safe and hold on to the fact that I love you. I'll be here waiting for you." He had not told her he loved her back. He remembered her last night. He knew that was what had kept him almost sane during the transformation.
"Master?" Katrina called again.
"I'll be out shortly. Leave them on the bed, please. Also, wake me at one, please."
"Yes, Master." Lupin could hear the near resentment in the house elf's voice. Not that he blamed her. He had promised her a Mistress and then had driven the promised Mistress away.
He soaked for a bit more, grateful for the bath. It was hard on him living underground. Finally stifling another yawn, he got out of the bath and wrapped a towel around his hips. He padded out to his bedroom and froze.
There on the bed, just where he told Katrina to leave them, were Tonks' pink lace bra and torn t-shirt. He crept over to the bed and finally picked them up. He cautiously sniffed the bra, and then smiled. Even after two weeks, it retained her scent, a combination of vanilla and soap.
Sighing, he quickly changed into pyjama bottoms. Still holding Tonks's bra, he fell asleep.
He slowly woke six hours later. Katrina was pounding on his door. He grunted a response.
"Master!" She squeaked. "It is one o'clock, time to wake. Master!"
"I'm awake, Katrina." He grunted.
"Master needs to get up and go to Diagon Alley for Master Harry's present. Master is due at the Burrow at three. Get up, Master."
Lupin groaned. The one bad thing about having a servant that had raised you from childhood is that she knew him so well. All he wanted to do was crawl back under his blankets and sleep. However, his house elf was correct, time to get going for the day.
He got out of bed and opened the door to revel Katrina, who was hovering his clothing with her magic. He shuttered to see they were ironed but the pants were red, his jumper was orange, and his robes brown. His house elf was extracting revenge on him the only way her magic allowed.
"Very nice colour combination, Katrina. " He smiled as she blushed.
"Master must hurry. Katrina will be downstairs." She Disapparated with a loud crack. Twenty minutes later, Lupin walked into his kitchen. Quickly eating the mess that Katrina had laid out for him, he bid the house elf goodbye and exited the Manor. Upon arriving at the Apparition Point, he Disapparated.
First person he saw as he reappeared at the Leaky Cauldron was Tonks. She was lunching with a few other Aurors, including Kingsley Shacklebolt, who looked relieved to be back in the Wizarding world.
Lupin had hoped to avoid her, but as he exited the rear of the building, she caught up with him.
"Lupin!" She called, shoving the rear door open. "Wait! We need to talk!"
Bracing himself, he turned around. He just managed not to gasp in surprise at how drawn, pale, and thin she looked. Forcing a fake smile he asked, "How may I help you, Tonks?"
"Tonks? Since when are we back to that?" She asked puzzled. "It was this side of a fortnight ago that your tongue was halfway down my throat."
Lupin had the good grace to blush. "Very true, Nymphadora. How may I help you?"
"So formal, Remus? I just wanted to see how you are. We might not be courting anymore, but you still are a friend. And a fellow Order member. How'd your first full moon go with the pack?"
"As well as expected. They don't trust me. Probably never will."
"So you're not going to continue?" Tonks' hopeful face fell as Lupin nodded affirmatively.
"Yes, I am. I'm hoping to get to the children. So far, Greyback has kept me away from them while we are in human form. He knows what I am up to."
"So," She hissed. "You're still willing to risk your life knowing that Greyback knows what you're doing? What about the people who love you, Remus!"
"This is not about us, is it?" He asked in a hard voice. He was exhausted and couldn't take an emotional fight with the woman he loved.
"I'm not the only one who loves you, Lupin!" She shouted, losing her temper. "The Weasleys all love you. So do all the other Order members! And Harry, what about him? How do you think he'll feel if he lost you?"
"To Harry I'm just his professor." Lupin told her.
"That's ridiculous! To Harry, you are the last link to his past. A connection to his parents! And you're his godfather, not that he knows that!" She drew a breath in then continued, "And as for us, I told you I'd wait for you! I was told by a highly reliable source that you're worth waiting for."
"Damn Sirius!" He growled, instinctively knowing her 'source'.
"Yes, Sirius! At least he saw your worth! I can see it as well. None of this 'too poor, too old, too dangerous' stuff either! You're worth fighting for, Remus."
His heart swelled. She hadn't given up on him even though he had broken her heart. Drawing in a quick breath he told her, "You deserve a young whole wizard who can support you. I'm just a poor, broken down, old werewolf who barely survives month to month."
She shook her head at him. He would never change his tune. Nevertheless, she wasn't giving up on him. They might have ended their romantic relationship, but she still cared for him. Some day he would understand. "I'm furious with you, Remus, but for some reason I understand why you want to do this." She placed a small hand on his cheek, smiling to herself as she felt the muscle twitch as he tried not to respond. Encouraged, she removed her hand and leaned up to place a small peck on his cheek.
Lupin had the same idea at the same time. Their lips brushed accidentally. Immediately their mouths fused in a blazing kiss. After several minutes, they both needed to breath.
"That was nice, darling." Tonks murmured. Lupin grunted his agreement, still stunned over the passion between them. "Now, off to whatever you were doing. I have to get back to the others. I can't stop by the Burrow until late tonight, if at all. Give Harry birthday greetings for me, would you please."
"I will." He took a deep breath, inhaling her scent.
"Be safe! I don't like what you're doing, but I'll support you. Please, be safe. I couldn't stand it if I lost you as well. Look at me! I'm a mess!"
"You are." Lupin fingered at stand of mousy brown hair.
Tonks glared at him. "Nice, Remus! Real romantic."
Blushing Lupin asked hopefully, "Pink?"
Scrunching up her eyes, Tonks winced and nothing happened. "I haven't been able to morph since that night. I've been too emotional. You, Sirius, the kids, work, the war, it's all weighing on me. Now, go! Be safe." Taping the proper brick with her wand, she opened the archway for him. She turned, pecked him on the cheek, and then ran back into the pub.
Blinking himself back into reality, Lupin entered the long cobblestone street that was Diagon Alley. Quickly making his way towards the trinket shop where he had seen Harry's birthday present. As he turned the corner onto the smaller street where the shop was located, he practically ran into Augusta and Neville Longbottom.
"Professor Lupin!" Neville said enthusiastically. "How are you, sir?"
"Hello, Neville." He returned just as enthusiastically. "Mrs Longbottom." Lupin nodded politely to Neville's grandmother.
"Professor." She nodded back. "What brings you to Diagon Alley today?"
"Picking up a small birthday present. And you?"
"Oh, we were just doing some shopping."
"Gran got me a new wand." Neville beamed holding up an Ollivander's sack. "Cherry and unicorn hair."
"Ah." Lupin smiled. "To replace the one you broke at the Ministry."
"Oh, you were there that night, Professor?" Mrs Longbottom asked innocently, knowing perfectly well that he had been. Augusta turned around and, slipping her arm into the crook of Lupin's arm, began to escort him towards the trinket shop.
Neville rolled his eyes heavenward at his grandmother's blatant attempt to glean information out of his former teacher. He blushed slightly as Lupin caught his eye and grinned.
"Yes, ma'am, I was there. And I must say, your grandson showed incredible strength and nerve that night. He made his parents very proud." Lupin smiled as Augusta beamed. He cocked an eyebrow in question at the look of terror on Neville's face.
"Please don't make me go back in there." Neville whispered to Lupin. "She spends hours in there, it's horrible."
"I'll make it quick, I promise." Lupin whispered back.
The shopkeeper looked up as the bell over the door tinkled. She smiled as she recognized Augusta. "Back again, Mrs Longbottom?"
"Just escorting dear Professor Lupin in." She glanced at Neville who had turned a snort into a cough. "He wishes to purchase a birthday present."
The shopkeeper's eyes narrowed in on Lupin, recognizing his name. "Do you have any idea what can I help you with…sir." She asked in an icy tone.
Mrs Longbottom looked in dismay at the shopkeeper. "Is there a problem?" She asked, in a tone just as icy. "I can always take my business elsewhere."
Neville's jaw dropped.
"Please, Mrs Long-"Lupin began to protest, but fell silent at a glare from Augusta.
"The man risks his life-"Augusta snapped her mouth shut, realizing what she was about to revel. Instead, she asked again, "Is there a problem?"
"Oh, there is nothing wrong, Mrs Longbottom." The shopkeeper said a perfectly cordial tone. Turning to Lupin, she asked, "You are looking for a birthday present,"
"Professor." Augusta reminded the shopkeeper of Lupin's title.
"Yes, of course. Professor, I believe you taught my niece the year you were at Hogwarts. Pansy Parkinson, Slytherin House."
"Yes, I did. Smart girl." He told her with a straight face. Neville snorted with laughter. Ignoring him, Lupin continued, "I know precisely what I will purchase." Walking over to the display in the window, he picked up a pewter stag and doe figurine. Both figures pranced around on their base. Then the doe would nuzzle up to the stag, who would return the affection. Lupin smiled faintly at it. "This." He handed the figurine to the shopkeeper.
"Very nice, Professor. Who is it for?" She asked as she began to wrap and box it.
"My godson." Lupin could tell that she wanted more information, but he wasn't going to give it out.
"Ah, yes. That will be 4 Gallons."
Smiling slightly, Lupin paid the shopkeeper and quickly left, Neville and Augusta in his wake.
As soon as the door tinkled close, Augusta began to harp. "Of all the nerve. I shall never frequent her establishment again. Goodbye, Professor, and thank you for helping my grandson."
"You're quite welcome. And thank you." Lupin bowed to both Longbottoms. He watched as they walked away. After completing a few more errands, he Disapparated to the Burrow.
He reappeared practically instantaneously at the Weasley family home. He was immediately besieged by several teenagers, including his godson, Harry.
"Hello, Professor." Harry said, beaming at him, then his brow creasing in concern as he took Lupin's gaunt and grim appearance in. "How are you?" He asked, swearing to himself that Lupin's hair was even grayer and his mismatched clothes more ragged and patched.
"Harry!" hissed Ginny Weasley. Dropping her voice, she added, "Last night was a full moon." Her brother, Ron, rolled his eyes at her.
"It's okay, Miss Weasley." Lupin smiled. "I'm fine. Happy Birthday, Harry!" He handed Harry the sack from the trinket shop.
Harry's smile grew. "Thanks!"
"Open that later." Lupin told him quickly. "Tonks sends her greetings as well. She might not be able to stop by tonight, she's very busy at work. Ah, hello, Molly!"
Molly Weasley shot him a quick glare over Harry's head. Smiling at her children, she said, "Go inside and bring the food outside."
"I'll help too, Mrs Weasley. Thanks again, Professor." Harry, Ginny, and Ron scurried off.
"Hello, Remus." Molly said tightly. "How are you?"
"Rough night." Lupin told her. "No Wolfsbane Potion. How are you?"
Molly looked him up and down then said, "I had an interesting visit from Tonks just about a fortnight ago."
Lupin raised an eyebrow. "How interesting?"
"It was very…informative."
"Ah." He said, grasping what she meant.
"I think…" Before Molly could say anything else, her husband, Arthur, Apparated into his backyard.
"Hello, dear. Ah, Remus, how are you?" He grasped Lupin's hand in a firm handshake.
"Let's get inside and see what the children are doing." Molly bustled off.
"I hope she didn't say anything…inappropriate?" Arthur asked as the two set off for the house in Molly's wake.
"No, she didn't. She's just looking out for Tonks."
Arthur nodded his approval, and then opened the rear door. "Hello, children!" He called.
"Hi, Dad!" His children answered.
"Bonsoir, Mr Weasley!" called Bill's fiancée, Fleur Delacour.
"Professor, Harry's in the living room." Ginny told him.
Lupin nodded at Ginny, the exited the kitchen. As the connecting swung open, it reveled Harry surrounded by wrapping paper, staring at the figure.
"Harry?" He asked softly.
Harry turned round to smile at him. Fingering the stag, which was nuzzling the doe, he said, "It's great, thanks." Harry wanted to say more, to tell Lupin what the figure meant to him, but while Lupin was one of his dad's best friends, his relationship with Harry himself was just one of former professor and student.
"You're welcome." Lupin paused, almost believing that he saw something like longing in Harry's eyes, but unsure to push their unusual relationship. "We use tell Lily that she'd be a doe to James' stag. It amused her to no end."
Harry laughed. He went to say something more, but Molly's voice carried into the room, "Food's ready!"
Harry and Lupin's gazes met and they both smiled. Lupin gestured that Harry should precede him. Walking through the kitchen, they exited the house. Mrs Weasley had set up outside since it was such a balmy afternoon.
"So," Harry said to him as Molly began to cut up his birthday cake. "You just came from London. Well, not the Ministry. What's been going on out in the real world? " He blushed as Molly gave him a look as she handed him a slice.
"There have been another couple of dementor attacks," Lupin told him, glad that he had picked up a copy of The Daily Prophet in Diagon Alley and had listened to gossip while running his errands. He smiled at Molly as she handed him a large slice of cake. "And they found Igor Karkaroff's body in a shack up north. The Dark Mark had been set over it- well, frankly, I'm surprised he stayed alive for even a year after deserting the Death Eaters; Sirius' brother, Regulus, only managed a few days as far as I can remember."
"Yes, well," said Molly, frowning, "perhaps we should talk about should talk about something diff-"
"Did you hear about Florean Fortescure, Remus?" asked Bill, who was being plied with wine by Fleur. "The man who ran-"
"-the ice cream place in Diagon Alley?" Harry interrupted. Lupin felt concerned that Harry was reacting the way he was. He frowned slightly as Harry continued, "He use to give me free ice creams. What's happened to him?"
"Dragged off, by the look of his place."
"Why?" asked Ron, while Mrs Weasley pointedly glared at Bill.
"Who knows? He must've upset them somehow. He was a good man, Florean."
"Talking of Diagon Alley," said Mr Weasley, "looks like Ollivander's gone too."
Lupin looked up, startled. Neville had visited Ollivander's just today. His was probably the last wand the shopkeeper had sold. The wizard must have closed up shop as he was shopping. He turned his attention back to the conversation.
"The wandmaker?" Ginny asked, looking startled.
"That's the one. Shop's empty. No sign of a struggle. No one knows whether he left voluntarily or was kidnapped."
"But wands- what'll people do for wands?"
"They'll make do with other makers," said Lupin. "But Ollivander was the best, and if the other side have got him it's not so good for us."
The party quickly fizzled after that depressing conversation. Lupin stayed for a bit longer, but knew he had to get back to the pack soon.
"Molly, Arthur, I'm leaving." He told them as twilight set in.
"Oh, Remus dear, do be safe!" Molly pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. "It must be so hard for you…living with them." She swiped a hand at her husband who was trying to quite her.
"I see Tonks told you." Lupin said, amused by their antics.
"Yes, we couldn't talk at dinner last time. She's just worried about you. As are we." Molly indicated both she and Arthur, who nodded affirmatively. "Get away when you can."
"I will, Molly. Harry!" Lupin brightened. His godson had come to say goodbye. The Weasleys left them alone.
"Goodbye, sir." Harry stuck out his hand, but his eyes again said he wanted more.
Not thinking clearly, Lupin pulled him into a quick embrace. "Goodbye, Harry, stay safe." Letting go, he looked into Harry's emerald eyes and said, "I remember the day you were born. Your parents were ecstatic. I was happy, but I think Sirius was even happier than Lily and James. Happy Birthday, Harry."
With that, Lupin turned and walked a few steps away. Last thing he saw before he Disapparated was Harry holding his figurine, smiling. His eyes were shining with happiness.
TBC