Intimate Confessions

Gijane

Disclaimer, Rating, Summary: See Chapter One

Chapter Notes: Fanfic chapter! I took a break from retelling Half-Blood Prince. I didn't mention the tiny scene that Dora had in Ch12. It just didn't fit. She'll mention it in passing later. Warning: Dora and Remus' fight is bad, very bad. Explains why Dora wasn't around at the Burrow and spent the holiday alone and why Remus was so moody. Wolf pack information is from www.en. It was my beta's decision to make Lupin the lightweight (and he's a man!) After much, much discussion, we've decided that werewolves are like other canines and do mark their mates.

Chapter Nine– Lovers' Quarrel

Lupin sat staring into the flames late one chilly December night a week before Christmas. He was at home for a change, not with his werewolf pack. He knew that his mission for the Order was not going well. Sighing to himself, he was beginning to agree with Tonks that this mission was looking more and more futile. He had been underground since July and he had gotten practically nowhere. Greyback was not letting him near the children and the adults wouldn't listen to him either. They were also beginning to give him a hard time as well.

His head jerked up as he heard an Apparition crack from outside. Who could be calling at this time of night? He frowned as the person went not the front door, but to the kitchen door. His frown deepened as his house elf, Katrina, opened the door and greeted the caller warmly. His heart dropped to his stomach as he recognized the voice responding to Katrina. It was Tonks.

Tonks was happily chatting with Katrina when Lupin pushed open the connecting door to the kitchen. She froze in shock at the sight of him and saw the same surprise etched in his eyes.

"Come here often?" He asked jokingly. He raised an eyebrow as she blushed and his house elf turned away and busied herself.

"Hello, Remus. How are you?" She asked softly. They had not seen each other since their meeting in Diagon Alley on Harry's birthday.

"As well as can be expected."

"How is your mission?" She asked.

"Care to join me in the living room? I've a nice blazing fire going." He ignored the pointed look that his house elf sent him. Lupin frowned as Tonks stood and he got a full look at her. Her hair was still that mousy brown and she was looking extremely thin. However, he was more concerned that her usually sparkling chocolate brown eyes were flat, devoid of emotion. "Katrina, can you bring tea?"

"Lead the way, sir." Tonks smiled cheerfully at him, though her smile did not quite reach her eyes. "How about something a bit stronger, Remus?"

Lupin cocked an eyebrow at her but nodded his approval to Katrina. He pushed open the connecting door and bowed Tonks though it.

"Mind if I take off these wet robes?" She asked while shrugging out of them, revealing her Auror's uniform below.

His mouth went dry but he managed to say, "Not a problem. Katrina, will you dry Nymphadora's robes by the kitchen fire please. Leave the firewhiskey on the coffee table. Thank you." Tonks smiled as Katrina bowed herself out of the room.

"I've made it back to 'Nymphadora' have I? I was 'Tonks' at Diagon Alley." She kicked off her boots and collapsed on the couch next to him.

"You'll always be Nymphadora to me." He murmured.

Tonks, who had leaned forward to pour two shots of the firewhiskey, grinned into the flames. Not wanting to push him, she said, "Tell me how your mission is going. You haven't gotten to the children yet, have you?"

"No. Greyback, as the pack alpha, has made me the omega in the hierarchy."

"He's marked you as the lowest ranking member of the pack? Can't say I'm surprised. He knows what you're up to."

Lupin looked surprised. "You've done your homework."

"Of course. Told you I was going to." Tonks smiled at him. "So, what does he have the others do?"

"The others all watch what I do and where I go, on his orders. It's been like that since Harry's birthday. That's why I haven't been able to get away much. I certainly can't go waltzing up into your room at the Three Broomsticks without raising a few eyebrows now, can I?" He paused and tossed back his firewhiskey.

"How can you live like that? Can you see now that your mission is futile? I told you that from the beginning! You've lived as a wizard; the others will never trust you. I understand you want to reach the children, but Greyback won't let you." She tossed down her firewhiskey and poured them both another shot.

Lupin took her hand, surprising both of them. A current of electricity jolted through each of them. "Yes, I am beginning to see that I won't be able to reach the children until there is a new alpha. There will not be a new alpha until Greyback is dead." Lupin sighed, placed his chin on her head, and began to stroke her hair. Tonks closed her eyes, enjoying the sensations caused by his ministrations. She rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "Tell me what you've been doing these past months." He said.

"I've had to watch Hogsmeade village and Hogwarts, whilst listening to Dawlish. You know how much of an idiot he is." Lupin snorted his agreement. "I've been sick with worry over you." She paused as he kissed her forehead in reassurance. "I've been trying not to blame myself for Sirius' death…what?" She was pushed up off his chest by him and he turned her to face him.

"Sirius' death was not your fault. End of story." Lupin told her, almost angrily."He was a fully trained member of the Order of the Phoenix. He knew exactly what he was getting himself into. He knew the risks. His death was not your fault and that's the last time I want to hear you say…or think that." He paused and she nodded. "Tell me, Nymphadora."

"Sirius' death was not my fault." She told him.

"Do you believe that?" He demanded.

"Now I do. Thank you, darling." She cringed as her term of endearment slipped out accidentally. He made no show that he noticed either.

They both raised their glasses. "To Sirius!" Lupin said, tossing back his shot.

"To Sirius!" Tonks replied finishing her shot as well. "I haven't felt this warm in quite a while."

"I can't hold my liquor." Lupin muttered.

"I know that. A few more shots and I could have my way with you." She giggled.

"Exactly." He grinned as she poured them another round. "It's not my fault Mad-Eye thought proper drinking techniques were part of Auror Training." She told him.

"Yes, you certainly learned from one of the best on how to hold your liquor." He laughed as she expertly tossed back another shot.

"It's all in the wrist." She told him demonstrating.

"Sure it is." He tried to mimic her wrist snap and failed. He barely got the shot down. He glared at her as she started laughing.

She poured two more shots.

"That's it for me!" Lupin told her. "Or I'll be all over you." He tossed down the shot.

"Firewhiskey's already loosing your tongue, darling." She leaned in close to his face and took a deep breath of his scent.

Lupin tensed up as Tonks sniffed him. "Do you know what you are doing?" He asked her.

"Scenting my mate." She muttered in reply as she inhaled deeply by his ear, then licked. He shuddered. She sat herself in his lap.

"Do you know what that means?" He asked hoarsely, wanting to resist her, but failing miserably.

"Like you said, I've done my homework. It means your mine." She came face to face with him. "Mine. And when you're away from me and with those…women, don't you forget it." She nipped gently at his collarbone.

"How could I?" He growled as she laid her claim to him. Swooping in, he caught her lips in a scorching kiss. Their mouths fused together. They kissed until they had to come up to breathe.

"I'm not doing this because I've been drinking." She told him.

"I know." He groaned as she kissed him again. "It would take a lot more than that to get you drunk."

She stopped. "And I'm not doing this because you're tipsy, either."

"Be quiet, Nymphadora." He seized her lips in another kiss.

"If you say so, darling." She moaned as his hands found the buttons of her shirt.

Trembling slightly, Lupin began to unbutton her top. He peeled back the halves to revel a black lace bra. "Oh, very nice." He murmured.

"Thought you like it. When I come to visit Katrina, I always wear nice knickers, in case you're here."

Lupin froze, his hands hovering over the front clasp of Tonks' bra.

"What is it, darling?" She asked, raising his head so she could look in his eyes.

"I can't do this. I'm sorry, Nymphadora." Lupin closed the open halves of her shirt and looked away.

"Why the hell not, may I ask?"

"I'm too dangerous to do this with you. What if I hurt you?" He closed his eyes, not wanting to see the confusion in hers.

"I just marked you as mine. I've done my homework. I know what to expect." Tonks couldn't believe he was doing this to her again. They had been through his excuses before. "Remus, you could never hurt anyone. There's not a dangerous bone in your body."

"Yes, I could, Nymphadora! Listen, I'm too old and too poor for you as well as being too dangerous."

"We've gone through these noble excuses of yours a thousand times. You are not too old. You're 37, not 137. As for being too poor, are we not sitting in you manor house with your house elf in the kitchen? Speaking of Katrina, didn't you promise her a new Mistress?"

"Katrina is exacting her own revenge on me without needing you to defend her as well. I don't deserve you." He couldn't believe that he had actually voiced one of his true reasons aloud.

"You don't deserve me?" Tonks' eyes widened in horror. "How could you think that of yourself? You are simply amazing." He averted his eyes from hers again. "I just wish that you could see that." She muttered.

"No, I'm not.I'm poor and I'm dangerous. Everyone that I've ever loved has died on me. I don't want you to die. I couldn't stand to lose you as well." There was the other true reason.

"That's what this is all about." Tonks yelled as she scooted off his lap and stood up, meanwhile buttoning up her shirt. "You're afraid that I'm going to die in this war and you don't want to get hurt again." Lupin watched as she walked to the fireplace tucking her shirt into her trousers and pulled on her boots. "All your friends have died fighting Voldemort- James, Lily, Sirius, Peter's as good as dead- so you don't want to get close to anyone. Is that why you're pushing me away? Because that damned selfish of you, Remus Lupin!"

She whirled around and barged into the kitchen. Katrina, who was standing at the sink pretending to be doing dishes, squeaked in surprise.

"Sorry, Katrina." Tonks muttered as she stalked to the fireplace and threw on her newly dried Auror's robe. She turned away from the flames as Lupin banged into the kitchen.

"I'm being selfish?" He said in a calm voice, causing her to flinch. It would have been better if he had yelled. "Nymphadora, as you pointed out, everyone I've ever loved is dead. Yes, I'm terrified of losing you. I can't do that to myself again. I can't live as another person I loved dies."

"Remus, I plan on going nowhere. I plan on winning this war then marrying you and having those children we discussed. What would Sirius say to you undermining his matchmaking?"

"Sirius has nothing to do with conversation. In fact, he would understand."

"Like hell he would." Tonks said scathingly. "You might be alive, but unloved is no way to live." With that statement, she stalked over to the door and wrenched it open. "Goodbye, Katrina. I don't think I'll be coming back." She blinked back tears as the house elf's lip trembled and threw on her cloak.

Tonks looked at Lupin. He looked utterly defeated. "Goodbye, Remus. Please be safe. I'm angry but I still love you."

With that, she exited Lupin Manor and ran to the Apparition Point. If she had turned around before she Disapparated, she would have seen Lupin, standing in the doorway watching her.

In his hand, he clenched her pink lace bra and t-shirt.

TBC