It was the last time I managed to sleep a full night without being plagued by the usual nightmares. The next time, they were back in full force. They were the same ones that plagued me every night, the same ones that rarely allowed me more than five hours of sleep. There were often violent images, always centered around Sydney. The dreams also often caused me to doubt my companions, and made me wonder if I could truly trust any of them- or myself.
Sometimes, I saw Jack pulling the trigger of the gun that killed Syd. It was always an accident, but it was always his fault. Sometimes, it was Irina mercilessly gutting her daughter, laughing maniacally the whole time. There was often Sark, hurling a knife straight into her chest. I think I even saw Dixon once or twice, Syd's blood on his hands and an emotionless look on his face.
But the one that was most disturbing, and haunted me more than any other, was the image of me, with the chance to save Sydney, but eternally failing. I was always a second too late to stop Jack's bullet, Irina's blade, Sark's dagger, Dixon's hands. I woke up every morning, usually at least two hours before work, sweating and often crying. It took the whole morning for the images to fade, but they still tortured my mind in some capacity or another for the rest of the day.
Driving to work a week after the meeting in Toronto, the most vivid nightmare to date was replaying itself in my head. I almost got into more than once accident, being preoccupied as I was with the visions of blood that danced through my mind.
Like a zombie, I made my way over to my desk and plopped down. Kendall gave me a look, causing me to wonder if he ever really did anything, or just stood around and watched. My thoughts were interrupted as Weiss seated himself next to me.
"You look like crap," he finally stated after a long, analytical stare.
"Thanks. I really appreciate it," I muttered sarcastically.
"Vaughn, seriously- Kendall's starting to get annoyed."
"What do you mean 'starting' to? I figured he'd been annoyed since the day he was born."
"Well… I won't argue, but I mean, he's getting pissed at you."
"Should I be surprised by this?" Weiss sighed, and it seemed Kendall wasn't the only one annoyed by me.
"Where the hell is this new attitude of yours coming from?" he questioned huffily. Before I could answer, he cut me off.
"Vaughn, I know this whole thing with Syd has been really hard on you. But I think you need to live your life, and not just spend all of it looking for her. Just hear me out. I'm not telling you I think you should stop looking for her- that's far from what I'm saying. I know that's too important to you, and I know why. I'm just saying, you need to get your own life back in order, because when she comes back- and she will- she'll kick your ass once she realizes that you've let things slip like this." I had to smile at that.
"Weiss… thanks." He gave me a brief nod.
"Hey, what are friends for?" Kendall suddenly yelled for him from down the hall. "Now, if you can get me out of this, I'll be forever in your debt." I shrugged helplessly, causing him to sigh dramatically. He took his leave, and I sat back to think.
What he said had been just what I needed to hear. I needed to know that someone else believed in me, believed in her. I had to hear that someone else knew she would be home, and would accept nothing less.
And I also knew that his words were true- should Sydney come back to find how much of a mess I was becoming, she'd literally kick my ass a million different ways. In that moment, I made a decision. I was going to get things back in order, and that included no more bar visits. Much of the rest of the day was spent with planning, until that was interrupted by my desk phone ringing. I wasn't sure if it was CIA, or Jack, or Irina, or something totally different. After a moment of trepidation, I picked it up. The other end was full of static, and I couldn't make out what was being said.
"I can't hear you," I said for the fourth time. A muffled voice said something inaudible, and it was followed by a scream. I held the receiver away from my ear for a moment. By that point, Weiss had returned, and was now sitting watching me. He looked confused, and pointed questioningly at the phone. I shrugged and put it back to my ear.
"Hello?" I asked, giving up all pretense of formality. After a bit more static and odd muffled noises, a clear voice finally managed to break through, say two words, and disappear. And though it was very brief, it was enough.
"Joey's Pizza?"
Shorter than I intended, but I had to leave it there… just had to! And now, for my lovely reviewers:
mss.pebbles: I thought about doing some flashback-y dream stuff, but a flashback within the flashback? I think I woulda gotten confuzed… LOL
Carrie: I was pretty happy with my 3 day mark on the last update… and I also can't wait to see what I do next! LOL I don't really have plans for each chapter, I just know how I want to end it.
rin: Damn it, the flowers won't work for a 4th time?? Hehe… do you have any idea how much it makes me smile to see reviews from you here and at SD-1? Cuz really it does… (pretend there's a big smilie ninja here)
HoneyB: Thank you again! Hope I didn't kill that suspense of sorts with this update…
mary_d: I really appreciate the reviews. I sure will keep updating and make you happy! It's what I'm here for, right?
Jade: Yes, SydTorchBurnage would be bad for poor Vaughn… restore your faith in Francie, you say? Wow, that could be a tall order… let's see if I'm up to the challenge!
As always, thanks to everyone who reads, and everyone who reviews!