Thanks for the reviews everyone! I don't think I ever got that many reactions to one story (let alone one chapter) in just two days. All feedback is appreciated. It's nice to see I got you surprised, and it's nice to see you didn't shoot me. Well, at least not all of you.

I know epilogues shouldn't be longer than the story itself (okay, that is exaggerated), but I needed some space to explain just exacty what happened. I hope this makes it all a little clearer on what was going on inside and outside of Squall's mind. I kept your reactions in mind while writing this, and I tried to clear up as many confusing things as possible.

Enjoy!

Epilogue – 3 months later

The sun is slowly sinking towards the restless Centran sea. It's snowing, and a frosty December wind is blowing around the cliffs and the lighthouse.

"Squall, dear, I really don't think you should go out. There'll be a storm tonight, and if you want to talk about…what happened, you could talk to me."

Matron gazes at me with an imploring look in her eyes as I pull on my coat. I look away, knowing she means well. She is the only one I trust with my scrambled feelings and recollections of this summer. Of Seifer, of my friends, and of what they did… She's really been a great help sorting myself out.

In return, I help her out with the kids these days, but she dotes as much over me as over any of them. She started a new orphanage after the war and since I want to avoid Garden, at least for a while, I decided to come here. She said she could always use an extra pair of hands taking care of the children anyway.

But right now I have better things to do. "Sorry, Matron," I say as I step out the back door. "Not tonight. Definitely not tonight."

She gives me a sad but understanding look as I walk off towards the cliffs. She, too, knows why not tonight. She, too, knows that today is the 22nd of December, and Seifer's birthday. And I want to spend it with him as best I can. Which basically comes down to me getting frostbite while sitting at his grave all evening.

They buried him here at the top of the cliffs, next to the lighthouse. It's a simple grave, consisting of a marble slab with his name on it. His name and two dates: December 22nd 2379 – July 27th 2402.

The snow is slowly covering the inscription, and I'm almost glad for that. It hurts every time I look at the chiseled characters. Not just because the last date tells me he is really dead, but also because it was well into September before I remembered that…

Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. It's really just a nice way of saying you're mentally instable after a shocking experience. And apparently that's what Doc Kadowaki diagnosed me with when they hauled me out of Seifer's bathroom in a state of catatonia. They say I was completely off the world for a few days, despite my experience with seeing human bodies smeared all over the place. I don't remember any of that, though, which is just another part of PTSS, according to the Doc.

Like that fact that I kind of banned that whole day out of my mind for several months and pretended it never happened…

Quistis and the others, they never did dare to tell me the truth. Rinoa told me a while back that they had hoped I'd snap out of it by myself. But I didn't, and to this day I wish I never had. Living in a dream world where Seifer was still alive is better than facing the void that's left now I'm supposed to face the facts.

Which is why I'm here and not at Garden. Here I can make myself useful and forget what happened this summer. Forgiving my friends for leaving me hanging like that is not something I intend to do any time soon. It's hard enough to deal with Seifer's suicide and the possibility of being a few cards short of a full deck myself.

On that subject, Doc Kadowaki tried to convince me I'm not crazy, only a bit confused. She said I wanted Seifer to be alive so badly that my mind tricked my senses into believing I could actually hear, see and feel him. All nice enough, but in my opinion, that's enough to declare someone certifiably insane. I don't feel insane, but I find myself wishing that I was. That way I could at least pretend that the one night of my life when I felt truly happy had actually happened for real...

Swamped by emotions at that recollection, I sink down to my knees and press my bare hand on the cold marble. "I miss you so much…," I whisper. "Funny how you don't know what you've got until it's gone…"

I sigh in exasperation. "It's not that we won't let you train, damn it! Be reasonable. We let you back on the SeeD programme, right? And practical training is a part of that. But what I don't like is you taking unnecessary risks. It's pointless to get yourself or others hurt over nothing."

Seifer crosses his arms and looks away. "Fine, next time I go training I'll make sure I've got a good reason to get hurt."

"That's not what I'm saying, and you know it!" I yell despite myself. I'm scared. I'm truly scared he'll get himself killed.

He smirks at my words, but it has an angry edge to it. "Don't lecture me, Leonheart. We both know you're just looking for an excuse to take your anger out on me. And given our past, you've got every right to."

"I'm not taking anything out on you. There is no need to," I say, shaking my head. "I just don't want to be hauling your dead corpse from some place or another."

He glares at me in mock-surprise. "Squall? The Lion of Balamb? Care? About me?" He snarls "Hardly, Puberty Boy. The only way I can get your attention these days is if I do die. And then you'll probably be bitching about the funeral costs. If you even bother with one…"

That hurts! "Don't be stupid!" I berate him, but he's not taking it.

"No, you stop acting like I'm stupid when we both know I'm less than welcome here!"

You really are blind, aren't you? "We've given you another chance, Seifer. Can't you give us one?" 'Can't you give me one', is what I really want to ask. But he would just laugh in my face if I said that…

Still, I see a strange look pass over his face, and his bright green eyes suddenly seem to lose colour. My stomach ties up in anticipation.

"I'd give you the world if I could," he says quietly, voice hoarse all of a sudden. "But I can't, and no one can change the things I've done instead." He sighs. "Funny how you don't know what you've got until it's gone."

I gasp, sucking freezing air into my lungs. Where did that come from? Was that a memory? Doc Kadowaki said I might suddenly start to remember things again. I close my eyes and concentrate. Yes, I actually recall this happening. I didn't understand what he had meant, so I went to his room that night to ask. And that was when…

Images start pouring from my mind now, clear as day. For no apparent reason, I suddenly remember every detail of what happened that night. The fact I found his door unlocked. The exact steps I took as I entered the hallway of his dorm, looking around and calling him. The sinking feeling when I opened the bathroom door…

A handgun rests casually in his right hand, and he holds a crumpled piece of paper in the other. Blood is splattered on the white tiles of the walls and on his face. No, not just blood, I realise in shock.

Oh God no…

I'm stunned, my mind working overtime to grasp the scene, trying to rationalize the event and the consequence. Rational things I can deal with. Emotional things I can't. Think, Squall, think. Don't feel, just think. Why? Why did he do this?

Instinctively, I reach for the paper in his left hand. A suicide note. Maybe it'll explain…

My fingers dig desperately into the marble ridges that spell his name, like a silent invocation. All the details of that day are milling in my head, one over the other, and I can't stop it. I just can't push it away anymore.

The thick paper is crumpled, but fairly clean. Unfolding it, I hope to find a reason, no matter how simple or ungrounded. Anything.

But what I find, doesn't compute. 'Forever yours' is scribbled on the paper. It's Seifer's handwriting, but it doesn't make sense. Confused, I turn it over, hoping there is more on the back.

There is. No writing, but a photograph.

A photograph of me…

At that moment, the world stops.

Wide-eyed, I stare at the setting sun. Tears are streaming down my face. The wind bites into my flesh, but I don't feel it. Inside me, two opposing emotions are warring for attention. On one side is the familiar devastating sadness, a feeling of loss that's almost too much to bear. But on the other side, equally strong but new, is an overwhelming sense of relief and happiness that I can't place just yet.

As these feelings sink in, the last daylight disappears behind the horizon. It's dark when I finally dare to move again. I look down at Seifer's grave and stroke the stone that marks it.

"You never did forgive yourself, did you?" I say out loud. "Even when we did…"

"It's never easy to forgive yourself if you've hurt the ones you love."

I jump at the unexpected voice. Looking up to find the one who spoke, I see Seifer standing at the head of his own grave, his coat hanging still despite the wind. I blink a few times. Surely I'm imagining things again?

"Hardly," he replies casually to my unspoken question. Then he crouched in front of me. "There is a life beyond death, Squall. I'm just sorry I had to go there to realize that I hadn't lost you, like I thought I did." His hand wipes the tears from my face.

"T…this is impossible," I stutter. "You're not real. You can't be. You're dead. They told me…"

"Do I feel real?"

Confused like a little boy, I can only nod.

He smiles kindly at me. "As long as you believe in me, I will always be real to you."

The moment lasts for a few heartbeats, but then he rises to his feet. I want to follow, but my body is numbed by the cold and doesn't respond as well as I'd want. "Seifer? You're not… don't go, please?"

"I do love you, Squall. As much in death as I did in life."

"But… Seifer?"

"I'll never be far away. When you think of me, I'll be there."

I can see the snow falling through him now. "Seifer!" I reach out, but he's gone already and I'm left in the cold darkness of the winter night. I call out for him, but my only reply is the howling of the wind.

I wrap my arms around my body. "Seifer… God, I love you so much..." I feel so lost… Did I imagine it all? Did I really fool myself all these months, as well as just now? Or is there really something such as ghosts? I will myself to think of him, to envision him being here with me. But all I hear, see or feel is a winter storm gathering strength.

Miserable and cold to the core, I get up and make to stagger back to the cottage. And just then, as I'm about to give in to doubt once again, a warm feeling spreads through my chest. It feels exactly like that night when, against all odds, Seifer held me. But I know that this time, I'm not just imagining it.

The End. At least, as far as this story is concerned.For Squall, the whole road of accepting the loss of a loved one is still ahead, and everyone who's ever had towalk it knows it can be a very long road indeed.

So, does this make sense of the whole? Hope so. And even if this is the final instalment, please don't forget to R&R and let me know what you think of the final result!