Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, I do, however, own the computer they have been typed on. Sort of

Hi, this is something I wrote when I was really bored and playing with my cat, so be gentle. Please Review!

The Journal of Aragorn, son of Arathorn:

December 26th:

Had Christmas with Arwen, who gave me this wonderful journal. I have decided that I will write in it every day, after all, I need to keep my thoughts in order, as I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn: King of Gondor!!

I will fill this journal with all of my daring cutthroat adventures so it can be an adequate resource of my life. Then after my mysetious death, (hopefully years from now) Woman's Weekly magazine can use it as reference to write far fetched stories about yours truly.

Never will there be a bleak moment in this diary, for I will only save the most exciting, most enthralling moments! I have so many I am sure Arwen will need to buy me a new one before next Christmas.

Electrifying Aragorn … No … Astounding Aragorn, King of Gondor they will call me!! With the life like a crazy rollercoaster and a lovely Elven princess whom he shares it with. This will be the most wonderful diary in existence!!!!!!!

Later

Wanted to go fishing with Legolas in the lake but ended up staying home. Had to help Arwen peel the dead skin of her heels.

December 28th:

Arwen asked me if I loved her today. Told her yes, I do. Asked her if she loved my new cologne, "Rugged Musk Scent" (Authors note: Only Michaela and Lauren will get that) and she told me that

she would perhaps prefer less of it.

The nerve of that woman. Dear God.

On other hand did go fishing with Legolas today. Legolas caught a lovely long trout, and I would have liked to cook it but Legolas, being the fuckin greenie he is, blessed it, gave it a kiss and threw it back. I Watched longingly as the stupid fish swam away.

I caught a boot and some pond weed. Also, on the way home I found a voucher for a free McChicken burger at McDonalds but I cremated it. Gack. McDonalds. The D-student of all fastfoods.

December 31st:

There was a council meeting today about Gondor tourism rates. Didn't really know what was going on so sat there looking grave and nodding my head occasionally, whilst secretly dreaming of Arwen. Then went and paraded around Gondor for a while in a manly fashion. And guess whom I bumped into? Frodo! He said he was just here for the sights, but I could see in his basket, a box of Gondors famous snail killer. I asked him about it and said he had a real problem up at Hobbiton with snails eating his cabbages.

I was concerned as I love cabbages, they are my favourite especially when Arwen boils them for me. She never lets me cook, as she says I am a bad cook. Hmph. So Frodo and I discussed cabbages for several moments and now Frodo and Peregrine Took are coming for supper tomorrow. Should be a joyous occasion. Think I will get Arwen to tweeze my eyebrows.

January 1st:

Oh calamity! Horrors of Horrors! Frodo and Pippin arrive in 10 minutes and am in such a pickle! Arwen just HAD to be off healing sick children I had to tweeze my own eyebrows … and ended up with none! I look like and ostrich egg … especially as I tweezed of my eyelashes too …

… still not sure why I did that.

So I tried cutting some of my own hair off and gluing it above my eyes, but started to look like Gimli so wrenched it off. In the end I used Arwen's eyebrow pencil to draw them back on, then drew lines on my eyelids to look as though I still had lashes.

I don't know how Arwen manages.

January 2nd:

Dinner last night was bad. Frodo and Pippin kept giving me strange looks, and then diverted their eyes. Arwen was no help as she kept saying in her high shrill voice, "But how DID you manage to tweeze them All off?? Why didn't you STOP you thickwitted invertibrate! You look like a transvestite you moronic prick!

I didn't even think Arwen knew what a transvestite was … I must see to what language Haldir has been teaching her.

January 4th:

Made the mistake of going out in public with my eyebrowless and lashless face. Now they think it's a new craze just because they saw their king with it, so the public tweezed their eyebrows and lashes. Only they look worse as most of them have no eyebrow pencil to patch it up.

Its official, I am running a city full of crosses between eggs and boiled rats.

January 5th:

Suspect Arwen is reading my diary. Very well then, I will hide it so even the cleverest of clever cannot find it. Oh Aragorn, son of Arathorn, you are a wise one!!!

January 21st:

Found diary. Or should I say Arwen found it by accident when she sat down on the couch and it was squeezed up from its hiding place between the couch cushions. I completely forgot about it.

Am growing some potatoes in the back yard as Arwen says they are too expensive to buy at the moment. That is a shame, because I am very fond of potatoes. She said the soil we have is too hard and dry to grow anything in, when I was trying to dig a hole in a deceivingly large rock.

Hmph. We will just see about that. I can grow a potato in a rock just as good as the next person.

(Fanfare) What did you think? Sorry it's bad but it is the first chapter….if it is successful I'll post up more chapters! Thanks! Bye!