Pairing: Eiri x Shuichi

Summary: I felt angry; angry that you let them did this to you. I felt angrier at myself, that in spite of your weariness...you still took the time you needed to rest to find... me.

Disclaimer: I don't own it.

Yuki's P.O.V

In Spite Of Me

I walked with my hand on the wall, trying to support myself. Once a while, I cursed when I stumbled. My balance was off, my vision was blurring. It had been a long time since I last got myself drunk. Usually, I was a sensible drinker even though my tolerance towards alcohol was high. I was no longer sure what was the reason I try to knock myself out with it tonight. My left hand flew towards my lips, inhaling the cigarette to clear things up a bit. Heh, clear things up my ass...

I pulled out my wallet and counted my money. Why, the hotel that I slept in just now was quite expensive. My mistake. I should have chosen the hotel just next to the bar instead of the one across the street. That bitch that I messed up with just now must be ecstatic. After all, it was rare for a guy who just wanted sex to spend up a large sum of his fortune for a luxuriously comfortable hotel. Despite popular belief, you don't have to be so comfortable to have sex. What's the point? I didn't even bother to remember her face even though yeah, I must admit that she was kind of pretty underneath the one inch thick make up. Heh, whatever... She better be grateful. Some of guys left the bills to girls, lucky her that I wouldn't degrade myself that far down.

I slide to the ground, feeling the bile rose up my throat. I threw up right then and there; my stomach could no longer contain whatever shit that I have ate before. At that very moment, I heard footsteps approaching me, frantic...worried. I gather myself to regain remaining bit of my dignity. I didn't bother to turn my head.

"Yuki!"

God, it's that brat again. Can't he leave me alone? At least until I got my sense back again. Why is it that I always showed the worst part of me to him? And still, no matter how awful I am, all that he thought of was...

"Are you alright? Come on, let's get you cleaned..." You must have seen the bruises the bitch left on my milky white neck. You must have smelled the revolting perfume used by her that clung on my shirt. You must have seen the lipstick stains here and there and yet, you said nothing about it. You swallowed the pain...focusing on my needs instead.

Now, I remembered why I went to the bar. You had gone to tour around big cities in Japan to promote your band's newest triple singles (a daring move that only bands under NG dared to pull), "Future in The Mirror", "Rose Coloured Dreams" and "Purple". Despite my lack of acknowledgement towards the songs in front of you, I actually liked them. I was impressed how you could always manage to capture the words and emotions and entwined them into a song. The pains, sadness in the song were real... so, so real. The songs display your personality so well too... despite all the pains... just move on, it's so you.

However, even though I liked them, hearing your life telecast at the last station, metropolitan city Tokyo, depressed me so. I knew you were coming back today but I can't help feeling that the day had stretched far longer than it should be. The tickling of the clock made time felt slower to pass. The loudness of the silence drove me crazy. I don't like them at all. It made me realize how much I had let myself depended on you. I realized how much I had let you come into my life. Hell, my idea for the newest novel was as dry as the Sahara Desert without you. I hated all that so I left to blend myself with the blaring music and crowded bar...to distract myself from the thought of you.

And now, here you were. You put your frail arm at my back; my arm was slung on your shoulder. You were so worried that you were about to shed tears but you busy yourself with fussing over me...saying whatever things that crossed your head. You grimaced when you heaved me up; your body was not strong enough to support my weight but you did it anyway without complaining. I tried my best to support myself, not wanting to burden you more. You were exhausted...I know. Your band had hit 14 towns simply within a week. I knew it wore you out. I could see it from the dark circles under your eyes, from the paleness of your skin which were always hidden by the stage make up. You want to hide it from the crowd, hide what their desire cost you. I felt angry; angry that you let them did this to you. I felt angrier at myself, that in spite of your weariness...you still took the time you needed to rest to find... me.

Maybe it was because my system invaded with alcohol or maybe it was because you were here with me, by my side. Without realizing it, we reached our home. You gently put me on the sofa. I grunted with annoyance. Why were you so careful when you dealt with me? I didn't deserve it.

"Wait here okay? I'm getting your pajamas for you..." you smiled warmly and rose from your seat. Suddenly, you stopped. Your right hand was on the couch while your other hand held your forehead. It seemed that a wave of dizziness had struck you. Baka, you should've taken better care of yourself. You recovered (or pretended to) quickly and walked towards our room. I put my arm on my forehead as I slumped on the couch, sighing. How could you keep on ignoring your own needs?

A moment later, you emerged with clean clothes on your shoulder and a basin of water on your hands. You washed my face with a towel, gently...lightly...like feathers. I would've called you angel but I knew best what kind of angel you were. Despite your smile, you were an angel with battered wings...especially after Aizawa-no, I won't think of him. I opened my eyes a bit. You tried not to show it but you were sad. You were sad when you removed the lipstick stains from me. You were sad when you wiped the bruises on my neck...but you said nothing about it. God, Shuichi...I am so sorry.

"Go change your cloth. I'm going to make you some tea. Then, let's go to bed. You need to rest, Yuki, or else you'll get sick..." you chided gently. Idiot, look who's talking... The clothes slide off me, the disgustingly expensive smelled perfume replaced by the comforting faint scent of strawberry that was you. I didn't care about the fact that I changed in the living room. Hell, no one would visit us at 1 a.m. Not if they valued their virgin ears.

I slowly picked up my clothes and walked towards the bathroom, all the while leaning against the wall. My equilibrium was still so off. I threw them into the laundry basket. I turned my body, intent to move back to the living room. But my body won't allow such movement. I collapsed onto the marbled floor. I buried my face into my palm. Damn, my head was so heavy.

"Mou, you should've asked me to do that..."

Idiot! You were getting paler. You should've taken it easy. We moved to our room and you put me on the bed. You took the tea and handed it to me. I sipped it up.

The sweetness was faint, barely there but it would do injustice to the liquid if one said that it was tasteless. The very corner of my lips curved upwards a bit. Only you knew how to make the perfect tea for me. When I was done, you took it from me. I lay down. You covered me with blanket and put a wet cloth on my forehead. When you stood up to walk out, I caught your wrist.

"Sleep Shuichi...Ignore the clothes and dishes, deal with them tomorrow."

I do really want to sound gentler, but I couldn't.

"But...I don't have the time tomorrow. I have to go to work..." You said hesitantly. I ignored your weak protest and guided you to our bed and made you lie. I was right...you were too exhausted. The moment your head touch your pillow, you were fast asleep. I glanced at the alarm clock. You set it at six o'clock. Just four hours, four hours of sleep after a week of nonstop working... Are you trying to kill yourself? I made a decision. I turned off the alarm clock and brought you into my embrace. You snuggled closer, pleased with the warmth I provided. God, Shu...your body was as cold as ice. When was the last time you slept? A few minutes more, I fell into alcohol induced sleep.

The next day, I woke up at 5.30. I needed to call Tohma. I asked him to give you a few days off. You were sick I told him. The fact was not far from truth. I traced the contour of your petite visage. The sleep did not help to return the usual colour of your face at all. It was still as white as the sheet of our pillow. The bags under your eyes haven't lessened. But my heart lightened up a bit when I felt that your skin was no longer cold. Tohma was not surprised. Who wouldn't be sick with such a hectic schedule? Moreover, the burden must have fell more on you as the lead of the band.

I brushed off the fine strands of your pink hair from your pallid face. My lips brushed lightly on your forehead. I can't promise you anything Shuichi but I'll try. I'll try not to sleep around with any other woman anymore (this is...my devotion)...I don't want to break your heart (that is... my home). And I'll...I'll try to give you what you deserved in my own way that is...

Attention...cares...affection...and most of all, love in its purest form.

Finite

Inspired by "In Spite Of Me": Marion Raven. (I'm not a fan of her; I just think the song is meaningful.) Reviews are deeply appreciated.(Please...)