Title: "Seventh Heaven"
Author: J.J.
Warning: It's an AU BASED ON THE MANGA. It contains some Japanese words (the Dictionary is at the bottom), a bit of sappiness...
Notes: This work is based on the manga. Since the people who volunteered to beta my work made me incredibly happy I wanted to make a happy piece to thank them... Somehow it developed into this weird thing... I'm not too sure they will be happy with it...
Disclaimer:
"Tokyo Babylon" and "X" belong to Clamp. I'm merely using their characters because I love them... especially Seishiro and Subaru...
Ehy, Do I own something here? Oh yes, I own the plot and a sensible heart which would surely break if you give me harsh reviews... so please be honest but nice ok?
Thanks: To Jennifer for betaing this! Thank you a lot!
Dedicated: To all my Beta for all their hard work! Thank you a lot!
Summary: 1999. A hotel room, two persons in denial, a piece of paradise.

"Just like prisoners in paradise
Still far from heaven's door
We had it all but still we wanted more
Now I realize that I can't turn back the future here to stay
But hey we're just children of tomorrow
Hangin' on to yesterday."
(Europe - "Prisoners In Paradise")

What they do together in that room is nothing more than sex. There can't be anything else between them considering who and what they are. It's not bad, on the contrary all in all it's pretty good, and yet there's always something missing, something they don't want or don't dare to name.

They aren't even sure how they got to that point. Why should they complicate an already complex matter trying to find a name for something they don't want to acknowledge?

Afterwards they always lay on the bed in silence, trying to sleep or pretending to, in that anonymous bed in the closest hotel to the point at which they 'incidentally' met. It never happens in one of their houses. To do it in one of their houses would give it an intimacy, would give it a meaning, make it something more than a casual meeting that incidentally ended with sexual intercourse, and neither of them want it to have a meaning or at least they keep telling themselves so.

The silence stretches long and interminable between them as they wait for sleep knowing that when they wake up they'll leave and continue their lives, as if nothing had happened and nothing had, had it? There's no way something could happen between them, they're just too different, perfectly opposite one from the other. They're the two different faces of the same coin, always looking in opposite directions but they're still on the same coin and maybe that's their point of contact. Or maybe not. They don't know, they don't want to know.

Even their manner of sleeping, or trying to sleep, each of them in his side of the bed, is different, opposite.

The older of them sleeps on his stomach, one of his arms under his pillow, while the younger sleeps on his back, his arms crossed under his head, gazing straight at the ceiling.

Actually that distance they keep bothers them both, there would be nothing wrong in spending the few moments they still have together a bit closer but the older one knows his companion, in his politeness, will never dare to invade his personal space. As for him… well most of the time he doesn't feel like getting closer because searching for contact would be like admitting a need for the other presence and he doesn't need anyone. People are like objects to him and the one with whom he's sharing the bed, the only one with whom he wants to share a bed, is no exception.

However the night is chilly and a human body is a good source of warmth and that is a good reason to leave his side of the bed and invade his companion's, resting his head on the boy's chest and wrapping one of his arms around him possessively as one would do with a favourite pillow. It's a good similitude because, even if the boy isn't as soft as a pillow, he's comfortable and he's his favourite.

His companion remains still, except for a light tensing at the beginning, his only noticeable movement is the rhythmic rising and lowering of his chest as he breathes, his gaze still fixed on the ceiling and this is quite annoying because he feels neglected. He has never liked to be ignored so he questions him about it.

"What are you looking at, Subaru-kun?"

It's a fairly innocent question in his opinion. He doesn't realize that the unspoken question 'Why aren't you paying attention to me?' hangs clearly in the air.

"The sky," is the disconcerting answer that the boy gives to him. However he looks up for a second, sees nothing else but an anonymous ceiling from which hangs a not particularly pretty lamp and muses over another of their differences: he can create illusions in which everyone will believe except for himself, while the boy creates illusions in which only he can believe.

"So, how's the sky?" he asks anyway as he buries his face against the warm body under him. He's not interested in the answer just in seeing how much attention he can get from him.

The boy starts a detailed description of something that exists only in his mind and yet it sounds such a beautiful view he's almost jealous of him. He always loved beautiful things. It's not fair only Subaru-kun can see it. However right then there's something far more beautiful than an imaginary sky and that should have Subaru-kun's complete attention, so when the boy finishes his description he poses his new question.

"Why are you watching at the sky, Subaru-kun?" he hears himself saying and he's not too pleased with his tone because it seems to heavily imply 'Why aren't you looking at me?' in such a petulant manner only a child in need of attention should use. He's thirty-four and doesn't need attention. That tone can't belong to him.

The boy doesn't answer immediately as he gives him a sideway glance but his lips curl upward in a soft, gentle smile, a smile that, he knows, is reserved for him only and that no one else has ever seen, and one of the boy's arms moves from under his head to wrap hesitantly around his shoulders, shyly, as if fearing the gesture would not be welcomed.

"Isn't that what one is supposed to see when he's in heaven, Seishiro-san?" the boy asks back and, for once, his voice doesn't have that empty, hopeless quality it has usually but is almost warm and serene as if its owner has found some sort of internal peace. It's a voice that speaks of things that are and will remain unsaid between them because neither of the two plans to acknowledge them, not now, not ever, and he knows he should make some nasty comments about the ingenuousness of that reply, its innocence, its hopefulness, but it's still night, it's still not yet the time for them to be who they are, what they are, and even if some things will stay forever unsaid between them all he feels like doing right then is grinning and snuggling closer as he enjoys the boy's slender fingers trailing gently on his shoulders, in an affectionate gesture no one else used with him.

He can't see Subaru-kun's perfect sky. He's different and they have yet to find a bridge that will connect their two worlds. He knows they will, though, and plans to enjoy each second they have before that moment. Subaru-kun doesn't know, he can't ever picture the existence of such a bridge, and Seishiro thinks it's better this way. Until that moment, however, they will never be able to look in the same direction, to see the same things, to feel the same way, and due to this he can't see the sky the boy had rambled of.

He can't see Subaru-kun's perfect sky so he won't even bother to try to spare it a second glance, and instead he clings tightly to his personal piece of heaven, enjoying the moment his own way.

Their gazes meet again. They will probably always look in opposite directions, but since they are one in front of the other it doesn't matter. As long as they are one in front of the other all they can see is each other and they are more than happy with that view.

In fact, when they are looking to each other they know they're looking straight into their heaven.

"I hope you've found that
All you want
Is right there in that room
All you need
Is sitting there with you
All you want."
(Dido - "All You Want")

JJ's Extra Notes:
Why do I call this an AU? Well, for the simple fact that differently from almost all the 'X' fans I'm persuaded CLAMP showed us all that had happened between Seishiro and Subaru during 1999 so yes, I don't think they ever spend a night together and that's really too bad...
Anyway, due to this I wrote it all in present form. Present is... well constantly turning into past and therefore impalpable and that was the feeling I wanted for this fic. Something that won't last, something that can't be touched. Not to sure if I managed it. Consider it an experiment.
I tried to avoid to make Seishiro and Subaru's intercourses a romantic or a sadistic thing.
Seishiro has no romance to offer to Subaru and Subaru's old enough to not expect sex to solve something but I also didn't want this to turn into a 'sado-maso' story.
There's no reason for Seishiro to torture Subaru or for Subaru to let himself be tortured by Seishiro or by guilt for what he's doing.
All in all this should have been just a very short love story in which the physical act is almost meaningless in their eyes, an excuse for them both to be together without fighting.
I know, I know, it's a weird story...

Dictionary:
-kun: Young
-san: "Mr." or "Mrs."

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