Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
A/N I have to make a warning for this, I have a bit of sexual content in here between two men. So be warned, it's not that bad but one paragraph is so just skip over it if you don't wanna read it. I can't write explicit content, and I would be highly embaressed if I did.
UK All The Way lmfao Harry sounds kinda like me with the dark clothes -nods- Yeah I really feel sorry for Draco right now.. How I could write it like this I don't know ;.;
Inu Lorien You might not like this chapter cause Harry's an idiot lol, might not like it.
Giggle snort cough hack.
Harry couldn't help but find everything Draco was saying funny. He didn't understand it, but Draco seemed to draw him in, closer and closer. He didn't like it but he was trying to ignore it.
It had been so long since he let someone in this easily, but he kind of liked it. It was better then having to always hide his feelings, he'd been doing it for so long that he had forgotten how nice it was to be able to just talk to someone and not worry about hating them after a few chats.
Harry walked through the muggle mall with Draco, laughing at the joke Draco had just told him. Childish jokes like that one always did make Harry laugh. Draco's smile was lovely, Harry hadn't noticed it before, but it was.
Harry was still a little shocked that Draco wanted to be in a muggle mall, he'd missed a lot while Draco was gone and it kind of hurt that he didn't know this Draco any more. It was a slight twinge that he'd missed out on so much of Draco's life, and that Draco had missed out so much on his.
Harry noticed a stand in the drug store that held assorted chocolates, and he suddenly got a craving for them. He walked over quickly to the stand, picking them up and smiling at the box, how he did love these things.
He went to the cashier and paid for the chocolates, coming back to where he had left Draco, who was smiling. "I thought for a second you were going to leave me." Draco said and Harry looked up and raised an eyebrow.
"We're not joined to the hip, you know. Want a piece of chocolate?"
Draco knew they were not joined to the hip, but the way Harry said it hurt. It was as if he wanted to be joined to the hip when Harry had asked to be his boyfriend, and wanted to be with Draco.
Now he seemed fine enough on his own. It hurt Draco, and Draco knew why. He was tired of going off to the next person, and trying again and again with another guy only to always end up thinking of Harry and how he was doing.
"Yeah, I want a chocolate." Draco said, smiling sadly, as he took a rectangle caramel from the box and stuffed it into his mouth. He liked the taste, but it was almost bland in his mouth because Harry was still so cold towards him.
It took a lot not to just throw his hands up, tackle Harry to the ground, and snog his brains out.
After the mall, Harry said he wanted to go back to his apartment for a nap; he wasn't used to going shopping a lot. He usually just bumped around at his home and was happy for it.
Harry and Draco bumped into each other in the doorway, and Draco moved through the door first because he was the guest after all. Harry caught himself staring at that ass, it was a nice ass after all, but he felt wrong looking at it.
He hadn't had the urge to so much as touch anyone in months, why now was he interested in Draco? 'Maybe I just need a release. I can always call up Mathew and take care of the problem. Yes that's it; I'm finally getting my libido back.' Harry thought he couldn't, he wouldn't, be attracted to Draco.
For some reason being attracted scared him more then letting Mathew touch him again.
Draco got an owl to go over to Pansy Parkinson's for supper, and he would have liked to take Harry, but he doubted very much Pansy would have wanted Harry at her house. She married rich of course, pureblood as expected, and currently had a child and was pregnant.
Harry didn't hear a word of the update on Pansy's life because he was more preoccupied with getting Mathew into his apartment, into his bedroom, and out before Draco got back from the Parkinson estate.
Harry had called Mathew once he heard of Draco going to the place; he needed a release soon, very soon, because he found himself staring at Draco more and more. He even noticed how easy it would be to lean over and kiss him.
Harry didn't understand it, but he didn't want Draco to see Mathew, and he didn't want Mathew to see Draco.
"Well I should get going, I'll be back by midnight" Draco said, smiling as he opened the front door to the apartment. Harry winked back at him.
"Well don't come around at four in the morning, wake me up and be drunk, okay?" Harry said playfully, getting a laugh out of Draco.
"Gotchya Harry." Draco said, walking out into the hall. He was almost out of the building when he noticed a dirty blonde haired guy walk into the room, dressed creepily like Harry only his hair was spiked up at odd angles.
Draco didn't notice much of anything else when he apparated to Pansy's, except the boy look around confidently at Draco and winked, his purple eyes speaking that he wasn't a muggle at all.
The door to Harry's apartment rang, and Harry opened it to see Mathew standing there, his hair spiked at odd angles and his purple eyes dancing madly. Mathew wasted no time in picking Harry's smaller body up and kissing his pink lips.
"I almost thought you were going to stop having sex altogether." Mathew commented, as Harry started to kiss back.
"I think we both know I was going to cave sooner or later, now shut up and fuck me." Harry replied, more interested in guiding Mathew to his couch, his floor, his room, anywhere they could have sex.
Harry wrapped his arms around Mathew's broad shoulders, allowing the man to nip and bite his neck. Harry always had liked it a little rough. Harry allowed Mathew to pull off his clothes, and he in turn pulled Mathews clothes off.
It was much like the first time he'd had sex with Mathew, passionate yet all about a release. There was no love, no emotion. But right now Harry didn't care; he had a body on top of him, his back pressed into the cushion of the couch, and a hot mouth biting his earlobe.
Harry almost wished that Mathew had light blonde locks instead of gelled hair, but he quickly pushed that thought out of his mind and concentrated on Mathew, on release, on the way to fix his problem.
Draco sat on a couch, it was leather and much more expensive then Harry's, but somehow Harry's had been more comfortable then this couch could ever be. Money, where Harry was concerned, had never been everything as it had always been with Draco.
"So Draco, what are you planning to do now?" Pansy asked, patting her huge belly happily.
Draco shrugged, blonde hair moving into his face. He pushed the locks away, looking at Pansy. "I'm not to sure at the moment. Do you know what happened to Harry? He's so different.. I don't know how the hell to.."
Pansy snorted, and Draco looked at her, shutting his mouth tight. "Potter? Yeah I heard from Hermione at the ministry a few months back. He's changed all right. Stopped caring about many things she says. Works at a restaurant only because it brings in money, and the way she tells it, he's got a thousand and one walls around him now." Pansy replied.
Draco looked shocked, unsure of how to answer. "He seems fine.. I mean he doesn't seem depressed or anything." Draco said, thinking about Harry's dark room. Okay maybe just a little, but Harry did seem fine, sort of.
"Hermione put it this way. Harry stopped opening his heart up to people. She mentioned a Mathew fellow who seemed to catch Harry's attention once. Nothing came out of it apparently." Pansy explained. Draco scowled when he heard the name Mathew. The same name of the person who Harry said harassed Harry for a date.
Draco sighed, and decided it was time to get back to Harry's. It was almost eleven anyways. "Pansy I think it's time I left." Draco said and Pansy looked disappointed.
"Oh Draco, you could stay the night you know! We have a guest room." Pansy said but Draco stood and brushed his pants off and stretched.
"No thank you Pansy, I told Harry I'd be back, and I'd like to spend more time with him before I go and figure out what to do with my life." Draco responded, smiling lightly. Pansy nodded.
"Yeah, you two were close in the last few years. I guess I can understand. You guys acted like a couple, almost everyone thought you were dating." Pansy commented and a thought came into Draco's mind unbidden, 'If that idiot let me in we could make up for lost years.'
Pansy sighed, looked at the clock and nodded. "I'll have Jinks escort you to the door." she said. The house elf popped up with the snap of her fingers, and took Draco to the door, where he apparated back to Harry's apartment building.
Harry was busy with a mouth full of Mathew's cock when he heard someone knock on his door. Harry's head snapped up and Mathew's cum shot into his face, covering it with the white substance.
"Who's that?" Mathew asked, not at all embarrassed at being interrupted. Harry frowned.
"An old friend, he's been staying here for a few days. He said he'd be back at twelve, he's an hour early. Damnit." was the only explanation Harry was going to offer to Mathew.
"Well, I'm going to have to meet this friend I guess, better put some boxers on at least." Mathew said, his spikes still up even though he was sweaty everywhere else. Harry's dark hair was matted and tousled, telling all he had been up to.
"Harry?" Harry head Draco call, and swore once more before pulling on his boxers and getting up to open up the door. Draco stared at Harry when the door opened, thinking Harry was very sexy in boxers before realizing he smelled of sex.
Harry smiled nervously. "I'm sorry I thought you were going to be here later. Mathew was just leaving.." Harry said, before Draco saw a taller man come up from behind Harry, not even covering himself up. Draco recognized the man as the one he had seen before he had left.
"I wasn't leaving, Harry, we barely got started. But since you're friend is here I guess we'll have to put a stop to things." Mathew said, returning to the living room where their clothes were scattered across the floor. Draco could smell the scent of sex, of this man on Harry.
Draco now knew how Harry had felt when he had been with Blaise, and it was the most unpleasant thing ever. He had no say over what Harry did, and yet he felt like crying and punching this Mathew fellow in the face.
Draco looked out from behind the corner of the wall to see Harry mutter a cleaning spell with his wand on the couch. It may have gotten the semen off but the smell would stay for a bit. Harry had dressed into pants, where as Mathew was fully clothed now.
Mathew looked over in Draco's direction, catching Draco's grey eyes with his deep purple, and smiled cruelly. He then turned to Harry and kissed him roughly, and Draco felt horrible as he watched Harry return it then break away.
"It's time for you to go Mathew." Harry said, and Mathew's cruel smile faded to a frown.
"Harry, one of these days, you'll be begging for me to take you, and it'll be because you want to be mine, not because you want a release." the man said, and it was more a threat then anything,
"Mathew, I've told you this a thousand times. I don't love people like that. I hate relationships; it's why I stopped wanting sex, because what use is a release without emotion? I don't even understand what it is to desire someone when it's not about having an orgasm." Harry retorted, looking annoyed.
Mathew just shook his head. "You know Harry, either way, I'm the one you always go back to. Release or company, I'm always the one." Mathew got up and left Harry to flop down onto the couch and glare at his TV.
Mathew came out and smirked at Draco. Draco glared back. "You know, maybe leave him alone." Draco hissed, only to be met by a cool gaze of purple eyes.
"Why should I? I deserve to have him; I've always been there for him." Mathew said, a cocky smile upon his lips. He opened the door and with his leaving said, "Unlike someone. Good day Mr. Malfoy."
Draco heard the door click, and walked into the room where Harry was sitting on the couch. Harry looked up, green eyes looking tired. "I'm sorry about that Draco. I didn't intend for you to see any of that." Harry apologized, looking truthfully regretful.
Draco smiled, he felt hurt, and he didn't want to talk to Harry about Mathew or anything he had just seen, but he knew he had to at least answer. "It's okay. So how is that guy in bed?" Draco asked, he was curious. He'd never known Harry to give away his virginity during school. He didn't even know Harry had lost it.
"You really want to know?" Harry asked, and Draco nodded, he was curious. Harry shrugged. "He's great. But it feels so empty every time, my mind isn't stimulated. It never is. I can't explain it, it's like during sex, something's missing. I wish I knew what it was because I don't enjoy sex because of it."
Draco frowned, he couldn't help Harry there, he never had felt that. "So.. What did you two do?" Draco wasn't sure why he was asking this, he just wanted to know. Curiosity would kill this cat.
Harry sighed, not that he minded talking about this, he was surprised Draco wanted to know. "I blew him, he fucked me till I cried." Harry answered bluntly, and Draco had to stop and check himself before he moved over to Harry and made sure Harry forgot all about Mathew.
Draco sighed, he was going to have to ask this eventually. Harry never did tell him. "When did you lose your virginity, Harry?" Draco asked.
Harry looked confused for a moment, as if trying to remember. "I think it was with Alex. Friend of mine. We had a few too many drinks. I think. I can't honestly remember if it was Alex or the other guy." Harry replied, trying to search his memory for the right information.
Draco was taken aback by what Harry said. Harry had always said he was going to lose his virginity when the time was right, not throw it away to the 'other guy.' "You always said you wanted to wait for the right person." Draco said, and Harry nodded.
"Yeah I did. But Alex is a good friend, he's trustworthy. Of course he did bring that one guy in for a one night stand and that guy ended up forcing himself on me… that wasn't so smart." Harry said, sighing. He never had felt that angry about the incident.
"What?" Draco squawked. Did Harry just say..
"It wasn't rape Draco, Alex knocked the idiot out before it got to bad. I was never that responsible with who I chose for my sex partners. That's why after awhile I only did stuff with Mathew, cause at least he'd talk to me the next morning." Harry said bitterly.
To say Draco was shocked was an understatement. He'd never have thought Harry would have done that sort of stuff. The Harry he had known was a virgin and not at all one for one night stands. This Harry seemed too cold for words.
"Harry… what the hell happened to you? The Harry I knew would have never done that stuff!" Draco said, looking at Harry with horror.
Harry frowned; he'd never been asked that. No one ever asked it, although he was certain Hermione thought it. "I don't know. Once I cared, then everything stopped mattering. I can't remember anymore what stopped mattering, but it did, and whatever it was made me just want to be totally apathetic." Harry responded.
Like a blank on his mind he wasn't sure what had gone wrong, he knew something had gone wrong, but he couldn't place it. He was sure it had all started with being Draco's friend, but he had barely remembered Draco. Who was to say he could remember what went wrong while he had known Draco?
Draco sighed, looking at Harry for a few moments before saying he was going to bed. "I'm sorry again." Harry called out from his place on the couch. Draco once again replied goodnight and shut his door.
The window looked out over the street and Draco could see the lights of lamps dotted across the buildings surrounding Harry's apartment. Draco felt the tears start to rise and fall down his cheeks, and he would, if he could, blame Harry for being the cause of them.
He knew it was the thought of Harry even being touched by someone who wasn't him, and seeing that Harry didn't seem to care that anyone touched him at all. Draco sighed and closed the blinds on the window, shutting out his view on the world so he could hide his tears.
It wasn't like he had a say in who touched Harry, it wasn't like Harry was his.
Harry, on the other hand, had stayed up thinking about what was going on about Mathew. Harry had needed to be touched, wanted to be touched, but not by Mathew. He didn't want that purple gaze on his body, and it had felt odd tonight.
It was like he wasn't really seeing Mathew, and more like using him to feel something he wanted. He knew he had been on another planet, and Mathew knew he had been elsewhere in his mind.
Harry had a feeling he and Mathew both knew Harry would never be Mathew's.
Review please -nods- Just say whatchya thought. Don't hurt me, its in the plot.