Chapter Three: Explanations
"Alex…I…I want to be alone for a while." Olivia stifled her own tears as she broke the embrace. It was bad when Alex was stalked, it was bad when Alex was shot, it was bad when Alex was put in WPP…but this...about to be married? Olivia knew in her heart she could never leave Alex…no matter what she did, Liv would always love her. But it was so hard to see her do this to their relationship. If she really loved me, why couldn't she have said 'no'? I did the same thing to her with Casey…but that was different. I left. She didn't.
"Wait, let me explain!" Alex caught up to her lover and grasped her hand. "Was the sex good? Did he fuck you until you couldn't see straight?" Her blue eyes grew to the size of saucers at the harsh words, but she retained composure. Olivia had every right to be distressed. "No. He never touched me; I couldn't. Olivia, you have to understand. I really didn't think we would ever see each other again. I hoped; I prayed- but my mother told me you wanted it this way. That's why you didn't get my information. She denied you access." Olivia's mouth almost dropped to the floor in anger.
"Alex, how could she? I loved-" She paused. "Love you. Tell me it's not all gone; tell me we're not over…" Alex drew her mouth into a thin line, trying to halt the forthcoming waterworks. "I'll never be over you. Kiss me?" She felt stupid to ask, but her request was immediately granted. Olivia leaned over and brushed her lips against Alex's. It wasn't a simple kiss- but a full, passion filled, tongue all the way in the mouth, drift into rapture kind of kiss.
Alex first felt guilty and frightened of being caught doing something that would hurt James (her fiancée), but then the guilt vanished, replaced by excitement. Liv let herself lean back and wrapped her arms around the slender neck before her, squeezing tight for an instant before Alex pushed her away. "I'm so scared, Olivia. I want you to kiss me…but I feel like he could be watching…" They had made their way into the bedroom, and she let her body fall on top of her lover's. Olivia pressed their foreheads together in an attempt to ease Alex's fears.
"Do you love him?"
"No."
"Do you want him?"
"No."
"Then don't be scared. You're not doing anything wrong."
"Okay."
She planted a tiny kiss on her neck. "I can't lose you again." Alex gazed up at Olivia like a child might gaze at a shooting star, full of wonder and admiration. "Don't be afraid…" Liv reassured her as well as kissed her again, this time faster. She wrapped her arms around Alex's back, and hugged their bodies together tightly.
Alex gripped the hem of Olivia's tee and pulled up, yanking the shirt skyward. "Black looks better off of you than on, believe it or not." Olivia's full lips turned bent into a bow and she licked at the hollow of Alex's throat. Her hands wandered down to Alex's pink camisole and tugged it off. No bra was very un-Alex, but convenient. She noticed that Alex's cheeks were flushed with…embarrassment? She could tell because Alex's ears turned red when she was hot. "What's the matter?" "I've put on a few pounds…" She hadn't. She never did. Olivia remembered the countless conversations they had before this.
"No you haven't. And even if you had, you're beautiful. You're soft and curvy, but toned at the same time…believe me, you have a figure worth looking at." She meant every word.
"You don't have to waste lies on me…I know you love me and you don't care what I look like…" Liv hugged her close.
"But I meant it. You are beautiful." She blushed even deeper.
"You have a figure worth looking at too, you know." Now it was Olivia's turn to be self-conscious, but it only lasted momentarily. The cocky cop grinned.
"Thanks. It looks better when it's on top of yours, believe it or not."
Olivia snuggled against the warm body beside her. "Alex…" The woman stirred and moaned. "Mmm. Let me sleep. It's the first time I have in ages." Liv grinned and complied. It had been a while since she had rested a full night too. She didn't have any clothes though, and she was supposed to go back to work and get some stuff to fill out. Damn. Just when she thought she had a break.
The structured detective cradled her head against her elbows. Velez was back. Alex was engaged to some pompous ass named James. But still, loving each other in secret was better than nothing. It was just hard sharing her world with another person. "I shouldn't ask you this…" Alex turned around at the spoken words. "What?" "Are you going to break up with him?"
"Of course. It's not going to be easy, though. What man wants to hear he got dumped for a woman? Not exactly an ego booster." Olivia grinned. "Okay. Whatever happens, I'm fine. As long as I get you." Alex winked. "You've always had me."
God. Damn. Paper. Work. Olivia cursed silently at the countless parchment before her, pen twisting in hand. She'd be off duty by the time this was filled out. McClure stepped by, leaning his head over her shoulder. "Nice to see you, Benson. Meet that friend of yours?" Friend…oh. "Yeah, Marissa? We hooked up again. Talked about old times, blah blah blah. Your weekend?" The elder man wiggled his brows. "A gentlemen never kisses and tells, but my wife and I had a romantic getaway. Quite uncommon."
Olivia emitted a soft laugh and pursued her never-ending quest to finish her paperwork. Alex was meeting James right now and telling him it was over. She hoped it went well. But then again, how well can things possibly go when you tell your fiancée the relationship is done two months before your wedding? Her cell rang noisily, disturbing her thoughts. "Benson."
"Olivia, its Stabler."
"Hey, Elliot. What's going on?"
"We have a situation, and I think the FBI would be interested."
"The FBI, or me?"
"Both, really."
"What supposedly piques my interest, El?"
"We arrested a suspect with known ties to Velez. Michael Garcia. Velez is in Chicago."
"I know," she said, breathlessly- a vision of Alex bleeding shot into her mind.
"Did you know his headquarters are beside Alex's work?"