Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter series or anything attached to it.

A/N I apologize for this chapter sucking. I hate attempting to give Harry emotions when I know what he's feeling is the hardest thing ever to describe! I'm sorry it takes me so insanley long to update anything x.x Thankies to chaeli.meep., AmethystAquamarine, crazyfrog, Kaikiki, Elektra107, lovemehatemejustdon'tfearme, MiDemoni, trebs12 for reviewing, I enjoyed em all ,

'Pull yourself together Harry, it's only light.' Harry told himself as he looked at the blackness surrounding him from his closed eyelids. He had sat down on his bed after six and had rolled around and somehow fallen asleep only to be awoken by the blinding light which spread into his room from those damn windows.

The only problem was the light kept giving him terrible headaches. Yesterday his headache hadn't gone away because he constantly subjected himself to the bright light that the sun gave off. Right now he didn't expect much difference in the way of headaches because the light was still there to abuse his eyes.

Harry opened his eye lids slowly, growling out when the brightness hit his eyes. He didn't feel the headache come back to him, but he felt his stomach grumble, reminding him about the thing they call breakfast.

A flash of the memory about the morning he'd spent with Draco eating the pancakes he'd made ran through his head, making him feel a bit of longing in his gut. But another of those pesky memories from his past followed the thought.

"Harry, I love pancakes. Come on; let's go ask the house elves to make some!"

"Draco, you know I don't like that stuff, it's bland. And you know muggles made up that recipe, right?"

"Harry, stop ruining my favourite meal for me."

"And Hermione's still on that S.P.E.W stuff, you know, she might flay our feet if she finds us going down to order them around."

"Good for Granger, may she go and make love to a house elf. For now let's go have pancakes."

"Oh, fine… Walking should be more comfortable then sleeping on the floor."

"You could have gone to the tower, you know, just because I'm feeling lonely doesn't mean you had to come here to sleep with me. And I did offer you the bed and I'd sleep in Blaise's."

"Hey, it's Christmas, Hermione and Ron are going at it like bunnies, rather spending it with a friend who isn't trying to get into someone else's pants, and ignoring me politely."

"True, but technically if Blaise hadn't gone—"

"Draco, let's get those pancakes, I suddenly found my appetite."

"Okay, Harry"

'Why the hell did I allow myself to go through that?' Harry asked himself as he got up, trying to shove off the hurt that filtered through him as he remember it. How could his younger self have been so stupid as to try to get someone's attention who didn't want him?

But he still… He still felt it, didn't he? He still felt the pain so what if he still felt the… Where his thoughts were taking him was a deadly place and it scared him out of his wits to go there. He was ready to admit he had a problem, nothing else.

'Draco isn't the Draco of the past, he's grown up,' Harry told himself, knowing it was true. As he compared Draco with the behaviour he had now and the way he behaved when he was younger, Draco was much more mature now.

But was Draco being mature enough for Harry?

'I've slept with so many people just for the hell of it, just for a good time. Mathew is a perfect example of it… And when I was younger I seem to have only wanted Draco. I had him but I can't even remember it because I was pissed. Why did I let myself go so far down that I stopped caring?' Harry asked himself, but no answers were to be had.

Harry stumbled out of his room into the kitchen and made his way to the fridge, staring at it for a second before slowly opening it up. His whole place was so light and he felt so weird to be in it, like he was a nocturnal animal staying up past morn.

As Harry was reaching for a juice carton he felt a pang of regret. He'd never had Draco when he was sober, he'd never slept with Draco sober other then that one time on the soaked bathroom floor. He didn't count that as sleeping with Draco though, more like giving in to pleasures.

Opening the juice carton with his hands, he tipped it up to cover his mouth and started to drink from it, gulping down the tangy juice. Taking the carton away from his lips and taking in a breath as his stomach filled up with the juice, Harry started to feel his hunger fade.

'I'm going insane. I tell Draco to leave and now I think I miss him? I'm bloody fucking insane…' It was true that Harry had needed some time to collect his thoughts, and now he imagined he missed Draco but he couldn't forgive the blond that easily.

Harry put the carton down on his table and stared directly out into the sun, ignoring the clock and the fact he'd actually forgotten to show up at work today. He could call in sick anyways, so what if he risked getting fired?

His felt like he was ready to explode with all the emotions that had raged through him, and he really didn't know what to do about it. He was confused, he was hurt, he was angry… He felt like it was one big vicious cycle and he finally wanted to get out of it.

Draco had been sitting at Pansy's kitchen table when Blaise walked in and sat down on the chair beside him, pushing away his piece of toast. Draco looked up at Blaise with annoyance, ready to protest at how he'd been greeted.

"Pansy told me Potter kicked you out. What happened?" Blaise asked him and Draco looked over at Pansy who just shrugged, going back to feeding Charles.

Draco looked back to Blaise and shrugged, looking back at his toast which he was being denied right now. "It's confusing; I don't know what to do. He's still upset by what happened almost three years ago around when you and I dated… Why?" Draco asked.

"I told Granger about you staying at Harry's and she got very upset, told me to inform her the instant anything went wrong. I now know why she was worried," Blaise explained and sat down beside Draco, looking ahead of him at nothing.

"Any suggestions on what the hell I can do about it?" Draco snapped at his friend, he was still upset about yesterday and it felt like Blaise was sticking a stick into a wound.

"How should I know? It's Harry who has the problem, it's Harry who needs to approach you, and it's Hermione who I will tell about you being kicked out of his apartment," Blaise replied, ignoring Draco's tone.

"I was not kicked out of his apartment! I was asked to leave…" Draco retorted, realizing how weak the statement was in a way.

"Okay, okay…" Blaise said, rolling his eyes at Draco and getting up from the table and squealing the chair against the tiles. The contact it made gave Draco a shudder, but he ignored it and grabbed for his toast to eat it.

"Where are you going?" Pansy finally asked Blaise as he started to leave her kitchen, leaving as suddenly as he had come. Pansy didn't like people coming in and out of her house like that.

"To let all hell loose. I'll see you two later, good luck with that kid Pansy," Blaise replied briskly as he nodded his head in the direction of a very red Charles. Pansy sighed and grabbed her son, plucking him out of his chair.

"How did you stand him, Draco?" Pansy asked, referring to Blaise even though she was looking at her upset son, who was kicking her round belly now.

"He wasn't Harry, I guess," Draco replied, not wishing to say much more or think about Harry anymore. All he wanted to do was get rid of the feeling of guilt and get lost in eating his toast, as pathetic as it was.

There was a loud knock at the door, one where Harry could tell the person who was on the other side of his apartment entrance was growing impatient as they knocked repeatedly. "WHO THE HELL IS IT?" Harry yelled in annoyance.

"Harry, open up now!" Hermione's screech came from the other side of the door. Harry got up with a sigh and slowly opened the door, only to find it burst open by a bushy haired woman who shoved her way into his apartment.

Their eyes met, Hermione's full of pure determination. 'Oh great, what does she want now?' Harry remembered their last meeting and her shoving a big plate full of pasta into his hand, telling him to fatten up. The pushy, bossy girl he'd always known still reared her ugly head when she wanted to!

"Hello, Hermione… what do you want?" Harry said warily, going back to his couch to lie down on. Hermione followed behind him and sat down beside him, looking around the room with widened eyes.

"You took off the sheets and let the sun in," she stated in amazement, and Harry felt rather stupid in that moment.

Criticize

"Yes…"

"Harry, why did you do that?" Hermione asked, looking at him with a softened face. Did she seem proud of him in a way?

"I felt like I needed to… Why are you here?" Harry repeated his question, looking down at his floor. 'The carpets not grey… it's beige,' Harry found himself thinking, wondering where the hell he had been not to have known his own carpets colour!

"To ask about Draco but… your apartment!" she exclaimed happily, as if he'd done some amazing feat just by uncovering the damn windows.

"Yes, Hermione, we've been over this already. What about Draco?" Harry asked, wondering why she was here about him.

Hermione seemed to come out of her shocked state and looked at him with a small smile gracing her lips. "I was just wondering what happened, Harry. You can tell me anything, you know," she said, her voice losing that clip that had been there at the beginning of the meeting.

"Hermione, I'm going insane," Harry said, looking resolved and very sincere in his statement. Hermione just burst out laughing on the spot, leaning forward on the couch with her hair rolling down in front of her chest.

"I am, okay? I miss Draco but I'm pissed as hell at him, myself, and everybody else…" Harry said, not sure on how to keep continuing with this and why he completely believed his insanity.

"Harry, do you even remember what you felt for Draco back in seventh year? I've been worried about you but you never let me approach the subject," Hermione said, and Harry thought about that. Looking over at her he shrugged as if he didn't have a clue about what she meant.

"I really liked him. I was hurt when he left and… I don't know why the hell I put up with him dating that Zabini guy after asking him to date me. I should have kicked his arse… I don't even know why I didn't remember until Draco came back, though, so I've got to be insane," Harry replied.

An understanding expression crossed Hermione's face and she pulled him into a tight hug on the couch. Harry could only shakily and uncomfortably place his hands around her waist and lightly return the hug. His look of uneasiness was ignored by Hermione or she didn't see it.

"Harry, you're not going insane," Hermione said over Harry's shoulder, still hugging him until she broke it off. She pulled back on the couch and stood up straight, smiling at Harry.

"Then what am I?"

"You're really hurt, and you love Draco," Hermione told him. Harry blanched at the word 'love' and glared at her, shaking his head and sliding away from her on the couch. Hermione looked affronted as to how he reacted to it, but she stayed calm.

"I don't love him! I loved him once but that was three years ago! You don't love people for so long, it just… makes too much damn sense," Harry growled out and started to sulk, looking pissed off now. Hermione sighed and eyed him with annoyed brown eyes.

"You love him, you idiot. I noticed that right after Draco left you got angry and then eventually you just pulled away from everything."

"Why didn't you say something?" Harry snapped, looking at her accusingly. Hermione stared him down and it made him want to squirm under her gaze.

"You were pushing me and Ron away; this is the first time you've actually opened up to me in a log time. How could I have gotten through to you?" Hermione asked him and Harry reluctantly nodded his head and looked down at the floor dejectedly.

He felt bad for all that he'd done now. He had pushed them away, and he still felt awkward telling Hermione about his emotions right now, but he felt the motivation to work on it. It was motivation he'd thought had long left him.

"Sorry," Harry said gruffly, admitting he might have been wrong in his actions was hard enough, saying this word was torture in its own way. It pleased Hermione, though, because she smiled at him and patted his shoulder.

"I think you should talk to Draco, Harry. Just tell him what you feel." Hermione said, not knowing her words were getting interpreted very badly by Harry. Harry looked at her as if she was insane, if he told Draco all he was feeling he'd only start another fight… he was still too angry with Draco to give in so easily.

"All that I feel?" Harry asked her, looking at her suspiciously. 'She can't be telling me to go and open up to that bastard,' Harry thought to himself.

"Yes, he's at Pansy's right now. Here's the address," Hermione said, taking out a small quill and piece of parchment from her robes. Scribbling down something on the paper she handed it to Harry, who took it, thinking over what he could possibly say to Draco, or if he even wanted to go and see Draco at all.

"Just think about it, Harry, it doesn't have to be right now but you have things that you need to say to him," Hermione said to him. Harry nodded and put the address down on the table, looking back at Hermione.

After a moment of silence Harry decided he'd ask a question that had been running through his mind randomly for the whole conversation. "Why did you come here, Hermione?" Harry asked for a third time. 'I know there were other motives other then my well being, now tell me damnit!'

Hermione sighed and pushed her bushy hair behind her ears as she shifted on the couch. "I was tired of watching you destroy yourself slowly," she replied calmly, looking at him sadly.

Review please, just tell me what you thought :)