Chapter Six: It Didn't Matter At All (Finale)
A/N: It's been forever. Or, in code, it's been me taking 2 AP classes. Ha, enjoy the finale. It's in Alex's POV, sort of special for the ending.
"You don't have to put on the red light," someone had said to me a long time ago. I guess I do build up these barriers for people to break through, but it's only because I don't want to get hurt. The one time I let the red light fade, I'm devastated. Funny how love works, isn't it?
I miss her. I miss her so much, and it's only been a couple of hours. Hours are eternity when you're alone in a cold bed, wrapping sheets and piling pillows around you to make you feel less abandoned. Olivia…please, I forgive you. Come back. The words I need to call her and tell her, but I can't. Apologies are something that are foreign to me. Especially when I'm the one that should be apologized to.
The diamonds she gave me drip with emotion, and they burn holes through my wrists though I'm freezing. "It's stunning, isn't it?" I raise my head and try not to stir at her soft voice, which stands out among my raucous torment. I feel myself mouth a yes, and she holds up the diamonds to examine them in the glow of a candle.
"You didn't sound surprised when you heard me come in."
"I was," I say quickly, but catch myself. I knew she'd come back, Olivia always would. Lie number one, Alex. How many more are you willing to tell her and yourself? "I mean, I'm not surprised. I thought you would come home…I'm just glad it was soon." She grins and sits next to me.
"I guess I'll take that as a compliment." As she stretches out, I notice how the green sweater she's wearing hung the curves I know so well. What is it about her that still steals my breath away and makes me forgive her? The person she is? Our life together? I don't know, but the effects she had on me during our first encounter are stronger than that today.
"I'm so sorry, Alex. Casey was…no, forget Casey. There's never been any one else but you. I shouldn't have acted like I did in Chicago, and I should have told you what went on between me and Casey back there." Everything I want to hear, but I don't care. All that matters is that she's here with me, here with me after all these years apart. I guess that's why none of this is important at all.
"Olivia…it's none of that anymore. I'm over all of it; just to hear you speak these words and tell me how much you regret- it tells me that we've both suffered enough." Her brown eyes sparkle at this comment and she cups my face ever so hesitantly. "You're so beautiful, Alex Cabot," she whispers, and traces her thumb against my cheek. The kiss that follows is almost breathlike, and we give in to everything we felt, everything we feel, everything we've wanted and want, everything we are at this exact moment- this instant in time.
I wrap my arms around her and kiss her again, sensing her desire and my own. I bury my hand in her hair she moans slightly, tilting her head back and giving me access to her tender neck. Instead of taking the bait, I pull back and simply stare at her, then lead her into the bedroom. The darkness is welcoming as she blows out the single candle lighting our way, and we hold each other, bathed both in the milky light of the moon and shadow.
My lips slide over her cheek and neck as I lift the cotton concealing her from me over her head. I taste the dip of her shoulder, loving the confusing sound it elicited. "Alex," she begins, "I should be doing this for you…" I shake my head silently. I want her to be the one that feels tonight. I'm over the hurt, and she needs to know it.
Her skin is hot to the touch now, and I can tell she's almost there as I collapse (from sheer exhaustion of watching her)on top of her. As the passion devours her, I wrap her in my arms and whisper words of promise and love, and I can tell this did her more good than it would've done me.
"Distance might make the heart grow fonder," she teases, playing with my hair and relishing in the aftermath of our lovemaking. "I don't think that's possible," I say, serious as ever. "You have no idea how much I love you."
"Oh, but I do," she says, and I feel her lips as they linger against my own gingerly. In the past, all these confessions of love might have made me self-conscious and encouraged me to put up more barriers. Now, however, it didn't matter at all.