Chapter Two: Threats of Cold Steel

(Part three)

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Disclaimer: This is a cruel, cold-hearted world. I STILL don't own FMA! cries I swear, I'm being tortured. Punishment for something or other. Le sigh.

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Author's Note and Warning: This is probably one of the scariest parts of the whole story. It's gets totally odd. And yes, if any of you begin to wonder, if your blood level is low enough, you CAN get drunk with not even a full bottle of alcohol. The only real exception is wine. You can't really get drunk even if you finish a bottle of wine by yourself. I've done my home work! That and Envy adds a 'painkiller' to her drink. Again, I was watching AMD (Azu Manga Daioh) while rewriting this part. I'll try and get part one and maybe even two up before I leave for Louisiana.

If anyone remembers my last author's note and warning, I mentioned that I twisted my ankle. Well, I went to the doctor's and got an x-ray, just to make sure, and it turns out that I fractured my ankle in three different places AND tore the ligament. sigh that and it's turning black and blue. It's soooo…..nasty… pokes ankle ow. Well, I'll stop babbling now, and give you your story.

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Desumegami:I'm sorry if the dialogue confused you. Really, I am. I worked on telling who was speaking in this part a bit more, so I hope it helps. Glad you liked it!

Nirvana: It's not a sex-stimulant. (though that would be quite funny. Note to self: remember that suggestion. (as the imaginary Alina pops into my head and screams at me, 'You better not!') I'm glad you like it. I love your story and how sadistic it is. IT's truly a work of art. hopes that her own story will someday be that violent and sadistic Write more! Sadistictismness rocks! Yes I made up that word! Sound it out people! Lol.

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Recap:

Walking towards the door, "You still owe me a favor." He replied, walking out.

"Favor?" She asked, sitting up again. Except he had already left. Making a face, Alina wiped off her neck and ear, then made a show of wiping off her mouth. "Sick…" She hissed.

The door opened again and Envy came back, carrying a glass of clear liquid. He handed it to her.

"What is it?" She asked, a bit skeptic.

"Just drink it. It will make your headache go away. It's a painkiller."

She considered it for a moment then glanced at him. "How'd you know I head a headache?"

"Just drink it and stop complaining."

She glared at him but drank it.

It was then that Pinako stormed in.

"What did you just give her?"

Part Three

Envy blinked. "A painkiller. Why?"

"What was in it?"

Envy shrugged. "Normal stuff. Crushed herbs, lemon, alcohol. Norma-"

"You idiot!"

"What did I do?" He asked, somewhat confused.

"Her blood level is low enough that even one drink will cause her to get drunk. You got her drunk. That's very dangerous! She's still recovering. She could hurt herself past recovery!"

Envy stared at her then laughed. "Yeah, okay." He turned to the door, having every intention of walking out, until…

"Can I 'ave the -hiccup- phone?"

Pinako glared at Envy, who was staring at Alina in disbelief. "Holy crap! She is drunk." He smirked. "Cool." He laughed.

"It's not funny, Envy." Pinako snapped.

Envy held up his hands, posing as one who proclaimed innocence. "Hey, I didn't get her drunk. She drank it. She got herself drunk."

Pinako shook her head and looked at the girl, who was still asking for the phone. "Alina. Alina."

The girl blinked and looked at the short, grey haired lady. "Can I have the phone?"

"No…You don't need the phone. You need to rest."

Alina shook her head. "Need…the phone. Call Col…Colon…..the pervert." She said, making a wild gesture with one of her hands.

Pinako sighed and decided to give it up. She went over to the table in the corner of the room and picked up the phone and brought it over to Alina. "Here."

"Yay!" Alina giggled and picked up the phone. She sat there for a moment, staring at it. "I forgot…Roy's phone number…" She blinked then grinned. "Oh well!" She began pressing random numbers. She stopped when the line picked up and started ringing. Someone answered the phone after two or three rings.

"Hello?"

Alina blinked. The voice sounded oddly familiar.

"Hello?" The voice asked again.

"Hi!"

A moment of silence, then, "Who is this?"

"Who is this?" Alina countered.

"Hughes…If that's you, I'll-"

"Hughes? This isn't Hughes. This is Alina."

"Alina BlackWing?"

"Yeah-huh."

"Alina, why are you calling me?"

"I…don't know. Who are you?"

"Alina this is Roy…Colonel Mustang."

"Ohh…the pervert!"

"Yes, the pervert…Hey! I'm not a pervert!"

In the background, another voice was heard. "Colonel, please use the phone quietly."

"Anyways. Why are you calling me, Alina."

"Ummm…you…" She hesitated. "you told me… to call you if there was ever a problem…"

"Yes. Yes, I did. Is there a problem?"

"I…I don't know…I think so…yes. No. Yes."

"BlackWing, give me an answer."

"Yes. There is a problem."

"What's the problem?" His voice was careful and soft.

"Hold on…..I'm thinking."

"Think faster, Alina."

She whimpered. "I don't remember."

"I know." Another familiar voice.

"Envy? Envy, how are you on the phone?"

"I picked up the other phone, Alina."

"What is that bastard doing? He needs to die!"

"Hello FullMetal pipsqueak!" Envy said, taunting the owner of the newest voice.

"Ed, get off the phone!" Roy demanded.

"He needs to die! Die!"

"Come and get me, pipsqueak."

"I'M NOT SHORT, YOU ASSHOLE!"

"Edward! Get off the phone!"

"Why should I?" Ed retorted.

"FullMetal pipsqueak better listen to his superior officer," Envy teased.

"I'M NOT A PIPS-"

"Edward Elric, get off the damned phone before I fry your ass then revoke your State Alchemist certification!"

"Colonel Mustang, use the phone quietly. I won't ask again." The voice in the background.

"Yes, ok Hawkeye." Roy said, dismissively, not really caring since Edward had done as he had been told. "Alina, what happened?"

Envy answered for her. "Her family's dead."

No one said anything for a few seconds, "…What?"

Alina laughed again. "That's what it was!"

Roy sighed. "How…how did it happen?" God forbid something ever go right.

"Well…" Alina said, scratching her head, "There was this lady. She was a biitch…" Alina sat on the bed, trying to remember.

"What was the lady's name, Alina? I need a name."

"You have a name, dummy! It's Roy! Roy Mustang."

"I need the lady's name."

"Oh! Her name was umm…."

"Lust."

"Yes, it was Lust! Thank you, Envy."

"Welcome."

"Lust…Lust…why does that name sound so familiar?" Mustang pondered. "Oh, screw it. Edward!" "What?" "Have you heard of a Lust?" "Yes! It's that bitch homunculus that that bastard works with!"

"Homunculus?" Alina queried.

"Yes, Alina. Lust and I are homunculus."

"Alright. Alina."

"Yees, Roy?"

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yeap."

"Alina, I need you to listen to me."

"Whaat?"

"Alina, listen."

"Ok."

"Damn it, BlackWing, listen to me!"

"Roy Mustang! For the last time!" Click. "Use the phone quietly!" The sound of a gun shot rang through the phone. A small and scared 'Yes ma'am' was heard.

"Did Roy die?" Alina asked.

"No, I'm here. Ok, Alina, listen to me, alright?"

"Yes, okay. Oooh! Shiny!"

"'ey, Flamer Mustang. Do you want me to write down what you have o say and give it to her later, when she's… shall we say, 'sober'?" Envy chimed in.

"Yes please…Wait. Why isn't she sober? She's fifteen!"

"Ah….technical 'difficulties' you could call it."

"What ever. Do you have a pen?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Write this down. 'Since your—'"

"What do you expect me to write on?"

"What?"

"What do you expect me to write on?"

"You said you had a pen and paper!"

"Noo. You asked if I had a pen and I said yes."

"Goddamn you Envy. Do you have paper?"

"No."

"Ok."

"……."

"Alright Envy. Go get a piece of paper." Roy growled, sounding thoroughly annoyed.

Silence, then, "Okay I have a piece of paper."

"Do you have a pen?"

"Yes."

At this point, Alina had hung up the phone and was staring out the window, becoming more like her normal self with each passing minute. Her thoughts were more calm and calculated, her actions, less ditzy and bothersome, and her movements were more slow and were returning to their well thought out and smooth ways.

Envy was trying desperately not to burst out with a slew of curses towards the idiotic Colonel as the bum questioned him endlessly about a stupid pen and paper. He sighed inwardly and listened to Taisa rather absently.

"Do you have both the pen and paper-"

"Yes."

"-with you?"

"No." Envy yawned and lounged himself across the couch, his legs apart, one hanging off the cushion seat, the other rested on the arm, and his arms draped across the back of the couch. The phone was imprisoned between his shoulder and his face.

"How about now?"

"Nope."

"GODDAMN IT! Go get them!" Mustang flamed.

Not even two seconds later, a gun shot blasted through the receiver. "Ho-ly shit! Can you aim any closer! Hawkeye….Hawkeye. Come on, Riza. Let's be reasonable about this. Hawkeye." Thwack. "Oww. Damn you hit hard."

"Sir, do you know what quietly means?"

"Yes."

"Then talk quietly!"

"Eep!" Just as that small, tinny sound exited his lips, Roy regained his 'composure'. "I mean…Ok…Envy."

"Yeah?"

"Do you have a pen and piece of paper with you, right now?"

"Now I do."

"Ok, write down every thing I say until I say stop, alright?"

"Sure thing, Flamey."

For the next five or so minutes, Roy Mustang spoke over the phone to Envy while the green haired Sin copied it all down with a few small revisions of his own.

"Stop." Roy said finally. "Ok, did you get all of that?"

"Yes, Lord Almighty Colonel of the Dogs." Envy said in a fake, deep voice. "I wrote down every single thing you said. Like a good dog to its master."

Roy was silent for the next few minutes as Envy taunted him. But when Envy started imitating Armstrong, it had to end.

"It has been passed down through the Envy lines of my generation, this art of-"

"Alright. I'm done with this bye."

The phone line dropped off and Envy stared at the phone for a minute, then burst out in peals of malicious, post-mischief-causing laughter. He went on like this for a bit then, set the phone in its place and got up off the couch in one, smooth and graceful movement. He went into where Alina was sitting, still on the bed.

"Alina?" He said tentatively.

He got no answer.

"Chibi-san? Clipped Wings?" He walked over to her and prodded her. "Oh shit!" He yelped as her body leaned forward and would've fallen off the bed, had not Envy grabbed her shoulder and hauled her back onto the bed, laying her down. "Psycho wrench girl doesn't need yet another reason to throw that thing at me." He muttered as he went and stood by the window.

A/N: Alright guys. This is it for a week or so. The next chapter is a bit shorter and more sane. A lot more sane. Sorry to put you through my ways of cheering myself up. It was interesting to write though. Erin liked it enough. prods Brig.Gen. Lightning Take care of Alina for meh Erin! She's quite troublesome right now. She's also decided that Dark is pretty cool. Don't let her anywhere near him. Lol. Bye all!

Ok...I'm back...I'm just too lazy to fix my author's note...