Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with Squaresoft. I just really, really like their products. Go FFVII!
Summary: They pulled my strings. The Cetra. The Planet. And I hated every moment of it. (Aeris POV, ONE-SHOT)
A Word From the Author: Just something I'm going to write to try to get over my writer's block for TIAL. I swear, I'll be twenty by the time it's completed.
Anyway, let the story begin.
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FINAL FANTASY VII:
MARIONETTE
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Pulling my stringsDancing to the unseen player
Black feathers, broken wings
Binding me to my bleak future.
Puppet-masters, you never thought to ask
So I just pretend behind a mask.
Nobody thought to ask how I felt about all this.
It is a cruel thing, to know since your birth the map of your life; to look at the crossroads of indecision and realize, instantly, that it was planned out for me. I only wanted a normal life. I never asked for all this. I never asked to be born the last of an extinct race, the bearer of the last hope for this forsaken world. It was my heritage, my heritage that damned me since I entered Gaia and was denied happiness.
And every second, the weight of death hung heavy upon my mind. I grew flowers, and life was my gift. Seeds sprouted and uncurled from the tainted earth at my gentle coaxing, blooming thick and waxy, and yet the fragrance and sweet scents failed to drive the scent of death that hung like a perpetual shroud about me. I gave life to forget, and for a while, it helped.
Then Zack came. A ray of sunshine into my cursed life. It was the first time I ever thought of escaping my fate. The hope and happiness of young love filled me, and I didn't want it to end. I dared to dream of a future, and laughed and planned our lives with Zack in the paradise I had made my garden.
Zack used to talk about the children we'd have. The image is still vivid; him, lying on the dew-wet grass, twirling a leaf blade in his fingers and tickling me with it. "They'd have beautiful green eyes," he'd say, "As beautiful as their mother's. And they'd be as debonair and handsome as their father, of course."
And I'd tease, "Just who're you referring to?"
"Me, naturally," he would reply with that unshakeable confidence of his. "Me and you, we're meant to be, Aer." And I knew it was true. It made me sad, knowing that Zack had pledged his heart to a girl who would die far before he would, but I, selfishly, wanted to claim my own happiness. I could not find it in me to drive him away and spare him the pain. Yes, I am selfish. Do you find that surprising? Cetra I may be, but human too, and as susceptible to emotions as all humans. I could feel. I could cry. And I could feel guilt.
Two years after we started going out, Zack broke his first promise. He left and never returned to me…I waited for him. Waited and pined, rewarded day after day only by the silence of the phone. I dreaded in my heart what I would hear, even as I longed for it. Elmyra only said, "Those ShinRa types are all the same," and tried to console me. She didn't understand. Maybe I already knew, then, that he would never come back. Zack never broke his promises unless he couldn't help it. I almost prefer that he had broken his vow and be alive rather than dead.
With Zack gone, all meaning in my life was lost. Why? I asked the Planet. Why? What did I do to deserve this?
It is your honor, the Cetra replied.
I don't want your honor, I wept. Bestow it on someone else who cares!
The Planet tried to soothe me with its music, but I pushed it away and cried into my pillow. It wasn't fair! It wasn't.
But life goes on. I found my footing in life again. The Cetra would not have let it be otherwise. Alive and whole, I was of use. Broken, my purpose would be gone. I was their puppet. A marionette dancing to the eternal music of the Planet's cry. I hate to think this of my people, and I understand that they mean well, but still…even as I wished for oblivion, they did not let me go. They bled their strength into me. And I found the will to go on.
What else could I do?
My mother died so that I could live. But what was this life she had given me? A short one, long enough to fulfill the Planet's plan. I was a tool to be wielded by the Cetra, through my blood. I resented it. I would die, and who would know or care, for a simple slum girl?
I look at the other slum children with envy. Even in the depths of Midgar, where all is rotten ad artificial, so unnatural, they were happy, content. Their lives would end on their own terms. On the brink of death, they had the choice of embracing it or fighting it. I envied them their freedom. I couldn't even choose how I wanted to die.
When I was traveling with Cloud and his friends, they tried their best. They saw me as a person, someone to be empathized with. They slowed down for me. They told me jokes, anecdotes about their own lives. I grew to love them, and the swordsman that was so much like Zack it could have been him resurrected. I was sorry to leave them.
I never got to say goodbye.
I got cold feet at the end. I looked at Cloud's sleeping form, and despite the fact that my face was still stinging with a bruise where he had struck me, I loved him. I didn't want to say goodbye. It would mean facing up to the truth, and the ending of many things that could have been. I just left without telling anyone. I didn't want to see the pain in their eyes. I didn't want to hear their arguments. Because if I did, I would just tell them the truth, and they will try to stop me…and make it even more painful for me.
I'm such a coward.
Everyone thinks I'm perfect. Pretty, fragile, upright Aeris. They're wrong. Even now I'm scared, and I hate the Planet. I hate it for what it has done to me. I was the one everybody came to when they were upset or had problems and I tried to cheer them up. But I'm not perfect. Far from it. I'm frightened that they'll look right into me and see what I am. All the ugliness inside me, the fear, the selfishness, the bitterness. I'm afraid once they see me for what I am they'll leave me behind. That's why I didn't want to tell them. Let them remember me as what their memories told them. Let them think of me as a martyr who willingly gave her life up for the whole world. Let them think I did this because I wanted to.
It'll hurt less.
The trees of the Sleeping Forest bent before me as I walked in. Lady Aeris, the trees murmured as I passed. Godspeed.
I don't deserve your regard, I thought despairingly. I never wanted all of this. I could have given away all of my Cetra powers if I could…They've never brought me anything but agony.
Her heritage cost my mother her life. For it, she and I were tortured by a homicidal scientist, my father murdered. And all because of it, I was the automatic target of an alien from space and her insane swordsman who thinks that I owe him the Planet.
Who could own the Planet anyway? The Planet belongs to itself. Even once you've broken it and drained it, it'll never be yours, other than your slave. And I don't think that's what Sephiroth wants.
So close to the City of my forefathers, the will of the Planet nearly drags me forward. Its song blossoms throughout my being, imparting a feeling of great serenity and peace. It doesn't help much. Not when you know your death waits for you at the end of the journey.
No, I sob, trying to pull back. I fall to my knees, my legs unable to support me much longer.
Now is not the time to be weak, my daughter, the Planet admonishes gently but firmly. You will die, but for the greater good. You should have been proud to have been chosen for such a momentous task.
But I wasn't chosen! I rage. You had no other choice, because I was the last—if there had been just one other, you would not have chosen me—I'm not even full Cetra!
To this the Planet remains, guiltily, silent, and picking up the last shreds of my dignity, I make my way to the lake. The sacrifice is coming of its own volition to the altar. I almost laugh at the bitter irony of it all. Somewhere lurks the prodigal son, urged by an alien will to kill me; and here is the command of the Planet, to submissively bow down and succumb to death in this very spot. For a moment I can empathize with Sephiroth. I kneel down, the crystal cold against my knees, and I begin to pray.
Holy, I beg you to come forth and protect the scion of the Planet. They have erred, as all humans do, and I ask you for your forgiveness…
A warm, tingly feeling starts at the base of my neck where the Holy materia is hidden beneath my plait, and spreads out, right down to the tip of my toes. I pray more fervently than ever, feeling danger prickle the hairs on my nape. Jenova's insidious presence nears, and I quail.
I open my eyes to an unexpected sight. Cloud! A flare of hope rekindles in my heart, curving my lips into a wide smile of welcome. He's here. He won't let Sephiroth take me…
Even as the thought is born, it dies as the blade slides through my body. I writhe briefly, crushed by both the inhuman pain and my disappointment. Secretly I'd always nurtured the hope that I would live. Cloud's anguished face wavers in my sight as I slump over the Masamune…
The Planet's melody swells in my ears, and it becomes my world, and I know no more.
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Authot's Ending Note: Planned this to be far darker, but didn't work out. Ah well, there's still next time. Hope you guys enjoyed it, and don't forget to review!
T. Axile.
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