I'll try not to take so long next time. WaT demanded fics and since I had a momentary block in this fic, despite my pretty outlines,I went with it.

The Future of Go: Chapter Eight

by Ami-chan

I had expected Kisho to be loud and generally annoying for a while as all babies were, but 'kasan did not seem to be as prepared for it as I had been. Perhaps she had assumed Kisho would be like I had been and thus thought all those horror stories about being up all hours of the night with a screaming infant were false. In an amazingly short amount of time I was more or less completely forgotten. I got up by myself, dressed, made my own breakfast with the aid of a step stool so that I could reach the kitchen counter, and walked to school or, on the days I had Go matches, waited for Hana-san to pick me up. The freedom of it all delighted me. This was how I was used to living and being and yet I still could not forget that I was a small child by all appearances.

I tolerated the press conferences that focused on all of my current wins and even touched on Kisho – how did I like being a big brother? With a smile and some childish trite answer I had them ooing and awing over me and had Inot been trying for that reaction it would have made me ill. As long as people were still interested I was going to give them what they wanted because I might as well be making someone happy.

After Kishowas severalweeks old, his constant fussing and unrest finally got to 'kasan. It had been building up for some time but it was still unexpected to come home and find 'kasan sobbing uncontrollably even as Kisho cried fitfully in her arms. I very quietly put my backpack down and wandered over to the lounge chair she had settled in and reached out for my little brother. She stirred and blinked at me, but didn't protest when I took Kisho from her and held him against my shoulder, rubbing his back in soothing circles until he quieted down.

"How?" her voice was rough and she sniffed loudly as she brushed tears away from her eyes.

"He doesn't like to be held that way," I suggested with a shrug as I curled up at her feet and let Kisho doze off on my shoulder. There would probably end up being drool on my shirt, but I decided that didn't matter all that much. At least 'kasan was starting to calm down.

For some reason Kisho liked me. There were several possible explanation for that and probably themost reasonable that I could justify was that I wasn't anxious or nervous around him at all. Nor was I loud or moody and I never broke down in tears of frustration. Those were purely my own observations that I had no intention of sharing and when I soon found myself amusing Kisho when 'kasan was unable to do anything for him I never complained.

Later when Kisho refused to eat I found myself taking care of that, too. It nearly surprised me, 'kasan's sudden distance toward Kisho after she had been so anxious to have a "normal" son, but in a way it made sense. People may think they want something that they really don't and 'kasan had not been prepared to handle a child after having me, an ancient spirit reincarnated into a child's body. If all else failed there was still the dog idea. She might like a dog. Or a hamster or even a fish.

Sunday was usually a good day. No school, no Go matches, a day to relax. Except that one SundayI was left home by myself with Kisho. I saw it happening I was just unable to stop it. 'Tousan told 'kasan he was working today as he did sometimes and 'kasan had mentioned having some get together with her friends. They both left at different times and neither saw the other leave and just sort of assumed the other was still home. But, other than the fact that Kisho was heavy for me to carry since I was still so little I didn't have a problem with taking care of him.

It could have been an excruciating day if Kisho hadn't liked me, but since he did it made things go so much smoother. When he finally fell asleep I was relieved. Kisho was extremely active but when he was asleep it was nearly impossible to wake him so I was free to watch TV.

'Kasan and 'tousan returned at nearly the same time and when they saw each other everything seemed to click into place and they had a brief panic until they finally spotted Kisho and I on the couch. 'Kasan ignored me in favor of hugging Kisho who slept on peacefully despite her cooing. I did get a hug from 'tousan, though, and he said something along the lines of me being very responsible and that I was a "good boy." He also said that he was sorry that I had to take care of everything by myself; I got nothing of the sort from 'kasan who suddenly seemed to think that Kisho had been in imminent danger even though she'd seen me taking care of him before. I didn't try to understand it.

The year progressed rapidly, I had no loses in Go, Kisho continued to grow – and I think his preferences for me, either because I was more his own size or less moodyor for some other reason I couldn't fathom, was beginning to get on 'kasan's nerves – and school was going very well despite my absences because of Go. During one interesting match, in which 'kasan had insisted I was to watch Kisho (this she justified by saying that Hara-san would be there too so it wasn't like she was leaving Kisho alone with me even if she really was), I played the entire game with my baby brother perched on my lap. I made my moves quickly so that I could amuse Kisho the rest of the time.

I think the observers were shocked because not only did I have the distraction of Kisho being there, but I was playing so rapidly, almost carelessly to their eyes. But I was still winning. It was a short match, since I decided a quick win would be better so Kisho didn't get too bored and decide to start screaming or crying or something else of that nature. In fact, the only time Kisho fussed at all was when Hara-san tried to take him away from me and other than that he was reasonably well behaved.

"It is true that you played the entire game while holding your little brother?"

It seemed obvious to me what that answer was, since I was still holding Kisho, but I dutifully answered for the cameras, "Yes, that's true."

"This was a short game and you still managed to win, despite the distraction. Can you comment on that?"

Again I smiled, even as I directed most of my attention to Kisho. "I had to make it a short game because Kisho doesn't like staying still for that long."

"So you changed your usual style? Go fans everywhere are surprised by the many different playing styles you use during your games, can you explain how you've managed to gain such a wide knowledge of Go in such a short amount of time?"

Before I could respond with something along the lines of, "I've been playing Go for most of my life and that's not a short amount of time for me," Hara-san stepped in, waved off the press and nudged me toward the nearest exit. I took a deep breath and thanked her softly. She gave me a one-armed hug, mindful of Kisho, and told me it wasn't a problem, that it was her pleasure.

Summer break did not seem nearly long enough and I spent as much time as possible with Souko, Kita, Mai, and even Suka who none of us had seen much during the school year. We played soccer in the park and sometimes basketball though the hoop was too high for us to do very well at all. The rest of the time I spent helping out with Kisho, continuing studying the games of other pros and pouring over Go books, and generally enjoying myself.

With the money I made as a pro I bought myself a computer and sometimes I played Go online, reviving my old screen name "Sai". I was amused when the Go community started bubbling with the rumors about Sai and why he had disappeared for so long. It made me wonder what Hikaru's reaction to it all was and if it was possible that he suspected. On the other hand, there had been a lot of imposter "Sai"s over the years so most likely he thought it was just another person that was good at Go using the name.

At the beginning of school, 'kasan informed me that I would start going to a cram school. She had been nosing around and discovered exactly how much I was making as a pro and her resulting alarm that I was making so much had caused a brief argument between her and 'tousan. 'Tousan thought it was a good thing because it would easily pay for high and college along with anything else I might want. In the end she decided that since money really wasn't a problem that I could attend a cram school. I wasn't exactly happy with the idea, but to appease her I agreed anyway. Her focus now seemed to be on getting me into an excellent middle school, then high school, and probably turning me into a doctor or something from there. I hated to crush her dreams, but becoming a doctor was most certainly not on my to-do list. Until she realized that, I could deal with cram school. (1)

It turned out that cram school really wasn't so bad and was, actually, more fun than normal school. It did cut into my time, however, and between that, regular school, being a professional Go player, and helping out with Kisho I didn't have much time to relax. I did manage to spend some time with my friends, but mostly that was at lunchtime on the days I actually went to school.

"I don't know how you do it all," Souko said, shaking her head. "I have a hard enough time keeping up with everything as it is."

Before I had a chance to comment, Mai exclaimed, as if suddenly remembering, "I saw your picture in a magazine yesterday!" She was smiling widely as she dragged out a slightly crumpled magazine that was not specifically relating to Go, but was directed at a younger audience. "It's on the most famous kids and you're on the list, see?"

I vaguely recalled something about that so I nodded. "Yeah. I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing myself in those things, but it's kind of nice."

"'The hottest thing to hit the Go world since Shindou and Touya Akira-san'," Souko quoted as she peered over at the article Mai was holding out to us. "They do look good together. You've met Touya-san haven't you?"

"Briefly, but 'kasan interrupted before I could say much. He probably thought I was just another annoying kid. I've seen glimpses of Shindou-san, too, but it will be a while before I'm actually playing against him."

Kita was leaning over, scanning the article thoughtfully. "You're amazing, Shin, you know that? You've destroyed all the previous Go records, including Touya Akira-san's. They say you're undefeatable."

"Oh, I doubt that. I just haven't been matched against anyone yet that can, but that doesn't mean I won't ever meet someone that can defeat me."

Then the topic switched, as quickly as that, the moment forgotten and we discussed all the homework we'd been given and how Mai had felt like a klutz in gym class and how Souko was sure her hair looked horrible today and why couldn't it ever look right? Kita, who was a member of the art club, showed us some of her drawings and proceeded to criticize them while we all told her how wonderful they were. The other two were also in clubs; Mai was in chorus while Souko was involved in tennis. I was happy with Go.

I was soon to learn that 'kasan was not nearly so pleased with my life being taken up with Go and cram school was only enough to satisfy her for that one year. After that, at the start of Grade 3 she had picked upyet another thing for me to do. Everyone else's children were in clubs so I had to be in one, too. It didn't matter that there were children who were not in clubs and also didn't attend cram school and they most certainly were not pro Go players, either. That wasn't the point. So I agreed, not that I was given much of a choice.

"She what?" It was practically a shriek and after noticing the looks she was getting, Souko quieted down, her eyes narrowing coldly. "How can she do that? Shin, you're already involved in so much. How can she expect you to be involved in a club, too? Doesn't being a Go pro count as more than enough to fit into 'club' material?"

"That isn't right." Mai was shaking her head, her look concerned. "How will you be able to keep up with anything that way?"

Kita was more practical. "Join a club and don't go to any of the meetings. It's as simple as that." There were agreements all around.

It was a good idea, except, "The point of joining a club is to actually go to the meetings. Besides, I'm sure she'd check to make sure I was going. I'm just going to have to make it works somehow."

Kita thought I should join the art club – I was decent at drawing, but it wasn't as demanding as, say, tennis. Mai and Souko both said I should join chorus, but I was sure I couldn't sing so I thought that wasn't a great idea. Instead I ended up choosing the join the drama club. After all, I spent most of my time acting, pretending, and besides that I said that I could work behind the scenes rather than actually performing.

As it turned out I was pretty good at sewing which came in handy when making costumes. A talent that, before, I knew nothing about. Building the sets was even better, though I ended up missing quite a few meetings because of Go or cram school. It did seem as if I was always being pulled in one direction or another and I had to keep up somehow and that was exactly when my grades started to slip. I was exhausted, but I kept trying.

"A 4? You got a 4?" It was like the end of the world. (2) To her, maybe it was. I'd never gotten anything below a perfect score before.

"It's a good score," I managed to say and 'tousan backed me up. He even went so far as to say that she shouldn't put so much pressure on me.

She ignored both of us, lost in some panic that I didn't understand and perhaps had something to do with the fact that maybe I wasn't perfect after all. I hoped that she wouldn't do this to Kisho, too."If you can't get better scores than this you can't play Go."

It suddenly occurred to me why I had killed myself in my first life. I was beginning to understand it all over again. Instead, I nodded woodenly and forced myself to study more. I found myself eating less, sleeping less and pushing myself harder because the one thing I enjoyed above all else was Go. The loss of that I didn't think I could survive.

'Kasan had no cause to be unhappy after that and I didn't have time to worry if she was.

The effects of my increased studying wasn't immediately obvious and for atime I was able to keep up and nothing suffered for it. Then, I had several near losses in two Go matches and the Go world began to speculate that I was reaching the end of my winning streak. Some said it was about time I lost.Four years, they said, was an extremely long time and I had to fall sometime. In a way I agreed and I began to wonder if it was really worth it, if anything was really worth it because I wasn't sure there was a point to moving or speaking or even breathing anymore.

Then it all came to a somewhat dramatic conclusion that I had never anticipated but should have suspected. I was playing another Go match and was trying desperately to stay awake. The mistakes I was making an infant could have seen were horrible and I managed to pull it together enough to just squeak by with a victory. We went over the game at the end and I was fine. I thought I was fine, anyway. Except when I stood up to leave everything began to spin around me. I had just enough presence of mind left to fall backward, away from the hard wooden Go board in front of me and when I woke up again it was to the sound of a beeping machine.

-to be continued-

(1) I have seen it written that cram schools in Japan can focus on getting kids into good middle schools (and perhaps they didn't call them "middle schools"… but the school between elementary and high school at any rate), so they do and can start that early.

(2) Grading system on a scale of 5-1; 5 (excellent), 2 (pass mark), 1 (fail). So, a 4 is like getting a B.